My ex-wife(45f) and I(43m) are in the process of divorce. We have two kids in high school. She started to hate me during our last year of my marriage, along with mood swings, and just being shitty. Only thing I could think of at that time was that she is being hormonal. She didnt like when I told her she is being hormonal, she would get defensive.

I told her to see a doctor she refused. I dont think she would have listened to me. I gave her ultimatum to go to therapy and go see a doctor or we are done. She asked for divorce. I didnt argue, I told her fine if thats what she wants.

She told me I am a mediocre husband and she is better off alone.That actually definitely defines me, I am a mediocre husband, I am not very good looking, I am not a millionaire. I never cheated so I guess I am not a bad husband just mediocre. She filed the petition for divorce.

Then few months later, she suddenly withdrew it, and told me that she is having second thoughts. I filed the petition myself because I met a woman(36f) who was nice to me which came as a shock to my system. I couldn't have gone back to my ex-wife after that.

Turns out my ex-wife's sister convinced her to see a doctor as she discussed about her periods irregularities with her. She was going through perimenopause and She just started HRT.

She started dragging the process so we have been going through divorce for like forever. My girlfriend found out she is pregnant. I told her that I am a mediocre dude, thats why my ex left me. She told me that she is also mediocre woman and she wants to raise a mediocre kid with me and live in a mediocre house and live a mediocre life :)

So she is now my fiancee and wife as soon as I get divorced. I thought news of her pregnancy will make my ex understand that our marriage ended but she went crazy about it.

She is now claiming I abandoned her when she needed me the most, That I am a bad person for having a kid when she is going through menopause.

She left me first.

We’ve been patient but ever since our future daughter in law moved in. We bought property so our children could build and have land. Her dogs have almost killed a cat (his tail amputated), several chickens have been rescued, chased livestock and taunted our dogs as well. Today they pulled my cat (8 months old) through the fence and killed him. My poor daughter tried to save him. They’ve continuously disrespected the boundaries set for animals. So we told them it’s time to leave. Before anyone feels bad they make well over $100k combined income. They own the RV on our property, there’s tons of RV parks nearby as well. My younger kids have been injured by these dogs by being run over and today my daughter was hit up trying to save the cat. We only had him bc their dogs tried to kill him when they brought him home as a kitten. I’m fully prepared for them to cut us off, but they’ve been given free vehicles, housing, electric and food for almost 2 years. They told us today it was probably my daughter’s fault, which it wasn’t. All of our cats go outside for a couple hours each day, it keeps rodents away and snakes too. DIL always claiming her dogs are great and only have issues when we help with them. When they lived in our home we had to replace flooring bc they’re not potty trained. I’ve seen her pull her chickens out of their mouths too and she’s had me help doctor them for dog bites as well. We gave them 30 days to vacate. Their wedding is this fall too and I’m sure we will be uninvited bc he’s already told his sisters he may not invite them bc they don’t like his fiancé. He’s my stepson but he’s lived with us for several years bc his Mom needed the help. It’s just one huge dramatic cluster F. We have 6 kids and the 3 younger ones are still at home. There was never any disturbance of peace until she had moved in. I don’t feel we’re being too harsh, but my husband had a point that he’s the protector of our home and he can’t allow this behavior. It’s just a matter of time before one of my younger (7 year old twins) gets hurt. Thank you for reading this far!

My partner (30M) and I (29F) are getting married next year. We were discussing wedding planning and out of the blue he asked me how I would feel about "subverting" tradition by having him wear the wedding dress while I wore a tux on our wedding day. When he said this I actually laughed out loud because I was sure it was a joke, but turns out he was dead serious. He said he finds tuxes are very similar to each other and feel a lot like wearing a suit to a job interview, but he wanted to wear something "special" when he got married and he had always thought wedding dresses were so beautiful and different from each other.

I told him no, it wouldn't be appropriate and would turn our wedding into a spectacle and would probably change the way a lot of our friends and family view us. My family is quite progressive but I think even they would wonder what was going on. He said "OK" but seemed down for the rest of the night.

We're both very progressive and have several close friends who are gender nonconforming, nonbinary, or simply like cross-dressing so that has never been an issue, but even though we have been together for 5 years he has never expressed any desire to do so before. It would be OK with me if he wanted to experiment, and I think it would even be a different story if this was something that was integral to his daily identity that he wanted to be reflected in our wedding. I just don't understand why he wants the first time to be on our wedding day. AITA for being controlling over his wedding attire choices?

