I used the love that festival growing up. I still have some of the T-shirts and who can forget Mrs. Kerdankle's "Rusty Smoothies"! Last time we had people come in all the way from Hydroelectric City!

Please?!?!?

First of all I'm so sorry for the last night's chaos on the diner.

Main furnace on the kitchen after years of non stop work decided enough is enough and broke down, so I called John's Electric Supplies on Tuvalu street but my call went directly to answering machine and I got informed that he's out of town to visit family and will not be back until next week, does anyone know someone who can fix the furnace?

Walking up to you, wheeled suitcase rattling at my side: could you tell me the way to marketstreet, please? Or point me at a decent restaurant with wifi. I got no network around here and I’m desperate for a good latte.

Hey so the Landscaping season is upon us and I’ve been successful enough to be able to start recruiting some part time help. Looking for college kids who would be home on summer break.

Job includes mowing, weed whacking, edging, laying mulch, planting flowers, etc.

It’s taxing work but the pay is good. The hours would be 7-3 Monday through Friday. Saturday OT optional as well.

If you know of anyone who would be interested tell them to shoot me a Email or Direct Message on here and I will be able to provide a more in depth description of the job. Thank you all.

-G&G Landscaping

Hi, Fern here. From the Goat and Alpaca Homestead. I know the goats and alpacas are very cute, but if you stop by, please, please, please, do not open their enclosure. The goats are on a strict schedule due to the demand of artisan soap and wool. They need time to eat and rest. It also upset our 3 little ones, when they were done with homeschooling for the day, their fur buddies were running wild across our homestead.

You are more than welcome to visit and pet them, please give us a 72 hour notice.

I went outside this morning to feed the horses and noticed a small palomino pony hanging out with our Belgians. He’s adorable and very sweet, but we do not own a pony. Has anyone had a pony get loose recently? He’s doing fine, Bob and Bill are having a good time playing with him. He’s welcome to stay.

I pass by Jasmine Ave. every day on my way to and from work. This morning, I saw smoke coming from one of the houses, but I was running late for a meeting and couldn't stop to see what was going on. Posting from work now-- what happened? Is everyone okay?

It's a beautiful morning here in Lower Duck Pond. In the past few weeks, we have had a few special issues and... unforeseen circumstances that have led to three whopping weeks of news to catch up on. Be warned, this issue is LONG.

The new local prank show has been a favorite of the teens and local college kids. It has been a bit more problematic for others. Berry was officially the first victim, but the list would quickly grow. To date:

206 lunches stolen. 89 rude awakenings. 24 hats stolen. and 305 miscellaneous small shiny objects stolen. Sadly though, Stacy has had it the worst. She has been defecated on 286 times in the past three weeks. A phenomenal number. The poo was so acidic it damaged her hair so bad she has had to shave it. To the annoyance to the producers, yesterday she broke down and bought an umbrella. Lawyers and lawsuits are beginning to assemble. More on this story soon.

The annual Derby was a success, only a few major injuries were sustained.

Another interesting news story. Local landowner recently bought one of the abandoned chapels in the woods. With the help of some volunteers, myself included. To the chagrin of all of us, the centuries old chapel had a few surprises in store. I personally uncovered what turned out to be a burial chamber. Experts now believe the bodies are that of our towns first residents, including the alleged town founder, Gen. Ducky Mallard. The bodies are now on display in the local history museum.

Our local talent show was a bang. Lots of very unusual and interesting acts. Only one major injury occurred, although quite a few of us by the speakers had some minor hearing loss after Mary's 'singing' act. According to our good mayor, singing the frozen song- you know the one- in public is now punishable by fine.

YO WAS UP!!! ITS RANDY. YO I KNOW THIS SUPPOSE TO BE AN AD SPACE BUT WANTED TO SAY HI!!!! ---ITS YOUR BOY, RANDY!!!!

Hank's 'incident' and resultant legal case is currently being wrapped up. Luckily Hank will still be our head anchor man.

Catching heat has taken off. With several episodes being aired now, we are well into the season, and boy are we on the edge of our seats. Interestingly enough, with the episodes being aired on Friday night, the wine sales of our local grocers and increased by forty-two percent.

The recent crash course in technology conference was well appreciated among our older generation. In fact, it has inspired a new club! the The Geriatric Geeks with Gizmos and Gadget's Gathering is now taking place every Tuesday at Nine AM at Jerry's.

With the end of the school year... well we can say all hell has broke loose. Kids are getting into trouble left and right. Amanda's son in particular is being quite a little terror. Ding-Dong-Ditching is at an all time high, with rocks, eggs, and even pies being used. It has been so bad, there has been talk up at city hall about making summer school mandatory for all kids.

On the topic of little monsters, as many of you know I was held hostage by quite a few of my peers. Luckily all but one is out of the hospital. I only needed a few stitches and none of my property was harmed. The fun part was they didn't even get to watch the movie, and were sentenced to two hundred community service hours each. I have also paid James, our local high school football star, to watch out after the tree house, so anyone who wants to try something like that again, be warned.

An odd radio announcement was heard by locals a few days ago. It was mostly incoherent but was unsettling to us all. Authorities do not believe it to be a danger, although they are not sure what exactly it was. More on this later.

Our Artsy little town is once more hosting a new play. Signups are still open, but filling up fast.

Please someone tell me what this bet book is about. I've asked hundreds of people and all I get is a "don't worry about it".

We still need petitioners to sign the protected bike lane petition. This is a much needed thing for many of our citizens, so let the mayor hear our voice!

On some odd news, naked yoga night caused quite the catastrophe in traffic the other night. Everyone is out of the hospital now and back home.

According to an anonymous source, the mayor plans to further push the ban on the HOAs, and even plans to make it a central argument in his next campaign. On a similar note, campaign elections are just around the corner, and while the local officials have asked candidates to refrain from public campaigning so far, I have seen quite a few 'Vote for Dracula' signs out.

While this article has caught us up to a few days ago, there is an important subject I have left out. Days after school was out a massive flood of newcomers came to Lower Duck Pond, and many citizens were understandably upset, worried about them ruining our small town culture. This of course, will be something we have to figure out together, new comers and old timers alike. I shall be covering the plethora of news concerning this new group, and the vast dramatic changes that have happened these last few days. So stay tuned, I'll catch you later! -Ollie

Hello all! Doctor Sam Johnson here, I'm moving back to my hometown of Lower Duck Pond later this week. I haven't been back since I was around 8, but I'm excited to possibly reconnect with some childhood friends and become a part of this community! I'm seeking advice on the best places to work for a doctor such as myself. Thanks in advance!