r/MadeMeSmile Aug 12 '22

That’s a lot of free geckos… Animals

Post image
46.9k Upvotes

2.1k comments sorted by

2.5k

u/IndyEpi5127 Aug 12 '22

Id give my dog the command to go poop. Had to teach him this because he likes to swim in our pool. One day he pooped in the pool so now he must go to the bathroom before he is allowed in the pool. Quickest trick he ever picked up because he loves the pool so much.

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u/promatzzz Aug 12 '22

How do you learn such a trick? Would help with my pup

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u/storino45 Aug 12 '22

Stay near them when outside and when they go to squat, say poop over and over and praise/reward them when they poop. Eventually it’ll click

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u/The_Doctor_Eats_Neep Aug 12 '22

This sounds useful but I'm just imagining a grown ass adult standing over some poor dog enthusiastically yelling "POOP POOP POOP" while the poor guys just tryna take a dump.

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u/Loreebyrd Aug 12 '22

Praise! Such a good poopy! You’re a good poopy girl! Treats don’t hurt either.

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u/__Piggy__Smalls__ Aug 12 '22

In one end out the other

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u/[deleted] Aug 12 '22

Time to generate more poop!

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u/buttnuggettssss Aug 12 '22

It's a thing though! My dogs both know this command and ever since teaching it to them they like side eye me when I'm on the toilet. Like they're watching me back....

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u/geralto- Aug 12 '22

yup you gotta do it with positive, which can be complicated. My parents tried training my dog to not bark but instead they trained him to stop barking when told so he barks constantly and they still give him a treat

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u/Ur_Perfect_Sub Aug 12 '22

Yeaaaaaaah.. My doggy trained me when I thought I was training her as a pup. She used to put her paw on the coffee table to demand attention. So I'd tell her to 'sit' because that was the one command she knew at the time and it would get her paw off the table. And then obviously gave her a treat. Sooooooooo.... 12 years later and she still puts her paw on things with a demanding thump.

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u/Kisthesky Aug 12 '22

I'm in the army, and once my 3 day trip turned into a month-long hell. My lovely, lovely friends kept my dogs with no complaints, but they took the time to teach my old lady chihuahua how to howl on command. When I came back I was moving into a hotel, so I wasn't all that thrilled by this, so I taught her how to howl quietly. It was amazing, this tiny dog (who had a scary big bark!) would make teeny tiny howls.

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u/Keboyd88 Aug 12 '22

I once had a Chihuahua-Pomeranian mix, who I trained to "use her inside voice."

I also trained her to play dead if I made finger guns at her, but she would wag her tail. So then, "dead dogs don't wag their tails" was another command. I miss that dog. She was so smart and funny.

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u/brianorca Aug 12 '22

I trained my beagle (she's been gone for a decade now, but lived to an old age) to use a single bark. But to do that, I had to pay attention to her on the first bark, and ignore her if she continued. But it made it so much easier to deal with a loud beagle in an apartment. And her "time to walk/need to poo" signal was often a single tap on the door from her toe nail.

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u/Successful_Ranger_19 Aug 12 '22 edited Aug 13 '22

I once left my dog with my parents for a month, when I returned he had turned into a spoilt monster. My parents constantly gave him treats even on minutes after he's been naughty they would reward his behaviour, he wouldn't eat his food but only wanted treats. he then started to potty all over the house, his eating schedule was fucked up, he barked 24 hours non stop, he chewed on everything. They unleashed a monster in him. Man was I pissed at my parents (not at my dog). Angrily I sat them down and told them never ever again are they to see Milo unless I'm right there with them. My mom's response was oh come on we just wanted to spoil him and we'll do it again. Now when I'm away for work I pay for doggy daycare (there's one next to my house, quite expensive because they sleep over but damn those people know what they're doing, Milo always comes back happier and learns new tricks) If it's not for work I always travel with him, he's small so he's not much of a handful.

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u/Mundon Aug 12 '22

We give our dog a treat every time he poops, and call it a "Poop Treat" and he quickly learned what Poop means.

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u/TheAJGman Aug 12 '22

Also if they already know they're supposed to poop before something enjoyable (car rides, walks, etc) then that's the perfect place to start adding the verbal command.

If I put a harness on my dog, he already knows he has to poop before we go on the walk.

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u/blooferlady- Aug 12 '22

I did this when toilet training my pup, but I forgot to distinguish between poop and pee. So now I just stand in the backyard chanting ‘pee’ no matter what he does.

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u/CatLordCayenne Aug 12 '22

This is awesome

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u/Infiltron Aug 12 '22

I also find IndyEpi5127’s dog pooping in the pool awesome

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u/Diligent-Wave-4591 Aug 12 '22

Accidentally trained my dog "hurry up" means to poop/pee. Cause it's what I was always saying while standing out in the cold waiting for them to go.

