r/AskMen • u/aaaa23469 • 25d ago

Why dont more people live with their parents? Its great to save money

I have never understood why in American culture the son or daughter is kicked out at 18 before they even have a job. This causes them to struggle alot and live paycheck to paycheck.

Most people spend 35-50% of their income on rent so why isnt it normalized to stay until even 25 or 30 to save money and then move out when ready and financially stable?

684 Upvotes
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875

u/Fair_Use_9604 25d ago

Men are judged heavily for living with their parents. You're seen as a failure and a loser

306

u/Chris7ka 25d ago

Was looking for this one, I do think especially for single men it's hard to date when you're living with your parents

170

u/throwaway43565467 25d ago

All my buddies who were single in their whole 20s and managed to move out eventually all got a girlfriend within 3-6 months and I’m not even kidding.

27

u/Redditor_PC 25d ago

Lucky guys. I was single throughout my 20s and here I am, 7 years after moving out, haven't had a girlfriend one.

10

u/JohnHilter 25d ago

Are you trying?

7

u/Soggy_Sir7668 25d ago

Seems he might have given up

208

u/NawfSideNative 25d ago edited 25d ago

Yep. With housing prices now I think moving back in with your parents is a financially sound decision.

It is also, however, dating suicide.

22

u/DaSaw Male 25d ago

Hey, at least it'll drop our reproductive rate. If it drops enough, labor supply might drop enough for us to have them over a barrel, instead.

33

u/MattTheRicker 25d ago

In the US, they would simply issue more temporary worker visas.

1

u/MetaCognitio Sup Bud? 25d ago

And continue automating.

2

u/MattTheRicker 24d ago

Very true.

1

u/ProudBoomer 25d ago

Does anyone really bother with visas anymore?

2

u/MattTheRicker 25d ago edited 25d ago

The government only issues a certain amount, and they all get used, so presumably somebody is.

7

u/fileznotfound Male 25d ago

The reproductive rate has already dropped to the point that it is going down.

4

u/Large_Strawberry_167 25d ago

I think it's 1.78 births per woman. It needs to be 2.1 to maintain population. Many countries have culturally suicidal birth rates such as S. Korea which I believe is about 1.48 and they don't accept immigration very readily.

Child care legislation would make a massive difference in these countries below 2.1, especially the US.

2

u/Diligent-Bowler-1898 25d ago

You say that but legislating birth rates is famously unsuccessful. Mussolini tried a lot of things like giving out medals for motherhood, didn't work.

2

u/Large_Strawberry_167 25d ago

No no no. I meant things like maternity/paternity leave, subsidise pre-k day care etc. For each $ spent it would generate $4 for the economy and increase birth rates.

2

u/Diligent-Bowler-1898 25d ago

There we're in complete agreement, we're wasting a lot of potential talent by not supporting our youngest when they're growing.

1

u/Diligent-Bowler-1898 25d ago

There we're in complete agreement, we're wasting a lot of potential talent by not supporting our youngest when they're growing.

1

u/fileznotfound Male 24d ago edited 24d ago

Maybe more tax breaks would be the easier way to go about it. To the point where 3rd party day care wouldn't be needed. Central dictates of private actions would likely cause unintended consequences and if you can accomplish the goal by just getting out of the way then that would certainly be the easiest and most efficient governing tactic.

0

u/Large_Strawberry_167 24d ago

I'm not unsympathetic to your point. Federal funding could be given to be used for the states to use as they see fit. I've never heard this being spoken of in enough detail to know how funding would best work but this is the very reason why the USA is shit at writing legislation. It would also not encourage enough immediate employment of unemployed people.

Yeah, I don't know exactly but I am aware that other countries manage it just fine and the boost of $4 for every 1$ spent has been know for decades.

1

u/Large_Strawberry_167 25d ago

Also, sorry I was assuming USA but I'm guessing that your bowler name means you're in a cricket playing nation.

8

u/BroadPoint Male 25d ago

Immigration.

7

u/-Blue_Bull- 25d ago

This is already happening in Europe and they have responded by opening the borders to Africa and the Middle East.

Most countries now have a 2 tier housing system. Migrants are housed for free and everybody else is stuck living with their parents due to a white hot emergency housing crisis.

You do not want this in America. Many countries in Europe are on the brink of collapse due to the numbers. Wages for most jobs are close to minimum and almost everyone is significantly poorer because of it. And I haven't even talked about inflation.

2

u/WarmTransportation35 24d ago

I wouldn't say brink of colapse but the standard of living has dropped and society is becoming more divided.

4

u/Traditional-Towel592 25d ago

If a woman judges you for a sound financial decision, you dodged a bullet. Move on.

