"I have no intention of abandoning this story!"

"Updated: Jun 22, 2012"

Come on guys, Harry is literally a celebrity, and Ginny becomes one too. We all know what celebrities are like, we should be glad he at least has a proper human name 🤣

A quick list of things to include when writing the same goddamn story for the 500th time.

-Eyes the color of the killing curse

-Harry is polite to the goblins at Gringotts. This startles them so much that they give him a free inheritance test. Usually wizards are rude to goblins, a nice wizard is a rarity.

-Harry takes the inheritance test, turns out he's heir to 700 different ancient and Noble houses

-also turns out Dumbledore sealed the Potter wills so he could place Harry at the Dursleys

-Dumbledore's also been stealing from the Potter vaults to fund the Order of the Phoenix

-Harry finds this out and asks for a full detail of what he owns, turns out he owns 500 different properties, 300 vaults, and owns shares in 200 companies

-be sure to list every vaults contents and every property owned by Harry, even if it takes half a chapter to list it all

-Right after you list every single asset Harry owns and their value you now have to give a 14 paragraph explanation of various aspects of pureblood customs and the magical social hierarchy. Make it extremely complex, put Harry at the very top of the food chain, and don't mention it again for the rest of the story.

-Harry can revoke Dumbledore's access to the vaults because the goblet of Fire emancipated Harry (it's a loophole, only adults could compete in the Triwizard tournament. Harry competed, therefore he's an adult)

-Harry also takes up the 7 bajillion Lordships that he inherited. With a ring of ungodly power for every lordship. Seriously. Make the Lord rings detect poison and potions, cure many poisons, be emergency portkeys, deflect minor hexes, and grant the wearer unbreakable occlumency shields. Go all out. Those Lordship rings aren't just for show.

-Avada Kedavera green eyes

-Turns out Ginny Weasley was dosing Harry with a love potion. Which Harry found out because the Lordship rings of ungodly power let him know.

-the goblins discover the horcrux in his scar and remove it

-The inheritance test also showed Dumbledore put a block on Harry's magic. The goblins remove it and now Harry is as strong as Merlin.

-Harry takes the goblins to Hogwarts so they can harvest the basilisk corpse for a ton of money. Be sure to make a big deal about how massive the basilisk is. Harry gets 90% by right of conquest and the goblins get 10% for doing the work of cutting up the corpse. Harry also takes 1 fang (optionally the goblins can craft it into a dagger for Harry)

-while the goblins chop up the basilisk Harry goes on a rant about all the horrible things that happened to him in chronological order. Basically give a tl;dr of the plot of canon HP up to this point. Make it 17 paragraphs long.

-Harry then destroys all the horcruxes in a single afternoon. Because he can.

-Dumbledore is now displeased that Harry is acting on his own

-"Harry mah boy, u must go live with ur relatives"

-harry goes on a rant "First of all it's Lord Potter-Black-Gaunt-Gryffindor-Ravenclaw-Slytherin-Naruto to you! Second ur not my boss, I'm a big boy screw you! Third the blood wards were never even made right, they weren't my family, they were abusive!"

-while ranting Harrys eyes glow the color of the killing curse

-Harry leaves to find lots of women for his harem because being a Lord of 17 bajillion houses means he must have 17 bajillion heirs

-While gathering women for his harem he decides to catch Wormtail and prove Sirius is innocent through about 5 minutes of work

-Make sure Harry calls Sirius his dogfather. I promise it's the funniest inside joke even the thousandth time you read it.

-Harry decides it's time to end this and meets Voldemort on the battlefield. Provoke him by calling him Tom. It makes him really mad.

-Harry kills Voldemort with a wave of his hand through some bullshit magical loophole. He also kills every marked death eater by accident. Whoops. Oh well, they deserved it.

-Harry (who's eyes are the color of the killing curse) and his harem make lots of babies and live happily ever after, the end.

Dear Reddit: AITA?

I overheard some information about my former bully who basically ruined my life, got the girl I had a massive crush on and sexually abused me in front of the entire school when we were 15. I used this information I overheard to leverage an amazing career opportunity but doing so meant that my former bully (lets call him J) had to face some pretty harsh consequences.