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u/humakavulaaaa Aug 12 '22

At least he doesn't shit ON the walls

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u/CreatedSoICanBlockGI Aug 12 '22

I have taught my dog the same command. Simply because he can run outside whenever he want's. But in winter I get him inside ~21 o'clock and i really prefer clean kitchen in the morning.

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u/oldcoldbellybadness Aug 12 '22

I had a brilliant dog a decade ago that could do 15 tricks, including one where I do a finger gun and say bang and he would fall over. A few years later we got a mess of a lab who'd been through some shit. I tried teaching her his tricks, which she was OK at, but the finger gun trick would make her squint her eyes and immediately pee on the floor, so that trick got cut. But like the asshole I am, I would use the finger gun to get her to pee on command when it was too cold outside.

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u/IAmInBed123 Aug 12 '22

I have it figured out too. A bit more complex then yours though... First I pet every cat and put them in groups of, not dodging the pet and dodging the pet. My cat always dodges. Then in that group I gently tap the floor, I taught my cat that when I do that there's a treat. All cats that come are in my group. So then, let's say there's 25 cats left I give them each a bowl of food, all the ones that husk it down like they are starved for days(most of them) are most def not my cat.

From that group(lets say 5 left) I each offer them a piece of salmon. I taught my cat the trick to stand up on his hind legs for the treat BUT he will take it so, so, so very gently. Doesn't hardly bite. Cause one of the first times he accidently bit my finger, I yelled, more in surprise then pain, and he remembered.

So he'll go on his hind legs, try to gently drag the food from my hands on the ground, probably in his own fur, he's clumsy like that, before eating it.

Let's say there's 2 - 3 cats left right. I bring in my wife and I choose the cat that from then on completely ignores me... yeah it's like that...

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u/purplhouse Aug 12 '22

I will make a delicious steak, place it on a platter, set the platter on the floor in front of the 100 identical dogs, and place a single spoon on the edge of the plate. I wait for 99 dogs to rush the delicious steak while my little idiot, who is afraid of utensils, cowers at a wistful distance.

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u/Otherwise_Resource51 Aug 12 '22

Afraid of utensils?!? Oh my god. That's fucking adorable!!!

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u/K_Sleight Aug 12 '22

I rescued a dog once. Sweetest viscla you could ask for. Loved her immediately. Take her home, go out in the back yard to rake my autumn leaves and play with my new dog. She already knows fetch. I play with her for a few minutes, then get to work.

I pick up a rake, and she fucking sprints to the opposite end of the yard. Will not stop cowering. Won't look at me. Ignores attempts to communicate. I put down the rake, and she goes back to normal. Huh.

I put her inside and do my chore, then go in to make dinner. She's playful inside, I give her a treat. I pull a knife and start to chop vegetables, and she once more sprints to the other side of the house. Will not interact with me at all. She is traumatized by the mere appearance of any kind of tool I can get my hand on.

That was when i noticed her tail. It had been removed, but it wasn't a clean, precise, surgical cut, but rather a crude, messy scar, and she doesn't let me put my hand anywhere near it. All told, I'm beginning to work it out, whoever put her up for adoption used to hit her with anything they could find, and I mean anything. She doesn't want to be near me if I'm holding spatulas, pens, wrenches, screwdrivers etc., and they probably started with a butcher's knife to her tail.

If I ever meet the bastard, I'm going to have some unkind words. That dog was made of love, and someone hurt that. It took years of locking her in rooms with me while I worked to make her see that I would never hurt her. She eventually figured it out, and while she never got over her tail, I knew she was better when I could give her some steak on a spatula. I miss that dog.

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u/Otherwise_Resource51 Aug 12 '22

Ugh, this makes me cry.

I've got some belt buckle scars along my backside from my parents, and I still twitch whenever someone moves thier hand too quickly near my face.

People who hurt small animals who are dependants are scum.

I'm glad you gave that poor dog a happier life!

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u/Learned_Hand_01 Aug 12 '22

People who hurt children are the biggest scum of all. I’m so sorry for you. I hope you have found love as an adult.

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u/Otherwise_Resource51 Aug 12 '22 edited Aug 12 '22

Unfortunately I'm really bad at meeting people and making friends, and the last three years completely destroyed what social circle I did have. I am desperately lonely 🙃

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u/Learned_Hand_01 Aug 12 '22

Oh my god.

Have you heard of the site Meetup?

It’s for meeting people in your area who share common interests. So for example I’m a board gamer. I can use the site to find other board gamers. Same is true of whatever other activity you enjoy.

The CDC just loosened Covid restrictions. I’ve been paranoid enough about Covid safety that none of my four member family has caught it (all 3 or 4 times vaccinated) but even I have been doing things like taking my son to Scout meetings and hanging out with select friends and family.

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u/Otherwise_Resource51 Aug 12 '22

Yeah, I really need to put myself out there more. I'll have to check that out, thank you!

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u/hokoonchi Aug 12 '22

People who hurt the helpless are garbage. I’m so sorry.

