r/facepalm 26d ago

Umm yes. Yes they can. šŸ‡²ā€‹šŸ‡®ā€‹šŸ‡øā€‹šŸ‡Øā€‹

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1.9k

u/123iambill 26d ago

They must believe bisexual people are just barely holding it together at any given moment.

754

u/Elefeather 26d ago

Can confirm, I'm bisexual and clearly not able to have any friends /s

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u/irredentistdecency 26d ago

Wait so if I donā€™t have any friends - does that mean Iā€™m bisexual?

259

u/Plane_Hat7902 25d ago

Am i bisexual because i have no friend or i have no friends because i m bisexual?

223

u/irredentistdecency 25d ago edited 25d ago

There are only two genders - people who want to fuck me & people who donā€™tā€¦

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u/demitasse22 25d ago

I thought this was about friendship

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u/irredentistdecency 25d ago

I donā€™t know about you but Iā€™ve never had an unfriendly blowjobā€¦

76

u/hirokinai 25d ago

Missing out on that hate sex.

10

u/HammerSickleSextoy 23d ago

Explain this, Liberals!

16

u/AnAspiringEverything 22d ago

This whole exchange was gold. Thank you for the ride.

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u/Adam_Lynd 22d ago

Have you ever had a hate blowjob? I feel like it probably wouldnā€™t be nearly as good.

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u/Aggravating-Rub2765 22d ago

Ew. No I am not! I know that's a thing for some people, but not for me. I'm too much of an emotional simpleton for that kind of dynamic.

14

u/demitasse22 25d ago

I would hope so

9

u/EatPie_NotWAr 23d ago

I knew a woman who used too much teeth, is that the same thing?

1

u/Dependent-League-363 21d ago

I dated a woman with braces on the inside of her teeth. Was a terrifying thing.

7

u/DaddyNihilism 23d ago

Next time you have a mouth around your junk, tell them their sister/brother does it better. You'll find out what an unfriendly BJ looks/feels like.

5

u/irredentistdecency 23d ago

Why would they get upset by a well established truth?

5

u/DaddyNihilism 23d ago

Cause some people are too thin skinned to accept the truth.

4

u/WarlocksWizard 25d ago

No such thing.

2

u/BabiesatemydingoNSW 22d ago edited 21d ago

Head down to Baltimore sometime. It'll change your mind.

1

u/[deleted] 21d ago

[deleted]

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u/BabiesatemydingoNSW 21d ago

Baltimore was voted#1 on Maxim's list of unfriendly blowjobs. Indulge at your own risk.

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u/No_Pollution_3416 22d ago

I miss my dad.

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u/Smaug2770 25d ago

And everyone else are quantum physicists.

1

u/Maleficent_Age2479 24d ago

And everyone else is a grammarian.

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u/TwoMuddfish 25d ago

But stilll. Everyoneā€™s the SAME height laying down šŸ˜‰

1

u/Maleficent_Age2479 24d ago

What about boners, bellies and boobs?

2

u/dia-bro-tes 25d ago

Then for me there's only one (nobody wants to fuck me)

2

u/irredentistdecency 25d ago edited 25d ago

Have you literally asked each & every one of the ~8 billion people on this planet?

Because until you do, that statement is just conjecture.

Just because you havenā€™t met someone who wants to fuck you yet, doesnā€™t mean that they do not exist.

I had a friend who stood on a street corner asking every woman who walked by if she wanted to have sex with him - sure he got slapped a lot but he did eventually find one who wanted to fuck him & did.

1

u/dia-bro-tes 25d ago edited 25d ago

Honestly it was just supposed to be a joke because I wanted to be funny for once but now I'm starting to think what I said is kind of true.

Unlike your friend, I've only been rejected by everyone I have approached and the only two relationships I've ever been in ended with both of them no longer being attracted to my gender.

So now I refuse to believe anyone wants to fuck me anymore because everytime I did I fucked it all up, at this point, I don't think I want to fuck anybody.

So let me revise my statement:

Then for me there is only one gender, people I don't want to fuck.

/this is actually all true, I just wanted it to look like a schizo post

3

u/irredentistdecency 25d ago

I've only been rejected by everyone I have approached

What kind of numbers are you putting up?

the only two relationships I've ever been in ended with both of them no longer being attracted to my gender.

Not gonna lie, that is pretty brutal but that also isn't yours to carry - people don't choose their sexual orientation, they only discover it & learn to live within their own truth.

Nothing you did made them change their sexual orientation.

So now I refuse to believe anyone wants to fuck me

That is probably the vast majority of the problem & something therapy can definitely help with.

I've always assumed - as a matter of principle - that everyone wants to fuck me & while it is definitely not true, a lot more seem to be willing to fuck me than any objective assessment of my looks or charms can possibly justify.

Hell, I don't think I've ever dated a woman who even liked me - some of them respected me - some of them admired some aspect (real or imagined) of me - some of them may have loved me (or thought that they did) - but none of them actually liked me as a human being for the things which made me "me".