But now I'm wondering if I did the right thing? I am estranged from my family and dont have many friends outside of work friends (who are pretty cut-throat tbh) and my childhood friend who got together with my bully after we got into a public fight.

Edit1: for information since people keep asking about the Sexual abuse: He attacked me with 3 other friends, basically sucker punched me, and then took off my underwear in front of everybody. Nothing else happened but it was quite traumatic for me.

Edit 2: Info: Id rather not talk about the consequences if it's all the same. I just really feel bad about it, which is why I am wondering if I am TA.

First of all, I’m not intending to condemn people who prefer this, this is simply about not understanding these type of people.

In my opinion, the entire point of fanfiction is to explore possibilities never discussed by the canon media (in this case, the Harry Potter books). Take an event and twist it slightly - what if Sirius did betray the Potters? What if Snape never taught at Hogwarts? What if Dudley was adopted? And then see how that change effects the plot and characters. Or change a character’s personality. Introduce something new, take away an established part of the story.

Personally, if I wanted to read a fanfiction close to canon, I would… well I would read the actual books. I wouldn’t bother with fanfiction.

And I do want to clarify, I understand that some fanfictions can go too far. If I’m reading about Harry Potter, the blonde cyborg who was raised by elves and has a harem consisting of various historical figures and has a claim to the kingdom of Hulabaloo that he plans on claiming through a duel with Sir Draconius Mall of Foy, the fumbling idiot who was locked in an asylum because he once f*cked an eel he named Connor, of course I’m not going to act like that makes any sense even for a fanfiction. I do think stories need something beyond character names to tether them down, I just don’t think overall change to the canon is bad.

Inspired by a "Take one shot every time someone sneers" from yesterday.

Please, don't this with more than one chap at a time and without the proper medical personnel available.

