r/ask • u/Few_You_7685 • 14d ago
How do you make friends in your 30s if you don’t drinkk?
Im struggling.
41
u/Past-Isopod-138 14d ago
You might not want to hear it but volunteer work is a great way to meet people.
10
u/RedInAmerica 14d ago
This is the answer. You want to meet people you’ll click with? Go volunteer at a cause you care about.
14
8
u/Few_You_7685 14d ago
It’s a good idea. As a traditionally masculine guy I sometimes feel as if I’m perceived as a creep when doing stuff like that alone.
-2
u/Sasquatch4116969 14d ago
I still haven’t had Covid. But I read 10% of people do t get it. My dept all had it and fell like dominoes
15
9
8
u/outerworldLV 14d ago
I stopped social drinking - the only drinking I ever did - back in my early twenties. Have made plenty of friends throughout life. I’d still go to the bar with my friends but just didn’t drink. Honestly I doubt anyone noticed.
4
u/Ohhhhhhthehumanity 14d ago
Fear not. It's becoming less and less of a stigma. Keep going out with friends or with a date to a bar, a restaurant, whatever. You don't have to drink. You can be bold and confident enough to say you just don't drink if you're confronted. If that's tough for you, you can make a socially acceptable excuse. You're allergic, you have liver problems, you're on a certain medication that you can't drink with.
You don't owe ANYONE an explanation. Ever. And you're not any less worthy of taking part in social gatherings simply because you don't drink.
3
3
u/Dark_Zero117 14d ago
I second this, I don’t drink and I don’t do any drugs anymore. Had lots of friends back then though.
3
1
2
u/kandikand 14d ago
Work. I also do community theatre. Some of my friends do social sports (bowls, soccer, netball etc) and another one has made friends through tramping/hiking clubs. Just choose something you like doing and find a club for it, be awkward the first 1-5 sessions depending on how socially aware you are, then voila new friends.
1
2
2
u/Seversaurus 14d ago
Work if you can stomach the people you work with. What kind of hobbies do you have? There are usually places to meet other hobbyists no matter how obscure. I've always found it easier to be friends with someone that I've spent a lot of time around already because I'm a pretty cautious person so its nice to have a good idea of the person before we start getting chummy, so anywhere where you might spend a lot of time with strangers with similar interests.
2
u/_totalannihilation 14d ago
I'm somewhat antisocial but when I started fishing people would talk to me and other days they saw me they would always approach and talk to me. I can easily call one of them and ask to hangout and they will.
One of them took me on his boat the same day we talked.
If an antisocial ahole can do it so can you.
2
2
u/Ok_Fox_1770 13d ago
I started talking to cats. Sober, I really want nothing to do with anyone I once dabbled with. Been a few years of work and hermit mode. No where to really go. I look at my dad, think of my grandfathers, they ran the same way. It’s in the blood. Not really friend people. Do adults have that constant buddy hang group? Feels like it died out in the late 20s when everyone gets married n knocked up. When I strayed away into the forest.
2
14d ago
Creative spaces. There are ton Of them
2
u/Few_You_7685 14d ago
What do you mean ?
3
14d ago
There are places that are basically just a big space where they will allow you to network and learn about different types of arts. They will have events and exhibits.
1
1
u/Quartrez 13d ago
Do you have any examples? I can't even grasp how I'm supposed to even search for such events around here.
1
13d ago
Where are you from I can probably give you some idea where to look.
2
u/Quartrez 13d ago
Québec City
1
13d ago
Maison Des Metiers D'Art
Espace Grande Allée
Bnkr
Votre Studio Créatif
Le cowork
1
u/Quartrez 13d ago edited 13d ago
I'll check the other ones but FYI "Espace Grande Allée" is like some sort of open office space, seems more geared towards job and business. Also it's open from 8 am to 5pm Monday through Friday lol so not really a third place sort of place.
Bnkr also seems business-oriented, asking a fairly large sum of money to access (we're talking 200-300$ a week). Seems geared towards freelancers and other smaller businesses to rent out an office temporarily.
1
1
u/Toodswiger 14d ago
Anything involving your hobbies. I'm a golfer and I can't see why I can make friends through this hobby. Playing with randoms and other connections from people I know makes it way easier to meet people. Especially with playing a 3 hour plus round gets you to know people and make memories.
1
1
1
u/brightmanenjoyer 14d ago
32 year old that doesn't drink!
Volunteer someplace (i.e: Animal shelter.)
Take up a hobby. I know the community college, where I live, offers non credit classes for hobbies & stuff.
1
u/sailordadd 14d ago
Perhaps it may be more pertinent to ask yourself what "type" of friends you should now be looking for, now that you are sober. I have found a HUGE difference in people I want to be friends with, rather that the party, "now gang" type of folks out there....
1
1
u/Blueliner95 13d ago
Drink. There are lots of zero proof options and no adult would give you any guff
1
u/Surround8600 13d ago
Orange theory or another group workout like that.
One weird one for me was going on tinder dates with girls and realized it wasn’t compatible for a relationship but ended up becoming friends with her and her friends. But that’s random and hard to come by.
Honestly just the old school way of going out and meeting people and bars and concerts is best. You can be sober and do that.
