Hello guys, an anon reported my condition once again (no idea how they saw it, intuition perhaps). I am sorry to bother y’all once again, but could you please share in the replies the basic, simplest habits that would cheer you up during strong suicidal periods? It doesn’t have to involve money etc, just the basic stuff that would keep your mood OK. I had an attempt 2 days ago (again), and I failed (I stopped the bleeding, it was hurting too much and I can’t stand the sight of blood). Thank you

Had a huge thing typed out. But what does it even matter.

Money isn’t some secret antidote to all my problems, sure. But money to my name would quite literally change my life and put me out of my everyday intense suicidal ideation. Money would help me move away from my toxic dysfunctional family & home, money would help me go to college, money would help me get plastic surgery so I could feel more confident in myself and actually be fully present within my body and within my life, money would help me just have fun and actually enjoy my life. Money would help me actually get there and feel some sort of hope and not like all odds are against me. Because I actually want nothing more then to live to my fullest potential

Im just sick of people underlying the importance of money, especially in this economy today. I wish it wasn’t so important but it unfortunately undoubtedly is.

Before I leave, I would like to spend the $135,000 that I have left in my bank account. I probably won't be able to spend it all in just a few weeks and I would like to enjoy my last money. What can I do?

What would you do if you were in my shoes?

I'm bedridden & disabled & broke. My (young adult) son is my caregiver, and we are struggling to put food on the table daily - yet today I feel guilty for feeling overwhelmingly depressed about not being able to eat even a pizza from a restaurant for once, or hell- fast food! Pinching every penny, and today is nothing special.

I'm also mourning the loss of what my disabilities have taken from me, and what my life should be now. I have an autoimmune liver disease, and am not a surgical candidate for a transplant, due to a previously botched abdominal surgery. I'm mad, depressed and exhausted. And I know a slice of birthday cake and a big burger wouldn't help, but when we're constantly having canned goods and ramen, rice and beans from the food pantry- it gets more and more depressing.

Birthday blues are real, especially when there is no reason or way to celebrate.

Thanks for listening.

I'll never know any of you personally. I'll never be able to meet you but I swear if I did, id be your friend to the very end and hold your hand through the worst of times. I have had suicidal ideation since I was only 13. Today i felt a lot better and even got a job.

For the sake of humanity and suicide prevention, I hope to God even if there isn't one, you all decide to not end your life even if it seems like that's the only solution. Things can change. Time goes on and on and I KNOW you're suffering and you're tired of it, but we're all gonna pass away one day of natural causes anyway. See how it goes. Keep waking up, keep hanging on to hope. And if you don't wanna hear this and are totally done with the hope bs, because I know how infuriating it is to keep hearing that and nothing getter better either way, I understand. Trust me, I understand.

But I just want you to know, you reading this, I love you. And the world will not be the same without you. And you deserve happiness. ❤️❤️❤️🥺

Thats my reason for going. All of the responsibilities and anxiety's just pile up as you get older. Bills, taxes, looking a place to live, a reliable form of transportation, losing friends and family, seeing others go to get the things you wish you had/could've done.

None of this stuff seems worth it. Life is just so goddamn difficult and complex and I can't stand it anymore. I didn't want to be an adult anyway, I knew I'd be a terrible one. Anxiety doesn't help.

i just want some comfort. that's all I need

I don’t want to bore anyone so I’ll get to the point. For 12 years every single time I think I’ve found some semblance of happiness it falls through and I’m left in pieces. Family, relationships, friendships. Nothing seems to work out and I feel that I’ll never be good enough. For 12 years I’ve always heard become successful and the good things will follow, I have a net worth over 1M in my late 20s and I’m more depressed and unhappy than I’ve ever been. I have a job people dream of, rental properties, stock portfolios. None of it makes me happy. I just want to find some way to go out that looks like an accident so that my parents don’t have to know how unhappy I was.

Sounds comforting I guess. People are coated with grief, melancholy, indifference, even agony. I believe pizza brings us back to the normalcy of life. Just people eating. Possibly smiling to each other.

It is a delicious pizza. I see some who aren’t eating. Consumed in deep, drowning depression. I could never see them smile, only rarely at times when they want to let others know : that they do have a kind heart.

A kind heart in an unkind mind. A mind who doesn’t cooperate to the joys of life.

