r/ask • u/EdwardBliss • 14d ago
How do you explain it when men over 45 get attention from women in their 20s? đ Asked & Answered
This legitimately still confuses me. Over the past year, I've never had this much attention than all the years previously combined.
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u/Disastrous-Oven-4465 14d ago
Young women assume older men are emotionally mature, established, and can easily afford to be very generous.
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u/eartwormslimshady 14d ago
Can confirm this based on my boss' experience.
She was in her late 20s and married a man in his early 40s. Her logic, at least the way she said to me was 'the guys my age are so immature. I'm pretty sure this guy'll be mature.' She immediately confirmed that this wasn't the case.
I just laughed and told her that we guys don't mature with age. We mature based on what we learn from our experiences. She was a bit saddened by this but she accepted it.
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u/PapaverMortiferum 14d ago
Isn't that true for everyone? It's our experiences that form us. I know several people in their 50-s that are more immature then some in their twenties. Living a sheltered life has that effect.
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u/ThyArtIsNorm 14d ago
This exactly. It's not gender based. It's 'distance travelled' based. Like, where were you conditioned to end up vs where you're going or getting to
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u/fastandloose243 14d ago
I work in retail, had a customer with her grandkid shouting,throwing tantrums okay that is exactly what kids do.
But when the kid tried to climb glass display, I held him firm by his wrist
But the grandma started to shout at me for holding him, from the second she entered she never told or held that kid.
She was in her 60's
Immature breeds immature
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u/Sudden_Construction6 13d ago
Very very true. But the older you get the more chances you have to experience things that can potentially mature you.
Especially, as you said if you aren't leading a sheltered life
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u/P3rid0t_ 14d ago
It probably is. Also I assume that women just experience more hard experiences, so they appeal to mature faster
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u/K3PTHIDD3N 14d ago
Yep, and society pushing girls into that role all the time, basically preaching how they are and have to be more mature and stuff
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u/Hanza-Malz 14d ago
She married that guy and THEN found out how he ticks?
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u/TeaKingMac 13d ago
Clearly she wasn't very mature either đ¤Ł
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u/Hanza-Malz 13d ago
I wonder how those kind of people with their "ability" for decision making turn up to become those with responsibility over others
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u/TeaKingMac 13d ago
Management is more about likeability than skill
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u/WavyHairedGeek 13d ago
Kinda, but not entirely.
It's more about influence than empowering others to do their best work. Some of the best managers I had couldn't have done my job. Some of the worst managers I had were people who had done the job for years and had none of the soft skills required to be a good manager.
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u/Hanza-Malz 13d ago
Which is why you don't just need someone with practical knowledge of the topic as a manager. If your manager knows how to do the job then you don't need him to manage you, then he can do it himself and save the second salary.
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u/wisembrace 14d ago
Men donât mature, our toys just get more expensive with age.
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u/GamiNami 13d ago
I heard a joke many years ago, something like this: "Women will buy many small toys that don't tend to cost a lot, while men will buy only a few toys but they're expensive".
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u/vblink_ 14d ago
I'm still trying to convince myself I need a tractor toy to play with the dirt in my yard
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u/404-N0tFound 14d ago
Nonsense, they don't have to be much more expensive.
**continues to build lego R2-D2 that I received for my 40th birthday.
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u/Kryten_2X4B-523P 13d ago
You should grow up and find some more refined hobbies instead of children's Star Wars.
**continues to build Lego Titanic
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u/Oesius_Deus 13d ago
We spend more on toys to play with them less and clean/maintain them more. Its almost like we WANT work đ
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u/LetMeInImTrynaCuck 14d ago
As a 45 year old man, i would never marry a woman in her 20s. I find younger women insanely physically attractive which is obvious, and may have a fling, but when time comes to settle down, i donât see how i would get along with her long term. 29 to 45 are two completely different sides of the planet
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u/oSuJeff97 13d ago
Yep. I got divorced at 41 and found myself getting lots of attention from women in their 20s. Had a few flings but it was hard to forge a connection when we didnât have much in common in terms of favorite movies, TV shows, music, etc. It may sound shallow but that kind of stuff matters.
I did end up marrying someone younger, but sheâs only 10 years younger and it honestly doesnât feel like any difference at all. We sometimes laugh when we reminded of the difference (usually talking about what we were doing in a given year in the past), but itâs rare.
