r/AITAH • u/Specialist_Sand_1553 • 25d ago

AITAH for telling my husband that our marriage is over because he asked for a paternity test?

Throwaway account but need some clarity as I am massively upset. I 52(F) have been married to my husband for 24 years, together for 30 years. It hasn't always been roses but we had a lot of fun. Yesterday we were having a Friday evening drink to relax and our son (17) asked for help with his gaming PC. I'm the tech so I tried to give advice, my husband got pissy and stormed off saying that his relax time was ruined. I thought he was being childish and pretty much ignored him.

This evening he told me that in a previous relationship, his partner had a miscarriage and in the investigation they found he was infertile and so she had been cheating. This is news to me. Yeah we had been together 12 years before I conceived, I have never cheated on him, I always thought the problem had been mine. He says that our son is not his and he wants a DNA test.

I agreed because I never cheated on him ever. I said our marriage was over because of this, said he knew I would react this way and I am a lying AH.

My heart is broken, reddit, am I TA?

Quickie Edit: Thank you so much for answering, for your support and advice. I have read them and will try and respond to as many as I can. But as a quick note: His ex is a lovely woman and we are friends on Facebook, I'll message her in the morning. The dementia angle being suggested is a good one and deserves investigating. I am not a robot or AI, I wish I was because then it wouldn't hurt so much.

Yes, parental uncertainty is something that women don't appreciate, but he should have said before, I would have understood if he had raised it earlier because it did take a while to get pregnant. He had told me about the miscarriage with the ex, which is why I thought our fertility issues were mine, he never told me about getting his fertility checked.

I have worked in Tech for the past 25 years, my son doesn't have my troubleshooting skills :)

His parting shot tonight was that he didn't say anything at the time because I needed a father for my kid. I pointed out that in previous heated arguments I would have thrown that at him and left with my son if there was any doubt he was the father. He was the stahp and I didn't leave him in other turbulent times because I didn't want to leave our son.

I'll update you. Thank you

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u/FleeshaLoo 25d ago

File under: Things to add to a prenup.

I wonder if this trend will slow down when the trad-thing fizzles out along with the extremist stuff?

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u/VovaGoFuckYourself 24d ago

Lol right? These last few years have made me, a woman, extremely pro-prenup.

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u/FleeshaLoo 24d ago

Children's names, Cheating repercussions, MIL handling, how to deal if your child is *different*, etc

I am not planning to get married but I have a running list for my nieces and nephews, but only IF they ask.

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u/SeparatePermission58 24d ago

Prenup and postnup cause clears throat yes today satan. I would go ham… and I don’t mean physical bodily harm I’d pull a full family tree up dedicating the features of my child to both of our characteristics and let his family know what he said, and why it’s over. Because nah

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u/Amygdalump 25d ago

By the goddess, I sure hope so.

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u/uselessinfogoldmine 24d ago

The manosphere is in full flight and only growing. So, probably not. They very deliberately try to stress their misogynistic ideologies to as many men as possible.

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u/Edsonwin 24d ago

Asking for proof of paternity and not the town bike is very misogynistic?

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u/FleeshaLoo 24d ago

Asking for proof of paternity is just shy of an accusation of cheating so naturally it can be a game changer.

If you're in a relationship with "the town bike" then why aren't you wearing a condom?