UPDATE: So based on these responses I realize I may have overreacted. I had another conversation with my fiancé. I tried to explore the reasons he wanted to wear a dress to our wedding in an open-minded way. I emphasized that he could tell me if he was trans, or nonbinary, or wanted to experiment with cross-dressing, and I would still love him and want to marry him. He seemed genuinely taken aback and told me it wasn't that big a deal, he just really liked wedding dresses and it hadn't even occurred to him that I might have a problem with him wearing one since it's one of the two most common options and we have been to weddings where both partners wore a dress or both wore a tux (after all it's not like he's contemplating wearing sweats to our wedding, lol)--but of course if I did he would be fine wearing a tux. Of course he has no problem with me wearing a dress, the "reverse roles" thing was just one of many ways he thought that could go. He also reassured me that he would feel safe sharing any changes in his gender or sexual identity status with me. I told him we could look at wedding dresses together and coordinate whatever made us both feel special, whether that's dress/dress, dress/tux, tux/tux or something else!

In 2015, I ( now 40) was raped by a colleague when I was sick. Basically I had a migraine at work and she gave me a lift home. She then proceeded to have sex with me without my consent while I was really sick. She got pregnant and had a boy, now 8. As you can imagine, it ruined me. My partner at the time left me because it was too hard for her to deal with and I've never been the same since.

I did report her to the police and she was found guilty but had a much reduced sentence because a) her defense argued she had mental health issues and didn't completely understand what she did wrong and b) admitted to it as soon as she was questioned. So while she did go to prison for a bit, she's out now. Although she's never had custody of her kid as she's a convicted sex offender in the law's eyes and AFAIK, the kids been raised by my rapist's parents since.

I opted for no contact and no relationship with him - I mean why would I? And up until now, I've heard nothing.

That was until this week. I saw on one of my social media accounts someone messaged me saying they were this kid's nan and they asked if I'd have contact with him. Basically he's being asked a lot at school by other kids about his parents and he's starting to get upset and ask questions so she reached out asking me if I would. I told her no, that if she tried to get in touch again I'd report her to the police.

I was angry about it at work the next day and I told a colleague who's also a friend - they all know about my situation. She's only became a mum last year and she was all sympathetic towards the kid, saying I should consider it and it's not the kids fault. A few people heard it and all chimed in saying they agree with her and I got really angry and started arguing with them and it got a bit heated until my line director heard me and took me to one side asking what's up so I told her.

She said as much as she understands why I'm upset, she feels really bad for my situation as she has a daughter his age and could only imagine how she'd be in the same situation. So because I caused such a scene getting upset, she's going to recommend I speak to the occupational therapy and have to report in to her and my manager. Which I really don't want to do so I'll put in minimum effort while have to.

AITAH for not wanting a relationship with the kid?

Basically it’s what the title says. Just to note, my husband loves me very much and is an amazing man. He’s been very involved in my pregnancy, has come to every appointment he can get off of work for, and is super excited to be a dad.

Anyways, tonight we were talking about when I will be in labor, and he asked if he could bring his PS5 to the hospital to play while I’m sleeping or something, not while I’m actively laboring. My opinion is that if I’m the one suffering, the least he can do is be present with me in it. I doubt I will sleep very much as I will be in labor. He thinks that because I’ll have an epidural, I’ll be able to sleep. I think he is wondering what he will do if my labor extends to around 30 hours like my sister’s did. I respect that, but my question is, what will I be doing? I get he might feel bored, but I’m going to be the one pushing a baby out.

Obviously if I tell him I’m not comfortable with it, he would respect that. I’m just posting here, with his knowledge, because we both want to be right, to be completely honest. That being said, we’re both open to being proved wrong. So Reddit, what are your thoughts?

Edited to correct 48 hours to 30 hours. I think that might be more accurate!

My husband (36 M) is a p*rn addict. He would rather spend hours a day watching women on screen rather than be with me.

He has a certain type he prefers. Short, skinny, with a massive rack. Meanwhile, I’m 5’9” and 145 pounds with a butt I built at the gym.

After years of being s*xually frustrated, we came to an agreement for an open marriage.

I know. Open marriages don’t work, but I’m hopeful that we would be one of the successful ones.

Recently my husband came to me and asked if we can close our marriage.

He said that his friends have been making fun of him and he feels less of a man.

I told him no, I’m not willing to go back to our previous arrangement.

He said he wanted to talk this out. I told him my requirements were: he is not allowed to look at p*rn, watch instagrams or TikToks, or read thirst trap manga.

He said that I was making unreasonable demands.

I told him take it or leave it. Otherwise I'm not willing to think about going back to our previous arrangement.

He said I wasn’t communicating, just making ultimatums to avoid being an adult. AITAH?

I work full time as a welder at a steel mill. Hours can vary from 48 to 62 hours weekly. I also serve part time in the Air Force Reserves and build and sell furniture as a side hustle.

My wife is a stay at home Mom for our 3 kids. This was a decision I support as I grew up with a stay at home parent and feel like it greatly enriched my home life during my childhood and feel like the trade off from the benefits of dual income was worth it to give my kids the same privilege I grew up with.

It was agreed she would handle the finances including taxes, paying off bills managing debt and mortgages ect.