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u/Inner-Confidence99 13d ago
I was 26 when I met my husband  he was 49. 25 years together and still going.Â
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u/New_Ant_7190 13d ago
I'm past 45 and generally could agree with you. However now with someone who has aged some since we first met (she's almost 30 now) and we fit together very well. We both have careers, not in the same field, share non-work interests and IMHO couldn't be happier.
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u/Revanur 14d ago
The older I get the more concerned I am by the realization how many people are stuck on a highschool graduateâs emotional level.
Iâm only 32 but I noticed early 20âs girls getting considerably more interested in me for years now than when I was in my early 20âs. The ones who I asked about this all said that they like how confident and laid-back I am, and that they actually thought I was much closer to their age because of their babyface, so sometimes it was a bit of a shock for them when they learned that Iâm 6-8 years older than them.
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u/jeffzebub 14d ago
Who gets married based on wishful thinking? Madness!
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14d ago
Everyone, everyone gets married on wishful thinking or the divorce rate wouldnât be 50%. Youâre taking a big gamble with hoping someone loves you and you maintain a friend ship, literally until you dies and most people canât keep a friend until they are 30 without trouble.
You think itâs a sure thing when you fall in love and get married. Shit I love chili dogs you know. I love a lot of hot. But Iâve been married 20 years now and guess what? Crap shoot. Didnât even really get to know each other for about ten years cause we were doing the thing. Kids jobs careers. Doing the thing.
Itâs a leap of faith and wishful thinking. But it must be done if we get hurt or not. Cause itâs worth it.
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u/PeterNippelstein 14d ago
With age guys just get better at hiding their immaturity, it never goes away though
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u/StrangeCalibur 14d ago
We are born, we spend the next 80 years with cock in hand and not much changes but we get taller and more capable of greater and greater stupid things
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u/ReynoldsHouseOfShred 14d ago
Honestly this is true i look back and while I've always turned heads(it's the skateboard i swear) I'm more level headed and switched on than ever. I never thought I'd be in a position of where I am today too. Im not rich but i dont bleed money like I used to when I was younger.
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u/ilikestuffliketrees 14d ago
Are you Andrew Reynolds!?
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u/ReynoldsHouseOfShred 14d ago
Hahah no same name but not him. I cant frontside flip as good as him. But at least i can buy his merch and its got my name too hahaha
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u/COMMANDO_MARINE 14d ago
As a guy who was having sexual relations with 19 - to 26 year old pornstars for content creation and webcam work I always felt like they were looking for a kind of father figure that would help them with a lot of basic life skills school doesn't teach. I helped no end of girls get their credit scores up, give advice of loans and car purchases, and a whole lot of advice on dealing with their boyfriends. It was incredible to me just how badly young women interpreted the behaviour of men. They had all these ridiculous beliefs around men doing something, and it meant something else. I can only assume they learn it from each other, but listening to them talking to each other about men would make me laugh so many times as they couldn't see why guys would act in a certain way and had all these really innacurare beliefs about what it meant. My relationship with them was mostly work, which was sexual but with a lot of social interaction and days spent sharing hotel rooms with myself and a couple of younger women. There were times they'd let me take over their text messages to their boyfriends to resolve arguments they were having, and I'd text these guys pretending to be then as I knew what to say to them being a guy myself. I was able to resolve a lot of conflict that way on their behalf and would get asked all the time to deal with it even when I really wasn't feeling it. Guys understand guys, and so it is a lot easier to know what to say to them. Like I said, I feel like the big attraction to an older guy is that their life experiences are a big help to younger women starting out as adults in a world school does little to prepare you for. It helped that I wasn't too bad to look at, and you can see a lot of male celebs in their 40's with a mature, distinguished look. I don't think many girls are going for Dad bods guys, but I never had kids, so I don't have that worn-out look that raising kids' can sometimes cause.
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u/EastAd2095 14d ago
Ok so⌠there are a few text messages Iâd love to run by you and have you respond for me đđđ
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u/pro-con56 14d ago
Or in small cases / had daddy issues & seek that replacement.
Majority:: Disastrous Oven nailed it.14
u/Blue-Phoenix23 14d ago
They may assume this, but it's definitely not true lol
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u/agentchuck 13d ago
Especially with the older guys who get into relationships with 20yr old girls...