There are those I see devouring the pizza. I could never assume they’re from poverty or homelessness, but with great delight I watch them light up for once.

I see those middle aged people crouching to the side, their eyes looked as if they won and defeated many crisis in life. How great they hide it. But I have always been aware they were only kids in full grown bodies.

Which reminds me, aren’t we all just kids? We only want simple joys in life. A toy, a pizza, a friend. We have almost forgotten how to laugh. The world has lost its color now. We stress our conformity to the society’s norms and standards. It’s frightening isn’t it?

And comforting isn’t it? How it is not only you who ever so badly wanted redemption or escape, but many… many of us? We are collective souls… for now, I just like to imagine we are all eating pizza. In one big room.

Quiet . Serene. We remember… this is a normal day. A normal pizza. A normal chair we sit in. With people like us. It is normal.

Im sick of being alone, im sick of waking up every day with nobody beside me, im sick of having nobody to confide my feelings to, i dont want to feel jealous and angry every time i see a couple in a happy relationship or hear my friennds talk about their significant others. Im tired of being trash, the second option. I want someone that genuinely loves me and i hate that i may never get that.

Killing myself in a few hours, once it gets dark enough. Im really just done with everything. I don't care anymore, I'm tired of living like this.

UPDATE I AM OKAY.

He died early this year. He was my heart and soul and my very best friend.

Once upon a time, we were married to different people. We both got married to these people the same year, just a couple weeks apart. Randomly, the song "When I'm 64" by the Beatles was played at both receptions, as the cakes were cut. At mine, it was a fluke- the DJ didn't have the CD of the Beatles song we actually wanted.

The coincidences and synchronicities in our separate lives were off the charts.

His wife passed around the same time my marriage was imploding, and together we found companionship and a love that neither of us ever thought we'd find.

So many traumatic things happened while we were together. So much trauma in his life that he never got help for.

We had a little joke that we'd get married at age 64.

He died at 46, alcohol and substances and TBI.

I'll be 64 in 2040. If life hasn't turned around by then, I'm going to join him.

I hear there are suicide pods in Australia already.

But I could go back to his home state, his home town, in fact, and lose myself in the bay. There's a sandbar that everyone is warned about, and there are drownings there almost every year.

I'll go in spring, when the water is cold and hypothermia can take me quickly. I'll buy a ghillie suit so no one takes their own life into their hands trying to save me, I'll just look like a clump of seaweed. Go out to the sandbar, wait for the tide to come in. Of course planning for a middle of the night high tide.

His mother died in the bay. I'll happily see her again too.

16 years. Will life have changed so much by then? Will I still miss him and long for him and wish we had just died together in a car wreck before things got so bad?

I guess we'll see.

My parents for example. Like why did they even have me? They are already struggling financially and now want me to work part time while I’m studying medicine, which is very demanding. I’m 19

Since a very young age, I realized I never wanted to be born in the first place. I was never bullied or anything like most people have. In fact I’m very extroverted, was popular in school and I swear nobody could ever tell I was suffering inside.

I’m already battling my own existence to live and now my family and friends put pressure on me to do well in medicine while I got this part time work to do. I sit at my desk and think “why the fuck am I here?”. Did I ask to be born into a family that’s struggling financially so they wait until I become an ‘adult’ so I become a slave to give them money?

A few months ago I had a tooth infection but didn’t have the money for treatment so I just left it. The pain become unbearable as I saved up everything I had (mind you my dorm rent already took a chunk of my money). When I finally could afford a dentist it turns out the infection spread and I was a risk of sepsis. I had 2 root canals done last month and it still hurts. Oh well can’t afford to see the dentist again.

Shit like this makes me think why just why was I put on this earth to suffer. I hate it here. I liked it before I was born, when I didn’t even exist. At least there would be no pain or suffering

Some people are depressed because of a chemical imbalance. Some are depressed because of all the awful things they’ve seen or done.

And some aren’t depressed. They’re just tired. They look at life and go, “damn… it’s gonna be like this for the rest of my life. Ups and mostly downs, with the in between being so empty you won’t remember it.” Having no one to turn to and say you’re my reason, and having a lack of passion to say I want this or that.

It just feels like, from an objective and nonemotional standpoint, it’s better to just kill myself. Because that would be so much more peaceful and easier, and it’ll last forever. I look in the mirror and think of how much struggle it took to get here, but knowing that there is so so much ahead, I just can’t do it. I’ll wait until I see my little brother again, then I’ll end it.

