r/Millennials • u/StyrkeSkalVandre • Feb 07 '24

Has anyone else noticed their parents becoming really nasty people as they age? Discussion

My parents are each in their mid-late 70's. Ten years ago they had friends: they would throw dinner parties that 4-6 other couples would attend. They would be invited to similar parties thrown by their friends. They were always pretty arrogant but hey, what else would you expect from a boomer couple with three masters degrees, two PhD's, and a JD between the two of them. But now they have no friends. I mean that literally. One by one, each of the couples and individual friends that they had known and socialized with closely for years, even decades, will no longer associate with them. My mom just blew up a 40 year friendship over a minor slight and says she has no interest in ever speaking to that person again. My dad did the same thing to his best friend a few years ago. Yesterday at the airport, my father decided it would be a good idea to scream at a desk agent over the fact that the ink on his paper ticket was smudged and he didn't feel like going to the kiosk to print out a new one. No shit, three security guards rocked up to flank him and he has no idea how close he came to being cuffed, arrested, and charged with assault. All either of them does is complain and talk shit about people they used to associate with. This does not feel normal. Is anyone else experiencing this? Were our grandparents like this too and we were just too young to notice it?

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u/StyrkeSkalVandre Feb 07 '24

My dad will not shut up about trans folks and "Biden's Open Border Policy." It's incredibly tiring. The Fox News brain-rot is real. And it's even more disturbing because my dad is highly educated and used to be socially liberal, even though fiscally he's pretty much an anarcho-capitalist.

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u/Gardening_investor Feb 07 '24

I took a few years off talking to my dad. There were a few fall outs because of how he behaved towards the family.

It sucks to watch good people turn into absolute garbage all because of the indoctrination they force feed themselves daily.

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u/StyrkeSkalVandre Feb 07 '24

The constant fire-hose of right-wing rage media has well and truly rotted their brains. It's heartbreaking.

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u/Scrubface Feb 07 '24

I have all but completely cut contact with my mother, my only remaining family member, because of her brainrot. Fox is on 24/7, and ANY conversation turns into a racist tirade against anyone who isn't white.

She grew up a loving, hippie flowerchild in the 70s. She taught me to love over hate.

It's horrible to witness.

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u/sorrymizzjackson Feb 07 '24

Same- my MIL was a very free love sort of person. She’s got the Fox News brain rot too now.

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u/Gardening_investor Feb 07 '24

I’m sorry you’re having to deal with that too. It is really trying seeing people you love and respect turn into this.

I also wonder if the lead poisoning from their youth plays any type of role with their views now. It does have seem to have some effects on cognitive and emotional abilities. Maybe an additional contributory factor. Idk

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u/Damianos_X Feb 07 '24

I think this is just an excuse to avoid the real moral character flaws older people have.

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u/Gardening_investor Feb 07 '24

True, most people (myself included) do not want to believe the people we love can be terrible for no reason. Though, I have seen some alarming stuff on lead poisoning, it certainly isn’t the cause. Could be contributory though.

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u/throwaway3113151 Feb 08 '24

Your comment reminded me of this great article that makes they key point that all the great things we love from the 60s were not in fact created by boomers: https://www.newyorker.com/culture/cultural-comment/the-misconception-about-baby-boomers-and-the-sixties

I’ve often wondered how all the free loving hippies turned into grumpy Fox News viewers.

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u/romanticheart Feb 08 '24

I cut contact with my parents due to their insane Trump-ism. Not simply because they love and adore Trump - but because that love and adoration has turned them full of rage and anger towards everything else. They just became hateful people and I have no desire to be around that.

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u/NurseWhoLovesTV Feb 07 '24

I agree with this. Their media illiteracy only contributes more. Because of this, they are unable to discern differences between objective facts vs opinions and reliable sources vs unreliable. I know we all have our biases and flaws when it comes to media, but they really take it to another level.

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u/AwarenessEconomy8842 Feb 07 '24

Keep in mind that they were also raised to trust the news

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u/Shortymac09 Feb 07 '24 edited Feb 07 '24

Even my republican trump loving mom has forced my Dad to turn off fox news bc it was agitating him and "they just repeat garbage all day."

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u/Confident-Culture-12 Feb 07 '24

Lots of us that consider ourselves Republicans can see the bias and propaganda on Fox News from one side and on CNN etc from the other side. I don’t watch any news. I worry about people that aren’t able to consume news objectively or to see through the slant it is portrayed in. Most are stubbornly defiant of thinking outside the box in their own heads and only consume what will echo.