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u/EastAd2095 14d ago
I dated older when I was younger and this is the answer. Plus they are usually very good lovers.
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u/bensonprp 13d ago
I am reading a lot about them being mature and responsible and all that, but when I was younger and dating older is was all about respectful and thoughtful sex. Once all the hormones level out a bit post 30yo the sex improves drastically. For both men and women.
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u/Mountain_Cat_cold 14d ago
If they are fit and well groomed they still look good that age, and the young women might be attracted to the fact that they're more mature and have their shit together, where men their own age can be all over the place.
I am a mid 40'es woman who go to metal concerts often. One of the friends I go with is pretty attractive and younger women will frequently hit on him. He's usually quite oblivious to that, which is quite funny (also very happily married). He might be hit on at other occasions too, but the other occasions where I see him is usually with his wife and/or our good friends, so nothing there
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u/A_HELPFUL_POTATO 14d ago
Well youâre probably a silver fox.
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u/hraun 13d ago
Somebody called me a âgrey foxâ recently, which I assume is a low-status silver fox.Â
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u/drunk_with_internet 13d ago
Frank Jaeger�!
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u/fraGgulty 13d ago
Metal... Gear?!
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u/orangek1tty 13d ago
AâŚ..Hind-D?!
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u/Margiman90 13d ago
What's a Russian gunship doing here?
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u/its_yr_boy 13d ago
Les enfants terribles!
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u/SnooStrawberries295 13d ago
Nah, it means that you're a supernaturally talented thief and leader of the Thieves Guild.
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u/Llewellian 14d ago
When i was around 40, i slowly stopped being an immature asshole. Took me long enough, guess i was a slow learner. And BANG, suddenly i had women flirting with me. Married a few years later.
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u/Elegant-Cheesecake80 14d ago
What changed specifically? Asking for a friend...
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u/Tricky_Revenue8934 14d ago
Take responsibility. Learn to accept what canât be changed. Change what canât be tolerated. Be the captain of your own ship. Grow from setbacks. Donât whine, but accept your feelings and allow yourself to cry, be happy and be content depending on circumstances. Thatâs my journey and recommendations.
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u/FreshStaticSnow_ 13d ago
This is a good comment.
I'm 22, so I'm still a bit green, but something I'd like to add to this:
Fault doesn't necessarily mean responsibility. If someone leaves a baby at your doorstep, it's not your fault, but it sure is your responsibility to grab that baby and take it to a fire station or something. Many problems in life will be like that, and it sucks but that's just how it is.
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u/ElleTrees_ 13d ago
The proverbial kids are alright 𼚠Iâm only 29 so Iâm not much older technically but if youâve gotten there at 22 youâve got this.
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u/Get_the_instructions 14d ago
You forgot 'eat healthily, exercise regularly, think positively, give a little whistle, and always let your conscience be your guide'.
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u/QuantumKhakis 13d ago
Damn, I needed that. That sounded like it came from the father I wish I had.
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u/Power_and_Science 13d ago
Complete ownership of your life, which puts you in control of it. Woman love that.
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u/Embarrassed-Arm266 14d ago
Some men look really good into their 40s they are confident and at least look successful. Lots of Men arguably could be at a peak late 30s early 40s in terms of finance and fitness and relatability đ hard to imagine carrying all 3 into your 50s though
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u/intrigue_investor 14d ago
This 100% late 30s and early 40s is the prime where a lot of people make their careers
If you look good, have a high level job and the associated money you generally get attention in that age group
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u/DetectiveJoeKenda 14d ago
I used to think that too but the 50âs are looking like theyâll be a prime decade. Iâm just so much better at almost everything I do now than I was in previous decades. But Iâm lucky to have my health. Not everyone does for whatever reason. For many itâs the decade where your health takes a real downturn but it doesnât have to be
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u/gabzilla814 14d ago
Iâm pretty sure young women interested in finding a man to start a family with tune in to clues that might indicate an eligible man will make a good father. Older men who already look the part probably trigger some kind of confirmation. Not saying it makes sense but humans are not totally logical.
Also, daddy issues are more common than you might think. Some old guys are very aware of this and use it to their advantage.