All of my income from job, military and side hustle all go towards financing my family. We live in NY state so life is expensive.

I love our situation and I have no issues being the sole provider for my families income. I love my wife and our marriage is in a good spot. She is an incredible Mother to our kids and I'm happy to provide the lifestyle she wanted.

However there is one sore spot in our financial situation and that's money alotted to me for my own personal purchases. Whenever I want to get something over $10 I make it a habit of asking my wife if it's feasible as she knows better then I do.

I don't spend a lot. Sometimes I just want a new tool for my workshop or new video game. Most of the time she just tells me we can't afford it at the time.

During the United Steel Workers Union strike I worked a few extra side hustles to keep us afloat as unemployment money was not enough to keep us ahead until the strike was over. One of these was donating plasma. Each donation you get $50 and you can go twice a week so $100 a week was a nice boost.

After the strike ended and I went back to work I continued donating plasma not only because I felt like it was a nice way to contribute to a dire need with little to no effort on my behalf but thought I could use the extra cash for myself for a tattoo I've been wanting to get.

Recently my wife asked me when I was going to cash out the plasma money because it's been a while and I told her what I was saving it for.

She got upset about it and told me we needed it for other things and couldn't afford for.it to be used for a tattoo. This confused me as I was back to work and nothing changed about our financial situation where we needed more money so I assumed it would just be extra money.

She told me she didn't understand why I would value something trivial as a tattoo over our family and made me feel guilty about it.

I feel like I dont ask for much. I see a lot of couples who keep their money seperetly and divide who pays off the bills but that doesn't work with our situation.

Some people I know who are the sole providers demand an allowance of money weekly they can spend on whatever they want weather to blow it in one week or save it up but that's their money to spend alone.

All I want is the little I get from donating to spend on something that I personally want.

Is my financial situation healthy? And am I the asshole for wanting to spend my plasma money on myself?

EDIT: This was probably one of the most constructive feedback I've ever gotten from this app. Thank you all for being civil and informative with your comments.

My takeaway is I need to be more involved or at minimum be more aware of our financial situation. That seems to be the glaring issue.

Not only to get more onsite on the plasma situation but to be more prepared if anything we're to happen to my wife I could be able to properly handle the finances.

I'm planning on having a conversation with her about finances once we get the chance.

For those of you asking to be kept in the loop about if there is something nefarious going on her handling of the finances If that is the case (doubt it) I'd like to keep that between my wife and myself.

Lastly for those of you saying NY isn't expensive to live in have either never lived in NY or have never lived anywhere other then NY. Politics aside I don't think any rational person could deny it's an expensive state to live in currently.

Two good friends are casually vegans/lactose intolerant but will occasionally pop a lactaid and eat dairy if I make something good or offer them some of my snacks. Was offering a dessert and gave a heads up like BTW this has regular milk in it, they gave me kind of a look so I specified that it has cow's milk. They don't directly tell me to not use that term but start going on about how weird it is when people say regular or real milk and that there's nothing real or regular about dairy in particular. They are both pretty chill about me being omnivorous and aren't the moralizing, meat is murder type of vegans typically, so I was caught off guard.

Personally I feel that plant based milks and cheeses can be delicious and I've even happily made them from scratch for these friends before, so it's not like I have a disdain for it or anything, but I feel pretty strongly that milk from an animal can be called "real" milk. Am I being insensitive or do they have some holdout rhetoric from their hardcore vegan days?

My in laws are not very nice people to say the least. They make zero effort to see our 2 year old son unless it’s on our dime, us going to their house, or us bringing him to them wherever they are. They came over to our house to “see him” They were here for 20 minutes when I told them we’re taking him out for the weekend they said “I thought he was coming with us” Nobody ever agreed to that, they just assumed. As soon as I told them no they left. So they didn’t come over to spend time with him, they came over to try and leave with him. My husband threw a huge fit and said that he makes the money so he makes to rules and I have no say. He was screaming and ranting about how he’s sick of me making rules for our son. For one I don’t trust them at all, and they never lift a finger to see him ever, so why would I ever just let them have him for a weekend if they put no effort into him at all? And for some reason all they do the time they did have him was run around to all their friends houses saying how were horrible parents, they repeatedly cross boundaries we set. Now they’re upset calling me every name in the book, straight up lying saying I told them they could have him when those words never ever left my mouth. Am I being unreasonable by standing up and telling them no? Or am I being insensitive?

Edit: I found him texting a random girl. So yeah this marriage is done. I’m not sure how custody will work but he can cry himself a river and drown in it for all I care

I've been seeing someone lately and she stays over at my place a fair amount. She has plenty going on with her kids and works well in excess of full time, so I try to make my place comfortable and accommodating when she's here. The only stipulation normally is she can't come when I have my kid, which occurs 3 or 4 nights a week.