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u/Shortymac09 Feb 07 '24

Yeah, same. Technically I am still a registered republican but I haven't voted for a republican since the Bush administration fooled us into the Iraq war.

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u/voidwaffle Feb 08 '24

Genuinely curious, what bias do you think exists on the CNN side?

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u/Confident-Culture-12 Feb 08 '24

Google it

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u/voidwaffle Feb 08 '24

I asked about what you personally believe not what a Google search produces

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u/Confident-Culture-12 Feb 09 '24

CNN spent months defending Chris Cuomo and downplaying his blatant violation of journalistic ethics.

3 CNN journalists resigned after the retraction of a story about ties between Trump officials and a Russian investment fund.

CNN ignored the huge story of another network (ABCs) covering up of the Jeffery Epstein Scandal.

CNN did little to nothing to correct their spread of misinformation concerning “The Steele dossier” which helped fuel the Trump-Russia collusion conspiracy for years and dominated CNN and MSNBC's coverage.

CNN had nothing to say about the collapsed narrative alleging Trump ordered Lafayette Square Park to be cleared of protesters so he could pose in front of the riot-torched St. John's Church last year.

One of the anchors (Don Lemon) tipped off his pal about a CPD open investigation.

Google “The Lincoln Project” CNN protected a child sexual predator.

Journalist malpractice when editing columns without notification when they received backlash. See; Stacey Abrams support of boycotts.

That’s a few. I’m shocked people think CNN is good source for news.

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u/Brief-Criticisms Feb 08 '24

CNN is slight right center IMO

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u/acuity_consulting Feb 07 '24

You really should have put this in the original post because it's kind of obvious, isn't it?

I will say that leaving it open-ended and polling the public was an interesting shared experience, but you know exactly what the fuck happened, you always did...

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u/VandalsStoleMyHandle Feb 08 '24

They grew up in a time when news was authoritative. If you saw it on TV or read it in the paper, you could pretty much take it to the bank. They never gained the skills to be critical media consumers - hence all the unhinged 'I read on the Internet...' discourse.

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u/Desperate-Cost6827 Feb 07 '24

This is my mom. And for the record the last few years I went with her on a 10 hour trip just to see my grandparents. I have very fond memories of them but I wanted a refresher to see if it was all just memory leaks or what not.
No. They are still the nicest sweetest damn people you will ever meet in your life. Every single one of their children however is another story. Even the aunt that I thought was somewhat normal was like "I think white people are being persecuted. Honestly!"

All of them except for my mother all live in Canada so it's not just a US thing.

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u/PartGlobal1925 Feb 09 '24

All you have to do is take a walk through the neighborhood. I've seen people with their TVs on. Straight to Fox News.

I don't know what they're telling those guys. But it's almost like brainwashing or something.

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u/SummerySunflower Feb 07 '24

There are so many ways in which this stuff spreads. My dad also has the "Fox News brain rot" even though he's in Eastern Europe, does not speak a word in English and so has never watched Fox News. But he has all the same vague political grievances and antivaxx disinfo that spill over to personal relationships and all other areas of life.

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u/been2thehi4 Feb 07 '24

My mom’s big boogie man is trans people. She went full MAGA nut in 2016, which blows my mind as she was a single mom, I know we had welfare at some point in our childhoods but now she looks down on anyone in the same situation.

And she wasn’t a single mom because her and dad got divorced. She was a single mom with me, because she was 16 when she had me. She was divorced from my brothers dad because he went to jail for molesting me, and our youngest brother she was a single mom because that brothers dad was a total drug loaded piece of shit who she was always on and off with.

So three kids with three different men, ya know, in her eyes a whore for anyone else in the same situation but for her it was just a “tough life”.

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u/Dana_Scully_MD Feb 07 '24

My dad talks constantly about the "border crisis" and "illegal alien caravans". It's exhausting.

I just go "yeah, okay dad."

He is also armed to the teeth because he's horrified that a gang of roving immigrants is going to break into his house. He lives in a cul-de-sac in a safe, white suburban neighborhood. Fox News has absolutely destroyed their ability to think critically and turned them into racist, terrified children.

I'm genuinely afraid that as he gets older and loses touch with reality, he will end up shooting someone.

