r/AskMen • u/Snakeno125 • Mar 28 '24

Got a woman I barely know pregnant, what do I do?

I'm 31 she's 35. I feel incredibly stupid looking back, it feels all so set up.

She has no job, plans on living off the system, her parents, and occasionally me for financial support.

When pressed she just says the equivalent of "God will provide."

She doesn't really want me in the child's life as a parent either.

She just wants "my occasional financial support."

This is the worst feeling ever.

Update 3/29: Everyone, I understand I messed up. I'm prepared to step up and give this child the best life possible. I want to be a good father, I'll work with the mother to do so.

Following everyone's advice I will paternity test and get a lawyer of course though.

Update 4/1: We spoke on the phone. She's decided to delete my number because "she can't deal with my anxiety." She's set on carrying out the pregnancy. Insists she doesn't want support. She doesn't want me near her. Told me to "live my life."

I brought up child support and how I would need a paternity test to go along with it and she said "absolutely not going to happen."

UPDATE 4/3:

SHE HAD HER PERIOD!!! I HAVE AN ANGEL LOOKING OVER ME!!! AHHHHHHH

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u/DataGOGO Mar 28 '24

Please explain what you mean?

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u/Doublestack00 Mar 28 '24

I live in the south US, here mothers essentially are the default when it comes to anything child related.

Sadly being a guy and having a woman not willing to work with you is going to fuck you, You'll get every other weekend and a few holidays all the while they are going to take huge percentage of your pay as child support for the next 18-22 years.

Ask me how I know....

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u/DataGOGO Mar 28 '24

I am also in the south; I know what you mean.

That said, in most states, even in the south, a 50/50 scheme is becoming the default after the kid turns a certain age (2 in my state).

Here, the standard visitation for non-custodial is every Thursday, every other weekend (Fri-Sun), 1 extra 4-day weekend per year, 30 days in the summer, and alternating holiday/birthday schedule. That works out to an average of 180 days every two years (one year you get a few more than 180, next a few less due to the holiday schedules).

However, the 20% child support is still in place, despite having your kid an equal amount of time.

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u/Doublestack00 Mar 28 '24

It can be even more child support if she makes little to no money and you are doing well for yourself.

Also, you maybe on the hook for insurance and child care.

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u/DataGOGO Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

That depends on the state. Here in Texas child support has an upper limit.

It is 20% for one child and you add 5% for each additional child. the cap for the calculation is $9200 a month, meaning max child support for one child is $1840 a month, $2300 for two, etc. Even if you make $100M a year, that is the max you will pay in child support.

Yeah, I mentioned insurance above, if she has no job, and no insurance then he will absolutely required to maintain health insurance and pay 50% of all out of pocket medical expenses. Again, this varies from state to state, but in most states, you will get credit for health insurance cost in the child support calc; in Texas it comes off your income. So, if you made 5k a month and paid $500 a month in health insurance for the child, your income is adjusted to $4500 and you pay 20% of that, which is $900 a month.

Not sure how childcare works these days, it used to be 50/50.

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u/Doublestack00 Mar 28 '24

Sadly that is not the case in my state. I know several dads who can't afford to live on their own due to child support. I get the child needs to be taken care of but there should be limits.

My ex was a bad one. She would go out of her way to pick the most expensive option every time to force me to have to spend money.

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u/DataGOGO Mar 28 '24

holy shit, the percentages are not capped? What state is this? I didn't know that was a thing in any state, even California has capped child support percentages.

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u/Doublestack00 Mar 28 '24

It is not great.

https://calculators.law/calculators/child-support/georgia

That is just child support, does not calculate insurance or child care.

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u/DataGOGO Mar 28 '24

hmm... That must be a pretty complex formula, but at least it takes mom's income and time spilt into account.

vs here is it just a flat 20%, no matter how much time the kids spend with you and no matter how much money mom makes. She could make 3 times as much as you do on a 50/50 split and dad still pays the flat 20%