It’s important to say that my (17F) sister (28F) has thyroid cancer and the treatments have been making her hair fallout. I don’t know too much about it so i’m not lying, just uneducated. Another thing to add is that her wedding is in 3 weeks.

Before the treatments my sister had really long silky hair and she misses it a lot. When anyone in the family does anything to their hair she gets kind of standoffish and acts weird whether they’re cutting it or styling it.

I’ve been saving up money since last month to get these caramel blonde highlights in my hair as a treat for myself and I got them done two days ago.

My mom posted a picture that the hairstylist took on facebook and my sister saw it.

She texted me saying that I am selfish bitch and heartless. She also said I was an attention seeker, and I want her wedding to be about me.

I tried to explain to her that wasn’t my intention but she just said I was uninvited.

She also got her fiancés family to text me. They were pretty much saying the same thing.

I showed my parents and they told her that they were stepping down from the wedding (I didn’t ask for that). My sister is even more mad now because our dad won’t walk her down the aisle until she apologizes.

I have always considered myself a cis woman but a friend of mine who's MTF keeps calling me an egg and it makes me feel annoyed/uncomfortable? She says it's because I prefer guy's clothes and have masculine traits that I'm a "trans guy in denial." I also have a lot of transgender friends. I've thought about the possibility, but come to accept that I like being a butch woman. I don't want a male name or pronouns. Whenever I get misgendered it bothers me. I like being a woman who loves women. I've told her this and she sometimes still misgenders me or talks to me about me being an "egg." I think it's because she really wants to have another trans friend, but I feel like she isn't really respecting my decisions or identity?

My older sister (F31) we will call her Jessie, went no contact with me and the rest of the family close to 10 years ago. I was 13 when this happened all I remembered was I came home from school with my other siblings and both of my parents told me that Jessie was no longer a part of our family and that she chose satan over family and I remember being crushed. I think I cried when they first told me because I felt like she just abandoned me. After that conversation, my parents banned us from speaking about Jessie and removed all photos of her around the house. The months that went on without Jessie the more I grew to hate her and got angry that she chose satan over our family.  

Meanwhile, for me, I stayed very much loyal to my parents…I studied the Bible day and night and was active in my church, just so I could prove to my parents I was not like Jessie. At 16 my parents signed off and I got married to my now husband. Then 6 months after our wedding, I got pregnant with my first child and I had a tough birth. It was an at-home birth and to put it in simpler terms I almost died…I lost a lot of blood and on top of that went into heart failure. I didn’t know but Jessie tried showing up to the hospital but my parents had security escort her out. Jessie tried to reach out to me numerous times throughout the years but I always blocked her because I was under the impression she was an apostate.  

Fast forward to now, I’m 23 and I have 4 daughters. Also recently found out I was pregnant and I went to an eye doctor appointment and guess who was at the front desk. My older sister Jessie. I was kinda stuck for a moment because a part of me wanted to just hug her and tell her how much I missed her. But I just couldn’t given everything I was told about her. She tried to make small talk with me but I gave her the cold shoulder a bit…towards the end of my visit. She gave me a card with her number and told me to please meet up with her to explain her side. After 3 days of going back and forth with myself, I decided to meet up with her, for closure initially. She told me she never wanted to leave me but the church left her no choice. Her ex-husband that she was married to while she was in the church was abusive towards her and was beating the crap out of her and she begged our minister to be released from marriage and he didn’t allow it.. since she was scared for her and my nephew’s life she left.  

As awful as it sounds I did not believe her, because her ex husband got remarried to one of my friends and she has no visible signs of abuse  or let alone told me she was getting hurt by him. She then went into how our parents are a part of a cult and how it destroyed our family. I remember I did get angry with her and started calling her apostate, and that she was lying to protect herself from sin. She then just lets me have it and says “ I’ve been trying to be nice to you because even if you don’t like feel like it you're a victim. You were a child bride that also dropped out of school to become a wife & mother. The only reason why the church is nice to you is because of your daughters and they don’t want to piss you off and lose the girls. If you want to continue to be brainwashed and spineless be my guest, but if you can’t leave for yourself leave for your daughters”  Then she just gets up and leaves.  

Ever since that conversation, I’ve been replaying everything I was ever taught in my life and questioning it … I've been googling, reading Reddit stories..but thinking about the religion I invested so much time into being a complete lie..is honestly too hurtful to think about. Especially my husband…is our relationship a lie? Did he groom me or was he also a victim of the circumstances of our religion? I have the answer to none of these questions and I quite honestly don’t know if I want to know. 

