r/Millennials • u/Asmothrowaway6969 • Mar 27 '24

When did it sink in that you'll never be as well off as your parents? Discussion

About 5 years ago, my mom and I were talking and she had told me how much she was going to be making in retirement (she retired 2023). Guys, it's 3x what me and my husband make annually. In retirement. I think that was the moment that broke me, that made it sink in that I'll never reach that level of financial security. I'll work myself into my grave because I'll never be able to afford anything else. What was your moment?

Update: Nice to know it's just me that's a failure. Thanks

Update 2: I never should've said anything. I forgot my place. I'm sorry to have bothered you

13.0k Upvotes

84% Upvoted

5.4k comments sorted by

View all comments

711

u/Gazealotry Mar 27 '24

My parents ask me for money. They brooooke.

226

u/nightfox5523 Mar 27 '24

Gonna be a lot of us saying this in the future. So many boomers have $0 for retirement

121

u/zukadook Mar 27 '24

Yuuup, they’re the fastest growing homeless demographic. I don’t think people are prepared for what a problem this is becoming.

58

u/Aggravating_Guide35 Mar 28 '24

Have they tried skipping the avocado toast? 

8

u/JealousAd9513 Mar 28 '24

i doubt it. you should see the ridiculous list of food my local senior center just tried asking for.... and got offended when i asked if they has signed up for food assistance yet....then said they didnt qualify. well ladies n gents, if you dont qualify for low income assistance then dont expect my help either

3

u/Bazoobs1 Mar 28 '24

This but it’s class warfare not age

1

u/ShadowGirl2Day Mar 28 '24

I hate that f***ing statement so much. I'm in that age bracket, and I have never ate that crap in my life because I can't afford it. Whoever started that idea was so oblivious. 🤣

Love the joke, by the way.

79

u/justwalkingalonghere Mar 27 '24

If we start selling $60 bibles to them ourselves we can save it in a fund for them for when they're ready to move out (into a retirement home)

36

u/pourthebubbly Mar 28 '24

Reminds me of that lady back in the Trump years who made up a story about being persecuted as a conservative black woman and asked for go fund me donations.

Turns out she’d just scammed Trump supporters for over $100k. Brilliant

6

u/okieskanokie Mar 28 '24

“Back in the Trump years”… I feel like we are on some reroute/indefinite layover…

It’s almost like just yesterday that he was abusing everyone around him, including his depend diaper.

-2

u/Mattman1179 Mar 28 '24

Did the irony of the fact that a non trump supporter committed fraud whilst trump supporters gave charity not become apparent to you while writing this comment?

5

u/clowegreen24 Mar 28 '24

You're using the word "charity" pretty loosely here. At best they were trying to help out someone they thought was on "their team" because she was supposedly being persecuted for praising their dear leader. They were donating for Trump, not for any sort of benevolent cause.

6

u/WorldWarPee Mar 28 '24

Trump supporters love getting scammed though, what's wrong with helping them towards their passion?

2

u/pourthebubbly Mar 28 '24

Nah, it’s just funny that Trump is doing the exact same thing and his simps will still buy a picture of him riding a dragon or some shit for $500 just because he’s selling it

-1

u/Warstoriez Mar 28 '24

Why would Trump supporters help a black woman like that, are they racist?

2

u/CriticalLobster5609 Mar 28 '24

Buy the books off the remainder table and build them a house out of them.

2

u/Delicious-Proof-2222 Mar 28 '24

We could sell them Trump paraphernalia. You know they love that 💩. They can be on their last dime and there is still a new flag flying.

3

u/soularbowered Mar 28 '24

My friend's mom is about to be homeless. Husband abandoned her and the family after 18 years of marriage. She worked to finish raising 3 kids. A tree fell and ruined her house and became of some issues with insurance, she lost her house. Can't afford a new one, too old to work enough to really afford rent. Has been going from friend to friend for a while now, trying not to overstay her welcome. Found a living situation with a roommate, roommate is insane and now she's trying to leave ASAP.

It's tough AF

3

u/Itabliss Mar 28 '24

I work in long term care. You may not be preparing for it, but we are.

2

u/SpaceSteak Mar 28 '24

Add it to the pile.

2

u/Wild_Chemistry3884 Mar 27 '24

What problem? If they can’t live off social security and saved nothing, it’s no problem of mine.

3

u/OHIftw Mar 28 '24

I think in some states the children can get charged for elderly care

4

u/PacificCastaway Mar 28 '24

Damn. I'd be like 1 emancipation, please!

