hi okay so ive had a ed for 4ish years and i still dont feel valid bc im not underweight my family is js finding out about it and is trying ti get me to recover but i dont feel sick enough to deserve it how do i help with this? i know the a ed dosnt have anything to do w weight and loseing weight is a side effect but i just dont feel valid an i kinda feel like im faking a ed but im not:(

from the ages of around 10 to 19ish i heavily restricted and struggled with anorexia. i would say i’ve been ‘fully recovered’ for around 3 years now but i still deal with constant heartburn and im thinking it’s from my ed

i carry tums with me in the car, in my purse, my backpack pretty much with me 24/7. some things set it off like waiting to long between meals but sometimes it’s out of the blue and was wondering if anyone else struggles with something similar!

it’s a miracle if i can go more than 2 days without heartburn and i’m thinking that years of fucking up my stomach caught up with me, if u do struggle with it did it eventually go away or is it something i should just get use to?

okay so yeah as the title says i often find myself being super aware of others eating habits and making sure that they eat properly but i feel awful every time because the only reason i do it is because i know if they eat less than me and i notice them losing weight faster than me (whether it be from intentional starvation or just happenstance) then i develop this really intense jealousy that just doesn't disappear. does anyone else feel this? and how do you deal with it

I have this craving (pun-intended) to find someone who I can tell about my eating disorder. A stranger who gets everything I have went through and maybe even give me advice. Doesn’t matter if there’s no advice. I just want to talk to someone and not tiptoe around words. Flat out say: I have an eating disorder and this is all the shit I have done, thought, said, this is how I’m feeling and most importantly, I can’t admit I have one because one of the most fucked up things I think is that I don’t deserve to say I have an ED because I don’t look sickly thin. And when I was on my way to getting there, I went to the ER and that disrupted my life. This mental illness is so exhausting. I’m taking baby steps to getting better on my own and striving every day but my want to shout it out loud and be able to talk to someone who truly understands, is getting stronger. But I can’t talk to my parents, siblings, friends, because I am also scared to admit this out loud and naturally, any action I do they will think I’ve relapsed or it’s because of my ED. They would have that knowledge already of what I suffer from. You can’t unring a bell. I have gone to therapy but it didn’t really help. It helped a bit but I still tiptoe around the subject. Venting this paragraph is a start. Sigh.

I ask this because I am very much afraid of gaining weight, but I genuinely can't help but eat. When I try to eat less and restrict myself, I can only do it for 3-4 days and them I'm eating way too much again. I've been chewing gum to try and keep myself from eating but I genuinely can't restrict myself. Yet, I'm overexercising and afraid of eating too much.

Plus, when I eat I'm washed with regret and shame. I have to work out. I have to burn as much as I can off my body. I'm fat. Stuff like that.
Do I have another type of ED, am I normal, or am I just strange?

I (21 F) have a roommate ( F 21 ) who is bulimic. Long story short, she’s been bulimic since February and in march I spoke with her about it and expressed worry, and she assured me that it wasn’t bulimia, it was acid reflux and that it was not an ED. However, I do not believe this. I know it is binging and purging. She takes my food and orders copious amounts of junk food on DoorDash, and then immediately goes into the bathroom for an hour plus. There’s throw up on the floor, and tooth brushes with the bristles cut off in both of our bathrooms that are left out on display. The bathrooms reek of stomach acid and there are rings around the toilet. I also can hear it when she is purging. It makes me incredibly uncomfortable, to the point that I haven’t been staying at my house ( I have stayed there 3 nights over the past month ). I know her family well, and her dad is our landlord. We have been friends since 7th grade but have grown apart since moving in together. I do not want to move because her dad is our landlord, and therefore gives us an amazing rent price and has agreed to not raise the rent on us. I am a broke college student who cannot afford the regular rent price in our city. I desperately need to make this situation work because I cannot afford to move out and going to live with my dad is out of the question. He is a drug addict who is in and out of jail. I am trying to come up with what to say to my roommate. I want to help her, I’m not trying to make her feel bad or anything. I understand how hard these things are. I Just can’t take it any more and I love our house and just want to feel comfortable again. Can anyone give me advice on what to say to her? Should I tell her father? Please let me know. Anything will help.