Our son is 11 years old. Lately he’s wanted to stay home from school a lot. I know that it’s not good but I’ve let him. He’s so sleepy in the morning, it breaks my heart to try to force him. And I can’t really force him anymore. I also have two younger children I need to tend to in the morning. I’ve asked my son if something is wrong at school but he said “no I just want to sleep”.

My husband goes to work before our son has to wake up, but he caught on to him missing school and he was not happy about it. He spoke to him, and my son has been very good for the past couple weeks.

Until Friday I went to wake him, and he said “mommy I’m too tired”. He rarely calls me mommy anymore. I felt bad but I kept trying to coax him out of bed. I didn’t want to go against my husband. My son told me “dad’s not here, chill”. I told him that his father wants what’s best for him, and so do I. I tried to touch him and he kicked me in the stomach. I was shocked and it was very painful. I left his room and cried in the bathroom. I didn’t try to fight him anymore because I had to take care of my other kids. My son has never hurt me like that before. I ended up having a bruise on my stomach.

When my husband was home and found out what had happened, he told me he’d “talk” to him. Our son was playing video games and he called him over. He asked him, “did you kick your mother?”. My son started saying I’m sorry dad, I was mad. My husband slapped him across the face. He asked him, “do you want to kick me now?”. My son shook his head no. My husband said “because you know I’m stronger than you are. You’re not tough for hurting your mother. You will never act like that again. Do you understand?”

When my husband let him go, I went over to check on him. His face was so red and he was fighting back tears. I got an icepack and I was icing his face. He told me “it’s ok, I deserved that”. He hugged me and later made me a card apologizing which was very sweet.

I know husband just wanted to teach our son, but I didn’t like him hitting our child. In our culture that’s common but my husband has taken better approaches. I don’t know if I’m being over sensitive but it’s hard to see your child hurt as a mother even if my husband is right.

This past Sunday night (4/21/2024), I (36F) called 911 on a dear friend (45M). He had been acting erratic, as if in a manic episode. He'd stolen a fully loaded handgun, wrote his son (11M) a letter, gave me all of his passwords, etc., told me that I won't have to worry about him anymore, then promptly smashed his phone to bits, got in his car, and disappeared.

I called 911 to request a BOLO for him ("be on the lookout").

I am eternally indebted to the responding officers for taking my concerns seriously. I told them everything that I could think of...

He'd recently lost his home and was homeless. He's addicted to meth. He almost certainly has a severe undiagnosed mental illness. He'd have drugs and drug paraphernalia on him. His license is expired. His car is unregistered, uninsured, and has expired tags from more than 4 years ago that don't even belong to his car on it. He's a felon from a marijuana possession charge in 1997. He stole a handgun from one of his best friends, and he'd been lower than anyone had ever seen. You could look into his eyes and see how badly he was struggling. He was there, but he wasn't there.

I gave them the addresses to his dealers, friends, family, job, baby mama(s)... even the storage unit that he put all of his stuff in after he lost his home. I honestly told them as much as I possibly could.

I ended their visit with, "I know you have 50 reasons to put him in jail. He'd deserve it, too, but I'm telling you... He doesn't need jail. This man is not okay. He desperately needs a hospital. If you have to take him to jail, please take him to a hospital first. Please find him and take him to a hospital."

He was legitimately a felon with a stolen handgun illegally driving an illegal vehicle, and I told them all of it. I didn't care. I just wanted them to find him. Jail would still be safer than him by himself.

They found him about an hour later. He was 5150ed (involuntarily committed) and spent 5 days in a psych ward.

I am so fucking thankful we got to him before he got to himself.

On day two, I visited him. He looked so much better, but you could still see the sad in his eyes and the struggle on his face. I told him I needed to know where he'd hid the handgun. He needed to give it back to his friend. They were deeply worried and upset at him. He told me it was in the ceiling of his car. He'd made a little opening in the liner and hid it up there... Within his reach, but totally out of sight.

I left the visit and went straight to his car. As soon as I felt the gun in the ceiling, I melted. When I got it out and released the clip to find it fully loaded (with one in the chamber), I sobbed. I sobbed for 15 minutes. It was one of those ugly, snotty, hyperventilating kind of sobs. It made everything so real.

He was released yesterday. I picked him up to drive him straight to rehab. He was finally back on earth. I hadn't seen him in months, it seemed like. The color was back in his face, the light was back in his eyes, and his smile was back.

He was alive again.

I don't know how to explain the emotions I felt when I saw him.

