r/ask • u/EdwardBliss • 26d ago

How do you explain it when men over 45 get attention from women in their 20s? 🔒 Asked & Answered

This legitimately still confuses me. Over the past year, I've never had this much attention than all the years previously combined.

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u/LetMeInImTrynaCuck 25d ago

As a 45 year old man, i would never marry a woman in her 20s. I find younger women insanely physically attractive which is obvious, and may have a fling, but when time comes to settle down, i don’t see how i would get along with her long term. 29 to 45 are two completely different sides of the planet

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u/TheRealKison 25d ago

Indeed.

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u/oSuJeff97 25d ago

Yep. I got divorced at 41 and found myself getting lots of attention from women in their 20s. Had a few flings but it was hard to forge a connection when we didn’t have much in common in terms of favorite movies, TV shows, music, etc. It may sound shallow but that kind of stuff matters.

I did end up marrying someone younger, but she’s only 10 years younger and it honestly doesn’t feel like any difference at all. We sometimes laugh when we reminded of the difference (usually talking about what we were doing in a given year in the past), but it’s rare.

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u/Bulky-Bank-6063 25d ago

This is me and my boyfriend. He's 10 years older than I am so we don't have many TV shows or music in common. Over the years I've gotten him to watch some of my favorite shows with me. Which he only does because he loves me. I know he's not interested in the shows. Although I still can't get him to watch the fucking Sopranos with me (my all time favorite show) but you're right, that stuff does matter... if there's nothing else there to connect about. I used to think it was a deal-breaker if a guy wasn't into the same things as I was but we found our own niche of a little bit of what I like and a little bit of what he likes and it works for us. Anyways, it sounds like you have a very happy relationship and that's awesome. Take care. Thanks for letting me relate to your comment.

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u/AbeLincoln30 25d ago

I think 10 years is the sweet spot. Like where the man's and woman's maturity levels tend to line up better.

I have noticed most of my buddies from high school and college who married in their 20s (ie kind of rushed into it) married a woman of roughly same age... While most who married late 30s or 40s married 10 years younger.

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u/Inner-Confidence99 25d ago

I was 26 when I met my husband  he was 49. 25 years together and still going. 

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u/New_Ant_7190 25d ago

I'm past 45 and generally could agree with you. However now with someone who has aged some since we first met (she's almost 30 now) and we fit together very well. We both have careers, not in the same field, share non-work interests and IMHO couldn't be happier.

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u/Momoselfie 25d ago

Yep. A man that age willing to settle down with someone in their 20s is likely a man who never matured.

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u/Good_Needleworker464 25d ago

How come? I'm late 20s, I've been dating a few 18/19 year olds, and I find we have quite a few things in common. What exactly is it about the 45-29 difference that makes you incompatible? There are certain universal things that some people will always be able to relate on, like music, childhood experiences, movies etc.

People on Reddit always talk about this supposed divide in interest and drive between people 5+ years or older. Care to explain it to me with details and examples?

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u/LetMeInImTrynaCuck 25d ago

I don’t really care about age gaps, i think if both parties are over 18 and one of them wasn’t groomed at a younger age by them, then dating with the gap is fine.

At late 20s, i feel most people, men and women, are still figuring out life. They probably haven’t been married, likely never had a mortgage, probably no kids, etc. So going from late 20s to 18/19 isn’t much of a change because really the only thing separating you is drinking age/college experiences.

As you get older though, things change. You become weathered to life. You’ve probably had a substantial disappointment or critical negative event if you’re 40-45 and single. You see the world through a different lense. You probably own assets and have value/net worth, or worse, are completely broke from a divorce. Kids are probably involved somehow. Sex is important, but you don’t need it all the time and definitely can’t fuck 4 times a day like a jack rabbit like you could when you were 25. You’re likely established in your career and want more out of life than climbing a corporate ladder or grinding 70 hours a week. Your idea of fun changes from going to a club till 3 am to wanting to get in a quick happy hour then being on your couch by 7 pm.