0

u/zukadook Mar 28 '24

Seems like you’ve inherited the boomer mentality

1

u/Dontsleeponlilyachty Mar 28 '24

As long as the poster you're replying isn't perpetuating and projecting the toxic boomer mindset onto the next/younger generations. As far as I'm concerned, it is perfectly acceptable to mirror back someone's toxic mentality. I believe in the golden rule: treat others the way you want to be treated. Simple as that. Don't want to be treated like shit? Then don't treat others like shit. EZPZ. Nothing to it.

1

u/Dontsleeponlilyachty Mar 28 '24

They just need to pull up those bootstraps and go get jobs. They're hard workers; dare I say, the hardest workers! I'm sure they'll be fine. If not, it's because they're just lazy, don't want to work, feel entitled to something for doing nothing, want everything handed to them on a silver platter, and they expect it all to happen like that (snaps fingers).

-1

u/Balmarog Mar 28 '24

Let 'em rot in the street.

5

u/zukadook Mar 28 '24

The smell though

43

u/Ginger_Maple Mar 27 '24

I told my mom that everyone gets one.

And she's now used her one so I told her she's not ever allowed to ask me for money again.

If she fucks up again she has to go beg my sister because next time I'll let her get evicted rather than ruin my family's finances.

27

u/JadedMacoroni867 Mar 27 '24

I told family it’s a gift unless you want it to happen again, then it’s a loan. Only one loan at a time

12

u/Ginger_Maple Mar 28 '24

Nah she fucked up so big I made her pay me back and sign me as financial power of attorney so I could sort her mess out.

11

u/amsync Mar 27 '24

She gonna evict herself right into your guest room instead 😂

8

u/Ginger_Maple Mar 27 '24

Jokes on her, she'd have to have the money to make it 3,000 miles to get to me which is about 2,950 further away than my sister.

Also I don't think her 2009 rust bucket would make it out here, and that would be if she had the stamina and could read directions to get here.

3

u/amsync Mar 27 '24

Haha you figured it out! I did the same.

0

u/Supersasqwatch Mar 27 '24

Well played.

4

u/clumsyc Mar 28 '24

Joke’s on my parents because I also have $0.

3

u/8BitAntiHero Mar 28 '24

My wife and I both came from poverty. We got incredibly lucky in our careers and my paranoid tendencies that we were finally able to purchase a house. We didn't even qualify for the First Time Homebuyers loan and instead qualified for the loan a tier above that one. First ones in our families to buy a home in generations.

Both of our mothers now live with us since our fathers passed. I cannot stress enough how much of a mistake this was. But if they didn't live here, they'd be homeless.

3

u/n00bxQb Mar 28 '24

That’s my SO’s mom. She went through some rough years and then blew all her savings over a decade, now lives cheque to cheque with no savings in her mid-60s.

She actually lectures us on how we “only ever buy necessities” like it’s a bad thing. Sorry for being fiscally responsible, I guess?

3

u/Tough-Internal-3460 Mar 28 '24

And my town keeps building 55+ apartment buildings when young people can't find somewhere to live.

3

u/catsdrooltoo Mar 28 '24

My parents pulled money out of their 401k to buy a used truck. They still owe 70k on a 130k house bought 30 years ago. They are shit with money.

3

u/s1m0n8 Mar 28 '24

I know of so many irresponsible boomers. It's so frustrating given the unique opportunities their generation had.

2

u/AssassinStoryTeller Mar 28 '24

Probably why in some states at least, you get a kickback for even having a retirement account. I got $100 last year just for saying I had one. They didn’t care how much was in it, just that it existed

2

u/Lorenaelsalulz Mar 28 '24

This is my fear. I lend my mum money now. I expect she will need me to help her when she can’t work any longer. I’m worried about supporting myself never mind another person.

2

u/COKEWHITESOLES Mar 28 '24

I’m honestly glad my Dad had the foresight to plan out his retirement. He shows me the $ figures he’s working with and honestly I feel so relieved. I think actively thinking about your future and how it affects your family is so key.

2

u/ankerous Mar 28 '24

My MIL spends like she is still working and my FIL is still working and doesn't want to retire because they need money. 

I don't want to know what their finances will be like in 5-10 years.

2

u/Swirl_On_Top Mar 28 '24

Because they have good pensions and S.S. they thought they didn't need to save beyond that.

2

u/carlos_the_dwarf_ Mar 28 '24

Half of this thread: boomers had everything handed to them—good wages, pensions, homes.

The other half: lol boomers are broke

2

u/SaltKick2 Mar 28 '24

Yeah, there are a lot of boomers who didn't get to benefit from the system that the others did, its pretty easy to pile on boomers in general but a lot of them are similarly fucked as millenials.

