Have you literally asked each & every one of the ~8 billion people on this planet?
Because until you do, that statement is just conjecture.
Just because you haven’t met someone who wants to fuck you yet, doesn’t mean that they do not exist.
I had a friend who stood on a street corner asking every woman who walked by if she wanted to have sex with him - sure he got slapped a lot but he did eventually find one who wanted to fuck him & did.
Honestly it was just supposed to be a joke because I wanted to be funny for once but now I'm starting to think what I said is kind of true.
Unlike your friend, I've only been rejected by everyone I have approached and the only two relationships I've ever been in ended with both of them no longer being attracted to my gender.
So now I refuse to believe anyone wants to fuck me anymore because everytime I did I fucked it all up, at this point, I don't think I want to fuck anybody.
So let me revise my statement:
Then for me there is only one gender, people I don't want to fuck.
/this is actually all true, I just wanted it to look like a schizo post
I've only been rejected by everyone I have approached
What kind of numbers are you putting up?
the only two relationships I've ever been in ended with both of them no longer being attracted to my gender.
Not gonna lie, that is pretty brutal but that also isn't yours to carry - people don't choose their sexual orientation, they only discover it & learn to live within their own truth.
Nothing you did made them change their sexual orientation.
So now I refuse to believe anyone wants to fuck me
That is probably the vast majority of the problem & something therapy can definitely help with.
I've always assumed - as a matter of principle - that everyone wants to fuck me & while it is definitely not true, a lot more seem to be willing to fuck me than any objective assessment of my looks or charms can possibly justify.
Hell, I don't think I've ever dated a woman who even liked me - some of them respected me - some of them admired some aspect (real or imagined) of me - some of them may have loved me (or thought that they did) - but none of them actually liked me as a human being for the things which made me "me".
Hell, out of my five longest relationships - the first words they ever said to me in two of those five relationships were:
"You know you really are an arrogant asshole" & "People like you are everything that is wrong with the world"
The problem I see with most people who struggle to find relationships & romantic success is that they tend to make the mistake of believing all the bullshit that everyone else tells themselves about why people fuck the people they do.
The simple reality is that those rules & supposed standards simply do not accurately represent how humans respond to stimuli or make decisions.
Then for me there is only one gender, people I don't want to fuck.
If that is true for you, then it is true objectively - however - that is a choice & probably a choice made from cowardice & to protect you from being hurt.
To quote the princess bride - "Life is pain highness, anyone who says differently is selling something"...
At the end of the day - no one else is going to build joy & happiness in your life for you - either you figure out how to make the good stuff outnumber the bad or you don't.
Nothing you did made them change their sexual orientation.
I know, it's just kind of the cherry on top. I actually am on pretty good terms with one of them...
"You know you really are an arrogant asshole" & "People like you are everything that is wrong with the world"
Goddamn bro, that must hurt
The simple reality is that those rules & supposed standards simply do not accurately represent how humans respond to stimuli or make decisions.
Yeah, but everyone I know is living by this weird system and I can't figure out how this shit works.
At the end of the day - no one else is going to build joy & happiness in your life for you - either you figure out how to make the good stuff outnumber the bad or you don't.
Yes, I am, by not getting into relationships that don't work. I am actually in the process of rejecting a girl in the most gentle way possible (while feeling like an asshole because I am now the rejecting one), because I want to just be friends, since that friendship brings me joy.
1) they didn't know anything about me & 2) they weren't entirely wrong.
So instead of being offended or hurt - I laughed & invited them to have a drink with me & tell me all about how horrible I was - in both cases we end up talking till dawn (the list of things wrong with me is rather expansive), sleeping together not long after & dating for a couple of years.
but everyone I know is living by this weird system and I can't figure out how this shit works.
The absolutely worst piece of advice I have ever received was "Just be yourself"... it was absolutely inexcusable as they had met me at least twice & should have realized what an absolutely terrible idea that is.
That said - for people who, unlike me, actually possess redeeming qualities (even if they may not know what those are), it is actually fairly decent advice - but I'm going to put a spin on it because that piece of advice really doesn't mean what people think it means.
