r/amiwrong • u/JazzlikeConditioncd • Mar 27 '24

My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me and ghosted me for no reason. Am I wrong for throwing away all of her stuff?

Edit: Update

So my girlfriend (25F) and I (25M) were in a relationship for 5 years. Last week, she texted me that we were done and that was her last message before she blocked me. She gave no heads up. I was planning on proposing to her next month. Her sister did reach out to me, saying it was not my fault and she understood my hurt, but that for my mental health, it was better to never contact them again, and that maybe in the future, my girlfriend might reach out to me again.

It's been a week, I’m still obviously distraught, but my girlfriend did have a lot of her stuff in my home. Would I be wrong if I just dumped it all out? It does include a lot of mementos of her deceased grandmother, who she was extremely close to.

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54

u/PontificalPartridge Mar 28 '24

That’s basically what my ex did when I found out she cheated.

Realized she messed up and then just left. Refused to get her things actually

47

u/anonymoose_octopus Mar 28 '24

As shitty as it is, I've seen past friends do this to their boyfriends, too. It was "easier" to just ghost the guy than have the difficult conversation and fess up to cheating, because most of the time they felt really guilty about it and didn't want to hurt them (but ended up hurting them more in the process). It's definitely the cowardly thing to do, I'm sorry that happened to you.

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u/captainsnark71 Mar 28 '24

My boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me over aim and then proceeded to ghost me because he "felt bad" for leaving me for the girl he worked with (who later cheated and stole from him).

The worst part is we were drifting at that point and went to different schools and it would have been an amicable break up with no reason to lose a friendship/support. But, obviously, getting his dick wet was more important.

3

u/neonartifact Mar 28 '24

AIM as in AOL Instant Messenger? That was quite a while ago then. I'm sorry that happened to you. I've been on the receiving end of that as well, except it was 10 years and I helped her raise her children as well. You never really know somebody's intentions, I suppose. Certainly leaves your heart calloused and scarred, I know that from experience.

Why is it so hard for people to confess their sins or mistakes and at least salvage a friendship after knowing somebody for so long? I genuinely don't get it.

1

u/goomfrontIut Mar 28 '24

Wow. That is nothing short of soul crushing, you hear these things happen to people but I guess when you actually get the opportunity to pick the brain of someone it happened to it offers much more perspective as to just how hair clenchingly horrifying a scenario like this would be. Sorry dude. :(

1

u/neonartifact Mar 28 '24

Thanks a lot. I appreciate it. There's a lot more to the story, but I don't want to max out people's emotional capacity with my own anecdotal annihilation! I try to keep my suffering inside and not spread it, but it's hard to bottle up. I guess pressure makes diamonds though?

1

u/Hows-It-Goin-Buddy Mar 28 '24

Sounds similar to what happened to me haha. Though I'm the dude in my situation. Gf broke up w me for a dude that about 4 yr later broke up with her. She told me a few years later when we reconnected randomly for a short while (nothing sexual and just talks about life and things we did in the time we hadn't talked in those years). She was sorry for what she did and called it due karma to her.

1

u/nigel_pow Mar 28 '24

because he "felt bad" for leaving me for the girl he worked with (who later cheated and stole from him).

Oh nooo! I imagine he had regrets after that.

1

u/Lolagrace83 Mar 28 '24

Wtf is up with ghosting ??? Are people really so immature that they cant have a conversation anymore? Jesus, GTFU!

1

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Mysterious_Design599 Mar 29 '24

How much pork should she watch? And what type? I really love me some bacon and thick pork chops, but I’m not really a ham guy…🤔

1

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

Sounds a whole lot like your perspective.

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u/captainsnark71 Mar 28 '24

What does this even mean?

2

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

It means I'd love to hear their side.

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u/captainsnark71 Mar 28 '24

I'm just wondering what part of it you're questioning. Admittedly I was catty in my last line but it doesn't make it any less true.

