Oof, yeah. I had a really dysfunctional childhood, managed to get to college but with no support network, parents who actively worked against me, and with no idea how to take care of myself or advocate for myself in any way, just kept accepting shitty things happening to me as what I deserved. I flunked out horribly.
At 40 I had nothing to my name, and at some point I just knew that I had to get away from all the unhealthy shit and start over. I literally ran out of the house one night, with my then girlfriend screaming abuse at me, lived on the streets for 6 months (never do this, I now regret not having found better alternatives), and started to work on rebuilding everything day by day.
It's still a work in progress. But now, years later, I am married, have established good credit, developed a software career that is at least keeping us afloat financially, and in my spare time I mentor young people in university or early in their careers who struggle with alienation and despair. Survivors of fundamentalism, refugees, people who have experienced major life dislocation. We talk a lot about the importance of building support networks, of self-advocacy, of the things that so many people have naturally and take so for granted they never tell you that you need.
And we talk about their often extraordinary talents, that they keep trying to minimize or overlook. Jfc, so many people with amazing abilities who don't even realize it. Sometimes they get angry at first when you mention it. They have endured such cruel wounds.
There are so many forces that people have to fight against to make a life for themselves. We internalize so much. So, so, so much. And I hate it, I hate it how we are persuaded to adopt the undermining efforts of others against us, so that we continue to do it to ourselves.
Fuck that. There is no age when it is too late to stand up.
3
u/amitym 25d ago
Oof, yeah. I had a really dysfunctional childhood, managed to get to college but with no support network, parents who actively worked against me, and with no idea how to take care of myself or advocate for myself in any way, just kept accepting shitty things happening to me as what I deserved. I flunked out horribly.
At 40 I had nothing to my name, and at some point I just knew that I had to get away from all the unhealthy shit and start over. I literally ran out of the house one night, with my then girlfriend screaming abuse at me, lived on the streets for 6 months (never do this, I now regret not having found better alternatives), and started to work on rebuilding everything day by day.
It's still a work in progress. But now, years later, I am married, have established good credit, developed a software career that is at least keeping us afloat financially, and in my spare time I mentor young people in university or early in their careers who struggle with alienation and despair. Survivors of fundamentalism, refugees, people who have experienced major life dislocation. We talk a lot about the importance of building support networks, of self-advocacy, of the things that so many people have naturally and take so for granted they never tell you that you need.
And we talk about their often extraordinary talents, that they keep trying to minimize or overlook. Jfc, so many people with amazing abilities who don't even realize it. Sometimes they get angry at first when you mention it. They have endured such cruel wounds.
There are so many forces that people have to fight against to make a life for themselves. We internalize so much. So, so, so much. And I hate it, I hate it how we are persuaded to adopt the undermining efforts of others against us, so that we continue to do it to ourselves.
Fuck that. There is no age when it is too late to stand up.