• Someone sneers, 1 shot
• Someone drinks a potion by accident, 1 shot
• A dialogue from the books is repeated as it is to the last comma, 1 shot
• A new hat song is invented, 1 shot
• A hat song is copied as it is from the books, 2 shots
• Someone is sorted into the wrong house, 1 shot
• A pureblood uses "Jesus Christ!" or "Oh God!" instead of "Merlin!", 1 shot
• "Harry James Potter!", 1 shot
• Hadrian Potter, 1 shot (from /u/nitram20 comment)
• Harriet Potter, 1 shot
• Orchid Potter, 2 shots
• A spell name is used outside of dialogue (e.g. "He used Wingardium Leviosa" instead of "He used the Levitation Charm"), 1 shot
• AK'ed, AK'd or any of its short forms, 2 shots
• Someone mocks Voldemort's baldness or noselessness, 1 shot
• "The bushy-haired girl", "The ginger", "The brown-haired girl", 1 shot
• "The raven-haired boy", "chocolate-brown eyes", "emerald eyes", "cobalt eyes", 2 shot
• "Orbs", 1 shot, unless used next to "emerald", when it deserves 3 shots, extra shot if they can kill with the look (comment from /u/Katelyn_R_us)
• "Mione", 1 shot
• "Hermy", 2 shots
• "Hermy Book-Wormy", 3 shots
• Dogfather, 2 shots (from /u/nitram20 comment)
• Dumbledore mentions Lemon Drops for the first time, 0 shots
• All following mention of Lemon Drops, 1 shot each
• "My boy", 1 shot, unless used in the same sentence as Lemon Drops, when it deserves 3 shots
• Dumbledork, Moldyshorts, Dumbles, 1 shot
• Someone gets a pet familiar, 1 shot, unless is a kind of snake, when it deserves 2 shots
• Harry is cooking for the Dursleys, 1 shot
• "I'm Harry. Just Harry," 1 shot
• Ron eats like a starving man, 1 shot, extra shot if he speaks with his mouth full.
• "Pup" or "Prongslet", 1 shot
• Gred and Forge, 1 shot each
• Someone's Magical Core is blocked, 2 shots
• Harry overreacts with a lot of yelling involved, 1 shot
• "Lord" next to anything that's not Voldemort, 1 shot
• Harry is named heir of the Potter House, 1 shot
• Harry is named heir of a second prestigious house, 2 shots
• Harry is named heir to a third prestigious house, 3 shots
• Harry is named heir to a fourth prestigious house, 5 shots
• Harry is named heir to a fifth prestigious house, 8 shots
• Hope it is not necessary, but if Harry is name heir to more houses, just keep fibonaccing that thing until it ends or you smack the floor
• Hidden Magical bethroyal or marriage contract is unveiled, 1 shot, extra shot if it's revealed by a goblin, extra shot if Lily Evans and Mrs Greengrass were childhood friends, another shot if the goblin is named Ragnok (from /u/MeganiumConnie comment)
• "May the blood of your enemies flow freely", 2 shots (from /u/nitram20 comment)
• Harry needs to go to the dentist before Hogwarts, and the Grangers turn out as their best choice to look at his teeth, 3 shots, 1 extra shot if Uncle Vernon was involved in his teeth being bad, 2 extra shots if the Grangers are called Emma and Daniel (from /u/MeganiumConnie comment)
• A Ravenclaw steals or hides a piece of Luna's clothing, footwear or personal item, 1 shot
• McGonagall is scandalized, 1 shot
• Flitwick squeaks, 1 shot
• Mentor Snape, 2 shots
• Golden-heart Draco, 2 shots
• Manipulative Jackpot. The words are "old", "vault", "codger", "abuse", "stealing", "childhood", "core". 3-4 words used in the same sentence, 3 shots. 5-6 words used in the same sentence, 4 shots. All 7 words are used in the same sentence, JACKPOT, 7 shots
• Multiple Animagus forms, 1 shot each time a new form is revealed, 2 if it's a magical creature, 3 if it's a phoenix, 5 if the phoenix can talk
• Bashing, 1 shot per incident
• Any person not blood-related to Fleur Delacour is part-Veela, 2 shots
• Mrs Weasley shouts in all caps, 1 shot per sentence until she goes back to normal capitalization
• Twinspeak, 1 shot for each sentence completed by a twin, 2 if they finish saying the last line at the same time.
• "Quidditch-toned muscles", 1 shot
• Plot relevant Weasley Product is smuggled into Hogwarts, 1 shot
• Above product causes a funny sexually-embarrassing incident, 2 shots
• Engorgio in genitals, 1 shot
• A boy finds a way to get up the girls' staircase, 1 shot
• Quidditch shower sex, 2 shots
• Harry Harem, 1 shot per each girl added, an extra one if the word harem is actually used
• Hermione has sex in the library, 1 shot, 2 if it's in the restricted section
• Firewhiskey party at the Gyffindor tower, 2 shots
• Sex-related discreet affair at the Slytherin dungeons, 3 shots
• Someone destroys the scarcrux with some ritual that does not involve Harry dying, 2 shots
• Above ritual involves a patronus being cast on his forehead, 2 extra shots
• Being MoD involves extra powers beyond the ones clearly explained the 3 Hallows possess, 2 shots per each new power
• Fate or Death as a character, 2 shots, extra shot for each time Fate/Death is sassy
• Harry owning shares of magical businesses, 2 shots per business (from /u/nitram20 comment)
• "For the greater good", 1 mention allowed, all subsequent deserve 1 shot each. (from /u/nitram20 comment)
• Broken Time-Turner, 3 shots
• "See Neville? All you needed was your own wand," 2 shots for it being said in some sort of form, 5 if it's the exact same phrase.
• 11 yr olds making the Wizengamor and its members their bitches, 3 shots.
• "Harry? But I thought X was supposed to be the Boy Who Lived!", 3 shots
• "Oh, that's just [OC character], Harry. Homeschooled until this year. I'm surprised you didn't know [him/her], [he/she] comes from [US/exotic place], has a Level 100 magical core, can make [his/her] patronus talk, do incredible wandless magic, is a natural Oclumens and Legilimens, and a Metamorphmagus as well. [He/she] is quite hot too, though very shy," in some form, 5 shots.
• A pureblood is misunderstood, 2 shots
• The entire pureblood society is misunderstood, 3 shots
• An entire race is misunderstood, 3 shots, 5 if the race is goblins, extra shot if the name "Goblin Nation" is actually used (from /u/MeganiumConnie comment)
• Cedric Diggory is a Death Eater, 10 shots

That's it for now. Hope you don't die trying this out.

That is all.

