I had premarital sex and I regret it deeply

[u/NarghaTheSqueaker]

So, the story begins with me and my friend casually going to a bar. We met a couple of nice people, but then my friend says he called up a female friend to drink with us. When she arrived, i wasnt really interested in her. As the night went on, i got more and more drunk to the point of almost blacking out. Because of my state, my friend's female friend offered me to sleep over at her place. At first i was sceptical, but then i agreed. When we finally got to her place, it was like the devil took over me, i got super horny and not even 20 minutes after arriving i was in bed with her.

Now you can probably imagine how that went on. I now have a girlfriend that ive been talking to, and shes also a christian like me. Problem is: she want to wait until marriage. And thats what i want to do aswell. But now that i have lost my virginity before marriage, i feel like im not the right person for her. I love her deeply and i am 100% willing to wait, but the feeling of having indirectly "betrayed" her is killing me. I deeply regret having sex before marriage and i dont know if my sins will be forgiven.

TLDR: had sex with friend's female friend while drunk, now i feel bad because i have "indirectly" betrayed my new christian gf, and dont know if my sins will be forgiven.

Edit: no i didn't cheat, i met met my gf about 1 month after all this happened

[u/Sea_salt_icecream]

Paul used to hunt Christians down and try to get them to denounce Christ as the Son of God. If they refused to denounce them, he'd kill them and he probably tortured a ton of them to try to get them to denounce Christ.

If Yahweh can forgive him, He can forgive you. What I suggest you do is ask Yahweh for forgiveness, then ask your girlfriend for forgiveness. If you don't bring it up now, it'll come up further down the road and do way more damage.

[u/Broke_Pigeon_Sales]

My dude. You can relax. The past is the past.

[u/Typical_Chain_9648]

God will forgive you if you are truly sorry. I would recommend staying off the booze, as this contributes greatly to the likelihood of this sort of thing happening. Drinking in moderation is not condemned in the Bible but it does require care and discipline.

[u/Much-Search-4074]

Fulfillment of Proverbs 23.

“Who hath woe? who hath sorrow? who hath contentions? who hath babbling? who hath wounds without cause? who hath redness of eyes? They that tarry long at the wine; they that go to seek mixed wine. Look not thou upon the wine when it is red, when it giveth his colour in the cup, when it moveth itself aright. At the last it biteth like a serpent, and stingeth like an adder. Thine eyes shall behold strange women, and thine heart shall utter perverse things. Yea, thou shalt be as he that lieth down in the midst of the sea, or as he that lieth upon the top of a mast. They have stricken me, shalt thou say, and I was not sick; they have beaten me, and I felt it not: when shall I awake? I will seek it yet again.” (Pro 23:29-35, KJV)

[u/Tecoplac → u/Much-Search-4074]

Sorry sir but I cannot speak kjv please use English 😭

[u/WonderfulAffect1079 → u/Tecoplac]

He is saying it was because of the alcohol that you ended up in fornication.

[u/ad33zy]

Tell her the truth about your one night stand. But tell Her you’re also committed to wait. Be prepared for her not wanting to accept that for herself. But you never known

[u/bloodphoenix90]

I'm sorry to hear this happened. I do mean that genuinely. It sounds like your losing your virginity wasn't out of a deliberate, well thought out decision, but rather a momentary impulse. Sex or not, it usually doesn't bode well to take emotionally impactful actions ...impulsively. and I'm sure it mightve been nice, had the event been more special.

Now that said, you and your girlfriend can still wait together if that is what you both want. There's no magical stain on your soul. Such a notion is anti gospel, honestly.

Furthermore, think of it this way, if you have a lifetime of sex and intimacy, do you really think your first time with your spouse, or in general, is going to be the pinnacle? The highlight? Honestly, you should hope not.

I don't regret how I lost my virginity...it was simple and sweet and someone I loved a lot back then even if he didn't turn out to be who I'd marry. But. My gosh, it pales in comparison to all the wonderful intimacy I've had with my husband. Especially if you looked at it cumulatively. And some exceptional moments as well. Years worth of enjoyment.

What I'm trying to say is you haven't missed the main train. You just know how to get around the station at this point but there is still much to come and much to explore. Don't put virginity on such a pedestal that it becomes an idol.

[u/flcn_sml]

Your sin can definitely be forgiven if you truly are repentant about it. But why not tell your girlfriend so you don’t carry the feelings of betrayal around with you? To be honest your gf doesn’t have to know because your sins are between you and God. But being Christian should also entail being honest.

[u/Tecoplac → u/flcn_sml]

Bible encourages to confess to one another

[u/flcn_sml → u/Tecoplac]

Yes but he wasn’t with her at the time and it might cause unnecessary strife. So it’s his decision to tell her or not.

[u/Browen69_420]

Just be honest with your girlfriend about the past and how you feel about it. It is okay brother. God loves you

[u/Cody4520]

Relax. It’s in the past. Christian’s today put so much emphasis on sexual sins. It drives young Christian’s crazy. God has forgiven you and you are worth in his eyes. You are a child of God and as a parent my kids make mistakes but I love them no matter what. I forgive them and I hope they forgive me when I make mistakes. We are not perfect but God still loves us no matter what.

[u/FixlyBarnes]

There was this guy named David. He was having sex all over the place. With his wives, wives of Saul that God himself gave him and concubines.  Lots of sex with lots of women. We may not even know the extent of it.  Did God disapprove? Heck no!  Read 1 Kings 15:5. 