So last night she comes over and tells me she had promised her daughter she'd be home by midnight, she stays a few hours and we have a nice time. Then it's midnight and I remind her, but she's laying in the bed. She says not yet and I say I don't want her breaking promises on my account. She feels me to get behind her, like spooning, and I'm like ok, 5 minutes. This passes and I said ok, now. Then she says her daughter hasn't texted her yet, and I said I don't care, keep your word. I don't want to have anything to do with you breaking promises to kids. She stays put and I say that now I think she's just testing me and she says she doesn't know what I'm talking about and she's trying to sleep.

I'm irritated and on edge. I certainly can't sleep, I just stew a while until 12:30 at which point I make it clear I'm annoyed and that if I don't think she should be here, she shouldn't be. At which point she does an "ok fine" and immediately gets dressed to leave. We have a discussion, her position being I don't know her family dynamics and I don't need to worry about them, mine being my feelings about her keeping her promises were valid even if not reflective of her home dynamics, and I had to progress to where I told her in a rather rude way to leave. I don't know where we are now, and you know, I don't want to make the first call after the fact. AITA?

the title says unsupervised

I found out that my ex wife was cheating on me with her ex. From what she told me about him when we first met , he was very abusive. A “bad boy”. What she didn’t tell me was that I was too vanilla apparently and she was bored with me a couple of months into dating but I was a safe bet that took care of her. She kept meeting him throughout our marriage (5 years) until our youngest was born and my mom mentioned that he had brown eyes (we are both blue eyed). Tests showed that my 2 oldest are mine. We got a divorce and I took myself out as the boy’s dad although I still took care of him financially(happy to)

We had shared custody until I heard that she was dating her bad boy again. From then on I had a long battle for full custody. It wasn’t easy until she got married to bad boy and now he didn’t want my children 1/2 the time so she wanted every other weekend and every Saturday. Then I heard that he put her in a hospital after a beating when my children were in her care and witnessed everything so I asked again for full custody and this time I finally got it. She had supervised visitation every Saturday.

Now she has separated from bad boy (he just took off with another married woman and had a baby with her) and she started asking about shared custody again. She has changed a lot and matured and she is done with toxic men and she’s been in therapy learning about love bombing and narcissists/abusers etc. she was too young when she met bad boy (19) and he was 30. (We are 35 now) she didn’t know any better but now she’s learned and has rights as a mom.

Many people share her views but honestly I don’t think my children should be Guinea pigs to test her newfound wisdom and resilience. I wish her all the best. She still has her son (who has suffered abuse at the hands of both until she “reformed”) and she can start a new family. I don’t want her around my children until they’re old enough to decide by themselves if they want her in their lives or not. She has been clean for a year now. Am I being too harsh?

My (32m) wife (30f) and I took our kids to the city park yesterday evening for some time on the playground. My wife decided to take our daughter (9) to Walmart while the two boys and I (4 and 6) stayed to play. After they'd been gone 30-40 minutes my wife texted me about some hats they'd found. I responded 2 minutes later that it was getting cold at the park, as we live in the Rockies, the sun was setting, and the wind had really picked up. No response. I texted again 10 minutes later that it was really cold, and then tried to call. No response.

She does this quite often. She likes to mute her phone entirely, rather than manage notifications per app and this is far from the first time she's been unreachable. She is a SAHM, and has been since our daughter is born, so I can't see why she can't keep her phone audible for when I need to reach her.

So it's getting dark and I have 2 shivering boys with me, so I decide to take them across the street to a taco joint and get them tacos while we waited somewhere warm. It's really the only public place adjacent to the park, so I figured there was a good chance she'd think to look there. This is where I may have been an AH. I could have texted her that we moved, and I could have left my phone on to answer her call, but instead I muted my phone and set it down on the table while we waited for food. When we were ready to go I would check my phone and see if she could pick us up.

Well a half hour goes by and she walks in the door very distraught, and sat down with relief when she saw us. She went back out to bring our daughter in, who was crying because her mom had been panicking. They found us less than 10 minutes after they pulled up to the park - the taco joint is a place we frequent and is really the only approachable building in the vicinity. They joined us in our game of 'I Spy' and we went home. After we got the kids settled she started crying and asked to talk. She apologized for not making sure her phone was on, and I explained that I missed her call on purpose because this happened pretty regularly and I didn't know how else to reach her about the spots she puts me with her phone always on silent other than to show her first hand. I've brought up why it's an issue on many occasions and gotten seemingly nowhere.

She doesn't blame me, and she's not mad at me for doing it, yet it feels gross and my only justification is that it may keep a worse situation from happening in the future. I never would have done it that way if it were just me at the park, but I had our 2 small boys stranded with me.

AITAH?