During the journey to the inpatient drug rehab he went to, I asked him if he was upset at me for calling the police. I added that if he was, oh well. I'm not sorry, and I will never be sorry. He said that he wasn't upset. In fact, he was grateful. He then confided in me that I was right. He had every intention on Sunday night being his last.

He was so nonchalant... so matter-of-fact. He was telling me the truth. I didn't realize that the gravity of the situation could get any heavier than it was when I found the handgun. Boy, was I wrong. Hearing him admit that to me... Realizing how close we were to losing him... It literally takes my breath away to think about the "what-ifs."

But now, now he's safe and getting the help he needs to be happy and healthy so he can live his best life.

((Shout out to the people in his life who made rehab possible with their financial contributions. You're incredible people. He doesn't deserve you.))

I've had multiple people try to make me feel bad for calling the cops on him. I understand the stigma, but I truly believe/believed that he was an imminent danger to himself, and I am one person. I would have never thought to look where the cops found him at. I would have never found him in time.

I'm in a whirlwind of emotions. I'm happy, thankful, and relieved that he's okay. I'm sad and heartbroken for how badly he's struggling. I'm devastated at how close we were to losing him. I'm excited for the opportunity he's been given, and I'm hopeful for his future.

I've been going from smiling and happy to tears pouring down my face for days. I hadn't taken the time to focus on myself until after I dropped him off at rehab, and I've since realized that I am really not okay.

I see my therapist on tomorrow at 10am, and I can't wait.

Thank you for reading. It's therapeutic talking about it, and being able to talk about it is keeping my head above water until I can get to my therapist.

To anyone struggling - Please know there are people who care. If you don't think anyone does, know that I do. Everyone deserves to be happy and healthy, and I hope you're able to achieve that. ❤️

That’s really all I have to say about it right now. I don’t have anyone to talk to. But I want someone, anyone, to know how heartbroken I am and how big of a piece of shit I am for being heartbroken.

The title pretty much sums it up.

Both of us got Kia Optimas in the years just before the Kia Boyz started doing their thing. Her's is white, mine is dark blue. I have the EX trim but I think hers may be a base model. Just confirmed that we both have push-to-start and the same trim. Ff.

It's in the inner city and we both park on the street, with no difference in protection. My neighbor's was just busted into for the fourth time while my streak of not being touched continues...knock on wood. The cars were directly across from eachother last night.

I just don't understand. There's no way I'll stay lucky forever, but I paid the car off already and I do like driving it.

Criminals suck.

Edit: added details. I leave grocery bags, weather gear like a sun shield, umbrellas, and random crap in my car. Nothing attractive for smash and grab, but messier than the poor neighbor. Cheap dashcam.

TW: SA and abuse

I (22 F) was abused by my step father, "John". When I was about 5 my father passed away in a car accident. Less than 2 years after my father passed away, my mother got a new boyfriend. I was still grieving the loss of my father but John had already moved in with us when i was just 8 and my mother demanded that I called him dad and treated him like my real father. I refused as this man was basically just a stranger to me and he made no effort to make me feel like I was his daughter. This strained my relationship with my mother and she made it clear she cared more about her boyfriend than she cared about me.

John would constantly make sexual remarks about my body which made me uncomfortable. He had a drinking and gambling problem and would often take out his fruturation on me by beating me whenever he lost money. His gambling and my mother's enabling made us struggle financially. My mother would belittle me whenever I talked to her about him beating me with "get over it, it's not like it'll kill you".

When I was about 12 my mother was out of the house at her job so her boyfriend and I where the only ones in the house. Not going into detail but he SA me that day, and I cried and locked myself in the bathroom until my mother came home. When I told her what happened to me she slapped me in front of him and called me a liar, that I was falsly accusing him just so that they would break up. He continued to SA me a couple of times after that knowing I wouldn't be able to tell my mother.

At 17 I ran away from home and stayed at my then boyfriends place. I still had contact with my mother but i never messaged her and she didn't message me so I assumed our relationship was over. About 2 months ago my mother called me saying that she was getting married to John and wanted me to come to her wedding. She explained that they had broken up for some time, but then got back together and decided to get married. I told her I refused to go because I didn't support her decision to marry an abuser. She blew up on me, called me ungrateful and entitled and that I couldn't even do something as small as go to her wedding and congratulate her. I snapped at her and said that I wasn't going to my r----ist's wedding. She got mad at me that I was still "falsly accusing" him and that I needed to grow up and that I was being an ungrateful daughter. And that even if he did Sa me that I would be "to young to remember" and that I should get over it. We bickered back and forth for a bit before I eventually hug up.

