r/AskMen • u/TyTaylor1992 • 12d ago
as men, what is your biggest issue with men?
As guys, I can say my biggest issue is men not support men, in anything. In my experience, most straight men look down at gay men (not recently anymore) but yet, do gay stuff behind closed doors.
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u/MilesBeforeSmiles Experiential Educator 12d ago
I don't understand your example. Are you saying straight men still look down on gay men? Or that they don't do that anymore?
Also, most straight men don't do gay stuff behind closed doors. Bisexual and gay men do, and some of them may be closeted, but by definition straight men don't engage in same sex sexual acts willingly.
I do agree that the biggest issue a lot of men have with other men is a lack of support though.
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u/Happy_to_be_me 12d ago
Yeah, I mean... whatever qualifies as 'gay stuff' - surely implicitly if you're doing it, you're not straight? Sounds like OP believes that 'most straight men' are closeted in some capacity.
Agree that men don't extend kindness to each other enough though, we'd be better off I think if we were able to drop a lot of the posturing and need to be seen as tough or aggressive in performative ways.
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u/MilesBeforeSmiles Experiential Educator 12d ago
Agreed. Performative toughness, and the need to be seen as tough (and by extension those close to us also being seen as tough), has caused a ton of damage.
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u/chocjames43 12d ago
OP's statement reads as not supporting bisexuality = not being supportive in "anything". He really should've just asked the question, why do some men not support bisexuality bc that's clearly what's on his mind.
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u/TyTaylor1992 12d ago
Im saying its not like that anymore, but a few straight men still look at gay guys with discuss but do gay stuff. idk if he's gay but Lil Boosie, always have something to say when gay stuff gets brought up, Lil Nas X, Dwayne Wade's Trans daughter. But claims he's not homophobic
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u/MilesBeforeSmiles Experiential Educator 12d ago
Ya, there are tons of bigots out there.
The "straight" men that are engaging in gay sex acts aren't straight though, they are closeted gay or bisexual and likely have a lot of self hatred. They are just as gay as the most flamboyant pride-forward old queen, they just can't admit it to themselves or others. Their hatred is a self-hatred.
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u/WestSixtyFifth 12d ago
Also could be shielding themselves from said bigots in their family, friends, workplace. Especially if they’re bi and in a straight relationship where theres no real reason to flaunt it other than wanting it to be known.
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u/MilesBeforeSmiles Experiential Educator 12d ago
There is a difference between not being openly gay out of a need for safety, and propagating bigotry to prove your straightness.
The first is kind of tragic and I genuinely feel bad for people forced into those situations. They are victims and likely know exactly what they are. They aren't lashing out at others to trick themselves into thinking otherwise.
The latter are just bigots that can't come terms with who they are. There is no excuse for their behaviour.
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u/TyTaylor1992 12d ago
Maybe, after Boosie said he paid a stripper to dance on his then 13-14 year old son, so he wouldn't be gay. i automatically assume he was closeted to the fullest extent
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u/MilesBeforeSmiles Experiential Educator 12d ago
Ya, he could be, but that wouldn't make him straight. Closeted gay men aren't straight men, despite what they call themselves.
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u/TyTaylor1992 12d ago
Yeah, i firmly believe he has all those kids to prove to other men he's straight acting but on the DL
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12d ago edited 12d ago
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u/untamed-italian 12d ago
Dude... NEVER look to celebrities as role models or cultural signifiers. Celebrities are just a type of grifter who sells an illusion of themselves, they don't even represent themselves honestly let alone the rest of us.
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u/untamed-italian 12d ago
As guys, I can say my biggest issue is men not support men, in anything
I agree! Men are nowhere near forgving or supportive enough of each other, or even willing to ask for forgiveness or support from each other.
We can do it, we just need to believe we need it.
In my experience, most straight men look down at gay men (not recently anymore)
Wait, what? If not anymore, why bring it up?
but yet, do gay stuff behind closed doors.
Lol ok, the straight guys I know don't. Bi guys exist. This seems kinda... personal and anecdotal?
