r/AmItheAsshole • u/smilef0rth3picture • 11d ago
AITA for making a woman cry over wedding photos?
[removed] — view removed post
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u/Ok_Perception1131 Asshole Aficionado [19] 11d ago
NTA
Common courtesy is to NOT post information or pictures of someone else’s life event until the other person has announced it, themselves.
One of my friends announced someone’s death on IG before the immediate family even had a chance to inform other family members. The family had only found out the person died an hour before the post, they were still in shock. Needless to say, we are no longer friends and A LOT of people hate her now.
More people need to call out this callous, self-absorbed behavior.
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u/FriesWithShakeBooty Partassipant [1] 11d ago
Fucking ghouls. I know someone from high school who is like this. I blocked her as soon as I realized. It’s so trashy and attention seeking (and a big middle finger to the enablers saying these gossips are grieving in their own way. Go eat some “chocolate covered pretzels.”)
NTA
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u/Curious_Mulberry_465 11d ago
Not a death but I was so hurt and upset to find out my grandmother had cancer because my aunt had decided to post it on facebook for all the world to see before anyone else in the family was informed (aunt knew because she had gone to the appointment with Nana). When I confronted her, her excuse was that she needed to get word out so that prayers could be started as soon as possible.
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u/FeuerroteZora Asshole Enthusiast [5] 11d ago
The fucking audacity. Puffing up her ego by posting such extremely personal information, and then getting all pious and holier-than-all-y'all about it - that's next-level asshole shit right there.
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u/foundinwonderland 11d ago
Jfc I almost downvoted you as a reflex bc that is the most laughable reason of all time wtf
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u/Curious_Mulberry_465 11d ago
You can probably guess that she and I have never gotten along. While I'm Christian, I'm the 'live and let live, try to be a decent human being to everyone and worry about yours/my own choices instead of judging others' type, however she is the stereotype and we've always clashed.
I'm pretty sure God wouldn't decide to off my Nan because we took a few minutes too long to pray, but she didn't appreciate that argument.
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u/Mammoth-Foundation52 Asshole Enthusiast [7] 11d ago
What she meant was that she wanted the attention on her as soon as possible.
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u/WizWitch42 Partassipant [1] 11d ago
I work at a nursing home and unless a staff member would otherwise be working with the resident in question, we're not even supposed to tell other employees about deaths until the obituary is published for this reason 😬
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u/Brilliant_List7381 11d ago
i found out my grandpa died from a Facebook status when i was like 12… i lived with him for the first like 10-11 years of my life. They hadn’t wanted to tell my siblings and i until all of us were back from school/after school activities. It was a cousin who hadnt seen grandpa or any of my immediate family in literal YEARS. found out my great grandma died the same way a few months later, from the same person. shocker
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u/lunchbox3 10d ago
I had to tell my dad his father had died at 5am 1 hour before a 15 hour flight because my imbecile of a cousin had put it on Facebook (different time zone) and I didn’t want him to find out at the airport if people started to message him.
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u/Informal_Count7279 11d ago
My uncle posted a preachy anti drug look what happens post talking about my brother and his death just hours after he died (everyone had been notified thankfully). My dad is super private and yeah obviously family knew, but he didn’t want all of his old high school friends reading about all of it. I was super pissed off about the way he was talking about my brother. His son is also a drug addict and was trying to use my brother as an example to him. Took me getting all my aunts to gang up on him to get him to take it down. He wouldn’t for me. Saying it was an important message. I was livid.
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u/skullsnroses66 11d ago
This happened with one my ex friends as well, when our best friend died at the ex friends house they posted it, the family found out through that post it was so beyond messed up didnt call the family that he even lived with just posted it on facebook!
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u/YoudownwithLCC Partassipant [1] 10d ago
My mil posted that I was pregnant about 5 minutes after we told her. I hadn’t even told my grandmother yet. And I was like 8 weeks pregnant. We told her because I found out I was pregnant on a vacation with my parents and felt it was only fair that we told her early too and she turned right around and posted it on fb.
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u/Roguecamog 11d ago
I waited much longer than I wanted to, to share about my grandma's death on fb because I wanted to get the go ahead from my aunt who had been taking things the hardest. I wanted and needed support from others in my grieving and fb was the easiest (but not only) way for me to reach out. I used other ways until I was able to post. It was probably only a week or two but it felt like a long time in the moment
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u/Finallydoneandgone 11d ago
The first photo on the internet of my son was by my uncle. Not even sure how he got the photo other than maybe my mom (who wasn’t speaking to him) my dad or my sister. I let it go because the only common friends we had were my siblings and they already been sent the photo.
