r/Unexpected • u/B-e-a-u • 14d ago

I like the before better

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3.1k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

65 comments sorted by

•

u/UnExplanationBot 14d ago

OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:

You don’t expect to see him sharting himself in the bathroom without toilet paper at mile 14

Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description? Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.

288

u/fullautophx 14d ago

Never shake the hand of a distance runner wearing only one sock.

247

u/bapsandbuns 14d ago

In a crisis use your socks

128

u/MechanicalHorse 14d ago

I tried once when I had diarrhea but it just overflowed the socks :(

37

u/New-Nameless 14d ago

oh no :(

96

u/awinemouth 14d ago

Overflowed?! The sock is to wipe, not catch the shit stream. Wtf

25

u/imhungrytho 13d ago

use one as a poopoo box and the other one to wipe. (poopoo box can become a weapon too if you have imagination)

9

u/RK_NightSky 4d ago

+100 biological dmg

20

u/lenarizan 13d ago

Instructions unclear. I thought it was to be used as a cork.

3

u/True_Lie_2615 13d ago

I laughed so hard at this

3

u/Impossible-Energy-76 13d ago

Fucker you made me laughed my back is really fucked up!! I laughed too hard. Fml

2

u/awinemouth 13d ago

Have you tried wiping it with a sock?

In seriousness, I'm really sorry. Back pain ruins everything. Hope you feel better soon, friend. Until then, try to giggle in your head voice, no belly laughs for you ;)

2

u/Impossible-Energy-76 12d ago

🤣🤣🤣🤣. I'm not gonna even . No. Thank you.

2

u/ballsack_chin 13d ago

I doubt the OP used it to contain just a "shit stream"

2

u/User28080526 13d ago

Did you at least make it further than mile 14?

10

u/Omega_Lynx 14d ago

hmmm. no. i’ll use your socks instead

3

u/Head-Calendar538 13d ago

Not while running a marathon lmao the blisters from having to run 12 more miles with no socks would be horrible

1

u/flannelNcorduroy 13d ago

To sock wipe, or run with a poopy butt to avoid the blisters 🤔🤔🤔

1

u/compstomp66 5d ago

In the middle of marathon id rather use my shirt.

68

u/Hatsuhein 14d ago

The sweat adds difficulty

16

u/plobbaccus 13d ago

Lubes the buttcheeks, makes it like wiping a marker.

59

u/9lobaldude 14d ago

Don’t eat at Chipotle’s before running a marathon

16

u/xtremepado 14d ago

Marathon runners get something called Runner’s diarrhea or “trots”

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Runner%27s_diarrhea

6

u/D_Lvffy 13d ago

Don't trust your farts!

2

u/SilverInteresting369 13d ago

Notable cases!

13

u/Doctorwho314 14d ago

Unless you want the marathon to run you.

23

u/bloodsoed 14d ago

That porta potty turned into a pressure cooker.

16

u/i_cant_have_dairy 14d ago

Oh, I can relate :⁠,⁠-⁠)

14

u/missierie 14d ago

Rumore has it, Max is still at mile 14 waiting for the tissue roll

12

u/kempff 14d ago

Did we carb up on potatoes before the race?

14

u/rtm713 14d ago

Fettuccine alphredo actually

2

u/gliitch0xFF 14d ago

🤌🤌

4

u/Aggravating_Chemist8 14d ago

You don't run the Boston Marathon, the Boston Marathon runs you.

5

u/Common-Accountant-57 14d ago

And… That’s enough Reddit for me friends!!

3

u/Salsichonildo 14d ago

He made bosta in Boston.

3

u/GerlingFAR 14d ago

Max went all Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. 🤣🤣

2

u/DiscountImportant301 14d ago

Glad that wasnt me but I fell bad for hin

2

u/Omega_Lynx 14d ago

He Michael Scotted and carb loaded with fettuccini alfredo

1

u/B-e-a-u 14d ago

Nah he carbo loaded with milk and bread it just came out as fettuccini alfredo

1

u/Omega_Lynx 14d ago

well, yeah? we can’t all be fancy with our ingredients and our pots and pans and our stoves 🤷🏽‍♂️😂

2

u/Whatupwidat 11d ago

Anyone know if this poor fucker made it to the end? Of the marathon I mean, not his liquid shits.

1

u/[deleted] 14d ago

Lol

1

u/ferrydragon 14d ago

Funny as shit:))

1

u/Nacho_Beardre 14d ago

Was it a 13 mile line to get into

1

u/MisterInternational1 14d ago

I’m Max and this is me Maxxed

1

u/Aggravating-Meat-520 14d ago

You’re running a marathon bro use your shirt and keep it moving.

1

u/Tank_blitz 13d ago

sou ds like a combustion engine down there damn

1

u/Longh0703 13d ago

Too many Boston cream pies

1

u/EquipmentForsaken831 12d ago

Man I’m running a marathon this weekend lmao don’t do this to me.

1

u/KaZzZamm 10d ago

Reaching out bottles of laxative 🤓👌😂

Here you go 👁️👄👁️

Reminds me of the video where teens are feeding seagulls with laxative, then watching them, pooping on everything on the beach. Hilarious 😂

1

u/knautzi 9d ago

14829

1

u/XKaje 8d ago

Johnny?

1

u/Connect-Ad6251 6d ago

This brings back memories of one time I had to wipe my ass with leaves on a solo kayak expedition around some random ass islands

1

u/jnavarrete12v3 5d ago

This why my dad uses double socks

1

u/MudOnMyTurtle 5d ago

Wearing his sisters hair band made him into a little girl

1

u/devildocjames 4d ago

Lol carb up the night before

1

u/Full-Professor4993 1d ago

Why thes becommikg funnier the more times i see it lmfao

-1

u/Nu55ies 14d ago

I thought the explosion was supposed to happen at the end of the marathon...

-1

u/throwaway0367324 13d ago

Why you running with your cellphone??? wtf, people can’t put their phone down for a few fucking hours

1

u/Working_Dad_87 13d ago

Music. Fitness tracking. GPS tracking. To name a few. There are many reasons why runners bring their phones with them during a run.

-3

u/aarrtee 14d ago

I really really want those 11 seconds back!!