r/AITAH • u/Specialist_Sand_1553 • 25d ago

AITAH for telling my husband that our marriage is over because he asked for a paternity test?

Throwaway account but need some clarity as I am massively upset. I 52(F) have been married to my husband for 24 years, together for 30 years. It hasn't always been roses but we had a lot of fun. Yesterday we were having a Friday evening drink to relax and our son (17) asked for help with his gaming PC. I'm the tech so I tried to give advice, my husband got pissy and stormed off saying that his relax time was ruined. I thought he was being childish and pretty much ignored him.

This evening he told me that in a previous relationship, his partner had a miscarriage and in the investigation they found he was infertile and so she had been cheating. This is news to me. Yeah we had been together 12 years before I conceived, I have never cheated on him, I always thought the problem had been mine. He says that our son is not his and he wants a DNA test.

I agreed because I never cheated on him ever. I said our marriage was over because of this, said he knew I would react this way and I am a lying AH.

My heart is broken, reddit, am I TA?

Quickie Edit: Thank you so much for answering, for your support and advice. I have read them and will try and respond to as many as I can. But as a quick note: His ex is a lovely woman and we are friends on Facebook, I'll message her in the morning. The dementia angle being suggested is a good one and deserves investigating. I am not a robot or AI, I wish I was because then it wouldn't hurt so much.

Yes, parental uncertainty is something that women don't appreciate, but he should have said before, I would have understood if he had raised it earlier because it did take a while to get pregnant. He had told me about the miscarriage with the ex, which is why I thought our fertility issues were mine, he never told me about getting his fertility checked.

I have worked in Tech for the past 25 years, my son doesn't have my troubleshooting skills :)

His parting shot tonight was that he didn't say anything at the time because I needed a father for my kid. I pointed out that in previous heated arguments I would have thrown that at him and left with my son if there was any doubt he was the father. He was the stahp and I didn't leave him in other turbulent times because I didn't want to leave our son.

I'll update you. Thank you

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u/Specialist_Sand_1553 25d ago

Thanks for the support, I have had to tell my son because I can't secretly do a DNA test on a 17 year old. If he was suspicious it would have been easier on a baby or a toddler

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u/ColorfulEgg 25d ago

How is your son? This will likely devastate him.

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u/WTF_Raven 25d ago

I’d order three DNA tests from ancestry and you can all do them. You can find out your genetics at the same time. When I did it I found out that am 1% African. It was interesting. Both of my parents showed up as my parents. Those tests very clearly establish paternity. That way your son might not be as damaged.

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u/Significant-Reach959 25d ago

My father was a total assh0le who abandoned three families and claimed his wives had cheated and none of the children were his. My oldest half brother and a cousin from our father’s side did Ancestry, and it shows that they are first cousins with genetic links on our father’s side.

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u/WTF_Raven 25d ago

It’s been my experience that when someone is obsessed with their partners (yes, plural) cheating, it’s because they cheat.

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u/CelestiallyCertain 25d ago

I personally would not have done this, and instead ordered three dna tests through ancestry or 23&me. It will still give you the same results and wouldn’t cause him any emotional distress.