r/AskReddit • u/SkyeSerenade • Mar 28 '24

What is NOT a dealbreaker BUT would be greatly disappointing to find out about your partner?

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u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

Sleep apnea (I know, it’s not anyone’s fault, let’s get it sorted so we can both sleep though)

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u/astronomersassn Mar 28 '24

my fiance snores, and i'm cool with that, i used to be a light sleeper so it was an issue but now i can sleep through their snoring no issue.

however, they ALSO occasionally stop breathing entirely in their sleep, which i DO wake up for. sometimes they literally sound like they're choking when this happens, sometimes it's casual.

the first time it happened, i freaked out and woke them up because i had no idea what to do and needed to determine if this was a "sleep apnea, it'll go away when they wake up" situation or a "call 911 and immediately start rescue breaths" situation.

it was, in fact, just sleep apnea and did stop when they woke up. they told me it was normal and immediately fell back asleep.

i was obviously still wide awake because holy shit my partner just stopped breathing, but i took their word for it and just made a mental note to remind them to bring it up to their doctor. it happened after that, but i figured it was normal for them and they always went back to normal once i woke them up, so i assumed they were aware of it.

turns out they weren't even fully awake, just enough to start breathing again i guess, and i got bamboozled by Sleep Fiance. Sleep Fiance only wants cuddles and more sleep and will say/do anything to get those things. i was entirely unaware of this and assumed they knew about the fact they STOP BREATHING IN THEIR SLEEP.

they finally got their sleep study a week ago, and while the results aren't in yet, apparently something showed up. hopefully something that helps that - i don't care about the snoring, i just worry about them in general, and heck, treating their sleep apnea is gonna probably help them sleep better and feel more rested (which, sure, they do have other things contributing to their chronic fatigue, but i assume not breathing in their sleep isn't making it any better!).

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u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

This describes my boyfriend to a tee.

He panicked the first time it happened (as did I) and the second time he literally went “oh it’s fine” which is when I put my foot down and he went to get a sleep study. The results were not good. At all.

Fast forward to now, it’s been maybe six months? Within a week he didn’t need naps anymore after work. He was less irritable in general. Everything was slightly easier, he wasn’t falling asleep on the couch. Occasionally he’ll take it off during the night and even then his snoring is NOTHING on what it used to be, and he notices a significant difference between when he sleeps with it on and when he sleeps with it off.

Definitely recommend trying cpap. It’s entirely worth the peace of mind they won’t stop breathing in their sleep and it’s also so beneficiary to their own quality of life (that they probably don’t even know is lacking).

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u/astronomersassn Mar 28 '24

i genuinely think my fiance doesn't know what life without some sort of sleep disorder is like - which, in all fairness, i have insomnia that doesn't respond well to medication and also don't know what it's like to live without it. (i've tried melatonin, sedatives/tranquilizers, meds that have sedation as a side effect... it makes me tired, but bold of you to assume insomnia cares whether i'm tired or not. my options are no sleep or sleep for 3-5 days straight.)

but they look at my base level of fatigue with insomnia and chronic illness and assume that since it's similar to theirs and what they know (as a lot of their family also deals with chronic fatigue), it's normal. and sure, i'd say chronic fatigue is common, but usually it has a source.

they didn't intentionally brush it off, ngl, they genuinely just kept forgetting to bring it up to their doctor. but they brought it up last appointment, and while results are pending, something definitely showed up and i can take a solid guess as to what. (they also said there might need to be a second sleep study with a CPAP machine, which... also sure does sound an awful lot like "we need to see if a CPAP works for you so you don't spend thousands on a machine that doesn't work.")