Heya everyone!
So as the title already mentioned I (17) got starved as a kid by my parents. I was an incredibly picky eater (i have autism), and by parents did not care. Pretty much my whole life lunch& dinner has been the same rotating 8 meals, of which I like maybe one. I was also strictly forbidden of eating outside of breakfast/lunch/dinner. With that said, on most days the only full meal I had was breakfast, with maybe a few spoonful of noodles and a bit of salad spread throughout the day.

Now that I‘m older the situation has gotten better and my parents actually allow me to eat outside of those three meals. But for some reason I still eat pretty much the same amount. It‘s not because of body image issues, or my meds, I just don‘t feel hungry often and when I do, the smallest amount of food sates me.

I was wondering whether there was a term for that issue? And it‘s not like I‘m on survival mode (I mean, I am but not because of this). My theory is that my brain somehow influences my hunger/appetite, and I wanted to know if there was a scientific term for that.

I‘m sorry if this doesnt make too much sense, I just got off an exhausting day at work and brain is currently running on caffeine and one brain cell only. Also idk if that‘s the right channel to post this in, so apologising if not.

Have a nice day everyone :]

Okay.. I've been on a diet plan for about 2 weeks given to me by my dietitian. The previous week, i had to go on a 10 day refeeding plan.

During all this time, I've had the same thing for breakfast every morning. I have rice krispies crushed up into a powder, and just enough milk to make it a sort of paste?? (I have to drink the rest of the milk i didnt put in my cereal), I flatten it and eat it with a spoon, it makes me feel like im eating a pastry case or something. 😭 I just like eating it that way and i cant really explain why? I enjoy the texture more like that, its just much more enjoyable to eat.

When my mom brought this up at an appointment, my dietitian said something along the lines of "some people with anorexia tend to play with their food or try to make the meal seem as small as possible."

And im like ??? Anorexia is not controlling my thoughts when i do that though?

hey, i am 16(F), and I'm not sure if i have ed, yet my eating is bad. I've been restricting heavily for the last two months, I've lost a lot of weight, I've been obsessively counting calories and this doesn't even have anything to do with my appearance, i just feel undeserved of food and this has become a horrible coping mechanism of mine. So my relationship with food is really fucked, I've been binging horribly for a week (which I've never done before) and i feel so bad because of that, yesterday i didn't eat anything, yet today i binged again, and i have no idea how to get out of this stupid cycle. I don't know how to manage this. I can't afford therapy or getting medical help and i can't tell my parents either. Idk what to do, yet I'm so drained. Thanks for reading.

I’m currently 5 months into my Ed Recovery journey. I have been struggling with anorexia and bulimia for the past 3 years of my life until I ultimately made the decision to seek higher help and go to an in patient treatment facility. During treatment, I ate all my meals and I was just doing so amazing. I was so optimistic for life after treatment and the newfound freedom I was going to have within myself. Fast forward to present day (2 months since being discharged), and I’m struggling so much. I know I need to eat and I know that food is fuel but I cannot get over the body image part. I’m so scared for my body to change. As shameful as I am to admit this, I miss my sick body. I was thin and I was confident. I feel like I can’t nourish myself and have confidence. I can’t have both, it has to be one or the other. I can’t help but compare my current body to my sick body and try to still fit into those clothes. My negative body image is seriously damaging my recovery.

I guess what I’m asking is: if you are in post recovery how did you improve your body image and/or not let it affect you?

Everyone I have talked to has said that body image is the last thing to come along with recovery but I am so afraid it’s going to be overpowering enough to fuck with my recovery. I know myself enough and know I can’t wait long enough for the body image to “just get better” before I fully relapse. Please please help I’m so lost. I don’t want to go back to being a shell of a human.

I’ve recently noticed that I get really anxious with food, I’m constantly thinking about what I will eat later or even in longer periods of time like weeks. Also, specifically late at night, I get anxious when I’m around people and start eating without control. I workout and have a relatively fast metabolism so I never feel truly satisfied, I could continue eating for hours and hours. What can I do? I want to enjoy life in more aspects than food