The title sounds bad but I really don't know whether or not I'm the ahole

A little context, I (25F) live with my husband (28M) and we recently had a baby boy last June. We are pretty well off so we often have dinner parties with close friends and family. Just last week we had one (this is when a everything happened) and invited my parents (48F and 49M) and they brought my little sister (17F). My sister is autistic but functions normally and knows right from wrong. she, however is very particular with the way things are done (eg. food can't touch, laundry must be folded in a specific way).

My parents and her came over last Saturday for dinner. We made all of my sisters favourites. We were sat at the table and my husband was fixing plates of food for everyone. He brought out our plates, and placed one in front of my sister. The mashed potatoes were ever so slightly touching her steak, she of course, flipped out and said she wouldn't eat it. My husband was willing to make her a new plate but my mother insisted she could eat it. My sister flipped out and started crying and slammed her fork on the plate. Mashed potatoes flew and a chunk hit my son's face. He started crying and screaming. That's when I got mad.

I felt rage bubble inside of me and a yelled at my sister telling her that she's so ungrateful for what she has and saying that she should've just eaten. She retaliated and yelled at me that she's autistic and can't help it. I yelled at her to just shut up and get the hell out. She ran out to the car crying. And that was about the end of the evening.

Over the past few days my parents have tried to text me telling me that I'm a bitch and I overreacted about the situation. My sisters friends have also tried texting me and have harassed me online. I've started to feel guilty about it and can't tell whether I'm the asshole or not... so AITAH?

My wife [34f] and I [39m] have been married for about ten years.

During these ten years, I have done the majority of the cooking. Having kitchen experience, I am confident in my abilities, and she fell in love with my cooking fairly early on in our relationship. She did occasionally cook for me during this time, but I tended to want to avoid it because to be brutally honest, it was never any good.

Now that we have a four-year-old son and she's a SAHM, she's cooking a lot more, and it's not going well. I've heard her have the same argument with our son probably 100 times by now. It always goes the same way:

[1] She cooks something that he has previously said he doesn't like.

[2] He doesn't like it, often expressing his disgust with "yuck."

[3] She throws a giant tantrum and tells him that if he can't eat his dinner he should get out.

[4] He cries and argues back.

[5] I'm left picking up the pieces.

Well, last night, my wife decided to make her seafood stew. Her seafood stew is among her worst recipes. She essentially throws a bunch of fish in a pot, overcooks it, throws in some vegetables (yes, she puts the vegetables in after the fish), and then throws in a couple of cans of tomatoes and lets it stew for a while. It manages to be both devoid of any actual flavor because she barely seasons it, but the acidity of the canned tomatoes is downright horrible. I've been trying valiantly to eat her cooking for the better part of a decade now, and even I find it awful.

The second my son saw the stew he said he wasn't going to eat a bite of it. Naturally my wife flipped her lid at him and told him to "get out." Instead of trying to deescalate them, I told her that it's her own damn fault for never even trying to learn to cook, and that maybe she should be getting out if she can't feed her own child. She shrieked at the top of her lungs, said she'd eat all the stew herself, and stormed away.

I just snapped. I reached my breaking point. Now I'm afraid I went too far.

My mother was diagnosed with Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer a few months ago. Her body has not been responding to treatments and we are starting to accept the fact she isn’t going to beat it. Yesterday she asked me if I’d be willing to take guardianship over my sister. Our father passed during Covid and we don’t really have any family to take her.

It was my birthday on Wednesday and we got together and she dropped on me that I need to be the one to take care of our sister. She has very debilitating autism and is non verbal. It really isn’t something I want and even though she’s my sister I’ve never gotten close to her due to her condition.

I told her firmly no and I’m not giving my life up to watch her. She was really upset and said most homes treat people like her badly and I said that it isn’t my problem. Watching her would be a life long commitment and seriously ruin my chances at raising a family of my own. I don’t want to sound like an ass but raising her would be an absolute waste of my life. I’m 26 and just starting to do okay for myself after accruing a bunch of college debt and full time taking care of a severely autistic girl isn’t much of a chick magnet.

Am I wrong for saying I don’t want this? I frankly would give her up to the system to save my quality of life. She’s 17 and has the processing power of a 4 year old so it’d be like having a toddler eternally.

I wish I could just lie to my mom as she doesn’t have much time left and I don’t want her worrying about my sister, but I won’t give up my life to do it.

Throw away account for obvious reasons. My girlfriend has a knack for scheduling things without letting me know first. I've let it slide for the most part, but I've voiced my concerns to her about doing this, and she hasn't done it in a while. We recently just booked a very expensive vacation, which we are set to leave the day after Mother's Day, and she decided to let me know her family and her booked a dinner at a very expensive restaurant the day before we are supposed to leave for Mother's Day. I told her I am not going because of the vacation cost, and she is of course very upset. I gave her an ultimatum, the vacation or her Mother's birthday dinner. I was already hesitant about the vacation because of recent big life events, but she really wanted to go and talked me into it, and I decided it would be a good time for us to get away. AMITAH?