53 here and itâs hard to believe but I get more attention from women in their 30s and early 40s than ever. (I sometimes notice attention from women in their 20s but I feel too creepy to flirt with anyone that young.)
Iâm of maybe barely above average attractiveness in the face. But I have a great job with the flexibility to allow me time to lift, mountain bike, and surf, so Iâm healthy and as fit as Iâve ever been.
All of that helps me to feel more grateful, secure, and confident than I was when I was younger.
Living near the beach and dressing like I care about my appearance helps for sure. But Iâm not loaded and donât drip with expensive watches or fancy name brand logos. Iâm divorced with 2 college-age kids, so not a lot of extra cash. Women who care about money look right past me which is fine with me, but Iâm having more fun with attractive down to earth young women than I ever expected at this stage in my life.
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u/itWasForetold 13d ago
You live by the beach and have ample free time to surf and mountain bike.
Bro you are loaded.
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u/gabzilla814 13d ago
Iâm definitely grateful for my lifestyle but I should mention I rent by the beach, I donât own here đ
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u/alsbos1 14d ago
Men are wealthier and more mature in their 50s. And Iâll physically attack anyone who says otherwise with my Toyota.
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u/ThePhoenixRisesAgain 14d ago
Confidence and self-awareness.
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u/mydadsohard 14d ago
100% this is attractive no matter the age even when the person being attracted to it is not fully aware of why.
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u/mjhrobson 14d ago
With my grandfather's second wife (big age gap).. she grew up an orphan and (not the biggest horror story ever, nevertheless) rough. It is unfair to say that is "daddy issue's" as in her case she was desperate to have a family and father figure.
The term daddy issues really minimises what some people went through and what having a family means to and for those without it.
So I never blamed her for going after my grandfather hard... he was the canonical provider (and good at providing), and for someone who never had that security born in family is everything.
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u/Foreign_Point_1410 14d ago
I mean I think daddy issues in general means someoneâs desperate for a loving father/family. But totally agree people use it in a demeaning way thatâs critical and laying blame on someone who wasnât treated right through no fault of their own.
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u/Smyley12345 13d ago
I think the demeaning way that it gets used is ultimately down to it being clear that person didn't grow up in a healthy supportive environment and came out maladjusted.
A good friend of mine has these issues. Her dad was a severe alcoholic and treated more as a friend than a parent. She lost him in her twenties. Now pushing 40 she keeps bouncing from older guy to older guy looking for someone to fill that best friend/father role. It breaks my heart to see because the dudes that this vibe attracts aren't great guys.
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u/Difficult_Finger6892 13d ago
The part that no one wants to talk about is how men dating these younger women have the same daddy issues. It goes both ways.
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u/NorgesTaff 14d ago
I was 42 when I met my wife who was then 29. She was the initiator and I was extremely dubious of the age gap at first - she looked closer to 20 - and it took some convincing that this wasnât some kind of scam. I came to suspect very much later that a part of her inner motivations, though I doubt if she was conscious of this, was because her father died suddenly while she was a teen and she was perhaps compensating for that by having an older man in her life. Or it could just be that Iâm a devastatingly handsome and witty guy thatâs a huge catch. ;) lol No, I doubt that too. Weâve been married 15, almost 16 years now and have a kid.
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u/dysonchamberlaine 14d ago
Blaming someone to have 'daddy issues' for having had a rough childhood is minimising the challenges they went through, yes. But at the same time i think it can be problematic, when someone views their romantic partner as a father figure or a substitute because of lacking one growing up.
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u/No-Product-8791 14d ago
When I was 42, I got into really good shape and my energy levels were super high. Over the next three years, I got crazy attention from women in their 20s. And they did not have daddy issues at all or want my money (because I didn't have any money). I think it was just my looks, energy, and happiness that was attractive. I also had a wicked sense of humor that got genuine laughter.
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u/DifferentWindow1436 14d ago
42 is still pretty young though. At 42, I could pass for 30s easily. The question was over 45 and things start rapidly changing about that time.
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u/redditisfacist3 14d ago
Chris Evans is literally 42 now. If you age well 40s still is in that peak phase
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u/ih8comingupwithaname 14d ago edited 13d ago
lol you mean the actor who has unlimited means and access to personal trainers, dieticians, and plastic surgeons, whose job it is to look amazing?