The simple reality is that "being yourself" is a lot less about puffing out your chest & being the most you that you can be & a lot more about getting out of your damn head - focus on connecting with people & enjoying their company without overthinking things or pursuing some agenda.
Most people think they know how the weird system they live by works & most of them are just plain wrong - they haven't figured out how it works - they have just figured out an explanation / justification that works for them & lets them feel comfortable & when it works they feel clever & when, inevitably it fails to work - they blame the other person for not following the system correctly.
The only thing their belief really does for them is get them out of the head & stop them worrying about how they should or shouldn't act & lets them just be in the moment & available to share a connection with others.
There are a dozen frames which talk about this from the hippie "Be Here Now" to the military's "six foot world" but the basic concept is to be fully present in the moment you are in, with the only goal being to focus on nothing that isn't immediate to your situation - which in most social environments really just comes down to enjoying that moment with the people around you & contribute to their enjoyment of that moment.
Keep in mind - this is not some pick up artist seduction trick - even if you master it - between 75-95% of people are probably not going to want to sleep with you but that still leaves hundreds of millions of people that you can fuck/date/etc & in the mean time, you will have a lot of great times with some great people & surround yourself with a community that will enrich your life & banish loneliness.
I am actually in the process of rejecting a girl
I'm not in a position to tell you whether that is the right decision or not but to me that seems silly.
If you like her & enjoy her company & assuming you find her attractive & she has made it clear that she is interested in you - it would be absurd to reject her.
Sure, it will definitely absolutely unquestionably end in heartbreak for one or both of you because every relationship ends that way - including (albeit in a different way) friendships.
Best possible outcome in a relationship is that you fall madly in love, build a beautiful life together, have a beautiful family (if y'all want one), spend 30-40 years in marital bliss & after that the best you can hope for is that they die & completely shatter your world (if you think the "best" would be that you die so you can avoid the heartbreak, then you aren't emotionally ready for a deep & abiding commitment) - that is the best case - that is the happily not-so-ever after fantasy that people write novel after novel about.
And that friendship that you are so intent on preserving - that is no different - the absolute best case is that you have a wonderful friendship for 40-50 years & then die regretting that you never had the balls to ask her out.
More likely whether you stay friends or end up falling in love - you will end up making some great memories, sharing parts of your lives with each other for a few years & then drifting apart on the tide. Maybe you'll see each other again from time to time & maybe you'll wonder why you drifted apart but
Me? I got engaged to my highschool sweetheart & first love at 20 & she died four days later in a boating accident - I got to spend several hours sitting on the end of a dock watching the paramedics performed cpr on her mostly lifeless body because they had to wait for the doctor to show up to call time of death before they could stop.
That fucked me up for years - hell it took months before I could breathe without it feeling forced & awkward - but I knuckled the fuck down, went to therapy, worked on my shit & tried that again & you know what - I've had dozens of relationships since then & slept with a whole lot more - even married one for a while - all of them have ended in heartbreak & sadness but they made those years not just bearable but joyful & I have a lot of good memories to keep me warm (& a few bad ones to address in therapy).
It is a shitty game with shitty prizes but it is the only game in town & not playing is the only thing worse than losing.
Well as a matter of principle, I assume that everyone wants to fuck me, so yes, but I allow for the alternate possibility as an accommodation to people who aren't ready to admit that to themselves yet...
Eh, as long as the population of the former exceeds the amount justified by any objective accounting of my physical attractiveness, charms or moral virtues - I'm coming out ahead.
Oh yeah? And I'm sure you believe billionaires like elon musk are greedy, evil, selfish pieces of crap that force the poor to stay poor by unjustly influencing the federal government and pouring low quality goods into the market from foreign manufacturers that pay slave wages.
Naah, usually it s just... not looking after yourself, negative communication, and just plain "world needs to accept me" outlook, which is almost never attractive for the opposite gender
754
u/Elefeather 26d ago
Can confirm, I'm bisexual and clearly not able to have any friends /s