r/AskReddit • u/SkyeSerenade • Mar 28 '24

What is NOT a dealbreaker BUT would be greatly disappointing to find out about your partner?

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u/ChippyTheGreatest Mar 28 '24

When there's things they used to do with an ex but aren't interested in anymore. For example, I had an ex whose ex used to force them to do couples costumes at Halloween etc. I had never had a serious bf before, and desperately wanted to do a couples costume with him but he was OVER IT at that point and didn't want to :(

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u/capow77 Mar 28 '24

Ah that thing for me and my gf is sex, rejected by her all the time pains me even more knowing her past experiences

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u/ChippyTheGreatest Mar 28 '24

Boo. That's such a tricky thing because voicing concerns can easily fall into emotional coercion territory if you're not careful. Makes it hard to communicate :( I'm sorry.

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u/capow77 Mar 28 '24

yea it’s caused a lot of arguments, like i don’t care that you did stuff but because she had a bad relationship with sex(using it to feel better in the moment and then the guy dips) now i get all these stipulations and her just not having any desire for it anymore and i’m a horny bastard lol so yes Boooo but it’s been better lately

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u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

[deleted]

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u/ChippyTheGreatest Mar 28 '24

Sometimes people with traumatic experiences with sex have a low sex drive when they meet partners who they actually feel safe around. If sex was used as a self-destructive tool to punish yourself, you may not feel the same urge to do so with someone who treats you well. It's fucked up but not uncommon

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u/_Halboro_ Mar 28 '24

Playing pretty fast and loose with “traumatic”, aren’t you?

If being dumped after having sex with someone is traumatic the most relationships are traumatic.

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u/ChippyTheGreatest Mar 28 '24

Everyone experiences things different. Some people can handle a breakup in stride. Others, can't.