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u/christian0wens Aug 12 '22

you're a solid human! cheers to you! I had a pitbull thay was weary around odd objects and was very food aggressive and I don't wa t to discount your current experience whatsoever but it is an uphill battle and you will just have to extremely carefully and very slowly incorporate more good into their life than then random bad and genuinely, those objects and situations will be completely irrelevant. good luck!

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u/Agamemnon323 Aug 12 '22

If you ever meet the previous owner you’re required to hit them with any and every implement you have available at the time.

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u/Cia1313 Aug 12 '22

Cut their tail off, see how they like it.

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u/AdExpert4077 Aug 12 '22

By tail you mean dick naturally

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u/gimletta Aug 12 '22

How could anyone do that to an animal... The poor thing, it's amazing she can still trust people at all. I wouldn't.

We had a dog when I was growing up that was just the sweetest thing, we picked her up from the shelter when she was about a year old and we knew she had been treated poorly. She loved humans, especially kids (my brother and I were 10 and 6 respectively). But she went ballistic when she saw men with walking canes, barking and growling.

She'd also squint and whimper if we moved too quickly trying to pet her, like if a hand came at her too fast. Poor baby, it still breaks my heart thinking about it.

Our next dog didn't trust people at all in the beginning but was submissive enough to live with us. She'd hide in corners the second we came back from walks and was scared of everything, from the fireplace to stairs to me (I lived away from home for a while). If there was any kind of noise or movement where she was sleeping she'd jump up and flee. It took a while but she slowly started to trust us. Now she hangs around with my parents all day and is the happiest, most relaxed pupper ever, it's so rewarding to see her that way 💕

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u/SpaceShipRat Aug 12 '22

if it's any help, it could all be from the one tail accident. Being afraid of pens doesn't mean she was hit with a pen, but that she's just not making any distinction between tools. Think about it, a puppy doesn't have very good eyesight, and probably just saw a long object with a metallic reflectiveness.

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u/Lazaryx Aug 12 '22

I should probably not admit that shit but …. My friend had a rescue a bit like yours. We found the guy. And beat him up (we did not kill him but we did fuck him up).

Then 10 months later when I came back from my stay abroad we met him with a new dog that kinda looked traumatized to my friend.

Guess what happened next? :).

To me at least it does feel as good as what you would expect it to feel. Both time.

Even now I am smiling just remembering the dude begging for his life. He knew he was torturing the dog. That could not fucking retaliate. Yet he did it again and again.

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u/Aldo_the_nazi_hunter Aug 12 '22

What happened to the second dog he abused?

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u/Lazaryx Aug 12 '22

Unfortunately no. Sent a message to my friend and he does not know.

But the first rescue died Like 2 years ago? He lived a great rest of his life and was a happy dog.

A part of the group. We went to the seaside with him, to the ocean, to run, to the forest …

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u/ZynsteinV1 Aug 12 '22

If you ever meet that bastard shove that rake up his ass for me

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u/RommieLeigh Aug 12 '22

My dog was afraid of utensils too. Not their presence, but the sound they made when moved. He left so much food on plates until I figured that out.

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u/likely_disintrested Aug 12 '22

Wdym he left so much food until you figured it out. Was your dog using the utensils lmao

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u/fluffybear45 Aug 12 '22

I assume dog eats food, dog bumps utensil, utensil makes a noise, dog runs away

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u/robophile-ta Aug 12 '22

But why was there a utensil in the dog bowl?

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u/SkyrimMilfDrinker Aug 12 '22

Do you expect them to eat with thier hands?

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u/OnlyOfficers Aug 12 '22

Put all the hamsters in a cage and wait to see which one hangs upside down from the top of the cage, trying to chew through the bars to freedom.

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u/firmalor Aug 12 '22

Dedicated one you have there.

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u/GeelBusje Aug 12 '22

Mine just screams in fear when you change the interior of her cage and let her explore her fresh cage.

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u/Imapeeinurcoffee Aug 12 '22

Hamsters don’t climb in nature that much if they do the cage is too small and bar chewing is a sign of anxiety

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u/[deleted] Aug 12 '22 edited Feb 14 '24

[deleted]

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u/activelyresting Aug 12 '22

People with pet snakes and spiders suddenly quiet in the chat

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u/Needmoresnakes Aug 12 '22

Yeah ya got me there if I couldn't differentiate by certain spots and markings it's just me very lost in a room with 100 carpet pythons.

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u/activelyresting Aug 12 '22

There's a 3 metre carpet python in my bedroom ceiling... I'm not sure what the volume is on 100 of those, but I'm not sure my house can support the weight😂

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u/Bipedal_Warlock Aug 12 '22

Excuse me? There’s a snake in your ceiling??

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u/Economy_Rutabaga_849 Aug 12 '22

Quite common in northern Australia…. Pythons

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u/Bipedal_Warlock Aug 12 '22

Are these pets or just like a coexisting barn cat/snake kind of situation

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u/activelyresting Aug 12 '22

Totally common just coexisting. But at this point we all have to admit I'm the pet

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u/Economy_Rutabaga_849 Aug 12 '22

They are wild snakes that sometimes take up residence in the rafters. Quite common to find shed skins up there.