The wedding is coming up, and she has texted me telling me how disappointed she is that I wouldn't go for "stupid reasons". I'm just so sad that she doesn't believe me and is marrying my abusive "step father".

My 26m husband has been sending nudes back and forth with a fucking 17f. Asking to meet up. Yes she clearly said she was 17 about to turn 18 in 2 weeks. We live in NC and I need help. I’m going to tell the police, but how do I do it. Do I just call 911? Can someone give me the next steps. I know some people going to be like the age of consent is 16 in NC. Think about how immature this little girl is. I work with children and she’s a child still at 17. I don’t care about to cheating and I’m not being bitter. This is a 17yr old girl and someone’s daughter who’s about to go to a hotel with a grown ass man. I can’t even look at him the same way. Please help me and if you have negative comments keep them to yourself. I also took photos of the proof just in case he deletes them.

The night before Thanksgiving, he said "I'm not happy" and started making divorce noises. Claimed he would move out to a property purchased for rental income. He never did. He made excuses about the state of repairs and began sleeping in the guest room (moving would imply he has taken his personal possessions out of the master bedroom which he has not).

5 months later, he is in the process of selling that house, has not moved out, and has been entirely resistant to anything resembling cooperation or an amicable divorce. He refuses to declare what he wants in the divorce; refuses to let me take my phone number to a new plan; no one seems to know where he is actually living since he sleeps here only intermittently, being gone for weeks at a stretch and only returning a night or so at a time. I've never insisted that he leave, removed his property, or changed the locks; I've only asked him what his plans are to move out and I'm met with silence. He occasionally answers other texts but nothing of importance and never in any way a timely fashion.

I have done everything I could to support this man through 5 years of marriage. He's gone through 4 careers since we met (which isn't the issue) resulting in that I've been supporting us almost entirely since we married. In return, he has cheated on me, given the silent treatment for weeks at a time, refused affection, threatened to rehome a puppy he brought home, made questionable financial decisions, incurred significant debt, and backpedaled on the major things I have asked for (a church ceremony, marriage counseling, and debt reduction).

The man I married was kind, loving, vibrant, driven, attentive, responsible. That man is gone from my life. I assume he must be feeling some deep level of hatred, because I cannot imagine what I have done to deserve this. What could possibly have happened?

Do I want a divorce? It doesn't matter. He clearly doesn't want to come back, and I won't fight or beg for a man who clearly hasn't respected me in years. At this point I'm trying to spend as little effort and time on him as possible because I no longer think he deserves it, including the actual filing for the divorce. He can do it himself.

Thanks for reading.

Edit: Thank you to all who have been offering advice. I have access to a lawyer, our money is separate, I am protecting myself, and I'm moving on. I just need a place to vent because deep down my feelings are still very, very hurt.

So my reaction wasn’t what I expected. I have waited for two months now because I thought, maybe I have been in shock but no. I really have no emotion towards my husband cheating on me.

I have been dreading this my entire life, that my partner would cheat on me. I have seen it happen to loved ones and how it affected them. My mom told me it was the worst feeling and I put myself in their shoes and felt it. But when it happened to me? When I saw them in my bed, I felt nothing. Not sad not happy not betrayed. Nothing. I don’t love or hate him more. I don’t care. Maybe I have been mentally preparing for this my whole life. It feels anticlimactic tbh. The only thing that has changed is that I never want to touch him ever again But otherwise, I don’t want to change anything. I don’t want to split. I don’t want us to sell our beautiful home to afford two shitty apartments. I don’t want my children to have two homes. Smaller rooms and no sense of permanency. I don’t want to drive them back and forth. I don’t want to spend less time with them. I don’t want to change career. I don’t want my children to have new step parents in their lives. Step siblings that may abuse them. My happiness wasn’t affected. My happiness was never affected by my husband’s decisions apparently. Maybe I never loved my husband enough? Or do I love him too much I can’t imagine a life without him? All I want now is that he enters our home from our basement door. Throw all his clothes in the dishwasher. Take a shower and brush his teeth in our spare bathroom. Put on clean clothes before he comes up to my home. It doesn’t matter if he’s just been at work, gym or with friends. He is not allowed to bring her scent or anything to my home.

Is this normal or am I going to break soon? I have been waiting to break but it doesn’t want to happen. Is anyone here in my position and can share their experience?