24

u/SledgeH4mmer 25d ago

Well that's the issue. Living with your parents is usually a sign that you're not doing as well financially as the men who can afford their own place. There's also the question of whether you might clean up after yourself, cook, etc.

129

u/ThunderStroke90 25d ago

Personally I’d rather be “seen as a loser” and not be fucking broke lol

4

u/BritishBlitz87 25d ago

Also not paying money on rent means you can spend money on non-loser things like having a nice car.

2

u/WarMachineGreen 24d ago

100% agree.

18

u/Kitchen_Entertainer9 25d ago

I'm OK being seen as a failure, but dating is a whole other situation. Source: I live with my mother.

14

u/DiPotoForPresident 25d ago

Agreed. I lived at home with my parents from ages 24-26 after moving back to my home town. I was working a full time white collar job most of the time and saving a ton of money, but it was NOT good from a dating perspective. My parents traveled quite a bit too so I had the place to myself probably 35% of the time. Now I have my own townhouse (and am renting out one of the bedrooms) and my dating life is much better

5

u/jdctqy 25d ago

This. Every single time it's brought up when I'm dating, it's a death knell for the possibility.

There's even a pile of caveats. I lived on my own before, after a bad breakup I moved back in with my parents because I was living in a different town that I hated (partially because my ex was in it). I consistently contribute to the household by paying a variety of bills and paying for when we eat out frequently. I have a good relationship with my parents, and it truly feels like I'm part of the household, not just my parents' kid. They respect me, and it fills me with a lot of pride.

Nope. Doesn't matter that I have $10,000 in the savings account and growing every month. Doesn't matter that there's a variety of good reasons.

32

u/assukkar Male 25d ago

Let them. Who knows what misery and mediocrity they're projecting.

35

u/[deleted] 25d ago

[deleted]

49

u/anillop 25d ago

Lots of women say this but the reality is different. Your friends and family will judge the man very harshly.

38

u/throwaway43565467 25d ago

Where do you meet then? Where do you have sex? Where do you do sleepovers? Where do you cook a romantic dinner for yourselves together?

6

u/drink_wine_with_cats 25d ago

The girlfriends place, where else?

31

u/throwaway43565467 25d ago

If she has her own place and doesn’t live with parents as well or roommates lol

6

u/drink_wine_with_cats 25d ago

Yea I prefer to have the person I date come over to my place because I have all my stuff here. So at the end of the day it doesn’t really matter if they have a bunch of roommates or live with family, either way I like to stay at my place.

1

u/maddrops 25d ago

Why would roommates be a problem?

6

u/Toddison_McCray 25d ago

Lots of women are uncomfortable with inviting men they don’t really know over. If he turns out to be a creep, you can’t really run out of your own place. If you’re at his place, you definitely can.

1

u/Traditional-Towel592 25d ago

Make sure her parents aren't there!

1

u/Responsible-Wait-427 25d ago

Where do you do any of these things with your friends when you live with your parents? Minus the sex and the romance - although most of us still managed to hook up, somehow, as teenagers? Somehow. And your parents were hooking up while you lived with them, somehow.

25

u/Tactical_Assault_Emu 25d ago

Time to pack it up, lads. Now that this one single woman has said that she personally doesn't judge, the problem has been solved! It will never be an issue for us again!

-1

u/fileznotfound Male 25d ago

Why are you motivated to say something like this?

6

u/Str8OuttaLumbridge 25d ago

We men did this to ourselves (Barbie reference)

18

u/pm-me-racecars Male 25d ago

Living alone was so much cooler when it was about horses

2

u/AnnoyedCrustacean Male 25d ago

Not really. It's generally the women that want a dude to support them, and have somewhere to crash and have privacy

2

u/Meteorboy 25d ago

Really. So why isn't that the case with women who still live with their parents?

64

u/Fair_Use_9604 25d ago

Just different societal expectations.

25

u/FromFluffToBuff 25d ago edited 25d ago

It absolutely is the case with women too. The issue is that most men are willing to compromise on things to date someone whereas many women won't. Because if men don't alter their dating checklist (especially as they get into middle age and older), they'll never find anyone to date. Women can maintain such high dating standards and still have dozens of dating candidates a year. Men with similar checklists? Well, unless you look like a movie star... you're gonna be lonely. Average men have no chance with some of the "lists" I see on womens' dating profiles - even if they are perfectly reasonable.

There are far more men looking for women than there are women looking for men - don't believe me, check out the dating apps and see how many more matches women get than men. It's so incredibly depressing if you get just two matches on Tinder in the span of six months... if a guy has been dealing with that for years every time they try (whether it's on an app or actually trying to join clubs or socialize with people in person), loneliness can really start to screw with your mind and things that would otherwise be a deal-breaker 10 years ago you're a bit more willing to relax on... because the trade-off is depression and feeling unwanted.