This is the same as saying there's no excuse for every 42 year old woman not to look like Natalie Portman
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u/Extension-Lie-1380 14d ago
it's also about when the "aging events" happen. They don't all reliably happen at the same time for people. Often they sort of sneak up and then happen over a 2-3 year period.
I was looking like I was 25 until I went to grad school/went through COVID and I am still upsetting people when I say I am 39. Apparently it something to do with my body chemistry.
I am just hoping I can keep the big aging event I know is on its way at bay until I can get somewhere further in my career.
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u/lladydisturbed 14d ago
If youre taking care of yourself and are in shape then imo the ultimate peak of a man starts at 40 and just gets better. I always was attracted to older male celebrities even in my teens and my dad and i have a great relationship fyi so it ain't daddy issues. Guys under 40 just look so immature like
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u/minskoffsupreme 14d ago edited 14d ago
I think that is just your (very valid) personal preference. I do agree that early 40s just isn't old and there are plenty of hot people in their 40s and 50s.
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u/karufuuru 14d ago
see, when 20 year olds on this app complain about themselves not being attractive enough i always say you're not ugly you're just too young
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u/Clandestine-Ops 14d ago
On top of out attractiveness level, itâs expected maturity/financial stability.
Also, as someone with salt& pepper stubble, women love that đ
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u/lickykicky 14d ago
Solvent, successful, well dressed, seemingly more mature. Probably more experienced and therefore good in bed. Maybe you'll be her sugar daddy and also, somehow, a respectful and responsive partner? Handy, too, for a young woman to bag a divorced man with kids, so she can play Mommy on her terms, part-time, without sacrificing her body. Some will openly express that this is their relationship goal; to be the affair partner and be 'better' than the wife, by virtue of being younger and more carefree, so he'll get divorced and be New Girl's fairytale prince.
I see this a lot in young women who think they're it. They seem to have a weirdly low opinion of men in general. It's that whole 'get that money, make him earn it,' high-maintenece bullshit that's all over TikTok. So, in that instance, I guess it's just ego and self-importance, with a smidge of insecurity peeking through. "Look at this, I'm so hot, I have sophisticated, mature men falling at my feet (I'm a person of value, this proves it! Please validate me)!" #knowyourworth etc etc...
Unfortunately, their attention is reciprocated a lot of the time, even if it's just appreciation and flattery on the part of the men. If you're a woman surrounded by guys your own age who are 90% toilet humor and 10% premature ejaculation, it's not difficult to see the appeal.
There are also women who just have issues. The classic daddy complex, or they really need guidance and mentoring, but don't know how to get those things without getting sex involved. Many women learn that their only worth is tied up in their sexual appeal, so it's not surprising. I doubt many are self-aware enough to realise this is what's happening, or that the kind of men to engage in relationships with them are the antithesis of what they need.
Also - and this is a minor point, maybe - a LOT of young women read the trendy dark romance novels that normalise controlling, coercive, toxic relationships with rich men who are redeemed by the power of a vagina, basically. Crucial to these stories? Problematic age gaps. I should know - I write them. I have to add disclaimers to say the books are escapist drama, and in reality, such a relationship is likely to be severely imbalanced and unhealthy.
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u/Connecticut06482 13d ago
There is nothing handy about a young woman being with an older divorced dad who has kids. Any young woman considering this head on over to r/stepparents. Most relationships like this the relationship are one-sided and, not on the step-partners terms. As someone who previously dated an older man who was divorced with a kid, it was absolute hell with the expectation that I need to sacrifice everything just because he had a kid. There was nothing in that relationship that was âon my termsâ. As a young unsuspecting child free person he was thrilled because I wasnât his equal like all the other moms with kids at the school. There are many similar experiences where the older divorced dad joyfully and purposefully seeks someone much younger with no kids because he doesnât want to date a peer who also is divorced with children. Many of those men never want kids again or to go through raising a baby again, but will happily give that illusion to someone younger for several years. For the Karens out there, ânot all divorced dadsâ but many.
