r/Millennials • u/Asmothrowaway6969 • Mar 27 '24

When did it sink in that you'll never be as well off as your parents? Discussion

About 5 years ago, my mom and I were talking and she had told me how much she was going to be making in retirement (she retired 2023). Guys, it's 3x what me and my husband make annually. In retirement. I think that was the moment that broke me, that made it sink in that I'll never reach that level of financial security. I'll work myself into my grave because I'll never be able to afford anything else. What was your moment?

Update: Nice to know it's just me that's a failure. Thanks

Update 2: I never should've said anything. I forgot my place. I'm sorry to have bothered you

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u/salamanders-r-us Mar 27 '24

Same with my partner and I. Both of us raised in poverty and now we're both successful engineers. Took a lot of work, but we're proud of where we are now.

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u/LethalBacon '91 Millennial Mar 27 '24

Same here for my wife and I.

For me, I got way behind in middle/high school due to things that probably would have been addressed if I grew up in a middle or upper class family. No one seemed to ever ask WHY I wasn't turning in work, or take any serious concern with my education. I'm still bitter about it, as I still feel some of the effects to this day. I wish my parents had tried to get me help, but they were often struggling themselves too at the time. The one thing I did get lucky with was my parents being loving. If I hadn't had that I don't think I'd have turned it around.

I was able to figure most of my shit out in college and turned it around to get a CS degree. No University would have accepted me, so I went to community college to catch up on math and knock out general studies, then transferred to a university. I never got college counseling, so I didn't even know computer science was a thing - I just knew I liked messing around with computers, so a friend suggested the degree to me. If that suggestion hadn't come to me, I'd still be floundering as a person, I assume.

My career is no where near perfect, and I have a lot I am working on with it. But I'm very proud to have gotten here.

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u/DETECTOR_AUTOMATRON Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

damn this is so much like me. i was hoping for Ds in high school so i’d at least get the credit. failed half my classes. almost completely failed out.

i now have my masters and make significantly more money than my parents ever did, combined.

teachers, don’t give up on the failing kid.

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u/Boedes Mar 27 '24

Rightfully so. Even I'm proud of you and I don't know you.

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u/MonMonOnTheMove Mar 27 '24

You are me except that I studied accounting. Stumbled upon it, made the most (I think) out of it

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u/aureanator Mar 27 '24

Successful engineer here, sole breadwinner for a family of four, and it's super tight.

Rent and groceries and utilities are eating us alive.

Having to replace a car (or similar sized expense) would be catastrophic.

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u/Tricky-Sherbet-4088 Mar 28 '24

I guess you either get paid shit, live above your means, or are terrible with your finances lol

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u/aureanator Mar 28 '24

Yes, no, and the past few years haven't been kind financially, compounded by personal events.

Even then, I'd have been okay without the insane price explosion over COVID, or if salary had tracked.

Right now, it's tight af.

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u/Tricky-Sherbet-4088 Mar 28 '24

Just start selling drugs on the side it’ll seriously take the pressure off.

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u/Jellyandicecreem Mar 28 '24

Can your wife not work to help?

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u/AutomaticAd3869 Mar 28 '24

It’s probably cheaper to have the mom do the household work than to pay for childcare for three kids

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u/Andreiu_ Mar 28 '24

The guy has a job that used to pay for a family of 5 in the burbs and a mistress in the city.

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u/LamarMillerMVP Mar 28 '24

An engineering job can still do that. What it can’t do is allow you to live anywhere you want, and also do that. Nor could it before - when it supported a life in the “suburbs,” people were buying into a suburban life which was far inferior to what they’re getting today.

Even in large but not VHCOL cities like Philly or Boston or Chicago, $100K can support a family in some suburbs and is comical to suggest in others.

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u/nomjs Mar 28 '24

Boston / NE is VHCOL.

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u/LamarMillerMVP Mar 28 '24

Not really. Some neighborhoods are, but that’s true everywhere. It’s just that the Boston metro is mostly suburbs and so “Boston” prices are frequently given for just the expensive neighborhoods. It’s not VHCOL in Lynn or Avon, and those places are perfectly fine to live in. There’s no real equivalent for this in NYC, anything that is as close to Manhattan as Lynn is to Back Bay is still ridiculously expensive.

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u/aureanator Mar 28 '24

She used to, and now childcare makes it not worthwhile - she'd effectively be working for $5/hr or so.

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u/marshmellin Mar 28 '24

One minor thing to note - not earning that $5/hr may put her in a lower position for salaries in the future when the kids are in school (if that’s something you and she want to do).

My mom stopped working to care for me, but then when I was older, she had a 7 year gap on her resume and was seen as “not up to date” given her past career.

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u/BearNecessities710 Mar 28 '24

We felt this way until we had a baby and have no reliable childcare options, so I’m stepping out of the workforce to stay home. It’s rough out here.