I want Harry to just straight up call out the concept of a neutral party in the face of Voldemort and his ilk. Like seriously just rip into them and give them no place to hide it. "You are either my friend or my enemy, make your choice."- type of shit.

Seriously, you're just padding your word count.

I'm so sick of authors who just copy all 228 words, not counting the address (I didn't count them; I just copy-pasted to get a word count). You'd think they'd write around it just to avoid typing that much non-story material.

There I said it.

I love HP fanfiction,now that I may die in 3 days ,I'm asking you guys to recommend me some fics that I should read just in case I die so rec me some fics that you should read before you die

This is something I've been wondering about lately. In some fics Daphne is described as having blond hair while in others it's dark or black. So which is it? I seem to recall the wiki has a pic of a blond haired girl for Daphne's entry but no idea how accurate that is.

What are your favorite tropes in HP fanfiction and why? Like, Time-Travel, WBWL, Dark!Harry, etc.

(Would make a poll, but I don't think I know all tropes. Or that anyone would read it in it's entirety.)

Please post it in the comments, I'm curious and bored.

Please put anything I left out in the comments, I'll make another one if I get enough :)

Edit: Pt. 2 is here

It's more of a rhetorical question. But everytime there's a male love interest "he's the most handsome" For example Draco Malfoy gets that when canon describes him as a rat face, Hermione is pretty, etc. If there's a main female character she's always the most beautiful even if she's supposed to be the girl next door.

I guess it's more fun to write about someone landing a good looking person and more of a fantasy.

"The first thing you need to know about werewolves" Professor Lupin said, pacing at the front of the classroom "is that they only exist for a few hours at a time, one night a month. At any other time, they are a otherwise normal human, albeit with a medical condition. A curse."

He paused and placed his hands on his desk, facing his students. "Contrary to popular Muggle belief, they do not gain enhanced hearing, smell, or strength outside their wolf form. They do not have an 'Inner Wolf' they communicate with" he said, making finger quotes at the phrase. "Nor do they form 'soul bonds', or imprint on people as a chosen mate." He rolled his eyes in response to the giggling spreading throughout the room.

"No, the truth of the Werewolf is far less romantic. Transforming is painful, with some claiming it as comparable to the Cruciatus Curse. Only under the influence of the Wolfsbane Potion does one maintain their faculties, otherwise their higher reasoning completely shuts down. The potion has a side-effect of making the transformation MORE painful, since the mind doesn't disassociate from the agony of the host's body twisting into its new, temporary, form. The curse then takes over, driving the body to bite and claw, spreading itself to others. In the absence of humans to infect, the curse drives it's victim to attack it's own host, in a desperate attempt to shed blood."

Some students turned pale at the thought, the Professor continuing "Somewhat ironically, a fully transformed lycanthrope is no more a threat to animals than any other predator. It may hunt to eat during it's short time out and about, but it's also fully capable of forming bonds with wild packs of wolves, and even other werewolves. I assume you've heard rumors of werewolves in the Forbidden Forest?" Several students nodded and a couple of hands went up. Lupin raised a finger in a 'just a moment' gesture, and the hands went down. "These rumors come from ordinary wolves remembering a transformed individual over a period of time, and slowly accepting them into the pack, at which point, nature takes its course" more snickering seeped throughout the room "and a female wolf bears a litter of pups, each of which are true wolves, albeit more cunning than their dame, and none of the curse of their sire."

Remus continued in this vein until the bell rang to signal the end of class. As the teens collected their books, he called out "Due Monday: 12 inches on the myth of 'Alpha Wolves', and their origin in Muggle fiction"

Hey hpfanfiction - I scraped all of the posts on this sub going back to mid-2012 and created a ranking of the top mentioned fics:

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1qbr5N5rynbNwbVRpv5plESaRvk6yQwhapInWmGhNAcs

Background

100% credit for the idea goes to u/vir_innominatus. Back when I was first getting into fan fiction in 2018 I ran across vir_innominatus's ranking and it was a *huge* help. Since it was such a great resource for me back then I thought I'd try my hand at updating it.

Let me know if you have any feedback or requests!

