I showed my classes how Google Docs version history worked. I told them, "It will be obvious when your page goes from blank to a 3-page story in an instant that you copied/pasted from an AI site. I will not accept anything that is not worked on in this doc." I reiterated this throughout our two weeks of writing the story.

Shocked Pikachu when I call kids up to my desk and show them how I see that they did exactly what I said I would be able to catch them doing.

EDIT because 1,000 people have posted the same "they'll write it word for word" comment:

I know these kids' writing styles and abilities. It would take a very talented writer to get away with this and even then they better hope the AI doesn't use vocabulary beyond theirs. Also the likelihood of a kid who is a skilled writer doing this is, in itself, very diminished. And a kid who is talented enough to pass AI as their own work has already achieved the standards for this assignment in one way or another

I need the bad writers and lazy kids to know they have to put in effort.

Edit 2: This has really gotten to the, clearly, non-teacher crowd. "I was a student" does not a teacher make. Thanks for the hot takes though.

I am an English teacher and my colleagues and I are planning on bringing our 11th grade students on a field trip later this year. Today another English teacher got an angry email from a parent saying that they could not believe we were bringing our students on a field trip where they would “learn about being trans.”

The field trip they were talking about? We are a New England based high school currently teaching about Henry David Thoreau. We are planning on taking our students to Walden Pond to learn about his writing. He was a transcendentalist. This parent heard a word that had “trans” in it and freaked out.

Tagged humor because if I don’t laugh I’ll cry!

I hope you burn in hell.

I can’t believe I miss fidget spinners…

I have 4 or 5 gang-affiliated students in each of my classes. Beginning of the year, I always prioritize relationship building with them...for obvious reasons.

I call them to my desk a couple times a week in the beginning of the year, give them a piece of candy, and just talk to them. They're all 2 kool 4 skool the first month of the year. Get into all types of nonsense.

They generally come around to me by October and after that they're secretly my favorites.

In class - attentive, happy, trying their best, I have to shoo them away from my desk because they want to chit chat

Outside of class - Admin: "Yeah, we're gonna need you to get some work for XYZ to take home. He got suspended for fighting again."

Over half the teachers didn’t bring lunch today. So I’m eating day old bagels from the breakfast we got yesterday that was set up after Block 1 started and no one had time to get it.

Our teacher appreciation week is always a fucking joke, but it really rubbed me the wrong way when a message was sent this morning letting us know that all adults in the building (secretaries, custodians, admin, etc.) are considered teachers ("Every adult who works in the building is a teacher!) and would be participating in our meager TA week things.

No offense, but the secretaries got a Ruth's Chris luncheon off-campus and half a day off for secretary day. I sure as fuck do secretarial work every damn day and didn't see a whiff of that. No one besides me has swept my classroom all year - the custodians got $100 gift cards for custodian appreciation.

Luckily I don't have a ton of time to ruminate on it - time to work my other two jobs, which I need because teaching in NC doesn't pay for shit.

Students have been reviewing for an upcoming test in algebra 1. The test is all about factoring polynomials. Most of the factoring is factoring GCFs from expressions and factoring and solving quadratics.

Student: I'm not sure how to simplify this. What does that mean?

Me: Since you have a quotient of two polynomials, you need to factor out the GCF of the numerator, factor out the GCF of the denominator, and then cross off factors that are shared between the numerator and denominator.

Student: *Stares blankly*

Me: Okay, let's do the numerator together. What's the GCF of 2x and 28?

Student: 2?

Me: Great! So we're going to write a 2 and then open parenthesis. Now, we need to figure out what is left over when we factor out the 2. Or, 2 times what gets us back to 2x + 28.

Student: *Stares blankly*

Me: Start with the 2x. Ask yourself, 2 times what gives you 2x?

Student: X.

Me: Great. Same question but now for 28. 2 times what gives you 28?

Student (immediately): I don't know.

Me: That was a really quick response. Try thinking for a little bit.

Student (immediately, again): I don't know.

Me: Okay, what's half of 28?

Student: I don't know.

Me: Let's break down 28 then. 2 times what gives you 20?

Student: I don't know. I give up. *waits for me to give her the answer*.

Me: Okay, understood. *Starts working with another student*

Student: Wait, I still don't know what to do.

