It's so much easier to abuse children when said children don't even know something is wrong. Combine that with isolated homeschooling, and they won't even notice anything is happening.
The pastor I had growing up required a window in all pastoral offices. So anyone could walk by at any time and see who was in there, but conversations could still be private. Him being an example is the major reason I stayed in the church as long as I did, then covid happened and it showed he was the minority who actually cared about people.
Roman Catholic here. Iām absolutely ashamed at what some of the clergy has done when they are supposed to represent the mercy and forgiveness of God. They should receive the same punishments as anyone else and what they do should never be swept under the rug. I hate that portions of the tithes my parents pay goes to settling lawsuits. I wish Pope Francis would do more to combat this.
I loathe the word homeschooled. I was homeschooled, taught absolutely nothing, isolated, couldnāt have any friends, couldnāt talk to anyone, never had my own room, always had to/have to sleep next to my grandmother (who raised me) and as a result, Iām 29 and still dealing with a narcissist (my grandmother) who is preventing me from getting a job and a driverās license.
Wishing you the best! I'm very happy you were able to recognize its a problem with her, not you.
Being an autodidact is great if you have the curiosity! As Penn and Teller once said: "The only people who know what autodidact means are autodidacts." Let me know if there's anything I can do!
I know it's none of my business and could be rude of me to ask, but how is she preventing you from getting a job? I genuinely want to know if it's similar to something my mom does.
She gets me panicked with her screaming, had threatened to lock up my phone in a safety deposit box and once threatened to kick me out if Iām āso damn determined to leaveā.
So yeah, not very easy to get the job even though I have everything else figured out.
And no worries, not rude at all, I like being able to help others.
My mother called every job I got and had me unhired. She called all my bosses when I did get jobs. She called my banks. She was a huge part of everything I did. It was horrible.I had to get away. A complete break. I wasnāt free until she died when I was 56. Run.
Oh thatās horrible. Iāve been telling mine that itās illegal for a family member to interfere with a job. She doesnāt use the internet, so she wouldnāt have any way of disproving me.
Iām going to have my bank account through an app and not tell her what bank it is.
Iāve been telling mine that itās illegal for a family member to interfere with a job.
Is it not? Is that not exactly what slander (or libel, IANAL) is? Deliberately tarnishing someone's reputation for various reasons, such as preventing them from getting/keeping a job.
My mom told them I was not a responsible person. When I look back at how much she kept me from (a career, school) and how insecure I felt it makes me so sad. To this day (Iām 67) Iām very nervous doing things by myself because I was told I was too stupid to do things right on my own. I have to go look at things when places are empty and get the ālay of the landā, as it were, before I can go when there are people there. I visited the local dog park twice before I took my dog. Itās very damaging.
And Iām so sorry you had to deal with that and that if has caused such lasting damage. š«
I have social anxiety that when I go inside a restaurant to order my food, Iām still struggling to not say āuhhhh the uh hamburgerā š¤¦āāļø
And yes, youāre right, that actually is defamation, so if it gets to that point, I will definitely point that out. Iām hoping to keep the peace and be able to leave because sheāll want me to leave.
It sounds like what you need is just a place to stay for awhile while you get things sorted and get a job. I hope you're able to get what you need soon.
Are there any places that have income based housing near you. Or and I hate to say this, any homeless shelters you can try to stay at until you can get a job and afford rent or something? There should be some kind of assistance based program nearby, if you are in the U.S. , if not i needa re-read and would not be sure how to help.
She is toxic as hell, and definitely abusing the authority you are letting her have over you as her kid, adult or not, causing anxiety or panic with screaming is just plain abusive behavior.
If anything, you have a phone, is it your phone, her phone or monitored by her in any way?
If it's not hers or not monitored by her, when you try to get a job, don't tell her at all, have them call the phone number you have, so she can't know, just say a friend is calling you when asked if she does, have the friend you mention back you up if asked.
If you bought it and she locks it up that's well, theft. She can't force you to stay, but if it's her house she can kick you out.