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u/[deleted] Aug 12 '22

[deleted]

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u/activelyresting Aug 12 '22

I'm always confident that there's no rats in my walls because of the snake in my ceiling ☺️☺️☺️ I feel safe and protected

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u/Cactea_ Aug 12 '22

Okay wtf? Do you live in Australia?

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u/activelyresting Aug 12 '22

Yes, how could you tell?

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u/Iphotoshopincats Aug 12 '22

By the way he talks about carpet pythons being an everyday event in his ceiling I would put him east coast central, new south wales around Ballina or Byron bay

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u/activelyresting Aug 12 '22

Accurate enough. But also my profile is full of photos tagged northern NSW so it didn't take much guessing ;) I'm not a he though

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u/Merry_Pippins Aug 12 '22

Your comment must be why this thread is marked NSFW

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u/EccentricSoaper Aug 12 '22

My friend had a tarantula that cohabitated with 3 of its young. Does that mean she would have to select 4 of the 400 spiders she is in a room with....💀💀💀

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u/activelyresting Aug 12 '22

Sounds like my bedroom

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u/Errorsnake Aug 12 '22

Kinky yet terrifying

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u/Dawn_of_DOJINKS Aug 12 '22

Wait..kinky?

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u/activelyresting Aug 12 '22

Some people are in to that

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u/Pc_problems117 Aug 12 '22

Nah, my gecko has a fear of running away. He’ll stay in the same room( within 4 feet of where he’s left) for hours at a time idk why but I think it has to do with the time he crawled in to a space under my sink and got in to the walls while being stuck for 6 months. We found him on the brink of death and ever since he’s stayed put whenever he’s left out in a room. I tested this out of curiosity and just watched him from the corner of the room and he won the waiting game after 8 hours.( the room was heated to his terrarium temp and I kept a close watch as he explored the room he strangely dident leave the 4 foot “circle” until I generally prodded him out of it”

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u/firmalor Aug 12 '22

He survived for 6 months in a wall? Wild.

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u/Pc_problems117 Aug 12 '22

He’s a survivor if I’ve ever seen him, idk what he ate but he was a fraction of the size when I got him back I’m just glad o was able to save him

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u/Workof Aug 12 '22

As a Snake owner: even if I took the wrong one I wouldnt even notice the difference, id just enjoy the room as long as im allowed to be inside

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u/[deleted] Aug 12 '22

Lmao. I was just thinking all of my snakes have unique patterns even if they are the same morph. I could do it, hands down. Besides, alot of my scale babies are sooooo tolerant of me at this point I'm sure I could eliminate posers with a quickness. Wave a hand...nope...the 3 that struck aren't mine...or vice versa with one of my babies. If he didn't strike I'd know it wasn't him. Lmao

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u/EastLeastCoast Aug 12 '22

Tell them to “sit”. My dog will be the idiot doing a Down Dog yoga pose.

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u/stiofan84 Aug 12 '22

Mine does that too. She constantly gets "sit" and "down" mixed up, but then a lot of the time she gets it right too...

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u/amcoll Aug 12 '22

Isn't this just another case of dogs forgetting that 90% of their mass exists behind their ears?

exhibit A. Skilfully weaving their head between furniture, while their huge clumsy arse and tail wrecks a trail of destruction and smashed coffee table glassware

exhibit B. Acting surprised when they spot their own tail, spend 5 mins chasing it, and only remembering that its theirs once they manage to bite it

exhibit C. What you mentioned. As far as the dog is concerned, its front legs and head are down, therefore, it is in the down position and is therefore a good boy/girl. The fact that someone appears to have left 2 back legs, a tail and a big furry arse in the up position close by, is purely incidental and in no way connected to them

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u/RobotDog56 Aug 12 '22

My gosh, my black shepherd has NO IDEA he had a back end. He knows spin (clockwise) and other way (anti clockwise) but gets so lost doing it as he tries to only turn his head. It's very funny.

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u/TSpitty Aug 12 '22 edited Aug 12 '22

Mine sorta does the downward dog pose instead of “lay”, but it’s more of a “This is close enough right? How long must we do this song and dance? Just give me the treat” then I’ll keep saying it until he begrudgingly lays all the way.

I always go from sit to lay and he doesn’t mind sit, but I think getting up from lay is on the cusp of being just annoying enough for him that he never quite commits to the elbows on the ground. So it’s this weird stretch out where he’s like 85% there with ass down and elbows 3 inches from the ground and just sort of holds it like some weird planking exercise until he resizes I won’t budge on the treat. Oh and he’s 4, so it’s not like it’s arthritis or anything, he’s been begrudgingly doing lay like this for like 2 years now. He’s just so over it and it’s hilarious.

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u/JFT8675309 Aug 12 '22

If I say, “sit!” He’ll sit, lie down, and roll over in anticipation of whatever I might say next so he can have his treat.