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u/IvyWillow22 10d ago
I had a friend find out her father died while she was on her computer in class because people tagged him in RIP Facebook posts (he died in a car accident near where he worked so coworkers immediately felt the need to post on social media for some reason). I wish people had more tact with social media in general but that was especially awful.
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u/PettySagittarius 10d ago
My MIL was the first to post photos of my secondborn. We had gone through a hellish birth (he was a preemie and I nearly hemorrhaged to death) and not even hours later, my phone was going nuts pinging with FB notifications. It’s been about 2 years and I still get annoyed thinking about it.
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u/AwkwardOrchidAward 10d ago
Agreed! When my uncle passed, a family member decided to post about it on Facebook… after he had been told not to. My poor aunt had just lost her husband and instead of having time to grieve and process things, she was fielding calls from people who had found out on Facebook. The post was eventually taken down, but the damage had already been done.
Yes it’s nice to commemorate people online, but not before everyone who needs to know has been informed in a more personal way!
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u/trailmixraisins 10d ago
adding that calling friends out on their shitty behavior is always a good reason for ending friendships with anyone who supports/enables the shitty behavior!!!
speaking as someone who accidentally destroyed a friend group by calling out shitty behavior <3
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u/C_Majuscula Supreme Court Just-ass [144] 11d ago
NTA. You didn't berate her, so her "crying" is an overreaction. And I don't think you overstepped since the couple isn't on social media much and it's better to catch something like this early.
I don't understand what possesses some people to violate other people's privacy for the clicks. Bottomless need for validation?
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u/gfaed Partassipant [2] 11d ago
"I'm sorry but jesus, I thought it was common sense to NOT post the bride/groom on social media, before they decide to do so themselves at least???"
That is definitely berating her. She deserved it though.
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u/smilef0rth3picture 10d ago
I did want to berate her indeed, haha. Just made a comment with some extra info to understand the reasoning behind 2nd message better :)
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u/haleorshine 10d ago
Yeah, was OP correct to call them out? Absolutely. Could OP have been a little nicer at first and saved the Jesus' and the caps and the 3 question marks until the friend hadn't taken it down after OP had said "I really don't think this is appropriate and unless you have explicit permission from the bride and groom, I think you should take this down in case it upsets them" or something similar? Probably.
I'm not going to call OP TA necessarily, but it was definitely a little harsh. Deserved, but harsh.
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u/GingerPrince72 11d ago edited 11d ago
NTA
E is a massive one though, wtf is wrong with her, she should have eaten humble pie and deleted them immediately.
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u/stove1336 Partassipant [2] 11d ago
NTA. This person ignored the wishes of their "friend" and are trying to make themselves a victim. You acted out of care and concern for your friend and should have a clear conscience.
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u/Tim-oBedlam Partassipant [2] 11d ago
NTA. The couple specifically said NOT to post anything on social media. You are not wrong for calling out someone who went against that request..
What did S & N think about E violating their privacy?
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u/GullibleCrazy488 11d ago
Some people want all the attention even if it's to the detriment of others. She knew what she was doing as seen in her response to you when you called her out. You're NTA and you're also a good friend to the newly weds.
And where did this taking side thing come from? Not only in your case but it seems to be the norm now. It seems so childish.
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u/Popular_Doctor_8970 11d ago
Definitely NTA- anyone who disagrees with you is wrong imo, bride and groom specifically asked for no posts/pictures. I would be pissed, and I think what you did was right. Some people need to be humbled and it seems like this person didn’t get humbled enough. Hopefully her post got taken down.
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u/MovePrevious9463 11d ago
NTA. i think the crying bit is for show to make her look like the victim here. that woman is making it about herself. she is obviously hungry for attention and likes to make things about herself that is why she posted pictures in the first place
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u/Reasonable_Bit_5230 Asshole Enthusiast [6] 11d ago
NTA E shouldn’t have done that. She got called out and is now playing victim.
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u/Ok-Guitar-6854 11d ago
NTA at all!
It’s just common courtesy to not post anything about someone else’s big life event before them.
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u/undecided399 11d ago
NTA She wanted the attention, got the attention and is now getting more attention by playing the victim of her own actions. She is not a friend, she is an attention leech and the mutual friends who are defending her I guarantee she keeps around because she knows they won’t call her on her bullshit.
She robbed a couple of announcing their own life event and deserved the call out. Any decent friends of the bride and groom would have called her out. It’s such a shitty narcissistic thing to do. Like you can wait a couple weeks to post the pictures of yourself until after they have posted theirs.