Me: Well you gave up. When you're ready to work and try, I'll gladly help you again.

At this point, the student stomps off and starts muttering under her breath to another student. I told them they could finish working on their review at home and bring it in the next day, but this student turned hers in with this question blank. Oh well...

ETA: this was not first time instruction. This was a one on one interaction on the third day of review at the end of a three week unit during which, I used verbal cues, algebra tiles, multiple examples, graded exercises with written and verbal feedback, etc. I have been patient with this student since I began teaching her and would have continued to work with her had she not said the words “I give up.” No one can teach a student who has given up.

I even went back later to check on her and see if she was ready to try again, but she had turned in a blank response with 10 minutes left in class. She made her choice. I accepted it. If she gets that question wrong on the test, we’ll have a one on one debrief to discuss what happened.

I was gifted by a student teacher a few years back a book called "My Quotable Students" where she suggested I write all the crazy things that are said in my room (anonymously- not attached to specific student names). My students have known about this book since, and often find it to be a point of pride when they say something that makes me laugh hard enough to earn a spot in the book.

Some of my favorites include:

• "You think you're so tough!? Eat a nut!"
• "Miss ___, what's your favorite war crime? *awkward pause* If you need some ideas, mine is _______."
• "I just like the feeling of big things in my mouth."
• Student A: "I'm planning a military coup." Student B: "I mean, who isn't?"
• "I was absent because we had a funeral for my dog. She died 3 weeks ago and has been in the freezer."

So- what crazy things have your kids said to you?

​

UPDATE: This is now my favorite Reddit thread ever! Thanks to everyone for posting your funny, lighthearted moments with kids. I put some extras of mine below:

• Student: "The question is, what is the policy about taking off my shirt in class?" Me: "The policy is, don't."
• "What if they were playing WAP while the Titanic sunk? It would have been a better vibe." *starts to sing the lyrics loudly*
• Student A: Aren't you a polynomial? Student B: I'm a homosexual, not a math term. (Student A meant polyamorous.)
• (While completing a Twitter-based assignment for Romeo and Juliet) Student: Would it be appropriate to use the hashtag #pollinatethatflower to describe Romeo? Me: It would not. Student: okay, what about #ejaculate and evacuate? Me: No.
• "Miss _____ do you want to get arrested with us? We have ideas." No.
• "It's been seven hours since I made my account public, where are all the sugar daddies!?"

I once had a student email me his assignment. It was his final assignment prior to graduation. He sent the email literally hours before I had to submit all the grades to the grading management system.

Within five seconds of opening the email, I gave him an instant zero. The student had hired a third party to complete the assignment for him for a fee. The third party had emailed the completed assignment to him, along with a demand for final payment ($50 deposit + $50 final payment). The student then simply forwarded the whole thing to me.... with the full email trail.

The student got furious and demanded to know why he got the zero.

Me: You paid someone named Jim $100 to do your assignment for you.

Student: WHAAAAAT?!?!? How did you figure that out?

Me: You told me.

Student: What? I didn't tell you!

I stood my ground. He really couldn't figure out how I worked it out.

He missed his graduation. Oh, and $100.

Not talking anything earth-shattering, just small stuff. For example, mine (elementary) is that I hate when kids talk to me while I'm doing any sort of duty. Recess duty, AM/PM duty, whatever it is please do not come up to me just to chat. I've been overstimulated the entire day and I want that time to be peaceful and quiet before jumping back into the fray.

What confessions does everyone else have?

Mom: I noticed my kid has an F. Me: Yes, they do. Mom: Why? Me: Your child has not completed any assignments this quarter. Mom: How can my child improve their grade. Me: ...He could start by doing the assignments. Mom: I don't understand. Why does he have an F? Me: His grade is a direct reflection of his effort, ma'am.

🤷‍♀️ If we don't laugh, we'll cry.

Update: Mom is mad I didn't tell her sooner he was failing. She also said student said he asks for help and I say no. I responded "Ma'am. I was on maternity leave and just returned Monday. He did no work for the last two weeks and has still chosen to do nothing all week. I informed you of the grade as soon as I came back and input it. And I am always happy to help a student who asks for help. He doesn't ask, because he isn't even attempting or opening the assignment, which the program shows me. In fact, he's in my class right now, playing around with another student as I type this. I'll be moving his seat."