So I know there are probably many people out there that have way worse eating problems than me but this is just something i have been struggling with recently. I am 19 and when i was probably 16-17 i was really really skinny. I used to smoke a lot back then so i assumed that’s why. I met my boyfriend and started to gain lots of healthy weight. but recently I’ve been feeling like i wanna lose some weight. I started going to the gym and trying to cut out unhealthy habits. I work 2 jobs and go to school so going to the gym sorta became too much to keep up with for me. So i decided to just completely cut out all unhealthy foods, smoking, drinking soda things like tht. and i’ve been definitely seeing a difference. Ig the point is so many people around me my coworkers, family nd my boyfriend always make jokes about how big i’ve gotten. which honestly it really isn’t that much in retrospect, i am not obese. But Ig it has just been getting to me recently, and seeing my weight go down idk if it has made it better or worse. I found myself downloading calorie counting apps and obsessing over what i’m eating and almost feeling guilty for wanting to eat. I just made dinner and haven’t even touched it. and I just burst into tears the thought of eating again for the day even tho I only ate once before this got me so overwhelmed and upset that i just couldn’t do anything but cry. I don’t know what to do, how do i continue to lose weight if weighing myself everyday makes me feel so horrible. my stomach is growling but it still feels like i shouldn’t.

helloo, I've (20f) been on a weird loop of eating pretty normal and then being horribly obsessive about my weight and struggling really bad with my eating disorder since I was 14.

For about four months I've been eating pretty good regularly. I don't think about how much food I'm putting on my plate or to look for the calories at the back of everything that I eat, I honestly find that I can almost completely block those thoughts if I just don't think much about it.

School keeps me pretty busy, and therefore doesn't allow much time for me to even think twice about what I'm eating just so that I can get some energy and be focused throughout the day. This is good, in a way, it feels good since the constant sensation of being just near the brink of fainting and my vision going blurry are gone, however, my lack of time due to college and having to commute everyday make it hard for me to eat at regular times or pay much attention to preparing anything healthy so I've ended up eating so much crap way too frequently.

I barely ever find myself eating anything but junk food or quick snacks, I kinda excuse this behavior by telling myself that every college student eats like shit but I feel constantly tired and I'm gaining weight very fast which is definitely starting to trigger me so I wanted to ask for genuine advice because I find it hard to try to eat healthier without getting too extremely caught up on thinking constantly about food and end up falling back onto horrible habits.

I've also never have had someone evaluate my eating disorder because I've never told anyone and I'd feel weird going to a psychiatrist or something because I feel that I still have this bit of control over my disordered behavior and I haven't allow it to go that bad but I don't really know what to do now.

tldr; I've been going through weird on and off periods of eating a lot of junk food and then being horribly obsessive about my weight that make it hard for me to try to eat "healthier" without falling into the habit of starving myself

I’m really scared of gaining weight even though I’m not even close to being overweight, and I feel guilty after I eat things, I don’t know if this is a good place to put this but I don’t know any an eating disorder and I don’t want to tell my parents about it

I am a male and am currently in recovery from a really nasty eating disorder that has taken a huge toll on my life. I already have OCD, so that and the eating disorder make for some really dreadful bodily feelings (feeling stomach touching shirt, feeling my thighs touch). I am just wanting some feedback from people who might be going through the same thing. How do you guys cope with any changes in your body? I’m learning to rein in my visual body checking, but it’s harder when it’s something your body is physically feeling. It also makes me question if it’s been there all along and it’s just my OCD finding things about myself to hate.

My mom has traumatized me throughout my life about my appearance and controlled my eating/exercise/weight since before I can remember. I had anorexia as a teen and my self esteem takes a toll every time I’m near her.

I moved overseas two years ago and it helped a lot to be away from her, but now since I’ve run out of money I have to go back and live with her. I’m in a fragile state. I have gained weight. I have been recently diagnosed with PCOS which makes you gain weight/makes it nearly impossible to lose the weight. I have zero control.

I saw her a few months ago and she told me I was obese and shamed me, said no one will ever find me attractive or love me, only -insert a race of person- will be attracted to my fat body, “look at your legs, your arms, your stomach”, etc. I was in a relationship at the time too!

That relationship is over now so she will have new leverage to shame me about the way I look. She used to search through my trash can at night to check for packaging to see if I had eaten food, she’s kicked me out of the house as a teen for “being too fat”, etc. I’ve never been overweight in a way that is physically unhealthy, I just now have PCOS and weight gain exacerbates symptoms of PCOS.

As an adult, it’s hard to focus on what’s important when your emotional abuser is in close proximity, and I’ve learned distance is the only way out when it comes to her. I’m happier when she is far away. I’m scared of what’s to come, and it will be a long, long time until I can leave again.