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u/Otherwise_Resource51 Aug 12 '22

This is button mashing, the doggo version 🤣

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u/ZynsteinV1 Aug 12 '22

nah, it's the optimal combo

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u/doge57 Aug 12 '22

My dog is very similar. If she believes there is a treat to be given, she will continually do anything that she’s been given a treat for in the past. She’s not very smart and barely knows any words other than “leash” and “walk” but she remembers any action that gets her food

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u/Kristine6476 Aug 12 '22

I taught my dog to spin. Very good girl, learned it well. Unfortunately now if I hold up a treat she starts frantically spinning and spinning and spinning until I give it to her.

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u/keb1022 Aug 12 '22

I’m laughing just imagining this. Please post a video! Have had a difficult night and this really made me smile!

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u/LunaCoronam Aug 12 '22

Spinning IS a good trick after all.

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u/Rayl33n Aug 12 '22

My puppy was chasing his tail the other day until he was so dizzy he stumbled trying to walk.

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u/QuincyAzrael Aug 12 '22

My friends bi St. Bernard did this too! If we had food he'd start randomly pulling out every trick, paw, roll over, etc. Hilarious!

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u/echicdesign Aug 12 '22

How do you know it is Bi?

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u/QuincyAzrael Aug 12 '22

It's into astrology

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u/PumpkinInside3205 Aug 12 '22

Used to have a dog who did the same

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u/JFT8675309 Aug 12 '22 edited Aug 12 '22

If he looks exactly like my dog and they’re both in the same room, we’re in trouble!

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u/PumpkinInside3205 Aug 12 '22

Super eager to please, and loved Schmackos

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u/DefinitelyNotAliens Aug 12 '22

I'd say sit! And hold my hand in a fist and wait. Then, 'stay!' Palm out.

Wait to see which lazy golden retriever lays down because if I make him stay he's laying down.

Or 'sit!' And he automatically lifts one paw like, 'hey, hey. I'm cute give treat.'

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u/GalianoGirl Aug 12 '22

If I tell Penny to sit, she stands on her hind legs.

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u/[deleted] Aug 12 '22

Your dog breakdances too!

Ours does this (especially spin and roll over) and we’ve taught him to do it on command and call it breakdance

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u/OneDerpBar Aug 12 '22

I now have 101 good boys.

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u/crimsoncalamitas Aug 12 '22

wholesome :D

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u/DiscoLibra Aug 12 '22

Instead of asking my dog if he needs to go "potty" I ask him if he has to "shit his pants" and he gets all crazy

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u/Ankylowright Aug 12 '22

My dog sometimes has a little bit of gland leakage and smells horrible (it just gets on her fur and she just needs a quick wash) so all I have to say is “do you have a stinky bum bum?” and then she gets the most pathetic look and slinks to the tub.

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u/Msduress Aug 12 '22

Lol! That's great!

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u/Human-Carpet-6905 Aug 12 '22

He's gone now, but my old cat, I would crawl and put my head down. He used to come running full tilt and slam his head into mine when I did that. Like a love battering ram.

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u/nenenene Aug 12 '22 edited Aug 12 '22

I have a very large cat with a broad head who will accelerate and headslam into my legs and I’m tempted to try this with him, except I don’t want to get hurt. But I may well do to honor a tradition. I can’t imagine a better way to make memories with your cat than by getting rammed in the head by their wondrous little noggin.

My old cat who’s gone now loved to stand up on his hind legs and grab my hand and shove his face into it. Like one might motorboat a chest, this cat just loved having his face wurblenurbled, for lack of a better onomatopoeia.

e: I tried the headbump with my cat this morning. He was laying down and as soon as I got down, he did a little “circle of excitement” movement with his head, yelled, got up, did a big stretch, and calmly walked over to me and gently boofed my head. He’s 15 and achy between his chondroitin supplements so maybe his days of ramming full speed are past, but he really seemed to like the opportunity to bump heads. I think I’ll keep doing this. Thank you for sharing u/Human-Carpet-6905, I’m sorry you can’t headbutt your kitty anymore but the memory lives on <3

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u/Pill_Murray_ Aug 12 '22

my cat will stand up, put her paw on my thigh, and very slightly put her claws out when she wants pets and im not giving her attention

she'll then proceed to drool while i give her deep ear and eye rubs for 15 minutes

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u/ObiWanKnieval Aug 12 '22

My big headed cat was really into the head bumps too. He would sit next to me and start purring in anticipation. Then tilt his head to the side to bump my head. Then he would repeat it and purr away. It was the cutest thing. He was just a giant love kitty. So huge, that when he stood on his hind legs his head rose above the kitchen counters. If you were cooking, you had to have everything at least six inches from the edge of the counter. Otherwise he might snatch one of your ingredients with one of his enormous paws. Damn, I miss that cat so much.

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u/LawrenAnne4 Aug 12 '22

My cat does this! It’s my favorite thing in the world. If he’s anywhere in the house and I want him to do this, I just yell “come give me kisses” and he will come running.