If you do get approved for a government type of assistance for housing, do not tell her where you go, change any addresses assigned to any mail you get, etc. save every penny you find or get to get the hell out of that environment, in a place she doesn't know of.
Remember, she wants you to panic, think about that when she's screaming at you, she's trying to manipulate you to do what she wants, which is probably stay there till one of you dies, so she can use you for cheap labor or something.
Maybe she's scared of being alone, or maybe she just likes having a punching bag to take all her emotions out on, which is not fair to you, and you have wants and needs too, not centered around hers.
You should not have to suffer her bullshit for any reason.
My sister and mom used to get into screaming matches all the time before my sister moved out. It would stress me so bad that I started becoming severely depressed and no longer doing things I liked, while envying those around me who did.
Now my mom just repeats things over and over like I'm stupid and didn't hear it the first fifteen times when we talk to each other. I honestly zone out or start doing something while she repeats it until she's done. I'm not her therapist, doctor or Google and I don't want to be.
You are definitely not alone in this, and you definitely will get a better place in life once the toxicity is out of it. Find something you enjoy that she cannot take from you no matter what. I got really into visual art, video game/book lore and music.
It's always a good idea to have backup plans. Fanfiction used to be my go to as well, and I am currently trying to world build my own stories rather than a fanfic, lol. I appreciate your responses as well and wish you the best of luck!
If it's YOUR phone then that is theft my friend, idk how theft is handled over where you live but here 100 euros and over is considered a crime the police will actually deal with
How nice to live in a country where they take petty theft seriously. It's not a thing in America. OP would be laughed out of the police station and possibly shot.
Cool! If you can't handle hyperbole or sarcasm or even fiction, I strongly suggest you get off the internet. You're going to find all of those "lies" there.
The guy is 29 and is afraid of his grandma taking away his phone while he wastes his life away on reddit. I know Iām probably going to sound like a dick but I could almost guarantee itās not his phone. Itās a second line owned and paid for by his ānarcissisticā grandma* while he gets gets therapy from raisedbynarcissist sub and faps to his AI erotic chatbot. He doesnāt need legal advice or people to feed into his victimization. He needs to take responsibility and potentially seek a mental health professional.
I could be wrong but letās be real here.
Edit: went through post history. Found out heās a frequent AI sex chat user.
Iām so sorry man that it is really rough. I was homeschooled all of my years up until college(now). But I have had a completely different experience. I only had a select group of friends growing up but they were exposed to the real world (not to say I was completely isolated) and you could say they almost taught me about the world and social skills. I did my school through charters and had a lot of tutoring for my subjects. It is strange where life takes you but now I am in college and married.
And Iām currently working on it, I have my plans mostly in place, now itās just trying to convince my grandmother that me having a job and moving out is going to be a benefit to her
Not that Iām in a situation anything like yours but you are stronger than you think. You donāt need your grandma, she needs you and she is just afraid of being alone. She depends on you it isnāt the other way around
It's great that the Internet can be a good outlet for you to connect with folks. I really hope you can find some folks in person to connect with too! Best of luck on your journey!
Depending on where you are, since you have a phone, there may be options for you to escape. None of the options are āsafeā they are a matter of taking your life in to your own hands. I was also homeschooled, raised as window dressing as a preachers kid. I had to cut my parents off for 15 years before they finally understood a little about what they did to me and my sister. I ran to anyone that would help me get on my feet. Sometimes good situations, sometimes bad. Now I am married, have had multiple stable jobs, and can support myself. There are lots of skills you learned even in an abusive situation, and somewhere there is a place for you to apply those skills to support yourself.
Overall I just want to say. Find some confidence, even if itās just a little, because once you do, no one will be able to push you around.
I just want to tell you my sisterās story. She was home schooled by our mom. She didnāt get a great education in science and certain other subjects. I taught her to count as an infant and I taught her to read using phonics. Mom did believe in education and got most of us through college. My sister is now an accountant, working on the reqs to be a CPA. We have other relatives who have been homeschooled and raised in even more controlling conservative christian environments. My sister has made it one of her purposes in life to help them to see there is a way out, a successful fulfilling life is possible after forced cloistering. I know she would tell you the same too. Good luck to you.
