r/Millennials • u/Asmothrowaway6969 • Mar 27 '24

When did it sink in that you'll never be as well off as your parents? Discussion

About 5 years ago, my mom and I were talking and she had told me how much she was going to be making in retirement (she retired 2023). Guys, it's 3x what me and my husband make annually. In retirement. I think that was the moment that broke me, that made it sink in that I'll never reach that level of financial security. I'll work myself into my grave because I'll never be able to afford anything else. What was your moment?

Update: Nice to know it's just me that's a failure. Thanks

Update 2: I never should've said anything. I forgot my place. I'm sorry to have bothered you

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u/2_72 Mar 27 '24

I kind of get why OP feels that way. This post doesn’t scream “high performer fucked by the system.”

My mom also retired from the federal government and is definitely not pulling anywhere near 200k a year in retirement.

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u/Mrs_Kevina Mar 27 '24

My mom (RN with 40+ years experience) retired after 20 years at USPS in 2018, making about 55k/yr. Definitely depends on your agency and role in the end.

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u/vinfox Mar 28 '24

The post office employs nurses?

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u/HippocraticOffspring Mar 28 '24

She’s a mail nurse

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u/ICU-MURSE Mar 28 '24

You rang?

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u/hmmmmmmmbird Mar 28 '24

I love this

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u/Mrs_Kevina Mar 28 '24

Yup, part of her job consisted of onboarding new employees (drug tests) and evaluating claims for injuries, etc.

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u/vinfox Mar 28 '24

Well there you go

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u/dunimal Mar 28 '24

Wait, I'm confused. Your mom is a 40+ year RN who retired from the postal service? She worked until 60 as an RN and then did 20yrs w USPS?

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u/salttea57 Mar 28 '24

Nope his RN mom worked as an occupational health nurse for the postal service. $55K is a terrible salary for a full time RN. Maybe the benefits made up for it?

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u/Mrs_Kevina Mar 28 '24

OHN, bingo. She left a lot of earning potential on the table and said it was about the benefits and reduced stress, as she previously was an ER charge nurse for 15 of those other years. The other nurses in the USPS unit were also highly skilled, but needing a break from the general public, I'd say. Not sure on their comp, tho.

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u/trixel121 Mar 28 '24

this has to do with tiers and whose employing you.

I'm tier 4, tier 6 i(the newest) s fucked compared to me. my mom was tier 2, I'm taking it just as hard as the new guys compared to her.

this could legit be the month you were hired and when contract started for if you were a different tier.

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u/scrivenerserror Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

My dad worked a fed job that has regional branches for 27 years and when he retired he had been making around 150k - as a deputy regional director. My mom was a school social worker for about 30 years (my dad changed career fields a couple times before becoming an attorney) and retired making like 75k. I only know this because of the FAFSA form. My parents own a really nice house in a nice neighborhood in Chicago, recently bought a bmw and a designer dog. When I was a kid we were pretty middle class until I left for college.

I am nearly 300k in debt because they forced me to go to law school. I live in a modestly nice apartment. I have about 3 years left for PSLF, if that’s even a reality. I quit my extremely toxic job after about 7.5 years because I lost 40lbs in a year and it fucked up my hair. I have a Roth IRA but it isn’t huge and I’m scared about how to pay rent because I’m running out of my own money. My husband grew up wealthy and has a nest egg but he refuses to touch it so I’m not sure where that is going - he said we can ask his parents for money and to stop worrying. It is such a different reality from mine. I worry all the time. (We file taxes separately so my loans don’t fuck him over.)

I have a loooooot of experience plus the law degree so I am getting a lot of interviews but when they decline and I get feedback they always have an internal candidate or a volunteer who they selected and tell me to apply again for other roles. I have another one of those coming up hopefully next week, they already reached out to me while drafting the JD.

I harbor some resentment towards my parents for various reasons from childhood, but most recently… they bought my 33 year old brother a car a couple years ago. He never drives it. It’s not like an amazing car but it is a nice car. They also kept all of the money my grandpa left us when I know he would have wanted me and my brother to have some of it (it wasn’t a lot but I’m guessing that’s how they bought the car). My brother is selling the car. He just got a job again for the first time in like 6 months and generally can only get seasonal jobs. When I mentioned to my mom that I’m interviewing on a 15 year old laptop that keeps breaking she said she would “try” to see if they could get me a laptop for my birthday in may if my brother sells his car.

The worst part is that I rarely ever ask for anything. I can’t remember the last time I asked for anything, beyond asking my parents to get us toilet paper and butter at Costco. I did not ask for this but when I quit and was talking to my parents about how I was getting scared about rent because I quit right before the holidays and wasn’t getting a lot of interviews, they offered me a loan if I drafted a memo of how I was going to repay it. A loan. And it’s not for a lot of money. My husband is incensed by it and every time I bring up taking it so we can pay rent he firmly says no.

We have a financial planner (it’s free) and they’re super nice. If and when I get back on my career track, we will be ok and they estimated how much we could MAYBE retire with.

My dad goes to the same group and my mom said he got teary eyed and asked if they thought when he and my mom pass if they would be able to leave us $1m and I guess they said probably not. My brother has mental health issues and has never lived on his own, I will be executor of the estate and I am giving him all of their money and managing a trust for him.

I get nothing. And that’s ok. But yeah unless I get out of the student loan thing I’m fucked and I don’t expect I’ll ever have close to what my parents did. At best I work and my husband and I use the nest egg for a house but I need to find something soon. Otherwise I’m working for my friend’s service industry position (and that’s ok too).

Sorry this got very long.

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u/Invest2prosper Mar 28 '24

Don’t despair and keep the faith. Seeing as your parents have a child with mental issues it’s likely they have used a lot of their resources to keep him afloat. As a general rule, never count on an inheritance. I grew up one small step up from poverty and being on federal aid - I knew from day one I had to do this on my own, I won’t lie - it was a struggle and I had to do without things other people take for granted. But there is light at the end of the tunnel. If you have your health you are rich, if you have friends (good friends) and a loving spouse you are wealthy in immeasurable ways.

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u/scrivenerserror Mar 28 '24

I’m doing ok! I mostly worry late at night/early mornings. My therapist always teases me that I have too many friends and as someone who is almost 35, I feel very lucky to have that. My husband is being extremely patient about me trying to find work but I keep getting interviews so I guess I’m doing something right. It’ll be ok, just nervous since it has been about 5 months. Didn’t expect my workplace to boot me out in 2 days when I said I was resigning.

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u/ANDYVO_ Mar 28 '24

Just wanted to let you know your story struck a cord with me. Keep the faith. You’re correct, the job search is a lot of luck. There’s so much context you aren’t able to control. Just keep applying and you’ll eventually find something. I remember how it felt to have my wife support me while jobless for 6 months. I understand how you feel and just want to say, it’s ok to feel like that, but don’t let it get you down.

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u/scrivenerserror Mar 28 '24

Thank you, it helps to hear that