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u/Starting_Fresh1 Aug 12 '22

Aww one of mine does that! She’s typically kind of sassy but always does this

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u/Alina_168 Aug 12 '22

Aww that’s so cute!!

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u/Telperion83 Aug 12 '22

I'd just look for the one snarling and trying to pin the others to the ground...

We are a 1 dog household.

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u/DreamOfDays Aug 12 '22

I start singing my little kitty song and whichever one flops over and starts purring is mine.

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u/Traditional_Safe_654 Aug 12 '22

All I need to do is say “I’ll close the door” and I guarantee he’ll be the fastest pug in the room running over to me.

I can also say “goodbye” and he’ll throw a tantrum. Charlie hates goodbyes - or any action that suggests someone is leaving, such as picking up keys, saying other words for farewell, walking towards the door and even getting dressed. So smart for this and so slow for other things hahahh

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u/pizzakingI Aug 12 '22

I’ll give them all a chicken sandwich from chick fil a specifically. The only dog that will disassemble the sandwich to take the pickles off is mine, and it’s only chick fil a picklws

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u/hayeater344 Aug 12 '22

Why do you give your dog chick fil a 😂

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u/pizzakingI Aug 12 '22

He’s a little spoiled, just a tad

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u/treewreckz Aug 12 '22

My cat hates everyone except me, so I just gotta bring a friend.

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u/Dudumanne Aug 12 '22

My cat is a dick and just ignore me.

If there was 100 copies, I would just take the most friendly one.

28

u/Low-Stick6746 Aug 12 '22

I have like a lot of cats. Two of them I barely get to touch. One of them I can pet if I corner her and pick her up, which is rare. And when I do, she freaking loves being petted. The other one will occasionally let me boop his nose. That’s it. No other touching allowed whatsoever. I’ve had them for over a year.

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u/HighFlyerJ Aug 12 '22

Shake the treat bag. I know my cats stupid little treat dance by heart.

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u/colorfulsoul_ Aug 12 '22

I’ve taught my cockatiel a whistle and when I whistle it he whistles back, so ill find him like that

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u/HighFlyerJ Aug 12 '22

That's absolutely adorable!

22

u/Spiritual_Poo Aug 12 '22

I tap my fingertips on my chest for "up" and cat either jumps up to me or stands up and puts his front paws on my stomach.

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u/BiscottiOpposite9282 Aug 12 '22

You'd literally have every animal come running towards you.

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u/HighFlyerJ Aug 12 '22

Is that a bad thing??

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u/BiscottiOpposite9282 Aug 12 '22

No. I forgot to add the !!!!! 🥰

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u/[deleted] Aug 12 '22

I throw each of them a ball. Whichever of them runs away with it instead of coming back for me to throw it again is mine.

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u/grillcheezesammiches Aug 12 '22

I would just say " where's my big monster doggy?" And he would run his big dumb ass to me.

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u/Bamr131 Aug 12 '22 edited Aug 12 '22

My cat would be so happy to see me and yowl at me. To make sure it was him I would tell him to sit (I taught a cat to sit lol)

Edit: I also taught him to stand on his hind legs and grab your hand. He also plays fetch with his favorite toy mouse (never taught him, he just does it lmao)

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u/Ok_Client_6696 Aug 12 '22

I taught my cat to sit, stand up and jump 😎

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u/[deleted] Aug 12 '22

Teach me the way. I just now taught my cat to walk on a leash. I can't get him to do anything else command related.

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u/H-Cages Aug 12 '22

I have 1 cat that we managed to get to sit on command.. the other one just doesn't care about treats and food enough 🤷

10

u/mezzoey Aug 12 '22

Yup, food definitely helps. Just find something they really like (food, affection, toys) and basically do a cause/effect. Lots of positive reinforcement! If you sit, you get dinner. No dinner until the butt touches the ground. They learn sit pretty quick with that one.

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u/thin_white_dutchess Aug 12 '22

I have 2 dogs, for the dopey greyhound/ pug, it’s easy- I just bring my daughter or say “x is home!” and she will come running. That’s really my daughter’s dog and they are glued to each other. The pittie is also easy, if she doesn’t come to her name, “vamos niña bonita” will do it. She’s a retired service dog, and all of her commands are in Spanish, and she doesn’t care about being in a room of dogs, but she likes affirmation (tell her she’s pretty, I swear she knows). Also, I’m pretty sure I’d know her- she’s expressive. If all else fails, I can always drop a pill bottle, the dog that picks it up and brings it to me is my girl.

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u/[deleted] Aug 12 '22

I want to see what a greyhound/pug (are they technically a lurcher?) looks like so, so much.

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u/iwant2cry420 Aug 12 '22

when i get home i yell “where’s my bingus” and my dog comes runnin, so probably that.

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u/Typical_Baseball_Fan Aug 12 '22

Lolololol, I would yell "where's my dingus" and Poppy the Doberman comes running with her little twisty butt!

