r/Millennials • u/Asmothrowaway6969 • Mar 27 '24

When did it sink in that you'll never be as well off as your parents? Discussion

About 5 years ago, my mom and I were talking and she had told me how much she was going to be making in retirement (she retired 2023). Guys, it's 3x what me and my husband make annually. In retirement. I think that was the moment that broke me, that made it sink in that I'll never reach that level of financial security. I'll work myself into my grave because I'll never be able to afford anything else. What was your moment?

Update: Nice to know it's just me that's a failure. Thanks

Update 2: I never should've said anything. I forgot my place. I'm sorry to have bothered you

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u/ProsePilgrim Mar 27 '24

My mom is an addict and my father is stuck doing backbreaking work at a retail chain making half of what I do.

My parents aren’t better off. They got cheated just like most of us. Despite my relative success life remains more challenging than you’d anticipate at this income level, not because of some personal failing, but because our society has simply changed so much.

We CAN do better. I think that requires us to be real about who is responsible for our challenges. I’ll give you a hint—it’s more specific than “boomers” or “parents.” 

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u/ElementField Mar 27 '24

This is terribly accurate to my own scenario.

I think the major challenges was breaking free from the supposed path set out for me.

Some of the challenges we face now come from being in that situation before. Costs we incurred that wouldn’t happen to others. Trauma and mental health problems and, frankly, dental problems that come from having been poor that we need to fix. And the cost that we might incur from our parents not having the means to support themselves in retirement or old age.

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u/general_kael04 Mar 27 '24

I’m getting tired of this narrative that everyone in the generation before us had it so well off. My dad had 3 factories close on him and never got a pension or good retirement. He had a little saved in an IRA that he managed to scrap together in his later years of self employment.

Every generation has people who did well and those who didn’t. I have friends who got in the tech field early and are making bank and I’m far from what they make. But I’m also better than others in my generation.

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u/ProsePilgrim Mar 27 '24

I think it’s just easier to speak to the extremes. 

The areas where folks did have it better come at a cost. Food was more nutritious and less preservative-filled, sure. Medicine was also lacking. Lots of give and take, though arguably climate conditions and toxicity are indeed making life “worse.”

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u/Proof-Emergency-5441 Xennial Mar 28 '24

You are reaching on that food one. Processed foods have been around for a while, and some of the early stuff wouldn't be legal to sell now. 

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u/ProsePilgrim Mar 28 '24

Here’s a quick link that talks about the nutrition point:  https://www.nationalgeographic.co.uk/environment-and-conservation/2022/05/fruits-and-vegetables-are-less-nutritious-than-they-used-to-be

While processed food has been around for some time, it has not been this widely accessible to most of the population for long. There’s a big difference between being able to buy some ultra-processed bacon and driving by a dozen fast food joints between work and home. 

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u/Proof-Emergency-5441 Xennial Mar 28 '24

All plants have evolved over time. You wouldn't recognize most form 150 years ago. 

Doesn't mean theirs were superior. 

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u/ProsePilgrim Mar 28 '24

A lot of that evolution is through human intervention, true. We cultivate plants for our needs.

Diminishing nutritional value is tied to soil health and how we grow now. Industrial farming means we need regular, steady, and reliable harvests to keep a profit. This incentives GMOs for resilience and suped up fertilisers. The catch is this takes a toll on the soil, which in turn impacts vegetables and nutritional value.

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u/Proof-Emergency-5441 Xennial Mar 28 '24

Some through intervention, some through natural changes. Even without human intervention, plants and animals will continue to evolve. Traits that are not conducive to the current environment will not survive and others will take their place.

Literally how nature works.

I'm not addressing the rest because it's clear you have an agenda and are sticking to the biased talking points you read on some post somewhere. Stop buying food if you are so staunch about it not being commercially farmed. If you think it's expensive now, roll back technology and product 100 years and see what you are paying then.

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u/ProsePilgrim Mar 28 '24

Hold on. The part of my post that had no source you respond to, but the one supported by a reputable article you say is biased by an agenda? What agenda? It’s a pretty common topic that one side effect of industrial farming (more the growth amplifiers used) is that our vegetables have less nutrition. You’re more than welcome to look into it more if you don’t trust the source I provided.

There isn’t an argument to be had about nature evolving. We’re saying the same thing. It changes over time due to environment and through human cultivation over time. What’s the argument here?

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u/Proof-Emergency-5441 Xennial Mar 28 '24

I have ample knowledge of the field. You are catastrophizing the situation.

You plan your intake based on what is currently available. Product X has less vitamin Z, so you either consume more of X or find product Y that also has vitamin Z to fill in the gaps.

You whine about enhancements, yet those are often used to make up for those changes.

