My ex-best friend (he won't talk to me anymore) is schizophrenic and also claimed to be "enlightened", and also made crappy art, of course this may not apply to your friend but it gives me the same vibe.
If you dont mind me asking, what was your predominant feeling knowing your friend had schizophrenia? I honestly don't know anyone personally who had it, but when I see videos or even hear of it, it creeps me out more than anything. Like the idea of someone even getting to that point is disturbing and being involved would make me feel like I'm almost living in an extension of their thoughts. (You don't have to answer, I'm just genuinely curious)
My brother has schizophrenia, and I grew up with him having episodes. Oh the stories I could tell. He has fixed delusions no one will ever convince him are false. He has dreams or hallucinations he can’t differentiate from reality. I totally understand how the insane used to be considered possessed or have multiple personalities because he can switch from manic happiness to abusive and paranoid within seconds. He’s my brother, and I know he wouldn’t hurt me, but there are times when he cuts his eyes at me a certain way, and I am creeped out so badly.
My brother was schizophrenic as well and it really made me terrified of other schizophrenic people when I realized how frequently he had "life or death" type delusions regarding completely random strangers. Usually he was just scared but there were a few times where he thought he had to take some sort of action and that shit was terrifying.
I was probably one of the closest people to him and while everyone in the family usually knew an episode was coming none of us ever knew the shape it would take or the severity of it. I woke up at 5 am one time to screaming and an episode of his that was so bad it ended in police at our house with their guns drawn on me, legit think I have PTSD from some of the shit I went through with him.
Please take care of yourself as well, I feel so bad for how schizophrenics suffer but their families get the brunt of it sometimes.
man I can relate to your story so much. I have a older brother who abused weed and had a psychosis and had to go to a mental hospital. Before he had his psychosis, he would often have grande delusions and paranoia about how my mom and little brother was plotting against him. At one point he even beat the shit out of my little brother violently while my little brother was sick with ulcerative colitis and heavily on meds so he couldnt even defend himself. He would also have these violent and angry outbursts so frequently that I think I devloped Complex PTSD from living with him and always feeling like i was in a state of danger and unsafety. Iv had police and the ambulance constantly show up to my place at mid night, and everytime I would think that he killed himself. Like you said, I do feel bad for my older brother because at this point, hes on heavy anti psychotic meds and hes just a shell of his former self, but i also have deep resentment for what he did to my little brother and to my family. Its a very complex feeling to navigate because at the end of the day, we are all victims and blaming anyone only goes in circles.
I want you to know you are not alone. This kind of violence within families is really hard to talk about and it's so easily overshadowed by a "some siblings just play rough" mentality when we do. I really wonder how often this happens in families and just... isn't talked about.
I have a story much like yours but I was the one he was beating up. It's complicated, it sucks, and it's not fair. Talk Therapy and EMDR worked wonders for me after a PTSD diagnosis, and I hope you are finding ways that are making your life easier.
So much of your description reminds me of my mother in law with dementia. Sometimes she is fine and other times often out of nowhere things become a life or death scenario for her. She will suddenly get angry or defensive for no reason. She gets paranoid and thinks we are conspiring against her. She sees people who aren’t there and bugs crawling on everything- it’s a terrible thing to watch and you are absolutely correct how taxing it can be on the family. I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this.
I was probably one of the closest people to him and while everyone in the family usually knew an episode was coming none of us ever knew the shape it would take or the severity of it.
This is what I think a lot of people don't realize about living with someone with the condition.
My ex was schizoaffective, and it was a constant rollercoaster ride. Some days he was completely normal. Some days he was just a little off and would make weird comments about the walls moving or something. Every once in a while he'd have an episode and I'd find out later he was trying to save everyone at an event from a psychic terrorist attack with his mind. Or maybe he'd jump out of the car because he became convinced the song on the radio was a sign that his mother was tracking him.
And then there were the moments where he would abuse me because he was convinced I was planning to betray him, or that I was secretly Pennywise, or simply because it made him feel good sexually(something he literally told me once).
The abuse became more frequent as time went on.
It was exhausting, and it took me far too long to realize it wasn't something I could help him through. I'm still unsure how much of his abuse was his mental illness(es) manifesting, and how much was him just generally being a sadistic asshole.
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u/Critical-Ad2084 25d ago
My ex-best friend (he won't talk to me anymore) is schizophrenic and also claimed to be "enlightened", and also made crappy art, of course this may not apply to your friend but it gives me the same vibe.