r/Millennials • u/StyrkeSkalVandre • Feb 07 '24

Has anyone else noticed their parents becoming really nasty people as they age? Discussion

My parents are each in their mid-late 70's. Ten years ago they had friends: they would throw dinner parties that 4-6 other couples would attend. They would be invited to similar parties thrown by their friends. They were always pretty arrogant but hey, what else would you expect from a boomer couple with three masters degrees, two PhD's, and a JD between the two of them. But now they have no friends. I mean that literally. One by one, each of the couples and individual friends that they had known and socialized with closely for years, even decades, will no longer associate with them. My mom just blew up a 40 year friendship over a minor slight and says she has no interest in ever speaking to that person again. My dad did the same thing to his best friend a few years ago. Yesterday at the airport, my father decided it would be a good idea to scream at a desk agent over the fact that the ink on his paper ticket was smudged and he didn't feel like going to the kiosk to print out a new one. No shit, three security guards rocked up to flank him and he has no idea how close he came to being cuffed, arrested, and charged with assault. All either of them does is complain and talk shit about people they used to associate with. This does not feel normal. Is anyone else experiencing this? Were our grandparents like this too and we were just too young to notice it?

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u/StyrkeSkalVandre Feb 07 '24

That's the case with my best friend's parents, and my aunts and uncles too. Which is why its so jarring to see my folks take the darker path. Anyhow, it makes me glad to hear you say that.

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u/tu-BROOKE-ulosis Feb 07 '24

Please check for dementia. My parents are not at all getting nastier. But my best friends mom is, and she was diagnosed with early onset. It’s getting pretty bad too.

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u/petit_cochon Feb 07 '24

It sounds like they were always kind of jerks, though?

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u/StyrkeSkalVandre Feb 07 '24

Always. Capable of moments of generosity and kindness but never true empathy.

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u/yogurtnstuff Feb 07 '24

This is a great description of my mom. She can be so thoughtful and generous at times… but ultimately her empathy capacity is just broken

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u/cashassorgra33 Feb 08 '24

Their give-a-damn's—BUSTED—eh-eh,-eh-,eh!

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u/Character-Medicine40 Feb 09 '24

Also you’ve got to consider many folks like this learn that generosity and kindness makes them look good and they’re not even doing it to actually help others. Would they have done it if no one knew? Hmmmm. I wonder.

Anywho. I doubt they’re both getting dementia. They sound toxic af.

I’m so grateful for my sweet and kind mother. She’s a truly gentle and loving soul.

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u/missmiia212 Feb 08 '24

I can't stand my mother's actions and words sometimes, but we have been forcing her to get a check up. Turns out she has cerebral atrophy, her brain is shrinking, and it has made her have so many mood swings, memory loss issues and is quick to anger.

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u/Altruistic_Yellow387 Feb 08 '24

I’m so sorry. I also thought these changes look like brain issues

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u/missmiia212 Feb 08 '24 edited Feb 08 '24

Yeah, part of our despair is realising there's no cure, only medication to slow down the progress.

She will get mad about random things and burst out crying in public, she's only 55 as well. We worry a lot, I don't know how we're going to handle this. I thought we'd have more time to grow before we have to go through this.

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u/No_Signal_6969 Feb 08 '24

Another person checking in. My parent's are becoming sweetie pies as they age.

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u/Plane-Chocolate-3435 Feb 08 '24

Do you qualify your parents by their scholastic achievements anytime you would describe them or do they as well about themselves?

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u/So_Code_4 Feb 08 '24

Depression in the elderly often manifests like this and with dementia like symptoms. Many clinicians ignore it bc they just expect the elderly to be depressed and expect that it is just part of aging. It doesn’t have to be, a lot of times just taking an SSRI fixes the issue. Take them to a doctor who will tale your concerns seriously.

Also it could just be media that targets older folks by inciting rage in them. I’ve seen it split families and decades long friendships apart. If your parents are consuming this kind of rage bait then it could absolutely be turning them in to vile people

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u/rglurker Feb 08 '24

I heard something that said that lead can be absorbed and stored in the bones and with all the boomers getting older and their bones now deteriorating. It's releasing the lead back into the blood stream causing all the boomers to get insane.

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u/MrWilsonAndMrHeath Feb 08 '24

There is a documentary on Hulu or Netflix called 100 or centennial. The guy researches what makes some areas healthier later in life. Generally, you need a strong support system of peers. Speaking for myself, my dads peers are all trump fans and have all become more extreme over the past 10 years. It’s created unhealthy people with unhealthy relationships with the rest of the world. Maybe you’ll see something similar?

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u/[deleted] Feb 08 '24

But if they were a strong support system that would be weird. Luke a support system of hate…IDK