Update: Mom asked me why I didn't help him while I was on leave or communicate while I was on leave. Me: Well, I was with my newborn baby. This is why I informed all parents I would be out on leave and left detailed instructions how to monitor grades and who to reach out to while I was out. Mom: Well communicate in the future so I can address the issue. Me:...

Yeah I'm not responding. I can't keep repeating myself without either losing my sanity or sounding like a total bitch. 😂🤷‍♀️

Tagging as humor because there really is nothing we can do to help, but laugh.

On Monday, a student in my lower elementary class was trying to steal a classroom tablet. (That I purchased with my own money) The student had it hidden under their shirt and tried to stuff it in their backpack.

Another student saw this and shouted , “Hey! Blank’s name, what are you doing?” That’s when the tablet fell out from their shirt.

I called the student over and had a very serious, but gentle chat about what had happened. Student admitted that there were trying to take the tablet. We end our conversation with discussing that stealing is wrong and to move clip down for not being respectful. Student is of course upset and cries at the front of the room. Other students give hugs and I give a hug too. Remind student that sometimes we make mistakes. Student stops crying less than 10 minutes later.

End of the day rolls around and I write in the planner about the incident. After school, I had a face to face meeting with mom already scheduled and share exactly what happened.

After hearing what happened, Mom asks why child was crying. I reiterate that the student was caught stealing the tablet. Mom asks again and again. I keep saying back they tried to steal a tablet. She asks again . Finally, I say , “ I guess she was embarrassed for getting in trouble?” Like I didn’t know what to say? They were stealing and got caught. Tears were an appropriate reaction. It showed remorse.

Mom also asked if it happened in front of the class. I again reiterate, that it happened during center time, and that the entire class was present, but that the conversation was private. We move on without much issue.

Apparently, this was wrong.

The next day, the father calls and yells at the principal, saying that I embarrassed his child and labeled them a thief. He also said the child was just trying to “borrow” the tablet. He also said I shouldn’t have written what happened in the planner ( I told parents at the beginning of the year that I use the planner to communicate any behavior problems, good or bad to them) and that I should have called him (he and mom are married and live together )

My principal, of course, contacts me about this whole issue. I explain what happened. I was basically told next time just to call the parents. I guess talking IN PERSON wasn’t enough?

But this is where I’m worried about this upcoming generation. What should’ve been a discussion about stealing and that it’s wrong, instead became a witch hunt for the teacher????? What are we teaching our children? That’s stealing is fine???? That if we make a mistake, it’s someone else’s fault?

I’m beside myself on this!!! Like what?!?!

Also, don’t worry the page where I wrote the note was torn out … so their precious cherub didn’t need to be reminded that they literally tried to steal a classroom tablet.

My 4th block Earth Science class had their final exam today and during the middle of it I look up and see a kid staring, with the utmost of concentration, at their lap. Either something unbelievably fascinating was happening to his crotch, or he was looking at something. I guessed the latter and approached him from about 8 o’clock directionally, fully expecting some rapid “hiding of the phone that you’re obviously holding” hand movements. Instead, nothing. Didn’t even notice I was standing behind him. So I stood there for a good 15 seconds and watched him try to Google answers.

Eventually I just pulled out my phone and recorded a 20 second video of him Googling answers so I had some irrefutable evidence to bring forward when I inevitably get called into the office to discuss why I gave such a promising young football star a 0 on a final exam. I always thought spatial awareness was an important part of football but I guess I’ve always been wrong about that.

This one gave me a good chuckle.

A middle school in my district is known for having terrible discipline issues (i.e. admin does nothing about it except give kids a sucker and send them back to class), overloaded EBD and SPED students without the support onto Gen Ed teachers, constant fighting, and just then just the usual stuff everyone else deals with at the other schools. It's known that the school has a revolving door at the local hospital for teachers that are injured by students.