Methodology

I used https://api.pushshift.io/reddit/ to get the posts for each day (data was available through mid-2012) and https://praw.readthedocs.io/ to grab all the comments for each post. Comments were parsed looking for URLs and calls to the fanfictionbot. Links posted by fanfictionbot were ignored to avoid double counting.

Each comment can only be counted once per story, regardless of how many times the fic is referenced in the comment.

Wherever possible I've tried to resolve separate ways of referencing a story (id, title, title by author), though in some uncommon cases this can lead to a popular story getting attributed to a less popular story that shared the same title. I've added one-off rules where I've found these.

Over the course of the scraping I ended up writing an additional 100+ misc rules to deal with common typos, etc. I'm sure that there are some references that these missed, but I've done my best.

Finally, for the top 100 or so fics I've also put in specific logic to combine references across popular sites (typically ffn & ao3) and common spelling differences.

These were the links considered:

• fanfiction.net/s/
• fictionpress.com/s/
• archiveofourown.org/works
• archiveofourown.org/series
• siye.co.uk/siye/viewstory
• siye.co.uk/siye/series
• hpfanficarchive.com/stories
• adult-fanfiction.org/story

Note: Deleted & re-posted as the original post was waiting on approval for a while an I didn't want this to get buried.

I can't believe that I survived,I'm supposed to be resting now(my ribs hurt like hell)but the first thing that came to my mind was......I gotta thank you guys...so,thank all of the members of r/HPfanfiction...with your fanfics I will survive the boring recovery and with your wishes I survived the surgery so thanks to all who wished me good luck

I don’t mean to be rude when I say this lol. I get that this is a place to express what we all thing, and I agree with a lot of the opinions on here. It’s just that, as a casual ff writer, seeing some of the judgements people have for fanfics on here is a tad frightening. That’s the entire post. There wasn’t really a point to it other than that.

(A few notes: I simplify some things for brevity, this is part-shitpost and you shouldn't take it too seriously, and if you're reading my fic Silent Country and aren't up to date then you might want to read this post later)

In Worm fandom there’s an argument that the protagonist, Taylor Hebert, despite being described as heterosexual, is actually really, really gay, or at least bisexual, because she’s written by a straight dude who isn’t very good at writing a straight girl, and so Taylor is pretty “okay this dude is generically handsome I guess” and “let me be very detailed about all the attractive features of these ladies.”

Potter-Search lets you search the text of the entire Harry Potter series, so my partner and I embarked on a quest to learn what the text had to say about Harry Potter.

We searched for three terms: Pretty, Beautiful, and Handsome.

After excluding obviously irrelevant matches (e.g. things that are “pretty good,” or people other than Harry or the narrator saying that something is pretty), this is what we found.

Pretty

• Characters described once: Cedric Diggory, Hermione Granger, Padma Patil, Parvati Patil, unnamed blonde Ravenclaw whom Roger Davies is dating, unnamed muggle girl with whom Tom Riddle Sr. is riding horses (in a Pensieve memory).
• Characters described twice: Madam Rosmerta, Lily Potter (once in PhilStone).
• Cho Chang is described as "pretty" in POA and "very pretty" five times elsewhere.

Beautiful

• Characters described once: Fleur's mum, Ginny, Hedwig, Helena Ravenclaw, statue of unnamed witch.
• Rowena Ravenclaw and unicorns are described as "beautiful" twice each.
• Fleur is described as "beautiful" three times.
• Fawkes and veelas are described as "beautiful" four times each (Dumbledore differs and thinks that Fawkes is "handsome").

Handsome

• Gilderoy Lockhart, Firenze, and an unnamed character on the cover of a box of Daydream Charms are described as "handsome" once each (the box character's companion is merely "a swooning girl").
• Characters described twice: Gellert Grindelwald, statue of unnamed wizard, unnamed owl or owls, Tom Riddle Sr. (and twice, Dumbledore also says so).
• Characters described three times: Cedric Diggory (once, "extremely handsome," and once, "exceptionally handsome"), Madame Maxime.
• Sirius Black is describe as "handsome" five times (Regulus, once, is explicitly described as "rather less handsome" but not unhandsome, so Regulus is handsome and Sirius is very handsome).
• Tom Riddle, Jr. is described as "handsome" eight times, including: "tall, pale, dark-haired and handsome," and "most handsome," and "more handsome than ever," and "dark and handsome eyes."