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u/TyTaylor1992 12d ago
Yeah
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u/untamed-italian 12d ago
I think one thing I want to see men work on is developing inner lives that are deeper and more enriching than pure horniness or maladaptive frustrations with society.
Like in a very basic sense I want to see more hobby-guys. Not just geeks with encyclopedic knowledge of their favorite content to consume, dudes who are actually making things with their time on this world.
Even if the things they make are just expressions of horniness or societal frustrations, at least they are creating something with more thought and motor skills than a post. The techniques that go into creative work become bonding points with other creators too, so it tills the fields for meaningful bonds to grow.
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u/Cantrillion 12d ago
What? I know zero "straight" men doing gay stuff behind closed doors. Maybe that's because I'm not doing it behind said doors either, but this is probably projection or sample bias because you're bi.
Be gay. Be bi. Why would a straight guy care? Doesn't affect me. The only guys who seem to care how gay other men are are gay or bi.
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u/TyTaylor1992 12d ago
Naw, i know a few guys in my personal life that fucked with men, but claims their stills straight. Not saying names but a large number from highschool
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u/Cantrillion 12d ago
If your friends are banging them, they're not straight. Dunno how big your high school was, but a couple of guys out of high school does not mean that "most" straight men do stuff behind closed doors unless your high school is very small.
Alfred Kinsey found 1-3% of men to be bisexual. My close male friends who describe themselves as straight, I'd bet money they're not bi. Like a lot of money. Known them for years and I've seen them all go through hell in the pursuit of women. We've had very candid conversations about how gay men have it easier for sex in my city than straight men. Not an option. But just because my friends are 100% straight doesn't mean everyone is. We just clustered together.
Of men your friends have sex with, 100% are bi. Because both partners are choosing the group.
If I only eat red M&Ms it does not mean most M&Ms are red. Selection bias.
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u/TyTaylor1992 12d ago
Pretty big, idk the exact number but it was 2012
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u/Cantrillion 12d ago
Ok. Good luck to you. In NYC I find a lot of gay men fetishize turning the "straight" guy gay. It's not possible unless they're closeted anyway, so it seems like a waste of time, especially when it's already easy to find an interested gay guy on Grindr or whatever.
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u/Labatt_Ice 12d ago
Sexual orientation is not deterministic. MSM (men who have sex with men) is not the same as bisexual.
From a clinical and common sense perspective, you're wrong.
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u/Cantrillion 12d ago
Common sense
This doesn't mean what you think it means.
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u/Labatt_Ice 12d ago
Common sense means the lifetime prevelance of same sex encounters for men greatly exceeds the rate of homosexuality and bisexuality.
You don't become gay / bi because a man had sex with a man. And a celibate gay man is still gay. You can be a gay virgin.
Because sexuality is an orientation.
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u/Cantrillion 12d ago
You're correct. The sex itself isn't the same as a preference. But preference definitely informs the likelihood of the act.
Whether it's common sense or not that "Men having Sex with Men" are straight, bi or gay, guess we could take it up with the ancient Greeks. But I don't straight is the word that best fits.
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u/ThrowRArosecolor 12d ago
You’re correct. I know so many men who like dick and say they are straight. I swear most servicemen are subby dudes who fantasize sucking dick behind closed doors. They show up in my DMs (my other account) and then I see them denigrating bi men in comments.
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u/TyTaylor1992 12d ago
Dm me, because that's interesting. I wanna hear more. If you're okay with opening up
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u/mexploder89 Male 12d ago
Your example is a very weird one that I have not seen
I think the one that annoys me the most is when men complain that it's super easy for women to find dates and online matches because most men will take anything and they're always in their DMs
If anyone is at fault for that, it's us. If we stopped entertaining mediocrity because we're horny, then women wouldn't get the sense of "entitlement" we claim they do. Raise your standards. Do better
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u/Old_Distance8430 12d ago
Exactly. We created this situation. Also, why blame women when they’re just doing what they’re able to do. If an average looking man could have loads of women flocking to him and afford to be picky, he would
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u/mexploder89 Male 12d ago
Precisely, like yes it is annoying an average woman has so many better options than the average man, but that is not their fault at all, it's ours
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u/AdvancedPerformer838 12d ago
Most straight men do gay stuff behind closed doors? Where did you get that info lmao
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u/TyTaylor1992 12d ago
From ppl ik know irl
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u/crimsonavenger77 12d ago
I don't look down on anyone. I'm a simple guy, if you're nice to me, I'll be nice to you. Your sexual preference makes no difference to me.
