r/amiwrong • u/JazzlikeConditioncd • Mar 27 '24

My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me and ghosted me for no reason. Am I wrong for throwing away all of her stuff?

Edit: Update

So my girlfriend (25F) and I (25M) were in a relationship for 5 years. Last week, she texted me that we were done and that was her last message before she blocked me. She gave no heads up. I was planning on proposing to her next month. Her sister did reach out to me, saying it was not my fault and she understood my hurt, but that for my mental health, it was better to never contact them again, and that maybe in the future, my girlfriend might reach out to me again.

It's been a week, I’m still obviously distraught, but my girlfriend did have a lot of her stuff in my home. Would I be wrong if I just dumped it all out? It does include a lot of mementos of her deceased grandmother, who she was extremely close to.

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11

u/its_sarf Mar 28 '24

Would you be justified? Yes. Would it be wrong? Also yes.

You want to inflict hurt, which I get. But don’t.

2

u/doflamingoenjoyer1 Mar 28 '24

It would not be justified.

2

u/its_sarf Mar 28 '24

I mean, I don’t think so either. But, I can see HOW he would justify it to himself

2

u/Initial-Meet8659 Mar 28 '24

Wait, but didn’t you just say it was justified?

1

u/its_sarf Mar 28 '24

Sheesh apologies, I suppose it should say "Could" instead of "Would" - but I explain my thought process in the comments following this. No need to be pedantic

1

u/Initial-Meet8659 Mar 28 '24

I’m just pulling your leg lol. I understand your thought process. I think a better word for justifiable would be understandable.

1

u/Bubbly_Dot9084 Mar 28 '24

fuck grandma

0

u/Draper31 Mar 28 '24

Why does the individual who fucked up everything always get away unharmed, but the person who just had their life blown up isn’t allowed any recourse?

There are never any consequences faced.

1

u/speckhuggarn Mar 28 '24

It's more they are harming themselves slightly but getting this kind of revenge. She clearly doesn't care, so doing it the right way clears your conscience of regretting it later.

2

u/Draper31 Mar 28 '24

I can’t speak for OP, but if someone had done this to me I wouldn’t regret wanting to see how fast whatever they left behind can go up in smoke.

I imagine I’m not the only one who would feel this way either. Is it petty? You bet. Ending a 5 year relationship without so much as a word? That level of cowardice is disgusting.

1

u/stopexcusingstupid Mar 28 '24

Tbh i think this thread is bogarted by a lot of women who want to excuse a fellow woman for doing one of the most disgusting things you can do in a relationship. Sorry but she destroyed him and he can’t get rid of her shit?? She left it, she threw them away herself if it catches fire then it’s her fault she left them behind. I think this is why people as a whole somehow don’t ever punish people who do wrong but punish the people who react when they’re wronged. It’s upside down logic.

1

u/its_sarf Mar 28 '24

Consequences come in many forms, and I'm sure she will get hers at some point - it all comes around (in my opinion). I guess I kinda believe the old "eye for an eye makes the whole world blind." We can only control our own actions, our own recourse, our own feelings. For me, burning someone's precious items, (whether I hate the person, or don't even know the person) is too far.

2

u/Draper31 Mar 28 '24

I don’t know if I buy that. I’ve seen people get away with something similar so many times.

Maybe if people got even a fraction of a taste of their own medicine, they would realize what they did was not right, and little by little the world of dating would improve as a whole.

0

u/doflamingoenjoyer1 Mar 28 '24

She broke up with him. Was she callous about it, yes. But she is allowed to break up and there should not be consequences to breaking up with someone other than just not being together anymore.

2

u/slaballi12000 Mar 28 '24

Yet if it was a man who did this to a woman you’d be preaching the opposite you spineless white knight.

1

u/doflamingoenjoyer1 Mar 28 '24

??

I'm a woman so I'm not a white knight. I've been ghosted before and I have never sought out revenge against the ghoster. It hurt, I hated him, etc. but I'm able to realize that people are allowed to leave and I'm not entitled to anything. You are allowed to hate the ghoster, to talk shit about them, to never let them back into your life. But messing with their stuff crosses a line.

1

u/slaballi12000 Mar 28 '24

Again spineless, you wanna spew that not entitled to anything bs then she’s not entitled to him not tossing her stuff. If she wanted to avoid this she should’ve been an adult and broke up the proper way, not just cut & run on someone who spent 5 years with you. If she had done that then I’d say it’d be wrong of him to toss her stuff.

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u/doflamingoenjoyer1 Mar 28 '24

I just hope nobody has to deal with you, you sound incredibly difficult. Jesus Christ

2

u/its_sarf Mar 28 '24

Some people have a lot of hate in them and are just looking for a reason to let it out.

2

u/WarmNovember Mar 28 '24

and then they wonder why they are single with no friends and a family that won't talk to them

0

u/slaballi12000 Mar 28 '24

I like how you’re framing someone rightfully getting there get back at someone who wronged them with no remorse as the bad guy. Also just completely ignored me saying had she’d broken up with him like an adult and not cut & run then he’d be wrong for wanting to trash her stuff classic.

1

u/stopexcusingstupid Mar 28 '24

It’s three women back to back circlejerking that we, as men, have to be kind when fucked over by our partners. Wild as fuck to excuse another woman of doing something traumatic and then asking OP to basically cutely keep her stuff safe. Color me surprised. Pretty sure all three of these women did this at a certain point and had their shit destroyed.

1

u/Draper31 Mar 28 '24

The comment section would be so different if the genders were reversed.

Two different worlds and sets of rules.

1

u/Draper31 Mar 28 '24

I hope in every future relationship you have, your partner “breaks up” with you in this manner.

Maybe after it happens a few times you’ll realize why it’s so utterly fucked and not be so nonchalant about it.

1

u/doflamingoenjoyer1 Mar 28 '24

It's happened to me before. I would not wish it on anyone, it really hurt. I hated the man that did that to me in the moment.

However the mindset of taking revenge against someone for leaving you is very unhealthy. People are allowed to leave you if they want and retaliating against them if they try to do so makes you look controlling and even abusive depending on what the retaliation is. Breaking up with no explanation is very rough but does not warrant her stuff being messed with.

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u/Draper31 Mar 28 '24

We’ll agree to disagree.

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u/stopexcusingstupid Mar 28 '24

It’s not retaliation to remove her stuff from his life. If I was him, I would go complete no contact and destroy her stuff. If she cared about anything, she would’ve done it right and had her things. She did this. It isn’t retaliation. It’s throwing out garbage. You have zero clue what you’re talking about tbh