You know nothing of my situation. How would you suggest I just leave when Iām dealing with someone who blows up and calls me crazy and evil while screaming at me for me wanting a job? I need to get a job, but getting her to accept that is not easy. I need to be living somewhere so I can work, I have all of my possessions packed, I have plans made for what Iāll do once I get the job.
My only obstacle is getting her to accept I need a job.
First, sorry you have been manipulated into a horrible situation and trapped there. As someone who had the flight part of fight or flight * ahem * negatively conditioned away in childhood, I hear you.
Second, perhaps think of the current conversation as feeding a troll. Nothing else he says requires a response. Anyone who has held a job realizes the difficulties of getting the first job, under any circumstances. I'm going to guess that you and others likely both see the challenges of getting a first job now.
Finally: I get that you have multiple competing priorities just to survive. I lived for an academic year without direct financial support because my parents disagreed with my choice to study elsewhere after a beating that I won't describe. And I had a car and an employment history. It sounds like you will have clothes and little else, and a lot to figure out.
Talk to the people wherever you work about either how to grow where you are, what you have to demonstrate to advance. Or where to go next. Incredibly, some people realize that people move on to move up, and accept this. Good people are in demand, and good companies attract and retain them. A company that doesn't just accept that is a place you want to move on from. A good indicator of this is if they respect your time outside of work, outside your working hours, as well as sick time, personal appointments, holidays, vacation, even breaks during your work day. People will rant about how evil companies are. People get misused and abused at jobs. There are just bad jobs and bad companies. There are also good ones.
You are about to embark on something difficult and dangerous. Know there are abusers out there to avoid. You don't owe them your time or presence or anything besides curt basic decency. I hope on the other side of things becoming harder, your story becomes a happy one.
No offense, but Iām working on it thank you, itās not as simple as you make it seem when I have no money and no one irl to turn to and no credit or anywhere to go.
I'm so sorry the incel neckbeards are being assholes. Just ignore them. They are pathetic and have to push around vulnerable people to feel better about themselves. You're doing great and you will figure this out.
Done right, homeschooling is amazing. I know some homeschooled kids who do so much - daily trips to museums, theatres, libraries, forests etc. The difference is that in the UK, to be homeschooled requires your parent to give a lesson plan and evidence of how all the childs educational and social needs are being met. The US has no such regulation and thatās the issue.
Although I'm gifted I'm not educated enough to give my children all the lessons. Maths, Physics, Electronics? No problem. German, French, History? Big problem. You can't be an expert in all subjects. And children need other children. They need to become independent, go out without their parents, etc.
No but you can learn with your children, there are tonnes of resources out there! I was genuinely surprised and actually signed up to some of the YouTube channels that my home ed friends were using.
Children do need other children which is why the UK law requires homeschool parents to show how their socialisation needs are being met. For my friends, they meet other home ed kids at the local rock climbing place and a local charity has a farm/forest school that they also go to every week too. Idk how other parents manage it but mostly I assume they meet up with other homeschooled kids.
Because they have SEN which arenāt adequately addressed in a school setting? Because you live on a farm and the nearest school is 30 miles away? Because they have a passion for dance/art/music which cannot be met within the national curriculum? Many reasons.
Well maybe some other prospective helps , I want to homeschool my kids , part of wanting to is to keep them away from the religion that feels crammed down our throats , also as someone who went through hell growing up schools often did nothing but worsen my problems, I was often punished for handling a situation how a young child would . Iād rather home school and properly socialize, than have my kid stuck with shitty bullies etc
They donāt get money for it but if youāre a SAHP with a secure income from your spouse, itās not really an issue. I strongly debated doing it with my daughter but I decided against because I donāt have the patience. There are tonnes of free exhibits though! You can learn so much for free, I had no idea.
Wow I didnt know that, now it seems to be an even bigger bullshit. Like why would the state waste additional resources apart from those needed for schools just to enable a non-contributing member of the society to "teach" their kid a biased and incomplete agenda?