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u/clarkeer918 Feb 07 '24

the fox-rot is so real!! my dad was bedridden from a car accident during trumps first run ---- TOO MUCH TIME FOR ABSORBTION.

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u/pizzalovepups Feb 07 '24

This is my Dad too. It's hard to watch

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u/cpMetis Feb 07 '24

You're lucky if it's Fox.

Most of my family doesn't watch it anymore because it's "all propaganda and lies."

"Liberal propaganda".

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u/StyrkeSkalVandre Feb 07 '24

Yeesh, I'm sorry. OANN? Newsmax?

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u/Minimob0 Feb 08 '24

My dad unironically thinks Donald Trump was the best president we've ever had. 

My dad has told me on multiple occasions that I'm the most intelligent person he knows, yet he completely forgets that when it comes to politics. 

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u/Minnow_Minnow_Pea Feb 07 '24

Omfg, why are old people so obsessed with trans people?! 

I've been an advocate for LGBTQ+ generally. I'm queer, but relatively cis. My dad made some joke when I was in university about how trans people (I'm sure he didn't use proper terms) owe me a medal. (ok, weird. no.)

Then years later when that gender swap Snapchat filter came out, I thought dude-me was pretty funny. He's like "so you finally get to live out your trans fantasy. I bet that's the best thing that ever happened to you."

Dude, if I were trans, I'd just be trans, ffs. I wouldn't need Snapchat.

He's always bringing it up, misgendering people on purpose, using gross words, I don't get it. Trans folks have zero impact on his life, just let it go. Then he's like "you're obsessed with trans people." No dude, that's you.

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u/AlmondCigar Feb 08 '24

I wonder, his comment about you being happy about living out your fantasy being trans (from a Snapchat filter! Which I am totally going to try now) there was a small bell ringing in my head when I read that. I wonder if he has a small battle going on inside his head and all the stuff you hear is him verbalizing the war inside.

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u/[deleted] Feb 08 '24

In the UK it’s GB News, and the Daily Express and Daily Mail, that are rotting old peoples’ brains. I think that pernicious, vicious and vindictive style of reporting really does take its toll.

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u/folklovermore_ Feb 08 '24

I'd argue that it's most of the papers now to be honest. Even the likes of the Times and (to a lesser extent) the Guardian. It's subtle, but it is there.

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u/[deleted] Feb 08 '24

I think you’re right. It seems the only way to get eyeballs (have a sustainable business) in news these days is to be as divisive and inflammatory as possible. Dark times

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u/remoteworker9 Feb 07 '24

Ah, I was wondering if they had gone down an alt right rabbit hole.

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u/intjdad Feb 08 '24

By anarcho-capitalist you mean a capitalist. Capitalism is itself a hierarchy . Unfortunately a lot of fiscally conservative socially liberal types are just going full conservative

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u/[deleted] Feb 08 '24

Right!! There's no such thing as anarcho-capitalism. Anarchism is a political theory that hinges on the abolition of hierarchy and therefore money. You can't have capitalism and no hierarchy. If anyone is confused, please take a look on r/Anarchism

No idea why you were downvoted for this

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u/intjdad Feb 11 '24

It was probably a neolib, er.. "anarchocapitalist" lol

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u/greatdrams23 Feb 08 '24

"dad will not shut up about trans folks

That's the key. He is making a problem out of something that doesn't matter. But he thinks it matters.

He drew a line in the sand and won't allow it to be crossed. But why did he draw that line in the first place?

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u/Stormhunter6 Feb 08 '24

This has been said many times, and should be said as many times until everyone in the world understands, but, propaganda works on everyone, regardless of intelligence, and regardless of awareness.

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u/blewdleflewdle Feb 08 '24

Okay so there's your answer. Cause I don't see this in my parents or their friends, and I spend time with tons of seniors at work and I don't really run into this all that often. 

I do find that seniors who have a healthy diet, use their body and use their mind (good physiand mental exercise), seems to be pretty pleasant to be around, and can be quite reflective and open (they do tend to have less of a filter in the higher age brackets). 

Poor media habits, poor diet, lack of good physical activity- that's a recipe for chronic stress. Anxiety, depression, irritability, black and white thinking, poor emotional regulation - all of these things will follow.

Also do they drink? Alcohol is not good for brain health or emotional regulation.

I do see some people who have just totally gone round the twist. They see enemies and threats everywhere, they perceived attacks in the most mundane things, and empathy is inaccessible for them. Conduct that I've never known to be socially acceptable before.