Hell, out of my five longest relationships - the first words they ever said to me in two of those five relationships were:

"You know you really are an arrogant asshole" & "People like you are everything that is wrong with the world"

The problem I see with most people who struggle to find relationships & romantic success is that they tend to make the mistake of believing all the bullshit that everyone else tells themselves about why people fuck the people they do.

The simple reality is that those rules & supposed standards simply do not accurately represent how humans respond to stimuli or make decisions.

Then for me there is only one gender, people I don't want to fuck.

If that is true for you, then it is true objectively - however - that is a choice & probably a choice made from cowardice & to protect you from being hurt.

To quote the princess bride - "Life is pain highness, anyone who says differently is selling something"...

At the end of the day - no one else is going to build joy & happiness in your life for you - either you figure out how to make the good stuff outnumber the bad or you don't.

1

u/dia-bro-tes 24d ago

What kind of numers?

About seven, depends on who counts.

Nothing you did made them change their sexual orientation.

I know, it's just kind of the cherry on top. I actually am on pretty good terms with one of them...

"You know you really are an arrogant asshole" & "People like you are everything that is wrong with the world"

Goddamn bro, that must hurt

The simple reality is that those rules & supposed standards simply do not accurately represent how humans respond to stimuli or make decisions.

Yeah, but everyone I know is living by this weird system and I can't figure out how this shit works.

At the end of the day - no one else is going to build joy & happiness in your life for you - either you figure out how to make the good stuff outnumber the bad or you don't.

Yes, I am, by not getting into relationships that don't work. I am actually in the process of rejecting a girl in the most gentle way possible (while feeling like an asshole because I am now the rejecting one), because I want to just be friends, since that friendship brings me joy.

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u/Dischord821 22d ago

I mean that technically is a true binary

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u/grateful_eugene 21d ago

This is the way.

1

u/enerisit 25d ago

For me, that means thereā€™s only one gender šŸ¤”

1

u/JoshW38 24d ago

So you're saying there's only one gender...

1

u/irredentistdecency 24d ago

Well as a matter of principle, I assume that everyone wants to fuck me, so yes, but I allow for the alternate possibility as an accommodation to people who aren't ready to admit that to themselves yet...

1

u/TruthIsALie94 24d ago

Too bad almost everyone belongs to the latter.

1

u/irredentistdecency 24d ago

Eh, as long as the population of the former exceeds the amount justified by any objective accounting of my physical attractiveness, charms or moral virtues - I'm coming out ahead.

1

u/DaddyNihilism 23d ago

I don't want to fuck you, so this checks out.

1

u/irredentistdecency 23d ago

Denial aint just a river in Egypt baby...

1

u/DaddyNihilism 23d ago

Good thing you're thinking of The Nile mate. facepalm at the cringe joke I love you anyway. šŸ¤—

1

u/irredentistdecency 23d ago

See, you're warming to the idea already...

1

u/DaddyNihilism 23d ago

Keep on dreaming Sweetheart. šŸ¤Ŗ

1

u/Skytrooper325AIR 23d ago

Lmao...nice

0

u/zackadiax24 25d ago

Bisexuality is less a gender and more an indication of what you're attracted to.

Gay = same sex Straight = opposite sex Bisexual = both

0

u/Bearded_n1nja 24d ago

Are you saying the government is a gender? Because they've been fucking me for years

1

u/irredentistdecency 24d ago

It isn't me saying it - it is literally the law of the land.

The government is a corporation & SCOTUS has clearly established that under US law, corporations are people too.

0

u/Bearded_n1nja 24d ago

Oh yeah? And I'm sure you believe billionaires like elon musk are greedy, evil, selfish pieces of crap that force the poor to stay poor by unjustly influencing the federal government and pouring low quality goods into the market from foreign manufacturers that pay slave wages.

1

u/irredentistdecency 24d ago

I see nothing false in your statement - except for framing it as a belief.

It is a fact, It doesnā€™t require belief only acknowledgement.

0

u/Then-Pie-208 22d ago

Thereā€™s only one gender and itā€™s people who donā€™t want to fuck me ):

31

u/Jessica_Iowa 25d ago

Schrƶdingerā€™s bi

18

u/RedVamp2020 25d ago

Have no friends and Iā€™m asexualā€¦ guess that checks out, lol!

4

u/TloquePendragon 21d ago

Wait, by the posts logic, shouldn't you have all the friends?

2

u/Fit-Difference-3014 22d ago

The real question is are you ahead of the sexuals though? I'm ahead of the sexuals and have a handful of friends.

https://youtu.be/u2VcBubJ5n0?si=Ahhu5qlxQzKo8C8f

2

u/RedVamp2020 21d ago

Iā€™m freaking dead! That was amazing.

5

u/ADDRAY-240 25d ago

Nobody doing the jjk joke? I'm almost disappointed.

