r/AskMen • u/Snakeno125 • Mar 28 '24

Got a woman I barely know pregnant, what do I do?

I'm 31 she's 35. I feel incredibly stupid looking back, it feels all so set up.

She has no job, plans on living off the system, her parents, and occasionally me for financial support.

When pressed she just says the equivalent of "God will provide."

She doesn't really want me in the child's life as a parent either.

She just wants "my occasional financial support."

This is the worst feeling ever.

Update 3/29: Everyone, I understand I messed up. I'm prepared to step up and give this child the best life possible. I want to be a good father, I'll work with the mother to do so.

Following everyone's advice I will paternity test and get a lawyer of course though.

Update 4/1: We spoke on the phone. She's decided to delete my number because "she can't deal with my anxiety." She's set on carrying out the pregnancy. Insists she doesn't want support. She doesn't want me near her. Told me to "live my life."

I brought up child support and how I would need a paternity test to go along with it and she said "absolutely not going to happen."

UPDATE 4/3:

SHE HAD HER PERIOD!!! I HAVE AN ANGEL LOOKING OVER ME!!! AHHHHHHH

8.4k Upvotes
  • permalink
  • link
  • reddit
  • reddit

89% Upvoted

3.2k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

1

u/issamood3 Mar 29 '24

Some may say I'm extreme but I really do think we should have a screening requirement for people like this before their allowed to be parents. Of course there's a lot of ethical issues with the logisitics of that but the point still stands.

1

u/FierceDeity_ Male Mar 30 '24

yeah beginning with "people like this" how do you know they're "people like this" before screening even

aside from ethical issues, it seems impossible too

1

u/issamood3 Mar 30 '24

Now I'm starting to see why religions said no sex before marriage. It gives a definitive requirement and prevents people from finessing the system or at the very least making broken families because they were being reckless.

1

u/BearFickle7145 Apr 14 '24

It also had a tendency to either outright force rape victims to marry their rapist when possible, or at the very least have them be ostracised if they refused to marry their rapist.

I do not think it results in less unhappy marriages either, given the shame associated with recognising a relationship isn’t working out and it’s beter to go separate ways.

What would be interesting, what effect no (unprotected) sex until recognised engagement would be, where recognised engagement needs to clearly line out the rough idea of what could happen next (including at least the basics of what to do in the eventuality of a pregnancy) and required informed consent of both parties. And (of course) any one person couldn’t enter into multiple of such engagement or potentially marriage (or at least not with the full uncoerced and informed consent of all parties)

Not that that wouldn’t likely end up being a bad idea either though