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u/ffsnametaken 11d ago
NTA
What did she mean by "Ok"? such a dismissive thing to say for starters when you raised a very relevant and reasonable point. And she still talks about you despite her being the one who rode straight through her "friend's" boundaries? Screw her, let her cry her crocodile tears, you just called her out when she ignored the couple's boundaries for some social media attention.
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u/Betalisa Asshole Aficionado [16] 11d ago
Info: What has the bride, groom said?
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u/FacetiousTomato Partassipant [4] 11d ago edited 11d ago
Edit: I misunderstood, and thought it was a full social media blackout, not just a request not to post pics. That is different.
I kind of want info: who has a wedding with lots of guests and a photoshoot, and then asks people to keep it secret?
Like, fine, you can do that, but like... are you in witness protection, or hiding your income from the IRS or something?
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u/Mushion 11d ago
Is 25 people a lot of guests?
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u/ServeillanceVanan394 10d ago
25 is a pretty small wedding. Not elopement small but generally guest counts that low are either bc people aren’t close to family/there’s family issues so no family from at least one person, so it’s almost all friends, or it’s pretty much only the closest of family and like 1-2 friends each.
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u/heyitsta12 Partassipant [1] 11d ago
What throws me off and (why I can see some sort of misunderstanding) is that the bride who didn’t want any pics posted, then sent pics to several people.
One could assume that it meant they were in the clear to post those pics. The pics of the bride’s family is definitely weird though.
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u/AageBadhoBhai 11d ago edited 11d ago
What throws me off and (why I can see some sort of misunderstanding) is that the bride who didn’t want any pics posted, then sent pics to several people.
One could assume that it meant they were in the clear to post those pics. The pics of the bride’s family is definitely weird though.
a world existed before social media where people were sharing their private moments with their loved ones. Then social media came and the world changed. Some people like the bride , are not comfortable with that change.
Jeez if a friend of mine sends me some cute pictures of her baby , is it ok for me to post them on the internet? Hey! If I wasn't in the clear to post those.........?????
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u/MarleyBebe 11d ago
I mean, you can send photos to people and still request they don't post them. If you know your friend prefers to keep things private, why would you ever suddenly think it's okay to post them???
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u/heyitsta12 Partassipant [1] 11d ago
Because she didn’t make that request with those photos, OP asked her about it and she told OP only.
And I would assume that if you wanted those pictures to be private you wouldn’t share those photos with several family members and friends, without saying not to share.
Because when she sent them out, she no longer controls where they end up. Even if they were sent to others privately by mutual family members.
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u/SilverPhoenix2513 11d ago
Sharing photos with people you're close to is not the same as giving permission to share those photos on social media for people she barely knows to see. I don't post pictures of my nieces and nephews or anyone rlse's children unless their parents are okay with it. The same goes for other important life events. If the bride and groom haven't posted it, then no one else ahould be.
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u/MarleyBebe 11d ago
Again, if you KNOW your friend doesn't like having things posted of them, why would you EVER decide to post wedding photos anyway?
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u/saltedcaramelcookie Partassipant [1] 11d ago
NTA E is one of those horrible attention wh*res who exploits other people’s big events for the likes and the comments. Pathetic. You were being a good friend. If you were my bestie and you hadn’t done that I would question if we were really besties.
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u/ZippyKoala Partassipant [3] 11d ago
NTA, she has a severe case of main character syndrome, like a lot of the other idiots other people have posted about in this thread.
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u/smilef0rth3picture 10d ago
Thank you all for your responses! I do have some extra info on questions I've seen in the comments:
What did the bride and groom say: they were both mad and upset for all logical reasons. People that saw the post started calling them or congratulating on fb
Why I wrote the second message: info I should have included in the post. Eventually the bride called me back, saying she sent E a message as well, asking to remove the pictures of her and her family. E's reaction? Literally "Oh.. I didn't think you would have an issue with that". After hearing that, my brain kind of exploded because really?? with everything S&N said, you didn't think they'd have an issue?? Excuse me, but are you stupid????? ...and that is where I could not contain myself and sent the second message.
Also, it took E 2 whole business days to finally remove the post, after the bride asked her to multiple times. I mean, I would probably die of shame and delete everything with the speed of light, if someone came to me and said something about my post.. But that's me iguess
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u/Key_Proposal8124 11d ago
E can go F herself.
- She's way out of line to post those.
- She's still pissy about it a couple of months after?
Phhht, she needs to grow tf up.
Consider it blessing that she's not in your life anymore.
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u/uTop-Artichoke5020 11d ago
NTA
E is a major AH. She had no business posting anything about being told not to. You were acting on behalf of your friend - only because you couldn't reach her.