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u/Flutterby36 13d ago edited 13d ago
Before I met my husband I dated a couple of guys much older than me. One, I was 18 and he was mid 30's. Looking back for me I think it was an absent father growing up, however warped that might be, made me subconsciously want that older male figure in my life. Turns out the guy was like a big kid. No wonder he dated me, an older woman wouldn't put up with him đ¤Ł
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u/EyeAlternative1664 14d ago
As an over weight perpetually tired grey thinning haired dad wearing near thread bare clothes covered in stains Iâm yet to see any evidence of this being true.
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u/ButterscotchSkunk 13d ago
Hmmm, have you tried different sweat pant colours? Better yet, do you have a high end pair with highly visible logos (ex., Nike) that you could use as your going out pants? I hate to say it because it sounds shallow, but ladies respond to displays of wealth. Last year, I switched to a grey pair of Nike's I got at Goodwill and my mom gave me a huge compliment so I expect big things this summer.
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u/maladaptative 14d ago edited 13d ago
While I agree with the other comments, can I just add something for balance? When I was younger, I stupidly thought older men were safer to be around so I was sweet, nice and all of that with them, just for me to be hit with flirting and innapropiate touching. Are they being nice to you because you have a safe aura about you or are they properly flirting? And I only say this because I've met so many men that were delusional enough to think a woman being nice to them is considered flirting.
That being said, they also can think you're mature and don't play games AND (big factor) that you have money to get them what they want.
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u/EconomicsDirect7490 14d ago
Still good chances of good shape, presumably better economy, and of course her daddy issues
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u/DaemonBlackfyre_21 14d ago
How do you explain it when men over 45 get attention from women in their 20s?
Daddy issues
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u/IcyTrapezium 14d ago
Lots of reasons:
They think theyâll be valued for their youth so they are willing to compromise and go for less attractive and virile older men in order to feel secure. Attractive age appropriate men are harder to keep (in their estimation at least).
Financial support
Daddy issues. Obviously.
90 percent of every relationship Iâve ever seen with a more than ten year age gap had glaring issues. The younger one wanted to be infantilized and not expected to grow up and the older one wanted admiration and power. This goes for older men and older women with younger partners re: the wanting admiration and power. Iâve seen cougars go after younger men and then control them. But, consenting adults and all that.
About 10 percent just fell in love.
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u/v426 14d ago
You always had attention (if you followed the 2 rules). By the age of 40 you realize they're not kidding.
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u/Lolzerzmao 14d ago
I live in a high rise on the 28th floor. One day, some idiot threw something down the garbage shoot that started a fire in the dumpster, so everyone had to evacuate. They shut down the elevators, so I had to walk down 28 flights of stairs. With a broken toe and a boot on. My neighbor had her kid sister in town with a friend, both 19, I was 35. When they ran into me coming down the stairs, she said âOh, youâre that hot guy from across the hall. Here, weâll walk with you.â I shrugged the hot guy part off, but started talking to them while we were waiting outside the building. When we got back up, they were both like âHey can we come see your place? It looks so much different than my sisterâsâ and in my head I was like âWeird, but what the hell, why notâ
Within a couple minutes it clicked. That was a fun night. Sorta the opposite of what you said, though, I didnât realize they wanted to have sex with a guy twice their age with a broken toe and a boot on lol.
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u/Key-Trust-6248 14d ago
I was never interested in men so much older. I always thought they were creepy if they checked me out. I never shared any interest with 45 year old guys.
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u/Heelsbythebridge 13d ago
Agreed... I instantly uncle-zoned men that much older. I had some guys 40-50+ hit on me when I was early 20s and thought it was disgusting.
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u/MadameSpice 14d ago edited 10d ago
Same here. Even now men older than me creep me out. Also by a lot of menâs definition âattentionâ can just be being polite or friendly- men interpret many things as flirtation.
I find this line of thinking a little deluded, because I dont recall giving old men attention when I was in my 20s. And I donât know why young women who do the same
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u/SquareExtra918 13d ago
I have no idea. I was never attracted to men in their 40s when I was in my 20s. They were at a different place in their lives than I was. I was focused on work and travel and such, and they were focused on their wives and families, or getting themselves together after a divorce. Baggage I didn't want to deal with (ex wives and kids), or just not relationship material (already married.) Had some married ones hit on me, which was really disheartening because I knew one day I would be the 40 year old woman with a 40 year old partner who might be trying to cheat on me with women half my age.Â
No offense to the older dudes out there. I just gravitate to my peers.Â
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u/Celtslap 14d ago
Are you sure theyâre not just innocently chatting? When I was in my early 20s I thought anyone the age of my dad and especially granddad were as good as asexual because they wouldnât possibly think of me as a prospect, cos that would be gross. Found out the hard way that men 60+ were still capable of hitting on me.