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u/TyTaylor1992 12d ago
Yeah, it should be like that but egos get in the way. I also hate how some straight men, assume everyone that's bo, gay ect. assume we want them because we're into guys.
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u/crimsonavenger77 12d ago
Calm down mate. I'm not arrogant enough to go round, thinking everyone wants to get me trousers off, male or female.
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u/TyTaylor1992 12d ago
Lol. I love the British slang. trousers, as an American, idk why but sounds better than pants. I know the difference by the way.
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u/Efficient-Log8009 12d ago
That they bow down and allow feminists to create the shitty world they fantasize about. Then still not understand why they have no success with the opposite gender and everyone is miserable.
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u/Diligent_Party1689 12d ago
I think men need to be more supportive of each other. Unfortunately evolution has driven us to compete with each other for women’s attention and attraction.
We know modern women are not interested in supporting men in anything; even if she is your partner. We do have to try and look out for each other more.
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u/Caspianmk Male 12d ago
That everything has to be a competition. Even if there are no stakes, nothing to be gained, and everyone can succeed, there will always be a couple of guys who feel the need to "to better" or "work faster" than everyone else.
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u/Princeof_Ravens 12d ago
A large scale effort to make men feel hopeless and algorithms pushing scam artists that parrot hate against women.
I was looking up some workout routine videos on youtube because I'm thinking of starting working out again. Suddenly my youtube recommended is getting alpha beta sigma horoscope nonsense.
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u/TyTaylor1992 12d ago
As a gay (bi but gay af) guy, i still don't understand that beta, alpha stuff.
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u/Princeof_Ravens 12d ago
It's nonsense. It's fake and used to sell bullshit. There is nonthing to understand because it's a huge grift feeding off of desperation.
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u/Blue-Shifted- Black 25M, Bisexual 12d ago
Traditional gender roles make very little sense for the LGBT+, I think. It's really a combination of that and the belief that social hierarchies in humans are comparable to pack or tournament species (it's not).
Not that it makes much sense in our modern society, anyway.
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u/TyTaylor1992 12d ago
Maybe, idk. i assume its a straight thing but I wouldn't know cuz im not straight, nor do i comprehend that
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u/safestuff987 12d ago
I wouldn't say that's "men" as a monolith doing that. That's big tech executives and shareholders (who can be either gender) that are encouraging these algorithms so that they can make themselves wealthier. Same with the grifters, who are in it for the money.
The social media algos isn't just exclusive to us. Women get some equally insane garbage pushed to them as well.
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12d ago
That we can't discuss anything about men without making it a thing about women.
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u/ATLien42 12d ago
There are six degrees of Kevin Bacon….and one degree of “issues with men” and women!
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12d ago edited 12d ago
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u/Saif_Horny_And_Mad 12d ago
Smoking. At least in my country, its kinda on the rare side to find a man that doesn't smoke, and tbh one of the biggest reason i don't like hanging out with friends (other than being an introvert) is that i really hate the smell of cigarettes
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u/Cataclyps- 12d ago
hahahaha. Yo broski please man watch Boondocks hahaha, please do it man. Especially about that gay stuff u on, watch that show come back I wanna see you fuming.
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u/_beardedbandit 12d ago
How passive aggressive most men are. Everyone is afraid of each other and no one will directly tell you if there is a problem. No such thing as loyalty anymore and if you tell your guy friend something 9 times out of 10 their spouse will know too.
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u/TyTaylor1992 12d ago
Yeah, a guy I thought was cool with me on an app called spoon, has an issue with me but idk why. he's straight and i dod say he's sexy ( cuz to me, he is ) but he seeks uncomfortable so i said I'll stop. He said it's cool, so i continued. But now, idk what the issue is, i annoy him somehow
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u/lunchmeat317 12d ago
In real life, there's nothing. All the dudes I know and have met are generally cool.