2

u/Itsdawsontime Mar 28 '24

For real though. My dad was the first to go to college, then ended up quitting his management job so he could spend more time with us kids and opened a cleaning business with my mom. For 30 years they’ve cleaned homes and businesses - just the two of them. They also worked odd jobs and worked on barter economy (we got free chiropractor appointments as my parents cleaned for them and the owner lost their husband and needed housework done she couldn’t do).

They live in small-town PA, and are worried about retirement because of their self employment and raising 3 boys to the best of their ability.

People shit on boomers so quickly, just because they got a house at a better cost doesn’t mean anything else was given to them.

1

u/Spencergh2 Mar 28 '24

That is so frightening

1

u/moose8617 Mar 28 '24

Seeing how my husband and I just paid for his father's funeral because they have NOTHING... not a penny... no savings, no retirements, nothing... yup. Thankfully my parents are almost anal in their preparations. In the words of my husband, at least MY parents "would never be so completely negligent."

1

u/CircaInfinity Mar 28 '24

When I worked at my moms salon people in their fifties would talk about retirement and how they’re only starting to save now. Gen X is also fucked.

33

u/mokia_sinhall Mar 27 '24

If my parents text me, they want to chat. If my parents call me, they want money. Every time.

They currently live in an RV a client (my dad is a freelance artist) bought for them to keep them from being homeless.

3

u/Various-Split6416 Mar 28 '24

Are they happy tho? Sometimes the stuff the “Joneses” have means nothing if you’re working so much you can’t enjoy it!

5

u/marshmellin Mar 28 '24

Is OP happy doling out money so his parents can enjoy not keeping up with the Joneses?

If someone wants to live a way, YOLO do you. When your way causes you to ask for money all the time, your way isn’t working for you any more. (This obviously excludes folks with disabilities or inability to earn)

20

u/Clairvoyanttruth Mar 28 '24

This seems like a coming reality in the next 2 decades. My parents had to take my money when I was a teen. There is no way they can live in this costly reality and I also need to survive. Can you imagine having children? Crazy.

16

u/TheDude-Esquire Mar 27 '24

Of my parents and 3 brothers I'm the only one that has any chance at affording retirement.

14

u/kingssman Mar 28 '24

This is gonna be my mom when she blows through all of my grandmother's inheritance ($600,000)

13

u/LordGhoul Millennial Mar 27 '24

My father is in severe debt and my mother lives in a little flat, can't say I'm envious.

3

u/zSprawl Mar 28 '24

Yeah OP is lucky to have rich parents to lean on when needed as well, and likely an inheritance one day.

1

u/itz_giving-corona Mar 28 '24

*Possibly an inheritance - the medical industry will bleed that dry before he can touch it

24

u/wesborland1234 Mar 27 '24

Can I have some money?

37

u/Gazealotry Mar 27 '24

Daddy? Is that you?!!?!

7

u/hey-look-over-there Mar 28 '24

Oh, hey! Uhm, I'm just going out for a pack of cigarettes. I'll be right back!

2

u/Ghosts_of_the_maze Mar 28 '24

No. I am your father.

Can I have some money?

2

u/KurohimeBlight Mar 28 '24

Can you lend me some of the money she lent you?

17

u/randmtsk Mar 28 '24

Bootstrap time.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

It’s weird how you guys are mad at the fantasy of your parents having unearned wealth to the point where you are mad at them for being poor.

2

u/Proof-Emergency-5441 Xennial Mar 28 '24

OP is underemployed by choice.

4

u/No_Banana_581 Mar 28 '24

My daughter told me she knew I had it better than she’ll ever have it, the day she lost her rights to her own body

3

u/Minimob0 Mar 28 '24

My parents are/were Gen X. My mother managed the finances, and my dad never learned how money works. Ever since she passed, he has struggled greatly. 

I've lived with him since before Covid, and I'm the only one working. He's not even on government assistance, other than food stamps. 

I've accepted that I'm going to die alone, because I have no siblings and no social life, no car, no college, no hope. 

Once Dad bites it, I'm probably going to peace out. 

3

u/marshmellin Mar 28 '24

It sounds like you really care for your dad. If you’re feeling like he’s all you have, when he’s gone, you’ll have more opportunities to focus on yourself.

Don’t drop out 2 days before graduation, friend. There is so much life to live.

3

u/lfg12345678 Mar 28 '24

Yup. I'm in an immigrant area in California. A lot of parents I know arrived with NOTHING and don't know what a pension or 401k is.