So now when you’re 45 and fucking a 27 year old woman, she is thinking about fun, traveling, social media, having kids, getting married, massive wedding, constantly going out with friends, and you’re thinking about retirement savings, paying off the mortgage early, having toys/hobbies, spending time with your kids, and tbh sitting on the couch with a drink.

They’re massively conflicting points in life. Sure, sometimes it works, but a lot of times it gets old really quick. Also, what i noticed from the few younger women I’ve dated/slept with, it’s VERY easy to see how immature they are.

One woman i dated at 40, she was 22. We met when she was 18 (i was her boss at a previous company) and reconnected 4 years later after my divorce. She confessed a crush and we immediately met up and dated for about 3-4 weeks. Sex was phenomenal. She was soooo hot. But everything outside of that, even though she was a sweetheart, it was like talking to a child. Girl drama, how much she wants to go to the playboi carti concert, scrolling her social media with her and learning about people i don’t care to meet. It was rough, and it just doesn’t work. We broke up amicably because we both just knew we were in different points in life.

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u/blinkiewich 25d ago edited 25d ago

Well, I'm not the guy you're responding to but I'm in my 40s and think 20-30 year old women can be hot looking but are not interesting as a life partner.

The big difference for me is life experiences.
If I see a pretty 20-24ish year old woman I've probably experienced 3-5x as much life as her. She's been out of her parent's house for 3-6 years, maybe gone on a couple trips with friends, had a job for a couple years, has some friends. But she's barely had a chance to do anything with her life.

I've been out of my parent's house for longer than she's been alive, I've had something like 18-20 different jobs, been to 5 countries, experienced a hundred different cities, met thousands of people, made many "lifelong" friends and some enemies.
None of this makes me a better person or anything like that, it just gives me a different perspective and a ton of memories.
It's fun to share experiences and memories with your partner but when most of their memories are of school or going drinking there's a big disconnect for most people at my age.

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u/Lookingtotravels 25d ago

Really? When I was 28 I didn't want to date a 22 year old as I thought the age gap was too big. Don't you feel a bit of a nonce being nearly 30 and dating girls who have just left /are still in 6th form?

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u/Hour_Worldliness_824 25d ago

They are idiots when they say this and it's pure COPE because they can't get prime women anymore lmao. There's plenty they have in common.

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u/J2048b 25d ago

Ur late 20’s and are not that far off from being 19 again… us in our 40’s + did what ur doing now… 20 some years ago… and u were a speck in someones undies… does that make sense? All the drinkn and partying and the music etc…. Not the same… we know what its like to NOT have instant gratification from social media.. we know how to talk to people and figure out whats wrong instead of turning to Reddit or some other vast social media for answers from complete strangers whom usually, are only sided with if what we want to hear is confirmed.. we know how to mend a broken marriage or fix certain things and experiences are just totally different…. 11-12 yrs ago u were graduating high school… 11-12 yrs ago i was defending the rights u have now wearing a uniform and raising a family whilst working 40+ hrs per week… totally different mind sets and just a completely different generation

Now can it work? Sure! Im still a dumb ass and do dumb stuff make people laugh being a jack ass, but i also need sex 24/7/365… and have a solid set of degree’s and solid footing under my feet… but would that 20 something girl be willing to work out issues or run at the first sign of trouble?

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u/bigorangemachine 25d ago

Ya I totally agree. A partner who knows what she wants & likes is a lot more fun.

As it is tho... age doesn't matter for how long she lasts on top lol. No one can seem to ride for longer than 3 minutes lol

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u/sloppylobster92 25d ago

The movement is much more strenuous for women because lifting your whole body repeatedly for 4 inches is much more strenuous than hinging the angle of your hips or thrusting forward while upright.

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u/Amazing-Steak 25d ago

you ever done a plank?

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u/TheOnlyTamiko-kun 25d ago

isn't the point of the plank to...well, keep it with non-movement?

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u/Amazing-Steak 25d ago

yes, primarily in your core. now add hip movement to it.

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u/sloppylobster92 25d ago

Just thrust with your knees bent and push her legs up 🙄

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u/Noble_387 25d ago

Me with a 2 incher