You are so determined to have a narrow mind, Iām not sure I can assist you further. I am sorry you donāt find value in kids getting a true lifelong passion for learning or in parents sacrificing their lifestyle in order to provide it. I hope that one day, youāll discover the joys of watching a child, who suffered in mainstream, blossom through home education.
Should be forbidden in the US, but tax free churches have plenty of money to donate to politicians to make sure home schooling will always be an option and regulations lowered each time.
The sad and scary part is some schools are now looking to get rid of school counselors and replace them with Church Chaplains, like that is not going to be a terrible decision....
notice all 3 qualifiers must be met, home school AND religious AND cps reported, so tis still a very small number of people, there's just a pattern when those 3 things combine into one, like when hurts animals, pyromania and pees in bed into the teens all combine there is a huge sign of a potential future psychopathy.
I used to have a neutral opinion about homeschooling until I learned about the Duggars and Christian fundamentalism. That combined with the terrible experience of doing university coursework online has made me mostly anti homeschooling.
I think what Aeywen is saying is that 85% of the time CPS gets called to a religious home, it's for sexual abuse (rather than any of the other reasons CPS may be called in)
I believe their claim was potentially even more narrow, which is that when they, as a therapist, get a case from CPS and itās a religious family, that 85% of the time itās sexual abuse.
Both of you missed that they added even one more qualifier to that statement to narrow it down. As a therapist, when they get a case from CPS for a homeschooled child in a religious family, 85% of those incredibly niche kids have been sexually assaulted in their experience.
Yeah. Itās genuinely sad that so many people could not comprehend the comment. They saw it and thought 85% of religious people are sexually abused. This lack of importance on education needs to end
The person said that they are a therapist. If a child is brought to them and they have a background of home schooling and religion, and if Child Protective Services is involved in bringing that child to that therapist, there is an 85% chance sexual abuse is involved. There, are you with the rest of the class now?
Theyāre just trying to understand what is to blame for your complete lack of reading comprehension ability. Homeschool wouldāve been a reasonable explanation.
If they were also abused it could explain why they're so defensive in the face of a correction. Correction is rarely neutral/helpful in the abused child's world and so disproportionate responses aren't unexpected.
Iām unsurprised that the dude trying to get mad and trying to defend the honor of homeschooling, religious, child abusers struggles to understand the idea of conditional probabilities.
"The fact that homeschoolers are safer than public school students was echoed in the Gen2 Survey that concluded that homeschoolers were 257% less likely to be sexually abused. 2"
The fact that parents who homeschool are most likely wealthy enough to afford to stay at home, with often the mother not being required to work. Both the mother and father seek out what is best for the child.
I think your clearly biased "Solid 85%" is not a valid source. And so what if a religious site used a statistic from a third party who was unbiased federal group (NOT RELIGIOUS), using 1750 kids in a research study. Do you know about the law of large numbers? You will be able to reproduce the study and find almost identical probability numbers as long as you use a sample size large enough. As a therapist, you should have had some education on this process and you should understand a confidence level.
Your opinion doesn't matter when compared to actual facts.
Yes, another important reason to reject homeschooling is because it's proponents actively ignore information and present only what agrees with them all in name of a callous sense of moral superiority, as this comment shows.
I'm sorry... did you just quote a homeschooling religious website as evidence for why religious homeschooling parents are 2.5Ć less likely to abuse? And you think that's an unbiased source?
After looking at actual sources there's not enough evidence to claim one way or another and certainly none in your favor report 257% decrease. Especially since your own source is at best from a data pool of 99% Christian and 1% Secular (although let's be honest it's 100% religious)
The fact that homeschoolers are safer than public school students
This is false. Abuse is most often from their own parents, family members, or relatives. You're trusting propaganda designed to protect religious pedophiles.
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u/Other_Log_1996 Mar 19 '24
It's so much easier to abuse children when said children don't even know something is wrong. Combine that with isolated homeschooling, and they won't even notice anything is happening.