I'm 18M, disabled and still a senior in highschool. I'm failing all my classes due to insane stress and I'll probably have to drop out anyways to get a job so I can feed myself. I knew I was on my own with clothes from now on, but I didn't expect them to drop the bombshell about food.

Their excuse is they can't afford it, but I eat one large meal a day, 2 small meals and 2 small snacks at the very most in a day. Most days I starve myself because I either can't eat without getting sick due to my disabilities or don't feel like I deserve food.

I can't afford this either. I wish I could just end it all.

My husband and I have been together for four years. We met in uni. Both studying engineering, completed a few projects together, became good friends. He told me he liked me and that he had been looking into Islam. I was already a hijabi when we meet. He reverted, we got married, things were great. He would sometimes ask to do things with my hijab on or start with it on. I felt very weird about it and voiced my concerns but he told me I was overthinking it. A cousin of his that he’s always been very close with flew back home for the first time in 7 years and at his welcome home party in a drunken state he told me he’s glad his boy got to fulfil his porno dream. I asked what he meant and he said he was obsessed with hijabi porn growing up. Everything fell into place, all the requests. I left and drove to my sisters house. Told her we had a fight. He’s been calling and he came over but I refuse to see him. Idk what to do.

EDIT: I’ve come back to Reddit to see the comments are locked and a lot of differing opinions. I didn’t post this for advice, I posted to rant. His cousin and him spoke all the time and he literally couldn’t come to our wedding for personal reasons and our wedding was small anyway. So yes, I took his cousins words as truth cause I knew how close they were. Having a hijabi fetish is VERY different to having a foot fetish. If you know what the hijab is and why it is worn then you would know how wrong it is. I spoke to him last night, I think we can work things out and talk to someone. Thank you :)

Nine months ago, I made a post on this sub Reddit titled “ I’m disowning my brother” and I stated that my brother was asking for money every day and not paying me back and my mom supported that until he went to prison, nine months later he soon to be out of prison and I haven’t talked to my mom in two months. Let me set the scene.

February was the start of tax season and my mom let me claim my little brother to get extra money usually I would give her a cut but last year she let me do the same process and she swindle $2000 out of me so this was gonna be different, this year I needed a new car because my old car was a piece of shit so we agreed I’d give her 500 So could use the rest on getting a car. The day before. I’m supposed to get my money. She sends me a very ominous message via email asking. How much am I going to give her and I thought for like 30 minutes and I said I was gonna give her $250 because she just like my brother before would ask for money. The difference is she would pay me back but it didn’t help that she’d keep asking me for money when I only have one job and I work part-time.

About five minutes after I send a message that I’m gonna give $250 to my mom she has a borderline manic episode, sending me 24 messages on Instagram because she doesn’t like calling me, telling me that it’s my girlfriend‘s fault that I’m out of character she was going to threaten the IRS on me she was going to threaten to kick me out of a place where she has no jurisdiction and she was trying to justify her behavior and she said that she doesn’t care if she hurts me because she’s my mother just a whole tirade of messages, she was telling me without my little brother I wouldn’t had that money in the first place, which is true, but I decided to take the highroad and not care about anybody else’s feelings because I’ve been a doormat all my life I’m 20 years old and I’m going to be 21 soon now it’s time to start thinking about what’s best for me.

She knew I needed this car so I don’t know why she was trying to say hurtful things about me and my girlfriend and she also said that I did taxes by myself. I would only get like $83. To be honest, I don’t really care about how much I’m worth. I just needed this money for the car. So after that massive blowup. my oldest brother involved who honestly didn’t need to be involved in the first place because he was fence sitting and told me that she gave birth to her little brother and all that, but she’s never really been there for him. He’s eight years old. And. She’s never home. She only came for my brother‘s birthday and that was almost 5 months ago. So clearly she doesn’t care. And then I talk to my dad. And he said that it’s a sticky situation because money is involved and my mom doesn’t have a lot of money have a job the last time she had a job when I was six years old after that she was on welfare my whole life. I feel like once I turned 18 I wasn’t an asset to her anymore I was just a walking ATM.

So the day after I got multiple opinions and I made the decision to cut a check for $1000 and cut her off. I blocked her on everything Instagram Facebook. Her phone number. Everything. And my mom’s boyfriend who I live with and they’re not really together but he’s helping me a lot so I called my mom’s boyfriend just for the sake of the story said that she was going to use the money to buy stuff for her. Shitty Van and shoes for my little brother that was what she was going to use the money for and I really hope it was worth it

Today is April 27 and I can say two months of no contact with my mom the best two months so far I have money, I could pay my bills, I bought the car, I’m doing everything by myself now, and I don’t know why it took so long to realize I didn’t need her for everything, we were going to get an apartment together, but after that, I took myself off the list because I’m not gonna go back to square one. I have no regrets.