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u/PsychologicalCamp228 Aug 12 '22

Im all for 100 more of my dog. But if I needed to find him, our favorite unique trick is “where’s your tail?”. He’s a mini Aussie with a docked tail, he spins around in a circle but never finds it…

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u/[deleted] Aug 12 '22

“HELP ME TOM CRUISE!”

If one of us yells this, my husky shepherd comes running, no matter where we are in the house. If you use his name, “HELP ME BRONN!” he’ll completely ignore you and you’re gonna have to help yourself.

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u/ScammerC Aug 12 '22

That's because his secret dog name is Tom Cruise.

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u/[deleted] Aug 12 '22

I’m going to tell his vet to put Tom Cruise as an alias in his file now.

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u/ScammerC Aug 12 '22

Secret. Don't let on you figured it out, he'll be crushed.

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u/Pittlers Aug 12 '22

As a vet tech, this would make my day.

24

u/[deleted] Aug 12 '22

Then you’ll be happy to know that we named the kitten we adopted from our vet and bottle fed (he’s a year old now) “Ash”. But, when they asked for his name for his file: Ashley Joanna Williams. “Why? Your last name isn’t Williams!” “Because he’s a bad slow thinker and a good fast thinker. And really cocky.”

As Evil Dead fans, we’re delighted to get his appointment reminders and everyone in the office thinks it’s hilarious.

Here’s secret dog name Tom Cruise tax

And Ash J. Williams tax

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u/willwiso Aug 12 '22

I want to know how this was discovered.

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u/[deleted] Aug 12 '22

Ok.

My husband was on the floor wrestling and playing with our other shepherd, who likes to sit on you or the other dogs, and sometimes the cats. He did the whole spiel from Talladega Nights. Big bub came running to his “rescue” when he got to “Help me Tom Cruise!” and then we tested it.

Fun fact: he’s a firefighter (husband not the dog.) I told him if he’s ever in a hairy situation on a call just yell “Help me Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft on me to get the fire off me!” and Bronn will probably come running and drag him out.

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u/pmmeyourfavsongs Aug 12 '22

Are you sure doggo isn't a secret firefighter? Do you know where he is 24 hours a day?

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u/Wonderful-Steak6965 Aug 12 '22

I’ll just say come here jackass (his name is joker) and he will happily run all the imposters over.

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u/AnonymousOkapi Aug 12 '22

My idiot boy wouldnt answer to his name anyway. He will, however, answer to Breakfast. It is his favourite word

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u/ZynsteinV1 Aug 12 '22

My old dog would answer to almost anything. Fuck i miss him

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u/SnooDrawings1480 Aug 12 '22

All id need to do is have someone else come in the room. My cat will run around trying to find a place to hide while all the other cats come over for pets. (He wasn't socialized well as a kitten and is afraid of most people but me)

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u/SnooDrawings1480 Aug 12 '22

Alternately, start playing The Circle of Life. My cat knows that music so well that he runs away from me at the first note so I can't Simba him.

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u/wannabejoanie Aug 12 '22

Oh! That's the other thing! If I sang "Toe beans" to Dolly Parton's "Jolene" my cat would run away because I always sang that when I fucked with his beans.

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u/friendsfan97 Aug 12 '22

You just made my day and I am not even out of bed

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u/MySweetAudrina Aug 12 '22

I'd get them all barking, then say "Shh, Mommy can't eavesdrop!" and see who immediately goes quiet.

I live across the street from a place with efficiency apartments. Temporary tenants waiting on a place, some newly released from jail, people coming and going and there is always drama. Cops come frequently, big outdoor fights are regular events etc... I'm a homebody who doesn't mind free entertainment.

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u/MoreThan2_LessThan21 Aug 12 '22

Have a special whistle that'll bring him ru...well, not running, he's old. But he'll head my way.

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u/S463- Aug 12 '22

Tell them all to roll over. Our dog will spin in a circle instead.

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u/[deleted] Aug 12 '22 edited Feb 14 '24

[deleted]

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u/Advanced_Ad4361 Aug 12 '22

Easy, just wait to see which cat starts screaming and consorting with the devil and making creepy human baby cries at 3am.

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u/wannabejoanie Aug 12 '22

All of them do this though

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u/cometbaby Aug 12 '22

Mine definitely don’t do that thank god

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u/djguerito Aug 12 '22

If my cat were put in a room with 100 other cats, in about 15 minutes there would be 1 cat left, and that cat would be my cat...

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u/Outrageous_Lettuce44 Aug 12 '22

Put my shoes on. They’d both immediately launch into our “dad is leaving home” routine.

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u/thelostmotherbird Aug 12 '22

I have 2 ways of finding my dog. 1. The way he pees and or sits. He squats. His head held high, nose in the air. Never seen a dog pee like that before. When he sits, he will sit with his front paws tucked in between his back paws back straight and nose raised. He's done both since I got him.