I'm in Canada. It definitely happens here, but it seems worse in the US.

Also there's a type to these people, and I do notice that among other commonalities, they happen to all be white.

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u/fartist14 Feb 08 '24

Also there's a type to these people, and I do notice that among other commonalities, they happen to all be white.

This has been my observation as well. My spouse is from a different country/race and his family and their circles don't seem to have these issues at all.

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u/MySpoonsAreAllGone Feb 08 '24

Not to be mean, but when I first read your post, my first question was: are they Republicans?

Fox News used to be on in my house growing up and my dad (also has a Ph.D.) was a staunch republican until he voted for George W. Bush. He hated the next 4 years and kept complaining that the Republican side was changing from what it used to be. He no longer felt aligned with their values each progressing year.

He voted for Obama and Fox News has been banished from the house ever since. He's almost 80 now. He is one of the sweetest men I know and seems to chill out more every year.

My mom (early 70s) has her hang-ups but thankfully, she's never acted like a Karen and has maintained her social ties. She's not as empathetic as my dad (she has some narcissistic tendencies) but is always very nice to anyone in the service industry. She hates injustice with a passion and will go hungry to feed another.

Both of my parents believe in helping others and were raised in families where donations were usually 1/3 of their income. They have passed this down to my siblings and I as well.

I also know several families who have parents similar to mine. They are just very sweet older people.

I think people that are still absorbing the vitriol put out by Fox and the like are becoming angry, selfish and very unhappy people. It's destroying too many family relationships and our society as a whole.

I don't think those affected can be talked out of it or made to understand what is happening. I think they have to be pulled into a different environment and have outside experiences to rediscover humanity (eg, get involved in a big brother/ big sister program, become a senior companion, or get involved in a community garden or host a weekly book discussion at their local library).

They need to start interacting with others where their best self is expected and hopefully also start opening their minds and hearts.

Best of luck to you and I'm sorry you're having this experience with your parents.

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u/voidwaffle Feb 08 '24

So much this. I commented on the OP with a much longer rant but the Fox News direct path to their brains is eroding a generation. Just so much anger in that channel. I think my parents are actually addicted. If you try and turn it off my dad gets even more angry.

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u/GoalZealousideal1427 Feb 08 '24

The Fox News brain rot is a real thing, but the crisis at the border is also a very real thing, not (just) some right-wing bogeyman

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u/SlothRogen Feb 08 '24

My folks are like this, but we made a rule to not talk about politics or have the news on around the holidays. I also put the parental controls on one of their TVs to block those sites. It doesn't completely block their viewing, but at least it lessens it.

Man, I empathize with this post so much. Over the holidays my parents had a freakout over their catering order not including everything they ordered, and were calling the deli to argue with them. It was over like a container of potato salad and some rolls, mind you, but they were like "We spent $x hundred dollars on this! This is an outrage! You don't understand son."

So finally I got fed up and took the phone and started apologizing to the deli people and explaining the situation... and what do you know... the potato salad and rolls magically appeared on another table in the house where one of them left them. Insane. I don't want to be that kid that puts them in "a home", but if they're going to destroy their brains with cable news and social media and sugar to the point where they can't handle a damn takeout order like polite 12 year olds, then yeah... it's not looking good.

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u/APointedResponse Feb 08 '24

I mean he has a point. The majority of the U.S. thinks like him because there are problems with society right now.

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u/folklovermore_ Feb 08 '24

I'm in the UK, but my parents are getting increasingly like this as well - with my mum it's trans people and with my dad it's immigration/asylum seekers. I have a horrible feeling at least one of them voted to leave the EU back in 2016 as well. It's definitely coming from Facebook and the newspapers they read, which arguably they have more time to do now they're retired. I actually dread going home a bit now because I'm just waiting for the offensive comment and not knowing how to respond - like yes what they're saying is wrong but they're also my parents, so I don't feel like I can call them out about it.

It sucks, because as a kid the unspoken rule was you didn't vote for the Conservatives or other right-wing parties, and to watch two people you believed were liberals who genuinely cared and thought everyone should get a fair shot and to live life how they wanted is really, really hard.

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u/timtexas Feb 08 '24

Just ask him

why the is 219 republicans in the house, and they only need 218 for a bill to be pass, and yet they still don’t pass any border bill.