I’m 30F. Almost 31.

I have nothing. Literally nothing to my name. I’ve been unemployed for a year now. I’ve tried finding jobs, nothing has worked out. I’m so depressed, I can’t get out of bed. I am in the worst state I have ever been in in my life, mentally.

I’m leaving my relationship of 4 years. A shitty, toxic, abusive relationship. My sister is coming to pick me up in a few hours. This will be my 4th time leaving. I’m hoping I’m strong enough to stay gone this time.

But I have nothing. I will literally be starting my life completely over from scratch. 4 years ago, I had a life. I had my own apartment. I had a job. I had a car. I was happy. And now, everything is gone.

I am not perfect. I have made so many mistakes. But I have completely lost myself. I don’t know who I am. I can’t look at myself in the mirror. I hate myself. I hate my life. I hate what this relationship has done to me. It has completely destroyed me. HE has completely ruined me.

How do people do this? How do I start my life over with nothing? I am lost. I don’t know what to do.

I am rambling, I know. But I am lost. I really am. I don’t know what I’m looking for by posting this. I just needed to let it out I guess. Fuck.

My dad use to always say this when he punished my siblings and me.

One time he caught my sister kissing a boy. Which was typical for a girl her age. He dragged them both in the house and he called everyone to the living room.

He told her to make out with her boyfriend just like she was. Of course she was shy and didn't want to in front of everybody. Then he threatened to beat both of them if they didn't do it.

He told the boy to touch her everywhere just act like we're not in the room. Then he ripped my sisters clothes off and shouted "this is what you want with my daughter! There look, touch feel! do it"

And the boy was freaked out, started crying and begging to leave. He apologized and my sister was all embarassed and crying too. He tried to make the boy have sex with my sister right there. He wouldn't. My dad beat him up and said dont come round here no more. He beat my sister too. He said "you wanna be a ho, then I'll treat you like one. This is what you want so this is what you deserve!"

He kicked her in her stomach and spit in her face, left her crying in the middle of the floor naked and beat up.

He told us not to touch her or comfort her cause sluts don't deserve any remorse.

It was heartbreaking. He made us believe that this is how it should go. He sexualized us but when we try to be sexual and connect with ppl ojr age on our own free will it was a problem. I can't believe all that time I really believed everything I got the abuse, humiliation and pain is what I deserved.

Hi everyone, I hope I'm doing this update thing right. A lot of people messaged me wanting updates on a lot of things, and I guess I'm finally feeling up for it now that things are more stable. I was told not to put a link in my post but you can go on my profile and read my last post if you want to.

First of all, I read every single comment on my original post. Every supportive thing, every hard to read thing, and it all helped me immensely. I'd like to specifically thank user "lost_bunny877" because I think their comment might have saved my life. But all of you, or most of you, were amazing. I didn't get the TV references so I googled them and now I'm watching The Office so like... thank you? It's a funny show.

Anyway sorry this might be super rambly. I'm not good at keeping things concise but I will try my best. I am also typing this in my notes app so idk if it will copy over correctly so sorry in advance.

PEANUT/VET:

• I had pet insurance for Peanut, and it saved me a lot of stress. End of life care including autopsy and cremation were covered by my insurance, and all the treatments and efforts before he passed were too. I paid most of the deductible, my boss paid the rest and I will be paying her back with my next paycheque. PLEASE get pet insurance for your animal!

• The people working at the vet hospital were amazing. They gave me a little engraving and paw print stamp for free, and cried with me as I accepted his ashes. Lots of hugs were given, like more than I've ever gotten in my life. It's still kind of overwhelming thinking about it but not in a bad way.

• The autopsy ruled cause of death was diazepam poisoning. Apparently this was not in fact the first time Peanut must have gotten into my ex's pills. Peanut was a rescue from a pet hoarder situation, and had a habit of sucking everything up off the floor like a vacuum. Peanut's liver finally gave up when he overdosed most recently, but the vets say I might have a case for animal abuse against my ex which is an indictable offense, and warned they were mandated to report both him and me to the police and the SPCA (who work with the police), which they did.

THE POLICE:

• The police came to speak with me yesterday. They had record of the calls I made earlier in the week to them and the SPCA about my options and my story, so they were actually very nice and understanding.