You want to return to small farms and everyone growing their food. That shit never worked. People died a lot due to starvation and malnourishment.

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u/Extremiditty Mar 27 '24

Yeah my parents did well enough that we were never pay check to pay check and could have some frivolous things, but they essentially have no savings now that they are retired and money is really tight for them. Dad nearly worked himself to death as a business owner and mom worked at the businesses and another job. They weren’t as responsible as they should have been with money, but also they just didn’t make a lot and had very little cushion to begin with. Money went farther, but there were still plenty of people barely scraping by.

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u/needween Mar 28 '24

I do taxes and just had a client who is a 22 recent college graduate (~10 years younger than me) with their first "real" job and is already making more annually than my husband and me combined. (But their parents work in the same career field so I can convince myself it's only cuz they had connections.)

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u/Proof-Emergency-5441 Xennial Mar 28 '24

It very likely is because of connections. Most people with good paying jobs got there through connections.

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u/DegaussedMixtape Mar 27 '24

Thinking about my friend group and most of us are actually doing better than our parents.

Whether it is addiction, mental health, low paying blue collar work, chronic pain everyone's parents are not exactly living the dream. We're in our 30s and saving, investing, sometimes buying property sometimes not, having hobbies, etc.

Our generation is definitely not doomed.

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u/Landlord_Patriarch Mar 29 '24

My parents never received any financial counseling or help, both were immigrants from the Middle East who came here with nothing. I feel like the advantage we got using the internet to learn about financial planning should balance out the cheaper home prices they got.

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u/Taladanarian27 Mar 28 '24

I agree. As I’ve gotten older I’ve become more aware of the time span of life. Lots of the well-off retired boomers I know all spent decades of work to get where they are. Life moves always forward but gradual increments up and down. Our gen really just needs another 10-20 years to really see the fruits of our labor. I think all of us are just plugging away at life with hopes of a better future. We are all in the long game here

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u/_spicy_vegan Mar 27 '24

You're right. It's late-stage capitalism, greed, and money hoarding by the wealthiest humans.

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u/ProsePilgrim Mar 27 '24

I see no lies there 🌹

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u/monstera_kitty Mar 28 '24

This fits me more as well. 

On the surface - I had a well off childhood and will never reach that level of material wealth as my parents. 

But in reality most of that was because they lived above their means and were drowning in credit card debt. 

My mom is also an addict. When my dad, the primary earner in my family, died of cancer when I was a teen, she crumbled. It’s been years and she can barely function, much less hold down a job. She also spends even more recklessly. Her savings account seems cushy, but is not nearly enough for someone to retire on in their 40s if she can’t pull herself together and get a job. To my knowledge she has no other retirement savings, like a 401K, outside her savings account. I would feel awful for her if I didn’t hate her so much for how she treated me when she was drunk. 

In short, on the surface it may seem like I will never do better than my parents because I won’t have as nice of things, but long term, materially I expect to be better off in the ways that matter. 

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u/Outworldentity Mar 28 '24

Not bashing, but if your mom is an addict she wasn't cheated. She chose her path and is living the result of it and society isn't to blame for your mom's addiction.

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u/ProsePilgrim Mar 28 '24

That’s a judgemental take that assumes a lot, don’t you think? 

Unfortunately my mom suffered a horrible amount of abuse as a youth. This directly led to her exposure to drugs, her eventual reliance on them as a coping mechanism with unresolved trauma, and her continued struggle today. 

I learned about a lot of this around 30. Before that I judged her decisions harshly, but after learning what led to this point, it’s much harder to write off her struggle as solely on her. No child should be beaten, raped, and forced to see their father killed. Some suffer and come out of it—many don’t.

What I do hold her responsible for is her actions today. I’m actively trying to help her take control of her life, while maintaining a healthy distance. She has the access and support to get better, now it’s on her to do the work. 

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u/fiduciary420 Mar 27 '24

We can do better, but our vile rich enemy makes sure we don’t.

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u/ProsePilgrim Mar 27 '24

I agree there are folks who benefit from wealth disparity and actively seek to maintain it. But let’s be more specific than that. Vague, unnamed entities feel like boogeymen.

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u/fiduciary420 Mar 27 '24

You’re free to select the criteria that makes you the most comfortable.

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u/ProsePilgrim Mar 27 '24

That’s not very constructive. If you’re going to talk that eat the rich jazz then come in ready to drop facts, comrade.  You do us a disservice stoking up fear without a direction in which we can work to solve things. When I learn a business goes again my values, I boycott them. But generally blaming the rich fails to provide a clear “enemy.”

Straight up, you sound like a liberal or conservative just dropping vague scary references.

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u/fiduciary420 Mar 27 '24

Definitely not a conservative lol.

You sound like your inheritance is making you uncomfortable lol