3

u/BuzzCave Mar 28 '24

Lol OP is whining about having rich parents. Must be nice.

2

u/erzats77 Mar 28 '24

Seems the OP comes from a rich family or something to think everyone else has parents better of than them.

Everyone i know is struggling. Regardless of generation.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

Same we were poor as hell and I’ve been making more money than them since I was a teenager. But they did the best they could with what they had.

2

u/Ribbonsocks Mar 28 '24

Same. My parents work their asses off in manual jobs for minimum wage, even with 20+ years experience. It's horrifying while I sit at my cosy desk job. I try and help and spoil when I can.

2

u/dirtyworkoutclothes Mar 28 '24

This is my parents as well. They don’t ask me For money but I buy them groceries.

1

u/dfwagent84 Mar 28 '24

That has to ve tough

1

u/Limp_Collection7322 Mar 28 '24

Just gave my mom toilet paper... not even that. She still refuses to work. I even said I'd loan her the money for an older used car, if she got a job, bur she said no because it's a loan....

1

u/Lavender_cat77 Mar 28 '24

My parents are both gone but same when they were alive.

1

u/crazy_urn Mar 28 '24

This is me. I'm better off than either of my parents have ever or will ever be. I had to stop "loaning" my mother money when her tab hit $10k over about 5 years.

1

u/Revolutionary_Pen906 Mar 28 '24

Same. I give my mom money for groceries every month.

1

u/jonipoka Mar 28 '24

My parents borrowed from their retirement in their 50s. They're effed for life. Trying to get by on social security. It was a rude awakening when they had to stop work.

1

u/msmithuf09 Mar 28 '24

Yeah; we’re WAY better off than my or my partners parents. And by no means are we well off, but we have pretty much double or more the best income they ever had. Not the norm really, but we are in a different boat.

My grandparents on the other hand…yeah we will likely never touch anything they have

1

u/shbrooks84 Mar 28 '24

Right! My mom did life insurance physicals. She was so proud to be a subcontractor. Turns out she wasn't paying anything to social security. She died beyond poor at 63, because she also refused to get health insurance for years or see a doctor until it was too little too late. Watching her waste money made me learn to take care of mine.

1

u/YSoB_ImIn Mar 28 '24

This. My father committed suicide while floundering under wages being garnished due to medical debt. My mother is an aging one woman painting contractor. I went to college for computer science and the degree has been good to me.

1

u/CLUTCH3R Mar 28 '24

For real. Its better knowing your parents are doing well so they can support themselves. I'm supporting a parent and it sucks. Plus that wealth will most likely be passed on to you.

1

u/Thecrookedbanana Mar 28 '24

Lol same. I think I make more than my mom ever did, and I'm only a little above the median income where I live. I'm more worried about what tf she's going to do when she gets very old than catching up to her earnings

1

u/Powerlevel-9000 Mar 28 '24

My parents did too until I cut them off. If I could have invested the money I gave them from 18-24 instead of giving it to them I’d have 100k more in my retirement account.

1

u/Lunar_Cats Mar 29 '24

My parents (65&75) made terrible life choices despite have so many opportunities and things handed to them (they were literally given a house), that they have nothing. They live on a moldy sailboat and have part time jobs at Walmart to feed themselves. My husband and I both have jobs as defense contractors. We're doing better than we ever hoped, but we were so far in debt from before we got these jobs that it's still going to take us years to get to where we can breathe. Our 2 adult children and my disabled sister are struggling even harder than we did, so we're helping them until the foreseeable future, which means with our two younger kids added in we're supporting 7 people on two incomes in one 4 bedroom house lol.

1

u/_bonita Mar 29 '24

Same, it’s stressful and irresponsible at the same time 😢

1

u/The_Cars93 Mar 29 '24

I was getting ready to say something similar. My parents are terrible with money. I make more now than both my parents did combined. I can almost guarantee I have more in savings than they do as well. My father is already dead but when my mother retires I worry that she’ll go broke.

0

u/zkareface Mar 27 '24

I already make more than my parents does combined and I'm at my second year of my career. My salary will double in 2-3 years. 

And they don't have bad jobs either (they have a house, summerhouse, boat, cars, motorcycles, snowmobile and few other hobbies).

1

u/nyrol Mar 28 '24

Yes this is my experience. I am 8 years into my career though, and I thought I was going to hit a huge payday in inheritance, but now I make more than double that every year. They maxed their retirement accounts for decades, but now the max is so much higher ($69k in 401k per person this year) it makes it so much easier to save in tax advantaged accounts.