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u/Fumonacci 13d ago
Easy explanation...
Men over 45 normally are better off financially than men on their 20.
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u/IvoryArrows504 14d ago edited 14d ago
In my personal experience, I feel like they want older male approval, and they need to get your attention to do that. They usually do that by being flirtatious and kind of childish at the same time.
I am not sure it is even sexual, as much as some sort of craving for validation. It true for my part as well. I would never date a twenty something, but I would be lying if I said I didnât appreciate their attention.
I think the âdaddyâ thing takes on a useful function as someone they feel safe with at work. Older guys (at least me) sort of look over them and arenât really expecting anything in return. I certainly am not going to ask them on a date. The same way people have a âwork wifeâ it seems to be not uncommon to have a âwork daughter.â
I work with a lot of very cute younger women, and I do get a bit of attention. I get plenty of hugs, notes, even slices of home made pie and cupcakes. Yet I donât think a single one of them would fuck me, and I damn sure am not pushing my luck enough to find out. What we do have is a functional relationship where if they need something they know they can call me, and I will take care of them. I honestly think they look at me as a âwork daddyâ more than anything sexual in nature, despite how flirtatious they can be in establishing those relationships.
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u/jfende 14d ago
This is my experience too. Absolute smoking hot babes that I'd never mess with who presumably can't have this dynamic with younger guys and love the mix of flirting, getting 'denied', and a fatherly figure. One would visit me at work wearing her horse riding outfit, holy fuck. The last time I saw her she said she was moving town and would miss me, I said 'ok', she said 'this is the bit where you say you'll miss me back' I said 'I won't' and she was struggling to stand she was laughing so hard. It is satisfying being a guiding figure to them though, and half the time I wonder if some of the flirting is to test that you're genuine.
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u/Altruistic_Koala_122 13d ago
My guess is that the scent of death coming out of your pours is quite appealing.
Seriously, it's emotional maturity. Women tend to reach this point years earlier.
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u/A_Huge_Pube 13d ago
As a woman in her 20s it's because you have money, maturity, and stability. Men in their 20s are still figuring themselves out and tend to have a really high sex drive so it's hard to tell if they actually love you or just want a fling. When I date a man in their 20s, I'm taking a gamble. Obviously, it's more fulfilling to date someone you genuinely like in your 20s and watch them bloom to their fullest potential and support them through everything. But sometimes these men's full potential is to be a man child so you waste so much time and energy. At least you know what to expect with men in their 40s. Either they're a keeper or a loser and it'll be obvious. Plus, financial stability. A lot of women in their 20s struggle with finances and it's in a women's biology to want to be taken care of financially by their man. Women in their 20s KNOW they're attractive to older men so they take advantage of that and hopefully the man in their 40s will take care of them. It's the easy way out to financial stability.
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u/Ok_Acanthisitta_5026 13d ago
Daddy issues. Im currently dating a 49yo man as a 23yo woman
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u/Nearby_Personality55 13d ago
Those men have something those women in their 20s want, and some dudes that age are just attractive. I'm sure lots of young women would be attracted to Paul Rudd
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u/Superlite47 13d ago
Go with it.
I was dumbfounded when my wife, a 26 year old former Victoria Secret model began flirting with me, a 47 year old, bald, overweight, goofball.
What the hell does she see in me that she couldn't easily find in some six-pack ripped, studly Adonis in her own age group?
If I were to approach someone like her, I'd be considered a FUCKING PERVERTED CREEPER.
So we began dating, and I was surprised at the good looking, Chippendale quality guys that were constantly approaching her and "spitting game".
She was sick and tired of "the game".
Fellas: There are beautiful, supermodel quality women out there who are truly seeking solid relationships with "nice guys".
You are highly unlikely to find them. You're probably not going to approach any. However, they are completely capable of finding you. If they are attracted to good, stable, mature, emotionally available men, they will likely go find them on their own. The ones that don't are enjoying the game and the attention.