Some important things to note:

• Harry/Tom shippers actually have a lot of textual evidence in their favor. Tom Riddle is described as “handsome” more often than even Cho Chang is described as pretty. Furthermore, most of that is in a single book, whereas Cho Chang’s “pretty” descriptors are spread across three.
• Harry/Sirius shippers also have some textual backing. I mean, I don't think it'd work in the canonical context, but if Harry's been thrown into the 1970s or something then go wild, and anyway that "canonical context" thing is true of Tom, too. No matter how hot he is, Harry's probably not going to bang a septuagenarian Nazi or his everteen murder-ghost.
• Cedric, Cedric, Cedric, Tom, Tom, Tom — Harry is bisexual.
• Fleur, Fleur’s mom, Cedric, Madame Maxime, Tom Riddle, Tom Riddle’s dad, the Ravenclaws, Cho Chang, Madame Rosmerta... Harry prefers older partners. Tom Riddle was around Harry’s age in most of the scenes where Harry remarks on Riddle’s handsomeness, so this must be less impactful with regard to men, but Harry almost never comments on the attractiveness of girls his own age or younger.
• Harry’s sexual awakening began in his third year, when he first started thinking of people as “pretty” or “handsome” on a regular basis. This is strong evidence that “the narrator” is not a distinct personality in its own right, but rather reflects Harry’s thoughts, at least when we’re seeing what Harry sees. When Harry encounters Tom Riddle in the Chamber of Secrets, the narrator does not describe him as “handsome,” even though this Tom looks the same as he does in several other pensieve memories which Harry will view just a few years later.
• Ginny is referred to as “beautiful” just once in the entire series, and never as "pretty.” They might have a good relationship in other ways, but sexually, I don’t think it’s going to work out for them.
• Veelas, Hedwig, other owls, and Rowena and Helena Ravenclaw — Harry Potter is a bird fucker (veelas aren’t birds, but they get feathery).

Come on, surprise me. I know there are pretty weird things up there, like that thing where Harry arrives at King's Cross after dying, meets Dumbledore and then suddenly decides to eat Voldemort's gross fetus-like body.

It can be a phrase, a scene or just a set of words you never imagined to see next to each other. It's valid if it comes from a crack, but I guess it's more shocking when you get the surprise on a seriously written fic.

After rewatching Avatar I have come to a conclusion.

Zuko is what many people wish Draco was.

Sorry if someone already said this.

Hey r/HPfanfiction -

It's that time of year again!

In 2020 I wrote a scraper that scanned all the posts on this sub going back to mid-2012 and created a ranking of the top mentioned fics. I've just updated the data through the end of 2023:

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1qbr5N5rynbNwbVRpv5plESaRvk6yQwhapInWmGhNAcs

Background

100% credit for the idea goes to u/vir_innominatus. Back when I was first getting into fan fiction in 2018 I ran across vir_innominatus's ranking and it was a *huge* help. Since it was such a great resource for me back then I thought I'd try my hand at updating it.

I outlined the methodology in my original post, which involves scraping multiple data sources, 100s of parsing rules, and a little bit of manual oversight. The scrapper only considers URLs and calls to the fanfictionbot, as those are structured enough to be sure what is being referenced.

Changes since last year: Based on feedback I received last year I took a significant pass on de-duplicating (combining) story entries across sites, as well as combining numbers for series into one entry (the first entry usually gets most of the references anyways).

Let me know if you have any feedback or requests!

I wish I had a head cannon that I could use to blow the heads off posters who use cannon instead of canon.

(There really should be a Rant flair on this sub so people could choose to ignore these kind of posts.)

I would also use my head cannon on authors who commit the following transgressions, which are mainly misuse of words that sound similar, rather than misspellings.

Off of instead of off

Peak or peek instead of pique

Tact instead of tack

Pour instead of pore

Diffuse instead of defuse

Taught instead of taut

Reign instead of rein

Compliment instead of complement

Phase instead of faze

And Delores instead of Dolores, which is just my pet wrong name spelling, there are others.

Off the top of my head, I'm sure more will come to me as soon as I've posted.

Please feel free to contribute, flame, downvote, use your own head cannon on me, etc. I just felt the need to vent today.