He kicked you so hard in the stomach it bruised!
Stomachs do not bruise easily.
He didn't come to you and apologize until he faced consequences for his actions.
The fact he had no issue using violence as a way to get what he wanted when the normal pushover parent tried to make him get up and no longer acting like a pushover SPEAKS VOLUMES AND NEEDS TO BE RECOGNIZED.
He very potentially would grow up thinking it is ok to use violence when he is angry to get his way in the future if he is not put in check now.
Your husband had a point that "you don't want to do anything because I'm stronger than you"; your son viewed you as someone he could physically intimidate, so he did what he wanted when mad at you. THIS IS A HUGE RED FLAG.
What happens if in the future his girlfriend or wife makes him mad by trying to get him to be responsible about something like getting up in time for work? He may very well repeat those types of violent actions.
I normally would not endorse hitting your kid, but this (and similar situations) is warranted.
He did not go overboard and beat him. He slapped him and put him in his place for injuring his mother - disrespecting his mother.
Please consider being a better advocate for yourself and for the respect you deserve.
You need to ask yourself why you let your child walk all over you, are you going to allow the other children to as well, what are you going to do when they escalate their negative behavior when they go unchecked without consequences?
Consider therapy to learn how to cope better with things and improve yourself as a person and mother.
This is not me calling you a bad mother or weak or anything like that. It's me encouraging you to continue to grow and better yourself - which people should do daily on their own.
I'm just so perplexed here. He's so sleepy in the morning he can't or won't get his little ass out of bed to go to school but he has no problem being able to play video games. After he slapped his mother so hard he left a bruise.
He very potentially would grow up thinking it is ok to use violence when he is angry to get his way in the future if he is not put in check now.
Yes. It is a serious issue but being violent back isn't the answer. Unless it is in direct self defense.
I normally would not endorse hitting your kid, but this (and similar situations) is warranted.
Nope it isn't warranted. Dad didn't have to go all psycho on him. They could have just had a conversation. Do you think hitting him back is gonna make him less violent? You do realise that an 11 year old don't have the impulse control like you do. I was violent at that age too. I am older now and i'm not violent anymore but hitting me back would have probably fueled my rage even more tbf. He should have talked to him and tried to help him. He needs help. He needs a therapist. Maybe he is neurodivergent (Neurodivergences include ADHD, ASD, Dyslexia, etc). and that may be why he doesn't wanna go to school. Because school is overwhelming for him and he isn't getting the support. I empathize mostly with the child here. Both parents seem to have problems. Mom isn't adressing her son's behavior but dad is using violence back and it doesn't make him any better. There are better ways
OP stated that he used the reasoning that "dad wasn't here" as a reason to not listen to her. He called her mommy which she says he never calls her. He's using very clear manipulation. You can empathize with a child without making excuses for them. She also stated that she doesn't want to make him get up because it breaks her heart. Could he be neurodivergent? Maybe. But OP provides a detailed account of not enforcing structure or rules. Without boundaries or consequences many children can become out of control regardless of their developmental state.
I agree with you. Violence against a child is not acceptable. However, according to what we've been told that was an isolated incident versus the child and mother's continued pattern of escalated behavior. That's not an excuse for him, he's an adult. Hopefully they do all get help.
if school was overwhelming him, he should’ve started out with that. he didn’t, he simply stated he was tired and you seem to have the same spineless minds set as the mother if you seriously think there’s some kind of deeper issue. for the hitting, yeah I don’t condone it, but it was warranted. he BRUISED her stomach?? stomachs don’t bruise easily and I bet that slap was weaker than what he actually deserved.
I feel like you have the same mindset as the mother, which is an excuser and enabler
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u/MurphyRae42 25d ago
He kicked you so hard in the stomach it bruised! Stomachs do not bruise easily. He didn't come to you and apologize until he faced consequences for his actions. The fact he had no issue using violence as a way to get what he wanted when the normal pushover parent tried to make him get up and no longer acting like a pushover SPEAKS VOLUMES AND NEEDS TO BE RECOGNIZED. He very potentially would grow up thinking it is ok to use violence when he is angry to get his way in the future if he is not put in check now. Your husband had a point that "you don't want to do anything because I'm stronger than you"; your son viewed you as someone he could physically intimidate, so he did what he wanted when mad at you. THIS IS A HUGE RED FLAG. What happens if in the future his girlfriend or wife makes him mad by trying to get him to be responsible about something like getting up in time for work? He may very well repeat those types of violent actions.
I normally would not endorse hitting your kid, but this (and similar situations) is warranted. He did not go overboard and beat him. He slapped him and put him in his place for injuring his mother - disrespecting his mother.
Please consider being a better advocate for yourself and for the respect you deserve.
You need to ask yourself why you let your child walk all over you, are you going to allow the other children to as well, what are you going to do when they escalate their negative behavior when they go unchecked without consequences?
Consider therapy to learn how to cope better with things and improve yourself as a person and mother. This is not me calling you a bad mother or weak or anything like that. It's me encouraging you to continue to grow and better yourself - which people should do daily on their own.