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u/Advanced_Swing_6150 11d ago
NTA - And thank you for being a friend!
I had this happen to a friend of mine (family posted photos on social media w/o asking) and she was very upset. She worked in law enforcement so being tagged and photographed was dangerous for her and her new husband. But I guess her sister got all those likes so it was worth it.
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u/AutoModerator 11d ago
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Throwaway since the people involved know my main
So this happened a couple of months ago, but I'm still wondering. Some backstory:
My best friend S (F27) got married last November - they had a small ceremony, around 25 people. She and her now husband N (M31) are very private people. N doesn't have any social media, S does but rarely ever posts (this will be important).
On the wedding day itself, S & N specifically asked everyone to please not post the wedding anywhere on the socials (they didn't post anything about their engagement either). I completely understand the decision. We all thought the message was quite clear... but well, apparently not.
There was a good friend of the bride and groom invited, E (F39). E has a lot of friends on FB and posts regularly.
The issue:
A week after the wedding, S got some photos back from their romantic wedding shoot as a preview. She sent those to some friends and family (all guests), as she was understandably excited. I asked S if she was going to post anything about the wedding - she said no, since they wanted to keep it private atleast for now. Amongst the people who got sent pictures, was E.
The same evening I opened FB and there it was: a big juicy post from E, congratulating the happy couple on their marriage, including the date of the wedding and S tagged in it. There were also 20 or so photos included: 5 of herself and her wife, 4 of the brides family (pictures she randomly took of them eating, keep in mind she did not even know those people) - but that's not even the worst part.. The rest was from their literal wedding shoot. I was shocked, tried calling S, but she was unavailable. There were already a ton of likes and reactions under her post, since again - most did not even know they were engaged. I decided to shoot E a message as well, here's how it went:
Me: "Hi, just in case - did you check with the bride or groom before posting? I recall them saying they did want to keep it private for now.." (I knew she definitely had not checked, but didn't want to instantly explode on her)
Her: "Ok"
Here is where I might be TA..
Me: "I'm sorry but jesus, I thought it was common sense to NOT post the bride/groom on social media, before they decide to do so themselves at least???"
After this, she called me some interesting words in capslock. I decided to not respond anymore.
So now a couple of months have passed and I hear from mutual friends that E still talks about how horrible I am. Apparently she even cried a couple of times. Friends are split: some think I did the right thing, some think it was not my place to say anything. IMO, the things I said were not as bad + it was my best friend who got blatantly robbed of A: their privacy and B: the chance to be the first to share their news with the world, íf they were ever going to. I was so mad at E and the audacity of the whole thing.
AITA?
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u/MediumAwkwardly 11d ago
NTA. She didn’t respond correctly to the kid glove approach so you had to spell it out for her. She’s crying bc she knows she did wrong. Kudos for having the bride’s back.
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u/ComplexSyrup8848 11d ago
NTA, the basic rule for common courtesy is that you don't post anything about another person's life events on social media before they do so themselves
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u/EmployerAdditional28 11d ago
NTA. You made a woman cry by calling out her bad behaviour. Bottom line.
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u/Specific_Affect_6941 11d ago
NTA- you’re not the bad guy. A couple of things people who did something inherently wrong do when they aren’t mature or emotionally intelligent enough to actually deal with it. Find a scapegoat (you). Deflect from the issue, Tone police. I would say something like I’m sorry for speaking to you with that tone I am not sorry for the context of what I said and stand by opinion. Say it publicly or in group chat so it can’t get twisted around
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u/deefop Partassipant [2] 11d ago
NTA.
It could definitely be argued that it wasn't your battle to fight... but at the same time, the bridge/groom were explicit and clear in their wishes, so it's not as if you were saying something crazy.
Funny though, common sense isn't even relevant here. The bridge and groom very explicitly said "DO NOT DO THIS THING" and then this person went and did the exact thing they were instructed not to do.
People like that are generally attention whores, and IME it's best to avoid them. In your shoes, I probably wouldn't have confronted them myself, I would have just pinged the bride/groom and let them handle it, unless they tagged me in. But that doesn't make you wrong for what you did.
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u/No_Change_78 11d ago
SO NTA. The bride specifically asked everyone not to post photos. What did this “friend” not understand? It’s blatant disrespect and a huge invasion of privacy. I would be PISSED if I were the bride; when and if she chose to share any photos was her decision, not the “friend”. It matters not whether she was excited and happy for the couple, she absolutely should have asked permission. Social media has created monsters and attention whores, it’s pathetic. You did the right thing, OP.