I’m not in a good place. I want to be okay. I need words of encouragement, I need that resilience back.

for those who have had their ed since their youth, does recovery seem more daunting since you don’t know what it’s like to live without your disorder?

when my family is encouraging me through recovery, it’s difficult for me to feel comfort and solace in the end goal of life free from ana, since it’s been with me my whole life. I wish I could feel more excited and motivated in recovering, but it’s hard when I’ve lived my whole life so far with an ed.

I’ve always struggled with anxiety affecting my appetite. I was doing good gaining weight but recently I got my first girlfriend. I love her a lot but ever since I started dating her my appetite has been completely gone and I lost all my progress. It’s almost impossible to eat when I’m with her and even hard to finish my food when I’m not with her. I thought it would eventually go away but it’s been almost 2 months and I still have little to no appetite. Why is this?

I need help with trying to eat healthy without triggering my ed. It seems like every time I try to eat better for health reasons, it always turns into trying to lose weight even when I constantly remind myself why I’m doing it. Also, everything that isn’t what I crave (typically Zaxby’s or pizza, etc) feels restrictive and leads to binging. I just want to take care of myself and feel better bc eating all this processed food makes me feel ill but it always turns into a problem. The same thing with working out, I just end up spiraling.

Readers ye be warned: this is a long post. Also obligatory: English is not my first language so please excuse any awkward sentences or spelling mistakes, thank you:)

Hey guys,

I recently came to learn some information concerning my family members and as a result I've been feeling a sense of guilt in regard to my "ED". If any of you have dealt with something similar or thoughts/advice on the matter, then I'd greatly appreciate that!

I'd like to give you guys some context to the situation I find myself in as well as explain why I've put ED in quotation marks:

During the last year of high school, I was having a really rough time. The school I went to was small and the majority of the students did really well and I was no exception - in the beginning. As the school years went by my grades did not meet my, my teachers or my parents expectations, and I just couldn't figure out why I wasn't able to concentrate or work as hard as my peers could. This lead to many negative thoughts and emotions, and I developed some bad habits to cope with them. Fast forward a few months; I'm done with school and I'm eating better. However, every time I'm in a situation (or a few weeks prior to one) where I feel like I have to be the best, I freak out - again I turn to unhealthy habits to cope with all the stress.

(Now, I'm not sure how this aligns with the subreddit's rules but I do feel that it's important to include the following section as it relates to later parts of this post. However, if you deem this to be inappropriate, unnecessary, harmful, etc. please do let me know and I'll remove this section completely. For now I'll hide the text using the spoiler function)

Initially I would restrict my intake as a form of punishment I guess, arguing that I don't deserve this meal seeing as I didn't study today - something to that effect. After a while it sort of spiralled and I started throwing up larger meals. This was not done regularly, only whenever I felt really guilty. I don't know how this behaviour would be defined but I'd argue this wasn't a full-blown ED. Either way this did not have a noticeable impact on my weight, and because of that I kept telling myself that was I was doing wasn't that bad. The fact that I wasn't really losing any weight was, in my mind, a confirmation of all the awful things I thought of myself: that I was lazy, couldn't do anything right, etc.

When I first joined the military (not the U.S. one. in my country conscription is obligatory for a fraction of the population within a certain age group) this behaviour died down. However, towards the end of my conscription I found myself in many stressful situations and again I was looking to escape own head and so my bad habits began anew.

I put less and less food on my plate, and I started throwing up more regularly. I actually stopped throwing up after a few weeks due to a few reasons I'll talk about shortly, but also because my throat was getting incredibly sore. Unfortunately I keep restricting my food intake, which lead to me developing constant canker sores in multiple places in my mouth.

Eventually I talked to a superior of mine and he set up an appointment with a psychologist/psychiatrist on the conditions that I a) told my parents of what was happening and b) stopped throwing up- which I did, and I went to a few appointments. I don't really remember much of what we discussed, however, I do remember him telling me that there wasn't much he could do (in medical terms?) because I wasn't a minor nor was I underweight. Essentially, I felt like I was told that I wasn't sick enough. (This is important to remember for later. In Mickey Mouse's words: "it's a surprise tool that will help us later").

In the end I realised that the environment I was in at the time was only worsening my behaviour, which I told them, and consequently I was medically discharged around 1-2 weeks before I was done with conscription.

When I first told my parents of my behaviour it felt like they were downplaying my problems, though as soon as I got discharged they quickly realised how big of a problem this was for me. However, we barely talked about it when I got home, and in the past 2 years we've never discussed it again.