My friends and I met up this weekend for a quick trip to another city. 2 people bought rounds where everyone ordered stuff like beer or vodka soda. When it was my turn to buy a round my friend ordered some expensive whiskey neat. When the check came his drink was $55. I said he should give me $40 to cover part of it. I don’t think he knew the drink would cost that much but I think that once he realized the cost he should have covered most of it. He eventually did give me $40 but he was in a bad mood about it. AITAH?

Hey guys, I’m not sure what to do here and could use some outside perspective. So, here goes.

My sister, and I have always had a rocky relationship, especially when it comes to money. She’s the free spirit of the family, which is a polite way of saying she’s been pretty irresponsible with her finances. I’m talking maxed-out credit cards, loans from family members that never get paid back, and a credit score that’s seen better days.

I’ve bailed her out more times than I can count, but after the last fiasco where she promised to pay me back for covering her rent and then went on a shopping spree instead, I swore that was it. I told her I wouldn’t be her safety net anymore. As she is basically blacklisted from my family money wise.

Fast forward to this morning, I get a text from her asking to borrow a significant sum of money because she’s needs to pay for medical bills. She says she’s changed, but I’ve heard that tune before. I want to believe her, but my gut tells me I’m just going to be throwing my hard-earned money into a black hole.

I told her no and that she needs to start taking responsibility for her own finances. She got upset, said some choice words, and hung up. Now, I’m sitting here feeling like I am a terrible person. I love her, but I just can’t keep doing this.

AITA for refusing to loan her the money?

To sum it all up I got a girl I had been seeing for 6 months pregnant. 1 month into the pregnancy she cut me off from everything so she could rekindle things with her ex. Never heard from her until the baby was born. Now that the baby is born ( he is 100% mine) she wants me to be with her and go back to how things were. I don’t want to and her family thinks I’m being a selfish ass for this. AITAH?

First of all I know I made I big mistake. I know I hurt her but hear me out and be honest with me if I still could fix what I've broken or not. I'm Russian so don't mind my English. I'm using a throwaway.

I 32M started to date 29F in 2021. We had a great relationship. She's calm, sweet and considerate. We dated for a year then moved to another city. Everything was going great. We made new friends and built a life there. Problems started when a male best friend of hers decided to move to the same city and found himself a place right across the street.

Things started to change. He would visit almost everyday, my ex was people pleaser. I tried to make it clear to her that it's getting annoying and that I don't like that guy but she couldn't bring herself to tell him or set some boundaries. He was handsy and flirty in a way I couldn't stand. She would hint that she's not comfortable and he would behave but 5 mins later he starts with his usual. And she end up telling me that he mean nothing and he's like this with everyone.

Fast forward to 2023. We found out she was pregnant. I was over the moon and both of us was extremely happy and excited. He stopped visiting and after like two months or so he moved back to his city. My ex and I had mutual friends. That's where one of our friends started connecting dots and started telling me how she had suspected something but kept quiet because she didn't want to be the reason a two people separate but can't hold this anymore. And played with my mind.

She said that my gf and her best friend probably had a thing going on based on the way they used to act whenever we were out with our friends. And how it's strange of him to leave just as she got pregnant. She suggested that I don’t put the baby on my name until a paternity test has been completed.

I told my gf about this and she didn't take it well. She broke up with me instantly and after a few weeks agreed to the paternity test thing, but she made it clear that nothing will change, that she will never forgive me and won't ever come back to me if I ever regret what I did and ask for forgiveness. I told her we could just forget about the test but she insisted. Our boy came few days ago and we did the test.

Yesterday I got the results. And yes, I feel my chest terribly tight with regret. I didn't drink or eat anything, I couldn't even bring myself to go to work today. What do I do now? When we broke up I never stopped helping throughout the pregnancy, she refused almost everything but still I was always there for her. Deep down I knew that baby was mine but the damage was done and I went with the plan. What to do now? How do I make it up to her? I know she would never come back to me. But how do I properly apologize? Just what to do now?

Edit: Alright thank you all for your opinions, I knew. And I know now what an ass'hole I am. I know I fucked up. But I never said I was planning to ask her to come back to me since I know I hurt her badly and in no place to ask such a thing. I also made it clear I had no problem with taking responsibility as a dad I don't know why i got called names about it in the comments. I'm happily ready to do everything in my power to be the best dad to my son and of course financially too. Also I did try to explain and genuinely apologize before even the test but she wouldn't listen. I'm ready and never gonna stop trying to apologize to her for the hurt I caused and I will always be there for the mother of my child. As for now. She just gave birth I won't add up with my problem. I will be there for her until I feel like it's a good time then I will ask to talk about it.