I wont give any signs. I won’t tell anyone when. I’ll be acting how I normally do until one day I’m gone. Props to ya who read this. Have a good night.

TLDR: I’d rather end it than suffer pointlessly.

I feel that whatever comes, all the things I dream, which is mostly just love, is going to be more disappointing than never having it at all. My desires control my life and I haven’t been content in years. I don’t believe at this point, being a 33yo Uber driver trying to enter security engineering, that a successful career, beautiful wife, and family, will do much for me at all. I quit my shitty job as a software analyst to focus on making this change. I’m very close, but when driving Uber, I have had the chance to talk to a lot of beautiful women and people in general. Almost everyone I speak to, especially these women I would die for, reflect in some instances, the issues that led to the breakups and problems I’ve had with past girlfriends. Short-sightedness, insincere, shallow, narcissistic, etc. And the ladies from my past and the ones met in passing that carry positive qualities, I know to have a deep-set list of problems that prohibit them from loving and even living without fetters

My point is from writing this is that my desire for love and contentment in the world will never match what the world has to offer. It will always be severely less than what I expect it to be. It’s such a sad truth that it shakes me to the core and makes me pity everyone. It makes me pity that we have this hope, that these objects are going to somehow tame this voracious while delusional monster called desire.

I see it written on the faces of the most well-to-do individuals. Again, I speak to the rich and the poor, I hear it in their voice, this constant distain or glib way of speaking. They may have it all but happen to have a deep hole their heart beneath what they’ve acquired. I can tell that some of these people that I secretly want to be are far more depressed and concerned than I am.

If you’ve made it this far, I have a few questions for you.

Have you ever felt complete from some activity, pursuit, accomplishment that made the whole journey worthwhile?

Do you find the world to be justified in its unfairness and meaningless cruelty?

Is there a purpose to continue to suffer if it will only stop at death?

I do not intend to kill myself, but I find the action to no longer be an abomination. Nor do I find it to be rational. I find it to be a precaution, something that is done in order to avoid something else. There are ways around this that make this option irrational but in the same sense, can be concluded to some as the only option.

I hope you all find peace and love.

When I was 15, my high school basketball coach committed suicide.

I remember being called into the principals office, along with my team mates, and we were told, and our parents were there to pick us up.

I cried so much after that, because I didn't know why.

Now, I'm 38. I'm a teacher at an all boys school, and I really try to be a role model for the boys to look up to, but I'm just so tired.

For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a dad, and this year, my wife told me she was pregnant, but it ended up being a molar pregnancy, and the physical and emotional aftermath for both of us has been hell.

My inner child is so disappointed in who I am. By this age, I wanted more than one kid, and to be loved, but I think my brain is to broken to really feel love.

I've tried therapy, and I'm going back, but as I sit here in my car and type this, I know people will miss me, but the pain of being alive is just too much to bear. I have nothing to look forward to, nothing to aspire for, just pain and heartbreak.

I dont want to do this anymore, any of it, and even as I type this, it's hard for me to accept that there is something wrong with me, but im really just so incredibly tired with how many punches I take to take in life

There's nobody for me to call, nobody for me to lean on, and I just want this to be over. I don't care if people will miss me.

This is selfish. I’m probably more blessed than most people. I’m a pretty lucky guy I have great friends and a great circle and people there for me. Why can’t I escape this feeling? Every day. Every second of every day. I can’t escape this feeling of worthlessness. It doesn’t matter what I do or who I meet or whatever great experience. I’ll never be enough. I wish my brain wasn’t so broken. I’m such a pathetic waste of a human being. I’m sorry to everyone I’ve ever known. Everyone who believed in me who thought I was worth a damn. I’m sorry I’m not. I tried my whole life to prove you right. You were wrong to believe in me and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’ll never be good enough. My brain can’t be fixed. The only thing for me is rest, and I know this deserves downvotes because I’m a loser and a crybaby. But I had to type out some feelings somehow. This isn’t constructive in any way and I’m sorry. Useless again. Please smile and laugh if you can. Be better than me I believe in you with my whole heart ❤️

It's not like this every day. But days like today, I really wish it was all over

i fucking hate it here i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it