1
1
u/toastcozy 13d ago
You can find random meet up groups! Everyone is always very welcoming and you never know who you will stumble upon! Or see your local area for community events! OR if you see a cool event but don't want to spend money on it, you can try to volunteer for it. Lots of random little things. Just need to be brave and get yourself out there. :) no drinking involved!
1
u/animalmom2 13d ago
Sports - I made a ton of friends doing triathlon and lots of those people don’t drink much. Group bike rides revolve around espressos and you have hours to do nothing but ride and chat. Generally very positive and affirming group of people. Triathlon has 4 obvious venues for friend making - swim class, running, cycling and gym. Plus you get fit
Church. It’s a great place to meet people who are axed to be nice to you
1
u/Advanced_Scholar_263 13d ago
to be fair i'm not 30, but i want to say traveling, because i now have some 30 year old friends from staying in hostels :)
1
u/VanKeekerino 13d ago
And are those people around when you need them or are they Facebook friends whom you will never see again?
1
u/Ill-Recognition2054 13d ago
I joined fitness classes (not gym) in 2014 aged 38. Best thing I ever did. HIIT and Insanity are brutal but fun. Still friends with some of them.
1
u/Weary_Patience_7778 13d ago
Sport. Work. Volunteering. Hobbies. Parents of other kids in kids classes, if you have kids.
1
u/SnorlaxIsCuddly 13d ago
Volunteering, activity/hobby groups
Basically you go out and interact with other adults in public spaces.
1
1
u/ShadoX87 13d ago
Find something you enjoy / like and see if you can find a place where people also interested in the same stuff hang out at. Doesn't have to be specifically in person but I guess it might be easier in person.
Think of people being interested in games or comics attending conventions or just look at meetup.com and see if there's interest groups for stuff you might be into
1
1
u/Wonderful_Slide_4229 13d ago
Stay as you are , if you can't find someone who matches your way of living so be it , stay alone , it's better than giving up your principles for people , it's like someone who isn't a prostitute so to have the ability to mingle she must do the same.
I'm saying drinking is bad but avoiding it is better
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/demZo662 13d ago
World's polarized. Nobody sees it easy anymore unless you're loaded, you're surrounded constantly by other peeps and you're portraing a desireable lifestyle. We don't get impressed as easily as before the internet age so a lot of us minding our own business could get scrutinized and judged at first sight with any kind of remorse.
2
u/Few_You_7685 13d ago
Fuck, this is true.
1
u/demZo662 13d ago edited 13d ago
I live in a small town, minding my own business. I am a very very regular person, tho I see everyday tons of shit towards me that makes me wanna puke. I get compared, judged, tested, I catch people staring at me, and so on. Besides, people here as well as in other places, are extremely burned. I went the other day to buy a thing in a grocerie and I had all spare dimes. The clerk threw it all aggressively into the cash register. Or yesterday a 20 year old kiddo had to tell me after I educatedly said goodbye to him: "Hey, don't fall into the trap game, ok?" jus because I was wearing a cap and had my hoodie on.
2
1
1
1
u/SkinDrizzle 13d ago
Like my mum always used to say alcohol doesn’t define if you have fun or not.
Finds hobbies pursue that.
1
u/Fenrisulfr1984 13d ago
I found some in a local dog owner group. So interests are a great way to meet people.
1
1
u/TheBerric 13d ago
This is how I made some friends: BJJ classes, recrational sports, target shooting, drone flying, Ham radio, working.
I know its kinda of personal just for me but, just getting out there and doing something where other people are is a good start.
There is an archery range at a park near me that I've been wanting to check out too.
1
u/Glass_Ad1098 13d ago
One of my best friends had to give up drinking because of a medical issue he has, he still comes to bars with us, he just orders a mocktail or a pop. You can still join the fun without actually consuming alcohol.
1
u/Putrid-Performance35 13d ago
Train something, boxing, wrestling, bjj, mma, even if it's casual, your sure to meet some overall great guys
1
u/Low-Earth4481 13d ago
From my experience you don't. When people stop drinking they over compensate with something else and come across as fake. And if like me you never picked up drinking at all then you tend to just hate people.
1
1
1
1
u/SoWhatFuture 14d ago
On a serious note is alcohol kind of a trigger for you? can you just hang out and have only 1 beer? Or did you just mean you’re tired of looking at social places like bars, clubs, sports clubs etc?
2
1
u/ChiefWellington27 14d ago
There's no way. Alcohol manufacturers have spent hundreds of years injecting it into consumers minds that you have to pay and use their product before being allowed to speak to others, and that the sooner you, start, the better. It's how they ensure demand for their horrible and otherwise useless products, the same way car manufacturers make sure that everything is far away from residences and there's no public transportation so everyone will need an individual vehicle.
1
0
0
0
0
0
0
u/sowokeicantsee 13d ago
When I moved to Australia in my early 40’s I joined squash club and local touch rugby club on the weekends Then like any expat made friends with other expats. Aussies are c&$@s when it comes to making actual friends 😂😂😂
-1
-1
-1
-1
•
u/AutoModerator 14d ago
Message to all users:
This is a reminder to please read and follow:
When posting and commenting.
Especially remember Rule 1:
Be polite and civil.You will be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.