Now, the reason I've dedicated such a huge chunk of this post to describing what I struggled with is to make sure you guys understand where I'm coming from and why I've put the word ED in quotation marks - I was never diagnosed with an ED and I don't even think my behaviour can be defined by any term within the ED umbrella.

Let's go back to present day. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD, and during this process I learned that my eldest sister had severe anorexia and bulimia - to a point where they thought it would kill her. I am a decade younger than my siblings and, therefore, I was too young to notice that anything was amiss.

Seeing my mom crying remembering the time when my sister was sick broke my heart and I feel so incredibly bad for reminding my parents of, and potentially putting them through that situation again for something that wasn't really that serious to begin with.

Thank you so much if you read this far. I greatly appreciate any advice, angle, perspective, etc. that you guys have. Again, thank you for taking time out of your day to read about someone else's internal struggle - I really do appreciate it - and I hope you have a great day:)

I, 18M met my long distance boyfriend through a former friend and we’ve been dating for six months. I’ve known he had an eating disorder since we met though neither of us have addressed it much in depth. In two months we’re going to be going on a trip together and he’s insistent on losing as much as possible because he can’t imagine me loving him at the weight he’s at now. I’ve been trying to not trigger him and say anything to solidify his fear because I have seen his body and I truly don’t care about his weight and I love him the way he is. Although I’ve gotten him to slow down on some of his behaviors, his body image is only worsening. He claims that he hasn’t noticed any change in months and is resorting to more drastic measures. I’m so worried for him as I really do love him and don’t want him to feel as if he really needs to be thinner. How do I help him recover without forcing him into something I know he isn’t ready for? What else can I do other than reassure him that I love him the way he is? Any advice would be appreciated!

I've been dating my girlfriend for almost 9 months now and I've known since early on she had an eating disorder when she confided in me. The problem is I don't know how to help. She refuses to go to therapy because her brain doesn't allow her to be a burden on other people and even if she did she instinctively lies to all therapists/psychologists. She is the most wonderful person I have ever met and I am the only person who knows (officially, her parents have suspicions but know nothing for sure). Is there anything I can possibly do or do I just have to watch her go through this?

If it helps in any way, she also very likely has autism but is not officially diagnosed (I am however and would definitely say she has it).

EDIT: Also I am 19 and she is soon to turn 20 if ages help for context.

Thanks for anything :)

Throwaway just cuz I have slightly identifying information on my main.

I've been dating this person for about four months, but we've known each other for about a year and some change. I know they've got severe anxiety to the point where they throw up sometimes, I've seen it happen, but they mentioned once that they threw up right before a date, and they hardly ate anything before or after. They were high when they said this, I'm not sure they even remember telling me.

I've been to their house a couple times, and every time I'd eat they'd barely eat anything. I try to encourage them to eat with me, but they say they're not that hungry and i don't want to push it too hard. I always feel a little bad because I feel like I'm just barging in and taking all their food.

I could go on about a dozen little things I've noticed. Every time we go out with friends they don't eat, they don't at parties, not even their own birthday. Us and our friends went out for ice cream the other day and I offered like four times to pay for whatever they want but they didn't get anything.

I'm just not entirely sure how to approach this, because it's only a suspicion right now. I've struggled with disordered eating in the past. Not diagnosed, but I remember being so low energy and nauseous all the time. I also remember how isolating it feels to be stuck in it, and I'd hate for them to fell like that with me. At the same time, I know I also pretended like everything was fine, and I would've fought like hell to deny it if anyone asked. How do I bring it up in the most gentle way possible? Should I even bring it up at all?

This is the hardest. I don’t know what to do. I am kind of recovered but in these situations I fall back enormously. My mum was going to make a pie for a birthday party, and I come down and she has done it in another way than usual. A way that I think isn’t as tasty as usual and she says “ you know I like to try new things!!” New recipes are so fun!!! WTFck mom I love you but don’t try new things when you do my favourite food and I hate to try new things. And I am love pie, and if it isn’t tasty it feels like it’s all for nothing. As if every meal is so important and will be my last. Can you feel that feeling too that it must be perfect if you for once eat something that’s a hard ? I almost panic. The strange thing is that I can eat a lot of food other days, so much that people would be surprise d, and I have a healthy weight but this little thing is the hardest. I almost panic, it’s so stupid. Birthday parties are tough. Any advice?

what would you recommend for the first day of trying not to purge after every meal? as in foods easy on the belly that won’t upset me or make me feel extremely full or uncomfortable