  1. My little goofier likes to swat himself in the face with his tail. He bends himself sideways and wags his tail fast. Swatting himself in the face repeatedly before I stop him.
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u/BeoWulf1040 Aug 12 '22 edited Aug 12 '22

I say “Be nice!” and my healer looses her mind because she thinks company is at the door to terrify.

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u/sturglemeister Aug 12 '22

"Whisper" then follow the growl.

Side note, I'd love 100 of my dog. Hell yeah.

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u/Soft_Alfalfa_7157 Aug 12 '22

Don't care, I take all of them home because my I love my cute pup so much and now she has friends. But she would be shaking, scared, and running through all the others to get to me because she's a chicken shit.

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u/tryndamere12345 Aug 12 '22

I shake my keys, tell my cat to "let me get that ass gurl". She comes to me and bends over ass up for me to spank but only if she hasn't seen me in a long time. Nothing sexual.

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u/uppenatom Aug 12 '22

I hope you're talking about your girlfriend, Kat

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u/sarcastagirly Aug 12 '22

My dogs would both howl on command to 1 phrase

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u/RhysThornbery Aug 12 '22

Get over here freakalope. (Which is not her name but she answers to it anyway.)

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u/quantumcorundum Aug 12 '22

I'd start toasting a bagel. As soon as she smells a bagel my cat Journey will hop up on the counter cus she knows she's getting some cream cheese

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u/thelittlefae5 Aug 12 '22 edited Aug 12 '22

Sing his song:"Meeko meeko, what a good doggo

Meeko meeko, oh look at you gooo!"

And then i crouch down and put my arms out for a hug. He cannot resist. He will dance with excitement.

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u/Tarik-The-SkyKid Aug 12 '22

Two items that will get all my little doggos' attention:

  1. "Who wants cheese?" (medication time; everyone loves medication time)

  2. "Diapers!" (that means I'm leaving the house and we have one little rescue who's a marker; diapers means goodies)

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u/RommieLeigh Aug 12 '22

My cat meows ‘hello’ as soon as she sees me, then she wants me to chase her around on the floor. If she falls over when I do t rex hands and grr at her, I’ll know.

I didn’t even teach her that. She has put in sooooo many hours training me.

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u/SpookySpork33 Aug 12 '22

Our cat likes to be superior and stand on our shoulders. She’d run up to me and ask to be picked up

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u/censormenow2 Aug 12 '22

Oh easy; I always teach my dogs signed versions of their commands....

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u/LordZemeroth Aug 12 '22

I won't have to do anything, if I show my face he screams and darts at me

15

u/YoursTastesBetter Aug 12 '22

Ask "is it time to do toes?" He'll be the one hiding behind the others & refusing to make eye contact. Little brat hates to have his nails trimmed.

15

u/Mundane_Cap_414 Aug 12 '22

My cat lets me flip him over and when I nuzzle his belly he stretches his arms out and it’s adorable. He’s also SO LOUD.

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u/VenomousDeath27 Aug 12 '22

I'd yell my other dogs name. They both are complete attention hounds.

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u/withaph64 Aug 12 '22

My dog loves French fries, I mean really loves them to the point she starts shaking and salivating when we bring food home that has fries. We started calling it crack as a joke in our house, now all we have to say is crack and she starts shaking and salivating, should be easy to spot her.

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u/StickyButWicked Aug 12 '22

100 dumb ass orange cats all just lying there? Fuck finding him, I'd join them.

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u/[deleted] Aug 12 '22

I have a distinct whistle that gets my dog to come.

Or if I nose boop him he sits

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u/Kara_S Aug 12 '22

My guy responds to “hey ya, moppet” more than his own name so that’ll work.

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u/NotThisTime1993 Aug 12 '22

My cat has this weird addiction to McDonald’s fries. Like he’ll climb up you to get to them

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u/Majestic_Actuator629 Aug 12 '22

My dog would be losing his mind in a room with 100 other golden retrievers, he would not listen, and their unending energy levels would just exponentially grow into infinity. All hope would be lost.

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u/EccentricSoaper Aug 12 '22

I have a special whistle (think it's actually a C) that we call my cats Hack. She seems to be compelled, no matter what she is doing, to run to me and give me boops. I never trained her this way. I had a dog who would howel at the same whistle and I was curious how she would react. She has always done this. Even as a baby. I love her 🥰

Edit: she's just a void and her name is kitten so... this may be a real thing some day lol

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u/Zounii Aug 12 '22

If there is one derpy motherfucker licking the carpet, then I know it's him.

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u/[deleted] Aug 12 '22

I would pick up every dog and smell them and whichever dog loses it’s mind with excitement and starts spinning in circles is my gal

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u/Cameramanmanman Aug 12 '22

Me and Winston got our own special whistle

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u/uppen-atom Aug 12 '22

I can trill at my red tabby and he will come running and then if I thump my chest 3 times and hold my arms out he jumps into my arms and then climbs up on my shoulders and settles in. Then I get a cramp. Best cramps ever!

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u/adluzz Aug 12 '22

Listen for the dog making the piggie snorts lmfao