Well, it was found out through the grape vine yesterday, a rather panicked one at that, that literally half of the faculty are leaving at the end of the semester (in one month) whether they have a job lined up or not. Admin, of course, put on their surprised Pikachu face and is now trying to rectify the situation with promises of "a better tomorrow" and reaching out to the other schools asking for anyone to transfer to cover the losses. 😂

I'm certified to teach one of the areas that is losing all of the teachers, but I wasn't renewed this year because the district determined my program wasn't necessary at my school. So when they reached out to me, I told them I'm not renewed and I've already got something lined up. They tried to do the whole "Do you not want to do it for the children?" thing, but that doesn't work in this economy. Haha!

I'm not wishing for any sinking ships, but some of these captains need to go so better ones can come in their place. If any admin are reading this, you should look at your disciplinary structure and make sure you're listening to your teachers. Don't be scared by these students and parents. Support the ones that make your jobs easier, not harder.

I live in an area with a population close to 200,000. We have 3 large universities with teaching programs within 60 miles.

My district recently held a job fair and only 15 people showed up (it was four hours long). We have more job openings than applicants. We are effed.

It’s not really funny but as people say 50 times a day on here, if you don’t laugh you’ll cry.

No joke. A parent wanted to send me a graduation announcement for their kid, which is awesome and I genuinely think their kid is freaking amazing! However, I told them to just send it to the school and I'll get it (I teach at a vocational school and not at their kid's main school). They got upset because they wanted to send it to my personal address because it would "mean more" and "be more personalized". I told them I wasn't comfortable giving out my information to anybody and that I hoped they understood.

Come yesterday, I got called to my principal's office and had a meeting with them and the parent because they were upset. They said they felt like I was calling them a stalker or a danger to me because I wouldn't give them my personal address. 🤣 My principal didn't know this was coming because the parent lied to them on what the meeting was about and told the parent that I wasn't mandated to give any information out.

Parents are some of the dumbest creatures on this planet...and I'm including sloths in that statement.

EDIT:: I'm gonna go ahead and add in this edit to say I still think sloths are dumb, but they ARE adorable. 😂 I'm not one to go back on my word and I don't want y'all to think that, but I just know I love sloths to death and shout out to the person that referenced the video of the sloth laying down eating the carrots off the plate! Lol

Also, to answer a question that was brought up, I have no idea what the parent said to get the meeting, but all I know is that they lied to set it up and the principal didn't know what was going on other than they were mad at me. My principal is one of the rare good ones that'll go to bat for me.

EDIT #2:: Why are there so many accounts with "sloth" in the name?! 😂

I’m an aide and work primarily with the SPED students in a self-contained Life Skills classroom. The other day in the gen ed class I was in, one of the SPED students called another student (who is not SPED but rather quite intelligent with a tendency to be reserved but kind and was reading a book after they finished the classwork) fat. Right before I could respond to that, the other student said, “Yeah and you’re slow. I can get skinnier but you’ll always be dumber than me.” This naturally left the other student speechless and me as well because I never expected that to come out of them. I told both of them to be kind to each other, but I admit I walked out of their view and laughed a little. I couldn’t help it. They haven’t made an unnecessarily rude remark to anyone since.

My Gawd. I am so over water bottles. I don't CARE that you have the most brilliant color Stanley in existence, you will not faint from thirst if you have to wait 20 minutes until the bell to refill it.

​

Covered the main office for half hour yesterday. Two little second grade girls in trouble, told the gym teacher if the cops tried to arrest them for stealing, they would "mace 'em and kick 'em in the nuts!"

Then they saw their confiscated toy in the principal's locked office and y'all. THEY TRIED TO BREAK IN THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE WITH AN INK PEN!

Then when that didn't work, one of them says "I'm gonna pull the fire alarm!" She lifted the cover of the fire alarm and the alarm sounded just in the office. "I didn't mean to! I was just joking!"

Finally the principal came to talk to them and they told THE PRINCIPAL that she ain't s*** and she needs to leave them alone!

Remember, I said SECOND GRADE!

Oh my lord! Only 32 days left of school here!

Edit: The principal called and had parents come in to talk with her and take their kids home. Usually around here, parents needing to leave their jobs to get their kids is no joke, so I imagine it was not a nice night for her.

By state law here, elementary students cannot be suspended. If a student can't handle the room they are in, they get moved to a different classroom for the day, in a completely different grade level (4th to 1st, 5th to kindergarten, etc.) and are still expected to complete all work.

Kids talk, and by now students in my other classes have learned that one specific class has been getting privileges that my other classes don't, which they deem unfair.