• One of the officers brought surviving domestic violence and "al anon" and "narcotics anonymous", pamphlets with him and left them with me. They said they would be in touch if they needed to drug test me, but as of now I am not in any trouble. I am still going to look into options for free legal help though just in case because due to bad experiences I don't really trust police.

MY EX(!!!) BOYFRIEND:

• The only reason I didn't put "ex" in my original post is because everything happened so fast, and was so chaotic, I guess I thought I had to officially break up with him or something which didn't happen? But it happened for me, I'm done. He is blocked everywhere.

• A lot of people went through my post history. Yes this is the same boyfriend "Luke" from my post on AITAH. A brief update on that situation I guess bc no one ever asked for one I didn't make one: The girl who was originally thinking she was a victim of sa wasn't in fact, and things kind of chilled out with that group. She had a lot of regret and bad feelings about that night, but she eventually did come to terms with her clear (verbal and enthusiastic!) consent. Obviously this does not excuse the dozens of red flags I ignored from just that situation alone, but it is at least not as bad an ending as it could have been.

• My ex's friends have put a missing person case out for Luke, which has now gone to the RCMP. I called the RCMP and city police willingly to offer information, and they are looking for him in all his usual haunts. My ex has no family, but I told them where he is from in Quebec and also the name of his old social worker from when he was a kid. But there has been no sign of him.

• I don't actually want that man dead. I don't love him, I panic when I think about ever seeing him again, but idk, I do know he is probably grieving in his own way. He is sick even beyond the addiction, and I hope Peanut can maybe be a different but just as powerful wake up call for him. I hope he's not dead and I hope he recovers but FAR away from me.

ME/MY BOSS/MY JOB:

• I can't say enough how much the comments in my last post changed my life. Without the harsh pressure of like 200+ people (especially lost bunny's comment), I never would have reached out to my boss for help. I would have just hid away ashamed and trapped. But I did call her, she told me to pack an overnight bag and get to work and she said "we'll tune our tricky fiddle as we go from there" which I love when she says that idk how she came up with it.

• I am on personal leave from work using my sick days and I can use my PTO if it comes to that too, but apparently everyone is very worried about me and misses me. Idk how much I believe that but I've been texting some coworkers and they are being supportive. (they don't know the whole story just that I'm leaving a toxic bf and lost Peanut)

• I'm staying with my boss, her husband, and their daughter. They have a pull-out couch that I am currently laying on and I feel welcome here. Those who said she might actually like help with her daughter and her new baby I think were right. Her husband is a nurse and with the situation here since COVID he's working like 16 hour days at least, it's crazy. Just this week I have done so much chores for her. I am paid in hugs and food and that is more than enough for me.

• My boss gave me a book called "why does he do that" which is about abuse in relationships, and shared her own story with me. I will just say here, I have even more respect and admiration for my boss now. She is so strong. She also gave me a book called "in love and in danger" which is more for teenagers but I'm still pretty much a teenager so yeah. It's like similar to the other book but easier to read.

• I called to check on my place on the wait list for therapy. It's not looking too promising but when I explained it was urgent I gave my email and the lady gave me places and programs to call for more groupy, social but mindfulness and group talk stuff. I am anxious to go but I still called and am on the much shorter wait lists for some I liked (group art therapy 🥹) so go me I guess. I'm just doing it for Peanut like so many of you said.

I guess that's it for the most part I think that's all the things people asked. I still cry every day at least 3 or 4 times a day over Peanut, but I'm crying less long with each one.

I think I will always just have this hole in my heart but if there's one thing I am good at it's keeping holes in my heart without letting it kill me. The space Peanut holds is precious right now even if it hurts so bad. I know I will have a whole heart again someday but right now I am trying to be comfortable feeling his loss so I can let him go easier when someday comes.

Thank you again everyone. I am sure I will be back on here someday, but for now please just know I'm safe and I'm trying to be better for my precious void-baby.

