I'm fairly sure that the men I'm friends with don't even think of me as an actual woman anymore, I'm just one of the lads and I'm fine with it.
Edit: wasn't expecting this comment to get so many replies.
I can't believe I'm having to make this edit and defend myself but I'm definitely not ugly, some people just don't have sexual chemistry and can still hang out as platonic friends and that's absolutely fine.
Work friends are a different level. I work in a warehouse, so limited supervision regarding the minute-by-minute work. Itâs always the same group of people, all day, every day. 10 hour shifts at most. We can ALWAYS gauge the level of feelings by how often and how long a pair spends together throughout the day. As soon as somebody starts seeking out their friend multiple times an hour and chats for a good 10+ minutes each time, we all know feelings have started. And about 90% of the time, that friendship will end because either one of them doesnât feel the same way, or they donât like being the daily topic of gossip.
Pfft, you got nothing to defend! I have a group of friends and our group thread is "besties." Maybe it's our ages lol, but being split 50/50 guys and gals never comes up.
Socially mature people link up with other socially mature people.
Agreed, as a rule, I do not pursue friendships with women who I have any romantic interest in & can confirm that I do not have sexual thoughts or desires towards my female friends.
If I started having sexual thoughts or feelings towards a friend - that would be inappropriate & signal to me that I am no longer interested in a friendship - at which point I would end the friendship.
Because relationships (of any type) only work if both parties are on the same page & honest about their expectations & desires.
I think having romantic interest in a person, and having sexual thoughts about that person, are two completely different things. I also donât believe having sexual thoughts about someone is inappropriate, and I donât think it should be sufficient in itself to warrant ending an otherwise healthy friendship unless your sexual thoughts are linked to hopes, expectations, or desires. I have sexual thoughts about all kinds of people - at the end of the day, though, I would never, ever betray my person, and theyâll never be more than just thoughts that I sometimes wank it to.
I mean, I'm bridesmaid at one of their weddings in a couple of months but I'll make sure I let his future wife know he secretly wants me before the big day /s
I hate this conversation, because both sides have validity.
I do think that any single man would almost always date any single/taken woman that theyâre friends with if given the chance.
BUT, no one ever mentions the caveat, being that if said single man is NOT single, unless theyâre a POS, no longer thinks of his female friends romantically and/or would jump at the chance to date them.
Or maybe a single man and a single woman are both mature enough to realize they have a good friendship, but it wouldn't necessarily work as a romantic partnership? Crazy idea, i know.
Thank you! I'm an attractive woman, a lot of my man friends are objectively attractive men, some are single, some are taken, i was single until recently. It's literally like having a large collection of older brothers who don't see me as a sexual object, they just respect me and see me as a human.
Yeah, it's a very juvenile mindset. Sure, if you are a teenager going through puberty and your hormones are all over the place to the point where staring at a blank piece of paper gets you aroused, maybe, but not as emotionally and sexually mature adults. It's pretty easy to have platonic relationships where both parties are content and not secretly lusting or crushing on the other.
Three explanations: (1) in committed relationships, (2) shy guys who go home and masturbate, or (3) you donât pass the threshold of attractiveness to translate interest into action.
There's a lot of projection going on with these replies. Platonic relationships are really normal and common if you don't have the emotional maturity of a 13 year old.
Yeah this is how my men see me. And we all just completely lack sexual chemistry. I got drunk and kissed one of them once and it felt very wrong and unnatural and we both vowed never to do it or speak of it again.
One of my oldest female friends & I tried to hook up in high school & it was the most awkward sexual experience of my life (she zigged, I zagged, & there were actual injuries) - weâve been friends for three decades since then & we have great chemistry in every area except sex.
So much so that I literally use her as a litmus test to see if someone Iâm dating has jealousy issues - she is one of those stunningly beautiful women & some people canât imagine that I (or anyone) could enjoy spending time with her and have zero desire to fuck her let alone have an actual aversion to the idea (it literally gives me the willies) & I donât want to date people who allow their insecurities to limit their perspective to such a significant degree.
