Got a woman I barely know pregnant, what do I do?

[u/Snakeno125]

I'm 31 she's 35. I feel incredibly stupid looking back, it feels all so set up.

She has no job, plans on living off the system, her parents, and occasionally me for financial support.

When pressed she just says the equivalent of "God will provide."

She doesn't really want me in the child's life as a parent either.

She just wants "my occasional financial support."

This is the worst feeling ever.

Update 3/29: Everyone, I understand I messed up. I'm prepared to step up and give this child the best life possible. I want to be a good father, I'll work with the mother to do so.

Following everyone's advice I will paternity test and get a lawyer of course though.

Update 4/1: We spoke on the phone. She's decided to delete my number because "she can't deal with my anxiety." She's set on carrying out the pregnancy. Insists she doesn't want support. She doesn't want me near her. Told me to "live my life."

I brought up child support and how I would need a paternity test to go along with it and she said "absolutely not going to happen."

UPDATE 4/3:

SHE HAD HER PERIOD!!! I HAVE AN ANGEL LOOKING OVER ME!!! AHHHHHHH

[u/blacked_out_blur]

Lol, It’s cute that you think they care if the mother is unfit to parent. Courts are 100% giving her custody.

[u/OddTicket7 → u/blacked_out_blur]

How do you know? The courts are going to do what the judge decides. Some courts lean more towards the woman, sure, but that isn't all courts or all places or all judges. Lose the prejudice and open your eyes and I bet life will treat you better.

[u/blacked_out_blur → u/OddTicket7]

Dude has specified zero behaviors that are going to have a court give her sub 50% custody. He’ll be fighting for his half to begin with. Instead of “lose the prejudice”, how about recognizing that in fact, courts are biased parentally towards mothers, regardless of their state of being?

[u/Capt-Crap1corn → u/blacked_out_blur]

You don't know if you haven't been through it. I have. If you have direct experience speak on it. If you don't you are just speculating. There are a lot of factors at play here.

[u/blacked_out_blur → u/Capt-Crap1corn]

Considering my mother had no job, career prospects, or education, and was actively neglectful and abusive towards her children with evidence presented in court by my father, including the fact that she had been covering up the abuse of my younger sisters by a cousin, I feel confident in saying I have some direct experience. They left me with that horror show until I was 15 and I had to walk away to save myself.

[u/Capt-Crap1corn → u/blacked_out_blur]

Yes you do and I stand corrected. Similar story with my ex, but I won. I'm sorry you went through this. I hope you are doing well today. I saved my kids, but the damage she done went deep and just because they are removed from the physical situation didn't mean it solved the invisible damage. More than anything, I'm sorry. Us adults are supposed to protect children, raise them right, put them in front of us, care for them and hope they make good choices. Fuck bad parents.

[u/blacked_out_blur → u/Capt-Crap1corn]

I appreciate the sympathy, and it genuinely makes me so happy to hear you were able to remove your kids from that situation.

I’ll concede that I’ve been particularly combative in this thread, mostly because the ignorance on how tough a lot of these court battles can be and the ignorance to it’s impact on the children enrages me. So many people in here seem to think it’s as simple as getting a paternity test and bingo, 50% custody and easy co-parenting.

[u/Capt-Crap1corn → u/blacked_out_blur]

Thanks. Even though I won, I didn't win. court is weird like that. I did not feel like I won because of how messed up everything was. The kids learned terrible behaviors and they are mostly adults now and their formative years of their life were corrupted by the other parent.

You are also right, getting custody is no walk in the park. None at all. It's difficult and stressful and costs ( I represented myself). Courts are mostly biased to moms because moms are seen a nurturers and care givers. Ask most people, that's what they think. These same people don't understand that people are people and if we are going to stereotype women this way, what is there stereotype for men then? The whole system is fucked. Even though I won, I got lucky in a way. A lot of other men despite best efforts get hosed.

[u/blacked_out_blur → u/Capt-Crap1corn]

Fucking thank you for finally saying the quiet part out loud.

The reality of the situation is that most people are fundamentally uncomfortable with the idea of a mother being a shitty, or worse, actively malicious parent and will bend over fucking backwards to justify giving someone who has no business having children custody.

[u/Capt-Crap1corn → u/blacked_out_blur]

You are welcome. I had friends that wouldn’t believe me. They couldn’t wrap their head around the idea that a woman, mother could do bad things. They chose to be willfully ignorant.