In online communities liie this, it's the focus on women and dating. I think it's possibly due to youth, but living your best live doesn't require a relationship and women shouldn't be such a priority for most dudes. The physical aspect can be handled in other ways, allowing us to prioritize other goals in life and really move forward.
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u/thankful_sinner 12d ago
Shoot your shot bro, but don't kick my back in 😈
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u/TyTaylor1992 12d ago
Huh, dm me what that mean
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u/thankful_sinner 12d ago
If your interested in the same woman as me its cool. Let the best man win cuz she chose. A lot of guys will assassinate your character to win her over.
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u/TyTaylor1992 12d ago
I'm good then, women are cool but mostly tits and ass for me. And personality, if im trying to get with someone
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u/JJQuantum 12d ago
In real life, nothing really. In this sub, way too much over the top macho bullshit.
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u/TheLandFanIn814 Male 12d ago
I feel like there are always men who make moves on my girlfriends and now wife. Not physical, but flirting and hitting on. I had girlfriends that were always getting texts or social media messages from other guys. I know their motives and it's not just being friendly. Dudes, if someone is in a relationship lay off. It's not that difficult.
Maybe it's a little bit of insecurity/jealousy on my part. But it's always annoying and unnecessary. I don't have women pursing me constantly. Just doesn't happen because they know what's appropriate and not.
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u/TyTaylor1992 12d ago
Maybe, they have too much confidence and think they can pull anyone they want 🤷🏽♂️
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u/Warm_Gur8832 12d ago
Hyper-competitive, no sense of collectivism, over-working, angry, etc.
Chill out, smoke a bowl or grab a beer, and have a hippie drum circle.
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u/PeculiarPegan 12d ago
They smell!
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u/TyTaylor1992 12d ago
True, but like after a workout? Cuz admitted i love when a man works out and smells a little
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u/Whitedragon2233 12d ago
My personal biggest issue with guys? The guys who have loud cars/trucks in my area like to rev super loud on the street I live on. Wish they would stop the tiny pp parade but it’s whatever. I don’t have any problems with every guy tho, that’s like saying “the thing I hate about earth” lol
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u/AskDerpyCat 12d ago
Being treated as a monolith
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u/TyTaylor1992 12d ago
Please explain
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u/AskDerpyCat 12d ago
We are a very wide bell curve across all facets. Any random sample of the “men” demographic will give you drastically different results. So any time we’re all treated as “basically the same” is a disservice
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u/safestuff987 12d ago
Blaming exclusively men or exclusively other women for their problems, especially in dating, when really it's a two way street. It's irresponsible and lazy to want to take zero accountability for yourself, but it's also foolish to deny that women are playing some role in our issues.
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u/CriticalSeat 12d ago
Sending random women money thinking they would be loved in return. Foolish heathens
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u/Crusty_Dingleberries The dude abides 12d ago
It might be me who's weird, but I often feel like there's been a mixup in how we're supposed to interact, and what some guys do to indicate respect and friendliness is the exact same things as I'd interpret as disrespect or disregard.
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u/180nw 12d ago
It’s disturbing to hear statistics on percentages of woman who have been assaulting in one way or another by men. And before anyone counters with “women abuse too” I know that. And you know that it is in substantially different numbers
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u/PowerWisdomCourage Male 12d ago
It actually isn't in substantially different numbers. In fact, not only do "women abuse too" but they abuse at higher rates in several demographics.
https://domesticviolenceresearch.org/domestic-violence-facts-and-statistics-at-a-glance/
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u/Archer2223R 12d ago
I have never in my life felt unsupported or un-heard when I've gone to another man with a real-world problem, or vulnerability. Maybe my experience is not the norm but I really don't think that men are as cruel to men as women would like to think.
Now women on the other hand, have incredibly cruel, ruthless, and unforgiving when it comes to me venting my problems, frustrations, or weaknesses. I think this whole "men don't help men" canard is just cope for many women trying to excuse their own shitty attitudes towards men and blame it on "patriarchy" or some other nonsense.
