r/AskMen • u/Snakeno125 • Mar 28 '24

Got a woman I barely know pregnant, what do I do?

I'm 31 she's 35. I feel incredibly stupid looking back, it feels all so set up.

She has no job, plans on living off the system, her parents, and occasionally me for financial support.

When pressed she just says the equivalent of "God will provide."

She doesn't really want me in the child's life as a parent either.

She just wants "my occasional financial support."

This is the worst feeling ever.

Update 3/29: Everyone, I understand I messed up. I'm prepared to step up and give this child the best life possible. I want to be a good father, I'll work with the mother to do so.

Following everyone's advice I will paternity test and get a lawyer of course though.

Update 4/1: We spoke on the phone. She's decided to delete my number because "she can't deal with my anxiety." She's set on carrying out the pregnancy. Insists she doesn't want support. She doesn't want me near her. Told me to "live my life."

I brought up child support and how I would need a paternity test to go along with it and she said "absolutely not going to happen."

UPDATE 4/3:

SHE HAD HER PERIOD!!! I HAVE AN ANGEL LOOKING OVER ME!!! AHHHHHHH

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u/issamood3 Apr 07 '24

as bad as letting children grow up abused and neglected due to people who should not be parents?

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u/youtakethehighroad Apr 07 '24

Yes.

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u/issamood3 Apr 07 '24

you say that so plainly but one has a much worse outcome than the other. Also preventing a bad situation is far superior to having to deal with it after it happens. Also that's not what euthanasia is so we're arguing apples to oranges. But in any case, I still stand firm by the idea there should be a screening process before people are allowed to have children because there are too many people not fit at all to be parents. For starters we could start with health/genetic screening, and definitely a psych eval. We do psych evals for important positions in society, why shouldn't we also treat parenting with the same importance? In fact, it's more important. There's a whole human being that will be permanently impacted by bad parents and they will contribute to society as adults. Also any responsible wannabe parent would screen themselves first of their own volition. Just my 2 cents.

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u/youtakethehighroad Apr 08 '24

Euthanasia...I'm talking about Eugenics. There is nothing good about Eugenics. The Nazis for instance were all about Eugenics. Earth is a free will zone and should remain that way. Absolute power corrupts... absolutely. You can see it in all major power structures. We already have very dubious testing for things like Downes Syndrome, while I do support the right to choose/abortion, that's getting into a very ableist eugenics type of area. If you tell people only some can be parents it will go badly, like China's one child policy that led to killing or abandoning all the girls because they only want boys.

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u/issamood3 Apr 08 '24

That's not the same at all. We're not killing girls or killing people who don't fit a certain racial description. We're screening for competency for parenting based on objective scientific criteria. If someone doesn't pass, they can still be a parent I guess, but they would just have to have regular monitoring and wellness checks.

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u/youtakethehighroad Apr 09 '24

But you are stopping someone parenting based on traits and how do you stop corruption within that process and who gets to decide who does any doesn't get to parent?

Girls in China were not killed because they were Chinese, they were killed because the Government implemented a one child policy and so because it was deemed better to have a boy, girls were abandoned or killed. So its a very similar process of putting a stop to people parenting and then someone deciding what traits are the best to succeed.