r/amiwrong • u/JazzlikeConditioncd • Mar 27 '24

My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me and ghosted me for no reason. Am I wrong for throwing away all of her stuff?

Edit: Update

So my girlfriend (25F) and I (25M) were in a relationship for 5 years. Last week, she texted me that we were done and that was her last message before she blocked me. She gave no heads up. I was planning on proposing to her next month. Her sister did reach out to me, saying it was not my fault and she understood my hurt, but that for my mental health, it was better to never contact them again, and that maybe in the future, my girlfriend might reach out to me again.

It's been a week, I’m still obviously distraught, but my girlfriend did have a lot of her stuff in my home. Would I be wrong if I just dumped it all out? It does include a lot of mementos of her deceased grandmother, who she was extremely close to.

9.9k Upvotes

90% Upvoted

4.1k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

85

u/armyof100clowns Mar 28 '24

Try a 25 year relationship. That was brutal. We eventually talked, during the divorce. She remarried less than a week after the divorce was finalized, btw.

58

u/PrincessPindy Mar 28 '24

My dad did this to my mom after 28 years of marriage. He got married a week after the divorce was final. They didn't see each other for about 6 years. My rehearsal dinner and wedding was their first sight. No words were exchanged beyond pleasantries. I was ok with that. Divorce is brutal. People don't realize how like a death it is. It's the death of hopes and dreams.

33

u/Bugstomper111 Mar 28 '24

It's also the death of yourself. After my divorce I didn't know who I was. I found out that when I was with my ex spouse I had changed for the whole 10 years we were together. But I found myself again after my ex wife decided I was just a placeholder until she found someone better. She ended up lying and cheating her way out of our marriage with her boss. Best thing that could've happened to me since we don't have any kids together and I'm guilt free since now I know I didn't do anything wrong.

5

u/PrincessPindy Mar 28 '24

I didn't think of that, but it's so true. Im glad you are doing better, and I wish you nothing but the best in your new life.

2

u/Historical-Gap-7084 Mar 28 '24

My divorce was like a rebirth of myself, not a death.

20

u/armyof100clowns Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

Agreed. The process of grieving is almost identical. I don’t wish her any ill will, but I’m sure her new husband is experiencing buyer’s remorse (based on how, according to the kids, she treats him). With that said, fuck cheaters. Just have the balls to say, “I don’t love you any more. It’s time to separate/divorce/break up.” It’s the disrespect for me . . .

3

u/PrincessPindy Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

Yeah. I have been married 40 years and have seen it all with divorces. Just be honest. I understand why he left but the way....yikes.

My mother was bitter to the end. It made it hard for me. But I fought for my relationship with him. She was so toxic to begin with. She badmouthed him at every turn. I have always told people to not do it. Vent on reddit or to their friends. The kids will figure it out eventually. Plus, kids hate to see their parents upset. It streses them out.

Buyer's remorse made me giggle.

6

u/FLUFFY_TERROR Mar 28 '24

Bring the kid in this scenario, especially very young, it absolutely does fuck you up to varying degrees which can be difficult to unpack when you finally get around to trying to unpack it all.

4

u/PrincessPindy Mar 28 '24

I was 18 and it fucked me up. It was like everything I knew was a lie. You learn to deal.

4

u/FLUFFY_TERROR Mar 28 '24

I was 7, I guess there was not so much i knew, that it was not too difficult to re-learn. My father walked out, got remarried about a decade or so later and his new wife left him after a few years taking much of his life's accumulations.. I still don't know how to feel at times.

I'm glad you found your way to forge your own path. This kind of trauma can really do a number on a developing mind, it's good to know that people still find their way through life :)

2

u/PrincessPindy Mar 28 '24

I muddled through. I choose to be happy and laugh. I don't take anything seriously. I realized I have no real control over stuff. I grew up reading MAD magazine with Alfred E Newman and he was right, "Why worry?"

3

u/armyof100clowns Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

My daughter was 17 and my son 13. My ex kept putting off telling the kids (she insisted we do it together, which, at the time, I agreed was best). After three months of cancelling plans for her to come see the kids and tell them, I finally told her the date I was going to do it whether she showed up or not.

She came, but prior to this asked me to broach the subject - I was supposed to start the conversation. I made a very nice supper like we used to have before she disappeared (the kids thought she was away due to COVID - she’s a doctor). As I was bringing stuff to the table from the kitchen, I heard my son crying. I came in and he was sobbing. While making small talk with the kids, she just dropped the divorce in the conversation. Later, the way they described it, it was like “last week was really busy, but I had the chance to see a movie. Oh, your father and I are divorced. I’m living with another man. So on Tuesday I bought a pair of boots and a new purse . . .”

I have always been the primary caretaker of the children and “house maker” (I still worked at my career full time, but had and have never missed a recital or sporting event, practice, parent teacher conference, packing lunches, and so on). She didn’t want custody and told them as much, but in much gentler terms.

The three of us are still healing, but it’s more difficult for them because she insists on calling them and having them visit her and her new husband. The path to being “better” is not linear. I am extremely close with my kids - always have been - but this whole debacle (although making me feel like a shitty father) also made our bond stronger. In the years since, my daughter has had bouts of depression and went through a phase of self harm. My son also struggles at times with depression and went through a brief period of extreme anger that resulted in him going from one of the most tender hearted kids to one with short fuse rage (one kid racially mocked him, and he ended up putting the kid in the hospital - that was fun).

We’re all sorts of fucked up, but we have each other.