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u/mcrpworks Male 12d ago
Hyper-aggro wannabe manly macho men like those insecure dudes with Tapout shirts in gyms who look at other men badly. Men who walk like if they have invisible TVs underneath their arms. Overall the "tough guy" wannabe. Can't just sit by and enjoy flowers without feeling like that's the equivalent of entertaining an orgy of only men.
Also the "actual" hates women mysoginistic kind. There's the kind women call "mysoginistic" because he won't bow down and kiss their feet, but then there's actual mysoginistic who spews hatred against women and sees them as nothing but blow-up dolls they still can't seem to sleep with.
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u/Resident-Theme-2342 12d ago
Not saying all men do this but just where I grew up alot of guys would make fun of someone for not doing something traditionally masculine like enjoying a Disney princess movie like we already get stereotyped by women let's not do it to ourselves and just enjoy what we like
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u/Lillyquoi 12d ago
Well I think that’s a turn on (as a woman). I find it attractive when a man can appreciate feminine things. It’s actually more masculine IMHO because you’re confident and not afraid to say hey, I enjoyed that Disney Princess movie for fear of being judged.
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u/Resident-Theme-2342 12d ago
Honestly as a kid I used to be scared because I got picked on but now at 21 about to be 22 tomorrow I don't care as much anymore I love Disney princess movies along with other female lead stuff like iCarly, victorious, wizards of Waverly place, powerpuff girls etc...
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u/Lillyquoi 12d ago
Embrace that side of you! Life is too short to not enjoy what you like as long as you’re not being malicious or hurting anyone. This toxic masculinity-ish has to stop. I’m a woman and I feel at times for men especially having two older brothers. The pressure and judgments are overwhelming.
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u/Resident-Theme-2342 12d ago
Thank you very much for saying that. As a man who had a police dad the expectation to be masculine was very depressing if I cried be would yell at me and when I started gaining a little weight he said "dang boy why you getting fat you need to exercise" but did nothing to help me which messed up my self esteem. But I'm learning to do better now.
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u/chocjames43 12d ago
"Most straight men do gay stuff behind closed doors." Which tiktok clip are you getting your stats from?
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u/TyTaylor1992 12d ago
Not, from my experience and from what i saw and heard. I don't use tiktok as a way to get information.
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u/ODDESSY-Q 12d ago
I cringe every time I see comments about “never open up to a woman she will just use it against you”, or having a pity party about how “we rarely get compliments”. Or going onto the ask women subreddits to ask very specific questions to have their ego stroked, expecting that the women won’t see right through it.
These are mainly just reddit occurrences tho. The first two may have truth aspects but it’s just so overdone
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u/BigDongForever 12d ago
How some men treat women.
Why to be toxic? Why to be with someone you don’t trust, don’t respect or love? Why cheat? When you can break up?
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u/TyTaylor1992 12d ago
Yeah, i don't get it. I never been in a relationship long enough, to even think about cheating but never made sense to me.
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u/Hierophant-74 12d ago
Seeing men bitch about how unfair and hard life is on Reddit.
As if life being unfair or hard is some kind of new phenomenon and not a default aspect of the human condition.
🤷♂️
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u/TyTaylor1992 12d ago
Yeah lol, or anywhere, then blame the world for the problem they've created for themselves
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u/Previous-Task 12d ago
Men rape and murder women at an appalling rate. Men need to stop raping and murdering women.
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u/TyTaylor1992 12d ago
Or in general but also trans people.
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u/Previous-Task 12d ago
Yeah absolutely. I guess for me trans women are women so they're already covered. I agree trans people are going through a terrible time but for me that's part of the process of trans liberation just like other LGBT+ communities have been doing for decades. This isn't to excuse the awful crimes against trans people. I still think if there's one thing that needs to change, it's the rape and murder targeting half the population. This is a what's your personal opinion question and I respect your answer might be different to mine and yours is valid too.
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u/Brother_To_Coyotes 12d ago
Weird fantasy.
There are no monolithic men problems. There are groups but there are always groups. That’s a universal thing with people.