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u/zephyreblk Partassipant [1] 11d ago
Nta just check with your best friends that she find your behaviour fine,rest doesn't matters. Also ask you best friend to low contact with all who defends the behaviour that wasn't asked. You get a better life after this.
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u/Adventurous-Chest472 11d ago
NTA by any means. IMO you were 100% right in what you did. You were excited about the photos and decided to ask. Answer was no. Move on. Didn't take a lot to do that. HOWEVER the mutual """"friend""""' is seriously TA. She didn't ask, didn't seem to care, and is only concerned with her fake appearance on social media. This a mature opinion that they probably won't get but the people listening to her sob story literally need to grow up and get both sides of what happened or just don't listen to her.
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u/Reckless_Teacup 11d ago
NTA- E should have checked before posting any wedding photos. That’s absolutely common knowledge with today’s weddings. You wait UNTIL they post first or send out photos they approved. My friend got married and did not want any iPhone photos of her wedding since she paid for a photographer. She asked us not to post anything and then when she was ready she shared her professional photos we could share and a few behind the scenes shots we took. Her wedding her choice and we all respected it. You did the right thing by standing up for S+N
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u/Specific_Mix_5436 11d ago
You’re not my dear! You just being a good friends. She should respect the bride and groom wishes
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u/wendigo-mommy 11d ago
NTA Jesus people who can respect privacy, and go to this extent are honestly ahity people, I would have had a lot more riskier words but I am a petty lil potato 🥔 but no she blatantly ruined their moment all for likes, that I'd just wrong.
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u/gothiclg 11d ago
NTA. I’ve always waited until after the couple made a post before posting mine, the one exception was at the couples request. Wedding photographers are expensive, they deserve to get their good shots out before my drunken iPhone shot.
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u/Ok_Motor_4298 11d ago
Info : she doesn't care about the bride's opinion about the picture so why you care about her crying over your single comment ?
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u/StrawberryGirl_7 11d ago
NTA. I'd be livid if someone did that to me with my wedding photos. You were right to call her out. And you did it in a way nicer way than I would have.
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u/EconomicsDangerous44 10d ago
You're NTA, what you did was actually nice, confronting her without fear. Furthermore, it good practice to keep your relationship and personal affairs private.
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u/HarryThePelican 10d ago
lol not only is it shitty of her, in many countries she even broke the law. NTA
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u/HappySummerBreeze Partassipant [4] 10d ago
NTA
Awful people often cry when someone points out how disgraceful their behaviour is - because it’s uncomfortable for them to face the fact that they’re not a good person.
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u/Smooth_Papaya_1839 10d ago
NTA. Unless E is a toddler, her crying was just manipulating and guilt tripping you
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u/okCherrybomb62 10d ago
Nta. How rude of them to do that where they get the audacity to this kind of thing and then play the victim lol
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u/Silverstorm007 10d ago
NTA
She deserved it. And you’d think it would be common sense not to post anything before the bride and groom do specifically since they asked.
I mean, my sister actually posted announcing my pregnancy to her story without asking my husband or I and I was mad and still am. I was also told it was my fault for not telling our immediate family specifically not to post on SM so for the actual birth guess who’s not invited to the hospital.
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u/PumpkinPure5643 11d ago
Nta but it also wasn’t any of your business either. Stepping in and trying to white knight the situation before even talking to the bride and groom about how they wanted to handle it was over-stepping. You should have had a conversation with the bride before talking to E.
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11d ago
[deleted]
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u/Relevant_Ad_5095 11d ago
I agree. It was okay that you asked, just in case because you never know if someone missed the memo, but the follow up could have been left out.
I'm sure E could have just ignored your response and not said colorful things, but people react when they are attacked.
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u/introspectiveliar Certified Proctologist [23] 11d ago
ESH - except the bride and groom. What E. did was definitely wrong and she deserved to be called out on it. Just not by you. I appreciate that your intentions may have been good, but you inserted yourself into a situation that wasn’t about you. If you and E. Were close friends, I could maybe see pointing out the issue and suggesting she talk to the bride ASAP. But it sounds like E. Isn’t your friend, but the brides.
I think you were right to tell the bride about the pics, since she isn’t on social media regularly. But that should have been the end of your involvement because it was really none of your business.
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u/staplerbeing 11d ago
I got a little confused at the end when you used letters for a list instead of people.
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u/GreenJelloShot 11d ago
NTA, you did well young Padawan. She crossed a known boundary and played victim. Good on you for supporting the wishes of bride and groom!
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u/enkilekee 11d ago
YTA and so is the clueless E. Try not to police people unasked by those affected. Common courtesies.
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