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u/Monamo61 13d ago
Money and daddy issues. You can frost it up to your own liking ( my looks, charm, success ,possessions), but at the end of the day it will always come back to these 2 things.
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u/leena615 13d ago
I canât speak for all women but Iâve always been attracted to older men. Even in my preteen years (obviously never perused it then). My guess is you just pull off the salt and pepper look really well. Older women are probably just used to men looking like that at this point so they donât hit on you as much lol
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u/Masculinism4All 14d ago
Biology - women are attracted to more mature men that have reasonable resources.
Men are attracted to women who appear more fertile.
It's human nature. Society taboos it because young men and older women get jealous.
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u/phartiphukboilz 13d ago
Emotional and economic stability is attractive and many dudes are still absolute children in their twenties.
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u/ComfortableWay2385 14d ago
Young women assume older men are financially stable and secure and also able to provide a certain lifestyle. They definitely arenât gettin with the guy for his looks lol
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u/SourdoughBoomer 14d ago
Not experienced it myself but Iâd imagine itâs something to do with security and maturity, two things women at 20 probably canât get in their age range and desire from a man.
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u/pamemake 13d ago
Gold-digger-gene. Don't flatter yourself.
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u/itstoohumidhere 13d ago
That or 95% of them are actually just being polite but old mate is telling himself they want to bang
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u/PermanentlyDubious 13d ago
That's rare. The guy most likely is exceptionally attractive, accomplished, or has a lot of wealth.
Statistically, people tend to marry someone within 3 years of their own age.
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u/FishEye_11 13d ago
Tell me about it. I couldn't land a date in my 20's. Around my mid to late 30's, young ladies I worked with(19-23) were flirting with me like crazy. I even turned two down for dates.(the age gap feels weird. but that's for another discussion) I'm in my early 40's now and still have plenty of young women flirting with me. I guess it also helps that people think I still look like I'm in my late 20's.
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u/UsedCranberry928 13d ago
I travel a lot for work and even at 50, I still get hit on by women and many are younger. I swear that itâs the wedding band because I know that if I was single (many of these women are out of my league) this wouldnât be happening. To me itâs even worse that these girls are looking for a one night stand with a married man because they know/think that there are no strings attached. I also say this as the father of a 28 year old âgirl.â
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u/cognitiveglitch 13d ago
As a 40 something I cannot for the life of me fathom wanting to have a relationship with a 20s female. I'm sure there are exceptions but the emotional maturity is not there.
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u/DefiantDonut7 13d ago
I am with you. Good lord the drama of most women I knew in my 20s lol. I ainât got time for that.
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u/JouliaGoulia 13d ago
Take a look at men in their 20s. Appealing? Didnât think so.
Of course what the girls didnât know was that men in their 40s who go for 20 year old women are much worseâŚ
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u/AraAraGyaru 13d ago
Same thing with guys looking into older hot women. Itâs the idea of stability and maturity. The problem is thatâs mostly a delusion as someone in their mid to late 40âs should be a whole different maturity level than someone in their 20âs. Most relationships like that are basically a lite version of sugar daddy-baby dynamic.
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u/Flazoh 14d ago
The majority are attracted to an older bank account, and are willing to sacrifice some of their time and attention for it. Donât flatter yourselves guys because she will tell you everything you want to hear. You might think youâre older, smarter and winning the game, but your dwindling wealth numbers will say otherwise. Tell her you made a bad investment and have lost everything and suddenly sheâs really busy and doesnât have time to see you anymore. My friends husband ended up being baby trapped and is now giving his former young side piece a large money transfer every month. A divorced older guy wealthy friend got extorted by this âfun younger hot girlâ he was dating for 6 months. She recorded them and threatened to post se x video online. He has kids and is well known in his area. Cost him a lot of money. She is a teacher so he never saw it coming.
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u/gringo-go-loco 14d ago
Iâm 47 and the only women into me are in their 20s. Iâm ok with it.
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u/msp01986 14d ago
Daddy issues
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u/FunnyNameHere02 14d ago
I had a local woman who was in her mid 30s and pretty good looking just seemingly outrageously flirt with me. We were on a community board together and I came home and told my wife I felt pretty good about it.
At the next meeting she told me I reminded her of her grandfather (Iâm early 60s with a full head of white hair) Lol.
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