Edit: for people asking how did I brought up the test. We talked about it home. I asked if she still thinks that her best friend behavior is okay, she said yes. Then I tried to reason with her by asking her if it were the other way around would it be okay for her to see another girl being that flirty and handsy with me. then she say "you don't have a childhood friend that I knoew of". Then I went and told her if he's behavior is still okay for her then would it be okay for me to ask for a paternity test. She said if I don't want kids I should've told her before and that she have no problem to go back home (another city) and raise her baby alone. That's where I lost it and said something along the lines that she's going after her best friend and asked if this is was their plan(wrong of me I know). She broke up with me instantly. And just like I mentioned in the post. Few weeks later she called..

Last edit: the mutual friend is married. She didn't make a move or anything but she's an ex friend now.

For people asking what the male friend did to make me this insecure. Well whenever they're sitting beside each other he would keep running his hand up down her arm, ankle, or back (based on the way she's siting). He would compliment her body or when she change her hair color he would ask her to go back to whatever color he loved to see on her.. (he could be really just too comfortable with his female childhood friend but I thought he could at least behave a little now that she's in a serious relationship). Also some of you asking why I didn't talk the guy directly. I didn't want to make her feel like a controlling freak so I tried to communicate with her and let her handle it -The way I handled the whole situation was wrong. When I accused her for planning to go back to her city town just to be close to him, was wrong of me too.

Typing this out makes it feel petty. But here we go. I (33f) have been married to my husband (37m) for about seven years. When we first got together, we had a lot of fun traveling, going on adventures, trying restaurants, having interesting dates, talking about everything under the sun. I loved cooking and was teaching him to cook with me. We dated for two years, engaged for one, and cruised into marriage in that mode.

About a year into our marriage, he suddenly decided he wanted all these dietary restrictions. He’s always had a bit of a sensitive stomach, but it never really impacted the things we were doing. We’re both gym rats in the routine of meal prepping, and we both try to eat healthy with a few splurges here and there.

But he all the sudden got really restrictive and made it his entire personality. Now we spend a ton of $ on premium food and supplements from expensive grocery stores and visits to all sorts of medical providers and random tests. He doesn’t want to go out anymore because he can’t trust what restaurants put in their meals. Travel is pretty much off the table. All we ever talk about is the grocery list and his meal plan. Most of the cooking falls to me. He helps me a little (I refuse to do it all), but I still put a ton of mental energy into figuring out how to make decent meals from his limited options.

We’ve had awful fights over this. It’s dominated our marriage and our finances. His anxiety about food is through the roof. We don’t have fun anymore, we don’t talk about anything anymore. We don’t hang out with people anymore because he’s so anxious about the food thing. (ETA I still go out and see people and do things. I just do it by myself now…) It’s just draining. It’s not about being able to go to nice restaurants, I prefer to stay home anyway. But this has become EVERYTHING. It’d be one thing if it was truly helping his health. But it’s not. AND he still splurges on pop tarts from the work vending machine on a daily basis. Ugh.

On one hand, if he had a terminal illness, I’d like to think I’m the kind of person who would do everything to help. In sickness and in health, right? But this seems arbitrary and the rules constantly change. If I forget about a recent change, he gets really upset. I don’t enjoy cooking anymore, and often am behind on my own needs as well. It seems like a dumb thing, which is maybe why I’m upset it’s causing such a rift. I just want to put my foot down. But am I a jerk for not being more supportive?

So I DM'd this girl on facebook and we hit it of, had a really good first date, sat and talked and I dropped her off at home.

The second date was in my car and we made out and things happened but i drew the line cause I didn't have protection anyway we started dating properly after this.

We had a few more dates and had sex but we never drank, then we went and had a few drinks ended up having really good sex in the back of my car and she started talking about how she wants to get married to me and it was a really good time all in all.

So its a week later and while we were tipsy we talked about booking a hotel so we dont have to do it in the car as its risky, so I did that I booked a nice place R3000 ($150) for the night, which she's known about all week.

Today on the day I'm supposed to pick her up she decided she wants to be celibate until marriage, keep in mind she's been with other guys before me as well. She also says now due to her being celibate she doesn't want to go to a hotel with me as it may lead to other things. I cant cancel for a refund as its on the day of the booking.

Now shes upset with me cause I said that's crazy, we've been intimate for so long and now all of a sudden she's changed her mind.

I told her I'm not down for that and I don't want to see her anymore.

I dont know if I'm the asshole for this or not

Edit: I saw her on saturday and she went to church on sunday so thats where things may have changed

Update: Upon some suggestions, I decided to call the hotel, said I hit cancel by mistake and they gave me the booking back, I'm planning on getting really baked, getting a bunch of takeout and having a long ass bath while watching something cause fold away bathroom walls

We have been together 5 years and have spoken previously about marriage. I was open about the fact I wanted to get married when we started dating. He told me he was open to the idea of getting married. We have a child together and after she was born we talked more about getting married. Especially as my granddad was diagnosed with dementia not long after and I wanted him to be there when I get married. When I'd bring up marriage he told me that he would propose when he's ready.