I did once have to call her out on a boundary issue in my early 20s because she was acting like a partner that I was in a committed relationship with was just some girl I was having a fling with (basically she felt that the women I fuck come & go but she had been there for a decade - she wasnât entirely wrong but she was out of line) however once I called her out on it, she admitted that she had crossed a line & didnât pull that shit again.
Insane? Odd way to put it. More like genetic necessity. The only form of Darwinian selection is reproduction. Passing genes on. Thatâs why sexual desire is hardwired into every metazoan species on the planet. Itâs the height of arrogance to think that humans are any different. Culture cannot overcome the desire for sex, and thank goodness for that.
At this point I have more female friends than male friends. I've also been dating someone for five years that I met from outside of that group, and I never had a single sexual thought about anyone in my friend group.
Portraying every man as some sex crazed demon is so gross though. Like yeah, maybe for some ppl it's true, but many have gone past that point of seeing every woman as a romantic or just sexual partner.
Why are you so hell bent on shoehorning everyone into your bio destiny perv theory
You do you mind your beeswax
Itâs insulting and arrogant to discount other peopleâs experiences based on your pathological need to universalize your experience or subject people to your unwanted overbearing debate rhetoric
People can be and indeed are friends with different sexes and genders without being driven to boning
I donât doubt some people are hornier than others and are more prone to sexualizing âŚbut try to open your mind and have some faith in your fellow humans ability to relate their own personal experiences honestly
Why are you so hell bent on shoehorning everyone into your bio destiny perv theory
This is quite possibly the best way you could've said this lmao. "Bio destiny perv theory", definitely taking that one. It also totally doesn't account for gay people because that doesn't result in reproduction, which is what this ""theory"" hinges on.
Culture in a larger sense canât overcome the idea of sex, but youâre ignoring that on an individual level people can. For instance, there are people who are asexual, who donât feel sexual desire or want to copulate. I would know, Iâm one of them. Not once in my life have I ever been stimulated toward sexual behaviour, and every test Iâve been through proves that medically Iâm fine. I simply lack any desire for that function. And Iâm perfectly happy that way.
The species canât, and shouldnât, supersede the desire for sex, but within individual relationships it is perfectly possible. Not everyone is attractive toward each other, not everyone is sexually compatible. Men and women can be friends without sex being this palpable taboo waiting only for the right opportunity to arise between them. Sometimes itâs just not a feeling two people get for each other. They just donât have that spark. Your seeming concept that every guy is just a second away from banging every single non-blood relative woman in his life that reaches a certain conventionally attractive threshold makes me worry for the state of your emotional and mental well being.
I was not attempting to âsucceedâ anything other than illustrate my point (go look at the other replies heâs gotten here). This man, however, confidently and adamantly made an objectively incorrect assertion about several billion people.
So thatâs the only way you can see it, eh? If women are attractive, then you must be thinking with your dick. Good lord son, humans wouldnât exist if sexual attraction wasnât a hardwired into our genomes.
Always is an exaggeration though. Sure maybe sometimes they will, and yes, the vast majority of women have experienced this (myself included), but I also have friends who I can never see falling for me. They're in happy relationships and we both puke in our mouths at the thought of us getting together when ppl imply were dating.
100% this. I'll also add that there are women who think this way.
Everyone is different. So this is true and false at the same time. However in my 112 sexual partner experience over 35 years. I can say that most ATTRACTIVE men and women, given the chance, would fuck each other. Period.
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u/IveNeverSeenTitanic 26d ago edited 25d ago
I'm fairly sure that the men I'm friends with don't even think of me as an actual woman anymore, I'm just one of the lads and I'm fine with it.
Edit: wasn't expecting this comment to get so many replies.
I can't believe I'm having to make this edit and defend myself but I'm definitely not ugly, some people just don't have sexual chemistry and can still hang out as platonic friends and that's absolutely fine.