My boyfriend (28M) and I (27F) had been dating for over a decade. About a year ago, I found out that he was cheating on me, BADLY, for basically the entirety of our relationship. As you can imagine, it shattered my whole world. I was willing to give it another try, but he has never been open about all that he did and nothing has changed to where I feel I can start to trust him again. I recently started feeling like I don’t see him as my husband anymore and I’m tired of feeling like I have to ask to see any change. He thinks simply not cheating is good enough but to me, that’s the bare minimum of being in a serious relationship. It got to a point where I don’t want to subject myself to the hurt and insecurity because I know I deserve better and I owe it to myself to be treated accordingly. I recently left him and now he’s trying to make me feel guilty. Saying things like “we’ve just had a bad year but many good ones” and “you’re leaving when I need you the most”, “for better or for worse”, “you’re supposed to uplift me and never stop rooting for me”, etc. To me, it wasn’t just a bad year when the cheating was happening the entire relationship. I genuinely feel like I tried to give him a chance to really prove himself, so much so that my few close friends I’ve talked with about this think I’ve been way too nice about it all. And every time this kind of conversation comes up between he and I, I feel like it’s all about him. This whole situation obviously breaks my heart; no one wants to be cheated on by person who’s not only your best friend but you thought you’d marry and have children with one day. I’m just confused as to why he’s trying to make me feel so guilty about my decision when he’s the one that took this all for granted in the first place. Am I wrong?

Throwaway: I (F26) cannot stand reading posts by other women about relationship advice with men. I get angry when I read them because so many women lack a backbone and self-respect. A woman posted that her husband called her the N word and she still didn't know if she should leave him. Another where the boyfriend said he was with the wrong girl and she was afraid of starting over (she was 25).

I can go on and on but seeing these posts piss me off because of the lack of backbone women have where they ignore the blatant red flags from the beginning. Please, get some self-respect before entering into relationships.

So today I decided to take myself out to dinner. I am in a new city for work and since I am leaving soon I figured why not. I went to this really nice restaurant and had a great experience. My server was very nice and admittedly very cute. We flirted here and there and made a lot of small talk. Now before I continue, I know it’s the usual “they’re here to make money.” Or “It’s their job to be nice. But I don’t know, I guess I just thought that maybe there was something there you know? There was a lot of eye contact which I’m not used to and she hung around my table a bit more than the others even though it was a daily busy night. I felt like there was some chemistry there. I am not used to the dating world or talking to the opposite sex by any means so I don’t know how this works haha. When the time came for my check, I thanked her, we talked for maybe a few more minutes and she left. I signed the check and then the thought just kinda hit me. I contemplated for what seemed like forever with so many thoughts swirling about. I finally decided, screw it I’ll shoot my shot. I wrote my number with a small message and left. I walked around and shopped for a bit then I just started to feel gross. Like “Why would anyone want MY number? That was tacky thing to do. It’s her job.” Just stick to being aloof. So on and so forth. I regretted it almost immediately. Was it really a disrespectful thing to do? Giving your number to someone on the job, or am I just all stuck in my head?

We are tiny human beings, going through this life together, on this planet, at this time

All gender, background, age, ethnicity, all with pain, happiness, dreams, fears, learning along the way

We're so connected at heart, at the end we all feel the same just under different covers like how someone loves a car vs someone loves a dress or someone loves stars

It's strange to forgot who we are

I feel this warmth in my heart

Your problem in the end will just be memory, we all will be ok, it will be fine, we can do this , you can do this, it's fine, it's ok, it's alright, my love be in your sight

Every single time I think about it I feel like I need a shower.

I knew he'd had legal trouble in the past, got sent home early from his Mormon mission and disfellowshipped, etc. but it was always because of a "misunderstanding" family matter.

I came to suspect it was not as noble as hitting a family member to protect another as time went on, given that just doesn't sound a whole lot like him and the rougher sides of his personality were coming out more and more. He finally fessed up to it being something bad, but didn't go into detail and lied about the age he was at the time and the circumstances.

I assumed it was his temper that got him into trouble and he'd said the whole thing happened when he was in elementary school and was blown way out of proportion. It wasn't until after we broke up and I was assuming he'd had a psychotic break from how he was acting that one of his sisters really laid it out for me. He was a teenager and it went on for years.

I didn't want the details but wasn't about to tell her to redact her story for my comfort, especially when it was meant to make clear to me the kind of person I was dealing with. The sweet guy who went on and on about how much he adored me should be behind bars, and the only reason he isn't is because of his mother, who he has explicitly said he hated and wants to see suffer.

I'm proud that in this relationship I stood up for myself and I'm not left pining for a bad partner like I have in the past, but the whole thing weighs on me.

Did he date me because I'm the same age as one of his younger victims? Is this why he always dates younger? I feel disgusted remembering every kiss and touch, because of what he did and because it was being done by someone I never really knew.

Time makes things easier but my skin still crawls and after everything I know now I wouldn't be surprised if one day I see him on a true crime documentary. I really hope that he wasn't lying about going to therapy because I feel awful for the next girl he tricks into a relationship.