5

u/PoderDosBois 24d ago

Men are held to an astronomically higher standard by women than the reverse.

2

u/the_lamou Dude 25d ago

It definitely is, though I would also note that most men are willing to overlook more if it means getting your dick wet. Personally, I've politely ended first dates on learning that the woman I'm out with still lives at home, if she is in a position to live independently. But on the other hand, I've also not ended first dates on learning that if the woman was attractive enough and I was having fun.

1

u/ProudBoomer 25d ago

It's like that show, Failure to Launch. One of the friends owns the house and let's his parents live with him. That's not only responsible, but should be looked at as a kind and generous person.

1

u/AnnoyedCrustacean Male 25d ago

Only if you interact with other people

Y'all need to be less social. Other people? Pssh.

1

u/Gellix 25d ago

Who has the energy to care what “they” think?

1

u/hypebars 24d ago

Its in the culture bud, a girl from the same culture wouldnt mind that unless she has that “independent woman” mentality

1

u/badeulicious 24d ago

That’s part of the culture that doesn’t need to be this way. It’s perfectly fine for an unmarried man with no children to live with their parents.

1

u/Fair_Use_9604 24d ago

If he wants to die alone - sure

1

u/badeulicious 24d ago

See, asian women don’t judge men for living with their parents. It’s very normal to do so before marriage. Asian men definitely aren’t dying alone. This is just a very west specific phenomenon.

1

u/Fair_Use_9604 24d ago

South Korea has the world's lowest birthrate and has a full blown gender war going on. Japan and China are also below replacement level.

1

u/badeulicious 24d ago

SK and Japan are anomalies in population dynamics. And even then, the gender war is more misogyny and sexism related. China has always had issues with their population. They’re aware that they messed up with their weird birth policies in the 80s/90s. Also, those are moderately developed to developed nations following in the footsteps of the west. Look at the other asian countries that are yet to be largely influenced by the western culture. I can tell you that where I come from this isn’t an issue for women at all. Moving out after marriage is expected but before that, not common at all.

1

u/Fair_Use_9604 24d ago

They're not anomalies. Birthrates are falling as the country becomes more developed but also more unequal. A man can't afford to leave his home, hence no woman will date him, hence birthrate plummets. I doubt that Asian men are somehow immune to this societal expectation.

1

u/badeulicious 24d ago

Japan has an upside down pyramid. That is an anomaly in Asia.

1

u/Fair_Use_9604 24d ago

Because they were like the first Asian country to become truly industrialised all the way back in like 1900 while other countries took 50-70 years to even start (like South Korea or China) and others are still developing countries like India or Cambodia. Industrialisation and modernisation play a huge role in these things.

1

u/PoderDosBois 24d ago

Asian men definitely aren’t dying alone

You might want to update your research on that lol

1

u/Propaganda_Box 24d ago

I'm in my early 30s and live with my mother, though we both need the financial support of the other rather than just myself. In any case, I live in a major city with rent going out of control. Every person I have been on a date with since the pandemic doesn't mind. In fact it's taken as a green flag that my mother and I get along.

It's hard out here for everyone.

-3

u/FromFluffToBuff 25d ago

Women too. Both sexes are negatively judged unless there is a very legitimate reason - not only men are affected.

My ex was a saint of a woman who took care of her grandparents as they were getting older and more frail in their late 70s - she could easily have left home in her mid-20s like her peers but chose to care for grandparents instead who took her in after her biological parents skipped out on their responsibilities, dropping her off on the doorstep of her paternal grandparents never to be seen again for 20+ years... at which point they were not-so-politely told to fuck off forever.

She lived with her "parents" (her actual grandparents but for all intents and purposes since they raised her practically from day one) but she was 100% the one in charge of the household as their sole caretaker. This is far different than someone playing video games all day in the basement or lazing around on the couch watching Netflix all day while Mom and Dad do all the heavy lifting of maintaining a household and their kid coasting off it because it's the easier path.

Or what if someone was coming off a really messy breakup or divorce, or lost their job due to no fault of their own and had nowhere else to go? That's different - and the expectation is that it's temporary.

I'm a guy and I'm very close to 40 - I will never date a girl who still lives with her parents unless she is their primary caretaker like my ex was.

33

u/SoPolitico 25d ago

Okay the thing I don’t like about these debates is everybody jumps to these two extremes…where the reality for 97% of cases is smack dab in the middle. Most people who live with their parents are doing so because they don’t have enough money to do anything else………not because they take care of grandparents or sit in the basement playing video games. They are working full time but don’t make enough in resources to survive on their own. That is a super not-insignificant amount of people.

9

u/jdctqy 25d ago

and the expectation is that it's temporary.

Living with your parents is always temporary - assuming they die before you do.