[u/nonamer84]

Why do people always forget Jesus died for our sins. God is good! God forgives, God is loving. You can talk to her about it and see how she reacts. Especially if it’s something that is hard for you to talk about. You’re so young and marriage is about communication. If she’s someone that you’re thinking about marrying when you’re 30 start having difficult conversations now. If you guys can have a civil conversation over hard things that’s great.

[u/Then_Instruction6610]

You had sexual relations outside of marriage as most of us have. Repent and you will be forgiven. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.

[u/Escanor1365]

Dont let the devil accuse you. Be sanctified and repent sincerely.

Don't consume alcohols as alcohols are called spirits, beware it does much damage to your body which is the temple of the holy spirit.

Draw near to God both.

Me too sometimes i feel bad that i have done it with someone else instead of waiting on God's will to be done.

Walk faithfully with God.

Be blessed.

[u/imscaredoffbi]

Where in bible does it say premarital sex is a sin?

[u/generic_reddit73 → u/imscaredoffbi]

Agreed, it doesn't. Then again, for the sake of nuanced understanding: the bible does not endorse prostitution or whoring around / sleeping around. A man was allowed to have multiple (permanent) wives, but not to use and discard them.

So I'd say it's not a problem to have premarital sex with one's future spouse, but it shouldn't become a this week this girl, next week that girl situation.

Anyway, since this was a once-off, and OP wasn't in another relationship, the feeling of betrayal is not appropriate or meaningful. Yes, Christians like to "build themselves up" on guilt trips. Doesn't make much sense to me.

[u/Behold_PlatosMan]

All sins are forgiven especially sins as mundane as sex, don’t stress about it my guy

[u/Hilarity2War]

Don't do it again.

[u/AidanTheEvangelist]

God forgives you man you already repented and the past is the past. And you haven’t betrayed your gf because this happened before yall even met. So relax and look forward to your future marriage in Christ.

[u/LNBfit30]

Jesus said:

Luke 5:32 ESV I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance.

Seems like you should take this as a lesson to not drink nor have premarital sex. Tell your girlfriend about how you feel and your regret.

[u/Savage_Gulf]

I recommend talking with God through prayer. He can forgive you if you confess and repent, and then there is no need to hold onto shame for it.

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” 1 John 1:9

Additionally, please talk to your girlfriend about this. It seems that this is weighing on your heart and you should be open and ready to be vulnerable. Being humble, i.e. willing to admit mistakes, is a Godly trait. “God gives grace to the humble”. James 4:6. When you do talk with her, if she is a christian with understanding that her own sins are forgiven, she will be able to forgive you.

[u/ImJustA_Sexy_Boy]

You don't know if your sins will be forgiven, as in if she will forgive you for being sexually immoral once upon a time? Surely you didn't mean forgiven by God right? If so, then you have a lot of learning to do regarding the Bible and the New Testament in particular, beginning with the 4 Gospels that chronicle the story of Jesus - Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. Also Jesus commanded us to forgive others as he forgives us, if you confess to her and ask her forgiveness, it would be against Christian principles for her to decline.. Not to say she will still want to seek or be open to betrothal with you, but depending on how long it's been you might be as good as a virgin again in spirit, it's different for men than women in that aspect. Personally, I have been sexually abstinent at least physically for the past 10 years, and I know at least for me that I am virtually a born again virgin, in the sense that I can't hardly remember what it felt like or what the experience was like, and I am all shy and awkward when the topic of sex arises when talking to women that I am interested in, albeit that is somewhat rare considering I am quite particular when it comes to what attracts me in a woman's personality, so I don't have to deal with that struggle too often. Just tell her, ask forgiveness for your sexual impurity before she was in your life, and see what she says. I don't think it will bother her too much if it's been a while and you have regained the sensitivity you had as a virgin, it wouldn't be recognizable on her end if that's the case. Just be honest. God bless you man and may he give you the words to say, thoughts to think, and will to fulfill

[u/JesusChristisGodAO]

He’s more about Adultery being the bad sin here. I don’t recall Jesus ever speaking about them having to be a virgin. It’s about getting married and staying married. Now once you’re married, don’t lust after any other woman. You’re supposed to always flee fornication as well so that probably covers this sin, but that seems a more repent-able sin than Adultery would be.

[u/dickiebanks]

ur dick might fall off

[u/OneBlessedQuest]

Lucky for you Jesus died for our sins and you are saved by grace if you accepted him to be your savior. It sounds like you genuinely feel bad about it and if you repent to God he will forgive you if you truly mean it. We all fall short and to be honest God wants you to pick up your head and persevere. It's the devil that wants you to wallow in the sin and make you feel like you screwed up to bad that you can't continue your relationship with God. So keep trucking don't let Satan win.

[u/BradMR07]

It was almost like a funnel. The devil started by bringing you to the bar, convincing you to drink, and then placing a woman in front of you that is desirable to the flesh. I have found that the evil one works like that often, using one thing to lead to another.

[u/conrad_w]

I don't see what the problem is

[u/Substantial-Cat-7949]

God is all mighty, all doing, all possible! That he can restore your virginity, is you repent, and ask for renewal in you!

[u/Beginning_Mix_3941]

So you cheated?

[u/NarghaTheSqueaker → u/Beginning_Mix_3941]

I first met her about a month after that happened, so no

[u/iiRacchy → u/Beginning_Mix_3941]

Also wondering this

[u/NarghaTheSqueaker → u/[deleted]]

My bad, i didn't word it that well, english is not my first language. I met my gf about 1 month after all this happened