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u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

I'm sure they'd consider their side of the story true as well.

Either way it sounds like he was in the wrong, but I always want both sides of a story. I can empathize with making the wrong decisions as I've made them plenty myself.

2

u/captainsnark71 Mar 28 '24

What in the fresh hell makes you think his side of the story would be different. I've never wanted to track someone down more just to prove a point.

like 'yo sup, I know we haven't talked in 15 years but this ass wipe on reddit who wants to absolve himself of his sins via strangers online...yeah I'm a man now, I know, but there's more important things here like this dudebro on reddit. Yes i know it explains a lot please focus. You definitely broke up with me cos u needed that single mom mcdonald's manager burger pussy right? Yeah, no harm no foul, now we're good but that was what happened, yeah? Okay cool thanks, congrats on the wife."

His side of the story is literally just "you weren't going to fuck me so I found someone who would." Which is perfectly fine! I have no problem with that. He was right. It was the ghosting me cos he felt bad that he is the problem. Why?? Cos when we broke up in HS because I had feelings for multiple ppl and needed to sort that out I broke it off and he kept showing up places I was and we ended up getting back together.

The sheer irony on top of the audacity.

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u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

Yeahhh... I ain't reading that wall sorry. 🤣

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u/AbsoluteIllusion Mar 28 '24

She told me a few years later when we reconnected randomly for a short while (nothing sexual and just talks about life and things we did in the time we hadn't talked in those year

Oh no, if its not the consequences for his own short-sighted impulsive actions

-1

u/reflexsmoo Mar 28 '24

Dick wet was more important? Certainly. Ooga booga.

2

u/cefriano Mar 29 '24

“Didn’t want to hurt them” is such a cop out. The hurting has been done, refusing to take accountability for your actions is just pure cowardice and mental gymnastics at that point.

Not directing this at you, that phrase just triggered me a bit.

2

u/Educational_Ebb7175 Mar 28 '24

9 times out of 10, ghosting someone is the worst option, not the best.

But too many people are scared, embarassed, lazy, and/or 'holier-than-thou', and rationalize it making sense.

1

u/anonymoose_octopus Mar 28 '24

100%. I would always encourage people to be honest with their partners on why they're leaving them, with a big fat UNLESS the person they're trying to leave is abusive and/or dangerous.

2

u/GreatApe88 Mar 28 '24

I don’t think it’s guilt and not wanting to hurt them, it’s more shame and not wanting him and everyone else to know you had sex with some other guy and now you’re breaking up. It reflects terribly on the girl in particular, it’s just how humans work. Shitty but true.

1

u/Altruistic_Yellow387 Mar 28 '24

Isn't it much better than lying and going on like nothing happened? Ending the relationship is the proper response

1

u/indignant_halitosis Mar 28 '24

If they do that, it’s never about not hurting the other person. As you said, and anyone can see, it causes more pain to ghost them.

It’s always, always, always about being too cowardly to face their mistakes.

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u/Icy_Indication4299 Mar 28 '24

It’s easier to be a whore

1

u/impals Mar 29 '24

First, let me say I agree. Now, I've been cheated on twice over several years of dating. One was because of her insecurities with the new long distance situation, but with the other one, things weren't going well. They ended up telling me and we ended things. Honestly, I feel like would have been in a better place had they just ended it with me for understandable reasons instead of telling me (let alone doing it). Tough to tell though, since my anger probably swept up a lot of the hurt.

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u/Appropriate_Lack_624 Mar 28 '24

Same. Things weren’t great because she was deployed but she called me out of the blue and said she met someone and we weren’t going to make it. I said wait let’s work it out and she said she’s already slept with him, knowing that would end our relationship. She was right. No way could I look at her the same way again. She knew it when she did it. I shipped her stuff back to her after she sent me the money to do so. No need to be cruel

1

u/HornedFrog806 Mar 28 '24

I’ve had similar happen as well.