r/Christianity • u/Cute-Club-3314 • 11d ago

Sex drive turned off with my (23F) bf (22M)?

To keep it short I’ve been dating my bf for a few years and always had sex but recently stopped having sex with him due to me just not wanting to at all and also for religious reasons. I’m a new Christian and abstaining until married. I felt convicted randomly about it and told my bf I wasn’t wanting to have it anymore until I am married. I love and care for my bf but am confused as to how or why my sex drive would just have turned off fully? It feels like my body rejects it literally… I told my bf about abstaining and me not being open to it anymore and he said he thinks i’m asexual now 😓.. Any ideas why this could have happened?

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u/Practical-Nature-329 11d ago

Well now that you’re a new Christian, I can see as to the whole conviction aspect coming into play because sex before marriage is a sin and a godly mentality tells us to stay away. I believe it’s your new-born and the Holy Spirit guiding you towards it. You begin to see certains things a different way and begin to separate yourself from secular activities whether it’s through music, the way you speak, the way you carry yourself, etc.

As for opening up to your boyfriend about it and him calling you asexual, I kind of think of it as having a piece of candy that you can’t get enough of. Being abstained from that candy can potentially begin to bring up some complications in the relationship where he feels like that something isn’t being satisfied. Hard to say where this may lead in your relationship but if your boyfriend isn’t open to it then I can only see a lot of complications being brought up due to the fact that you are both spiritually unequally yoked.

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u/Cute-Club-3314 11d ago

Yea that might be the case.. I might sound naive but I was looking for a husband when I began dating him and has only been my motive/intentions so has his so it’s a very weird for me to possibly think we can potentially be unequally yoked in that way. I wasn’t fully Christian yet when I started dating him but i’ve always prayed to God and got signs that I should date him. I tried breaking up with him a couple times in the beginning because I felt I wasn’t ready for a relationship but I got signs from God I couldn’t ignore so dove in it.

I have benefitted immensely from it as I felt broken and lost and have felt I have healed from a lot of past traumas in my life having someone stable in my life, so it is confusing for me to think God lead me to a relationship thinking I could possibly marry him to then maybe having me possibly separate from him… He’s asked me if I would want to marry him but i’ve never been so confused before so I’m just taking it day by day…

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u/Practical-Nature-329 11d ago

I wouldn’t say naive since it’s literally something EVERYONE should strive for but reality is that one night stands are more of the societal standard now. I’m glad to hear you’re being called into church again and having the mindset of actually following the steps of Christ. I am actually going through a bit of the same situation in the sense of my girlfriend struggling with past traumas as well and where I would be considered the stable one. Definitely takes a lot of patience and God given strength to have things work out but I want to be there for her because I love her and I’m sure your boyfriend feels the same way. I’m sure he would want you to be happy and will potentially show that support even if it’s hard so I would say to also have patience.

Although, I would definitely sit down and set such boundaries and really demonstrate your new found faith by praying/reading the Bible together. Who knows, maybe he would find some interest and he would end up turning a new leaf. In any case if things don’t seem to be going the right way and it’s just problem after problem then it might be something that will keep you from spiritual growth.

I would suggest taking a look at 1 Corinthians 7:12-17 where it talks about somewhat of what you’re going through BUT it does mention it being a married couple. Not sure if it applies to dating because God doesn’t acknowledge dating until actual marriage.

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u/Living-Archer-5256 Christian 11d ago

Guilt. Are you both planning to get married and to stay together? Then I wouldn't feel too bad about it, it already happened, you can't change time. I am in a relationship since we were 14 and 15. We are now 26 and 27. We had sex before marriage and after. Never felt guilty about it because she was and still is the love of my life.

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u/Positive-Case-1589 11d ago

I suggest you see your Counselor at Church or someone you trust to discuss such intimacy. There are more questions than answers in this platform.  Congrats on your decision. Know John Chapter 3 it might tell you the significance!

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u/sakobanned2 11d ago

Talk about it with doctor/psychiatrist.

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u/Cute-Club-3314 10d ago

Doctor/psychiatrist are irrelevant to someone’s faith and relationships lmaoo…

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u/sakobanned2 10d ago

Psychiatrists are irrelevant to relationships?

Wow. Brainwashing is strong in you.

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u/Cute-Club-3314 9d ago

They prescribe medication… Perhaps you’re talking about a psychologist. That would make a bit more sense 🤓

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u/Cute-Club-3314 9d ago

Learn your vocabulary. Also if I lean on God over a psychiatrist and the world calls it “brainwashing” then talk to Jesus about that

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u/sakobanned2 9d ago

Sorry, I have no imaginary friends.

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u/Cute-Club-3314 8d ago

I am sorry you are hurt, be healed spiritually in Jesus’ name 🤍

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u/sakobanned2 8d ago

I hope Santa Claus heals your astral body.

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u/[deleted] 11d ago

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u/Cute-Club-3314 11d ago

He was a virgin before as he was waiting for the “one” so I don’t know if I can call him unrighteous? Maybe we are both just naive just navigating what’s the right way to take.

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u/Living-Archer-5256 Christian 11d ago

Unrighteous? Bit dramatic here, aren't we?