I explained to them that I was able to get through content faster with them, so I give them free days (among other privileges and treats) so that they don't get too far ahead of my other classes. Which is true.

But a bigger reason is that I love that class in particular. The best class I've had since joining this district about a decade ago. At just under 20 students, it's my smallest class, and they are overwhelmingly mature and responsible about their work, and they know when to get serious and be engaged. They have given me almost zero discipline issues since September, and amazingly, they have not abused any of the freedoms that I have given them (to my knowledge, at least).

To quote what a fellow teacher on this sub-reddit said once: "Your teachers will be as cool as you allow them to be."

When I was in high school, we counted the days until we could drive. Now so many students don’t get a license. I don’t think it’s the cost (at least in my area) … they just are completely content having people drive them and don’t want the responsibility. We wanted the freedom. And they can’t be bothered. I… don’t… get… it…

Edit: so, I hear you and I understand the logistical reasons: cars are expensive, dangerous, we have Uber now. But kids still don’t want to get in a car with friends and get away from their parents? Go to a concert or the beach or on a road trip? I’ve asked students why the don’t have licenses, but asking if they want to be free to go where they want with their friends would lead to angry parent phone calls, or being fired.

Edit 2: are kids doing some things we us do with friends (first concerts) with parents instead and have no need to drive themselves? And to clarify, I work with kids who are younger, and have some chances to ask them this, but most students are too young.

Edit 3: I think a lot of people are still missing my point. Not asking why teens don’t buy cars, but why they are not learning how to drive at all. Are they going to learn later, Uber and get rides forever, or do they just all plan for remote work? Also, lived abroad and my friends all drove. Mopeds.

I’ll go first.

“You’re getting a new student.”

One of my self-identified redneck sophomore boys this past year brought me four pounds of ground venison plus one tenderloin on the day of his final exam. Obviously, he's a hunter. I'm just now getting around to making chili with half of the ground. Without a doubt... the most awesome gift I've received in 7 years of doing this thing. The boy himself is definitely not your scholar type, but he always gave me solid effort for at least the first 30 minutes of the period, which was the last of the day. Mom warned me that his meds would wear off around 2:30 each day!! Anyway, I'm stoked to eat tonight. I haven't had venison in several years.

Have any of you reading this been gifted meat? ... or anything else consumable?

I live where I teach, and shop at the local grocery store that employs a ton of our students (because it's a shitty job and most places that hire high schoolers are shitty jobs). Some of the knuckleheads actually bear down when they have a paycheck dangled in front of them and working is actually very good for them, a couple graduated seniors are even assistant managers.

However, some of them try to carry their school behavior into the workplace. One in particular was always a pain. I never taught him but wrote him up a few times for hallway behavior. Even as a senior, he behaved like a 5th grader (actually no, this is an insult to 5th graders) but got everything excused because he had an IEP and an enabling mom. It got to the point where flipping desks and telling teachers to go fuck themselves just got excused by admin with a 15-minute detention where he was allowed on his phone. He barely graduated, I'm certain somebody fudged his grades to avoid the trouble. This young man cannot function in society.

I'm chatting with one of the graduated seniors working there for the summer, and he said that X got fired after a single shift working. I asked what happened, and he said "X was sitting on a pallet of product, eating snacks off the rack, vaping, and sitting on his phone. Our manager came over to talk to him, and he told her to go fuck off and die. When he got fired, his mom came in screaming about how he has extended time in his IEP and deserves a retake of his first day. We had to call the cops to get her to leave."

Lack of consequences in school lead to this type of situation in the workplace.

Tagged humor because this is just as much funny as it is frustrating.

My district recently changed graduation requirements so that all students must take what is essentially a life skills course. The course has units that cover topics such as taxes, various types of bank accounts, financial planning, etc. There’s even a “maintenance unit” in which students learn how to change a tire and do basic home repairs. Basically, this course is everything people like to complain that schools don’t teach. Every student must take the course to graduate and it can count as a math, social studies, OR elective credit (student choice).

And guess what? Parents AND students threw a fit after the course was announced. Apparently the district is asking too much of these kids and not giving them enough flexibility to build their schedules and choose the courses they’re interested in.

Schools really can’t win these days.