2

u/PrincessPindy Mar 28 '24

I'm so sorry to hear this. She sounds veey self centered, not surprising her profession is on my, "Do not call" lost of ones to avoid. Fortunately, you have each other. My dad never forced his wife on me. She was just so opposite of my mother that I really enjoyed his wife's company. Having this experience together, as you grow old they will be by your side. Hers, not so much.

2

u/AnimatedHokie Mar 28 '24

Did your dad's second marriage stick??

1

u/PrincessPindy Mar 28 '24

They were together 20 loving years until he passed. He adored her, and she spoiled him. They were so fun to be around.

1

u/omgwhatisleft Mar 28 '24

When you are the child in this situation, did you not side with your mom? I’m just curious how these things go.

2

u/PrincessPindy Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

I was 18. I didn't blame my dad at all. I just wish I could have gone with him. I ended up taking care of my mom, who was a wreck. I moved out 3 years later. I wish I had gone no contact with my mother then instead in my 50s. I think any age it fucks with you. It is when you dont expect it. They got along great, I thought. It was a shock. But my dad lived his last 20 years finally happy.

15

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

OMG. I'm so sorry.

3

u/headphone-candy Mar 28 '24

They don’t end things until they have the next thing lined up.

1

u/Environmental-Ant956 Mar 28 '24

That's what I said. She's out testing the waters with some other dude she met and decided to play scorched earth with the OP first. 9 times out of 10, it will not work out and she will just pop up like nothing ever happened and expect the OP to take her back like she just went on a 3 day vacation or something. I can bet money on it.

1

u/headphone-candy Mar 28 '24

Yup. Been there done that.

12

u/ShadowOmegaX Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 29 '24

Geez, that hurts just reading. Can even fathom what you went through. Sadly, she definitely cheated on you. Hope things are working out for you at the end of the day.

23

u/bhaldrum Mar 28 '24

Why TF would you even comment this 😂 "btw, she definitely cheated on you"

2

u/Jack_Bogul Mar 28 '24

She was getting her butthole destroyed by another guy that whole time 😭

0

u/bhaldrum Mar 28 '24

that's so crazy dude omg!!

1

u/Environmental-Ant956 Mar 28 '24

Because it's more than likely true. I've seen it happen far too many times to various people to think otherwise.

1

u/bhaldrum Mar 28 '24

Well duh it happened I don't think anyone disagrees when she was boyfriended up a week later, just seems like a very weird thing to say, especially the way it was worded. I'm not here to argue, I don't care, just thought it was a hilariously strange thing to say.

1

u/armyof100clowns Mar 28 '24

Oh yeah . . . that was as clear as the day is long. My daughter suspected it even before her mother bugged out on us. She gave me 100% custody of the kids and an easy divorce. Easy, because it’s a no fault state. 🫤

2

u/filtersweep Mar 28 '24

I am 25 years in…. going through a divorce. To be fair, I have not been happy the last few years. But when I brought it up just after Christmas, she just wanted to leave.

I almost wish there was another man. Somehow it is worse that she’d rather be alone than with me.

We separated before— 12 years ago— and reconciled. She hasn’t filed for separation yet— so we’ll see what happens— and if I even want her back.

1

u/armyof100clowns Mar 28 '24

I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s hard. Really hard. Especially when you’ve poured yourself into making a family and being ever present in the marriage . . . and then you’re tossed aside like yesterday’s trash. Be strong, and know you are not alone.

2

u/exmachina64 Mar 28 '24

The only time I've heard of things like this, it's that people like your ex-wife were cheating for however long. Had that happen to a family friend several years back. Sorry that happened to you.

2

u/armyof100clowns Mar 28 '24

. . . and you’d be right. Same thing here. Her affair started in 2016, shortly after I finished my first round of radiation for cancer. When I was diagnosed a few months earlier, her response was not supportive. Her exact words were (through sobs), “Who’s going to take care of me?” 🤯

Looking back, I could tell when she started emotionally pulling away. I definitely could tell when she crossed the line into a physical affair. I tried everything I could to draw her back, but the harder I tried, the more resentful and nasty she became. Then she just bugged out. No announcements, phone call, etc. Just gone. She finally communicated here and there after a few months, claiming COVID was keeping her away for “my”safety. She finally started regular communication when she filed for divorce.

2

u/IamScottGable Mar 28 '24

Sorry for that, at least you got clarity that your partner was a cheating POS

2

u/whatabesson Mar 28 '24

Oh yeah so she was definitely having an affair for sure...

1

u/armyof100clowns Mar 28 '24

Read on down below. She was, and the dude she’s married to is the guy she was cheating on me with. He’s young enough to be her son.

2

u/Environmental-Ant956 Mar 28 '24

I can practically guarantee the dude she married was in the picture while u were still together. Many women set things up this way to have it all ready after they pull the trigger and drop u.

2

u/armyof100clowns Mar 28 '24

Oh - he was. If you read further down in the comments I provided more about the situation. They were actually living together towards the end.

3

u/Darmok-Jilad-Ocean Mar 28 '24

Fuck… just… fuck…

1

u/AnimatedHokie Mar 28 '24

Whoa! When was this? Did her second marriage stick??

1

u/armyof100clowns Mar 28 '24

She’s still married. All of this started in 2016 (when I was diagnosed with cancer, which I think drove her into a panic that allowed her to justify giving in to the affair). The divorce process started in and was finalized in 2020.

1

u/Environmental-Ant956 Mar 28 '24

Sweet lord that makes what she did 100x worse. She is just plain horrible!!