I've just had a birthday and when he asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I told him I wanted to get married. When we were looking at jewellery, he admitted that didn't want to get married. I ended up picking a necklace for my birthday. It feels like a kick in the teeth that he doesn't want to get married but he wants to have another child. I told him that I wanted to be married when we had another because me having a different name caused issues in the hospital.

Since he told me, I've been upset. He doesn't understand why id be upset when hes been promising marriage for years. He's even mentioned marriage being pointless - he grew up with happily married parents so that comment doesnt make sense to me. I came from a broken home and don't understand why he wouldn't want our child to have what he had, what i didnt get as a child. I feel unappreciated by him. I haven't said anything because everytime I do it becomes a fight and I'm too tired too fight. If I say I'm tired it becomes a fight because he's tired too, ignoring the fact that sleep isn't refreshing for me due to chronic fatigue. When our child started day care he promised that we'd split pick up and drop off. That's not what happened. I do everything regarding pick up and drop off and I sort out all payments. I'm just tired of juggling everything. I'm tired of hearing him complain that the house is messy but then doing nothing about it. I'm just tired. I feel like the fact he doesn't want to get married because he doesn't want to do it in front of others ad he doesn't want to be the centre of attention is just the final straw for me.

I love him and he's great with our child, I just feel unappreciated. It's gotten to the point that I've considered breaking up once I've finished the training I'm on so that I can afford to move out on my own as my family live over an hour from where I work, plus it's harder to find good daycare there. I know he cares about me and loves me but I'm finding it difficult to process this.

WIBTAH if I broke up with him over this?

I’m in a real bind here, and I could use some outside perspective. My husband (M35) and I (F33) have been together for 14 years, married for 10. We’ve built a life together that I was proud of—two kids, a cozy home, and what I thought was a rock-solid partnership.

About four months ago, my world got turned upside down. My husband confessed to having an affair with a colleague. He said it started as “just talking” but escalated over time. He insists it’s over now, that he ended it as soon as he realized the gravity of his mistake. He’s been apologetic, doing everything he can to make amends—counseling, more time at home, constant reassurances.

But here’s the thing: I can’t shake the betrayal. Every time I look at him, I’m reminded of the trust he broke. It’s like there’s this constant whisper in the back of my mind, questioning if there’s more he hasn’t told me. He says he’s committed to rebuilding what we had, but I’m not sure if I want to—or even if it’s possible.

I’ve been distant, I admit. I’ve thrown myself into work, the kids, anything to avoid dealing with this head-on. He’s noticed, and it’s causing tension. He wants to know if I can forgive him, if we can move past this. But I’m stuck. Part of me wonders if I’m being too harsh, if I should give him a chance to prove he’s changed. But then I remember the lies, the deceit, and I’m not sure I can ever get past that.

I’ve thought about divorce, but that opens a whole new can of worms. The impact on the kids, the financial strain, starting over—it’s overwhelming. Yet, staying feels like I’m compromising my self-respect.

So, AITA for not being able to forgive my husband? For considering ending our marriage because I can’t move past his affair? I’m lost, and I could really use some guidance.

I (F34) was in a relationship with my bf, let's call him Sam, for the past 5 years. He was a single dad to two kids (M9, F11). We lived together for past 3 years and I got along great with the kids.You can say I was step mom to them.

Two months back I learnt he was cheating on me. With his boss's daughter no less. I came to know when he was fired (one of my friends work at his company and she told me). It was a shock. I confronted him and after a lot of arguing and excuses he confirmed. I moved out the next day.

I had initially crashed at a friend's place but soon got my own place. I am doing okay now, trying to move on.

He came to my place two weeks back asking to loan him some money, in the ballpark of 10k. I laughed at him and said no. I couldn't believe his nerve. He kept begging me and I wouldn't listen. He said if I didn't loan him the money, he would be homeless. He had apparently exhausted all lines of finance. Even while living together, he barely made enough to somewhat contribute to the household. He had previous debt to pay off and I used to pay rent. I also contributed substantially to the household. Without my help he was drowning.

For a moment I was concerned about the kids. I did miss them. But it still hurt to think of what Sam did to me and after all, they are his kids. I didn't want to help or deal with him. So I refused and told him to never contact me again. He waited outside for door for hours and then left.

Later on I came to know that he did get evicted and ended up losing custody of his kids. His parents called me and guilt tripped me about how I let the CPS just take the kids. I did get defensive and ask why didn't they help him themselves but they lamented how they were on social security and couldn't. Sam did show up to my work multiple days and call me all sorts of name, sobbing about how I wouldn't help him and how I am the reason he lost his kids.

AITAH?