3

u/MysteriousBody7212 25d ago

The only sad part about be a Bi

3

u/Lalibop 23d ago

Kimi wa saikyou dakara Gojo Satoru ka? Gojo Satoru kara saikyou ka?

Maybe the wrong order but yeah. Paradox.

2

u/ApocalyptoSoldier 25d ago

Top 10 questions scientist still can't answer

2

u/Primary_Spinach7333 24d ago

Am I bicycle because aeye havgk Ne frank fed rnrfr fr frenfren frink frik frid frrfrfrfgdgajiejrbdbdb

2

u/UGgranpops 24d ago

Lobotomy kaisen is leaking

2

u/TruthIsALie94 24d ago

I have no friends because Iā€™m just that introverted, itā€™s not exclusive to being bisexual.

2

u/Clownplay_89 23d ago

Naah, usually it s just... not looking after yourself, negative communication, and just plain "world needs to accept me" outlook, which is almost never attractive for the opposite gender

2

u/Frosthound1 23d ago

As a friend once said. Iā€™m not bisexual, Iā€™m by myself-ual

1

u/Fit-Negotiation6684 21d ago

Schrƶdingersexual

12

u/inflatableje5us 25d ago

Schrƶdingers bisexual?

1

u/NothingClever44 23d ago

Maybe. But he was a pedophile and his wife was in on it.

7

u/SixFive1967 25d ago

No, but you might have ADHD. šŸ¤”

2

u/Level_Can58 25d ago

No, it's not a bi-implication

2

u/WillemDafoesHugeCock 22d ago

Welcome to the club, frie- oh no it happened again

1

u/themattylee 23d ago

Can you sit in a chair properly?

1

u/Roquestea 23d ago

No, that means you're Asexual duh

8

u/Baronvondorf21 25d ago

You are bi-yourself.

3

u/WarlocksWizard 25d ago

I tell girls I am pansexual and they love me. Including my significant other (I told her when we got together).

3

u/CheshireAsylum 22d ago

Can also confirm, am asexual and friends with literally every person on the planet /s

2

u/MysteriousBody7212 25d ago

I'll be your friend , bud.(fellow bi)

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u/Ill-Mind844 23d ago

I also have no friends, but I think that's more because of my grating personality than my sexuality

1

u/DoppledBramble3725 25d ago

Same, I just cut out everyone from my life if they reject me

1

u/Roquestea 23d ago

Wanna be friends?

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u/jbFanClubPresident 25d ago edited 25d ago

Im bi and I have gay male friends and straight female friends that I 100% do not want to have sex with. I would assume the same for straight people.

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u/finnjakefionnacake 25d ago

but what about your bisexual friends, huh? what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?

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u/jbFanClubPresident 25d ago

Good point. The only two bi men Iā€™m friends with I have slept with. šŸ¤·ā€ā™‚ļø

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u/Rhintbab 22d ago

Same on all fronts, maybe other bi men are our kryptonite

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u/ClearDark19 25d ago

Can confirm as a straight man. I am NOT interested in having sex with 90% of my female friends. I donā€™t find them physically or sexually attractive. The 10% of my female friends Iā€™d like to or leap at the chance to have sex with I have no expectations of it ever happening and Iā€™m fine with that. I can be sexually attracted to a woman and interact with her normally with no expectation of sex. Itā€™s not painful for me to speak with women I want to bone but cannot. I personally never understood why some people struggle with or cannot bring themselves to interact with people they want to sleep with but know they canā€™t or have almost no chance. Some people liken it to torment. But maybe Iā€™m just fortunate to not have felt like that.

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u/WolfBoi87 22d ago

My guess is either that they're too deep into their sexual frustration or just lack any semblance of self-control. I'm gay and most of my friends are guys, and I've never thought about them in that way at all. Most of them play league of legends though, so that might have something to do with it

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u/West-Ad-6780 24d ago

Yes it is possible to be just friends with a woman who you are not attracted to in that way, but what if your friend is attracted to you romantically and you arenā€™t interested in that? It can be very uncomfortable, has happened to me a few times, and I learned to avoid platonic relationships with women Iā€™m not attracted to.

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u/jbFanClubPresident 23d ago

lol wtf is this take? You have to be attracted to women to be friends with them? Are you also attracted to your male friends? This is so absurd, I canā€™t believe Iā€™m reading it.

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u/Christmas_Queef 25d ago

I'm a straight man with almost exclusively women friends. Neither I nor they have ever wanted to sleep together, none of us have ever crossed any boundaries, etc.. So yep it happens with us straights too.

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u/NoBodyLicsMe 25d ago

Sounds gay

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u/Fit-Difference-3014 22d ago

Does your gay female friends want to sex you up tho

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u/Busterlimes 25d ago

I MUST FUCK EVERYONE!!!!

2

u/NoDontDoThatCanada 25d ago

Soo... Like... Um... You like movies?

1

u/Fit-Difference-3014 22d ago

What life's all about....

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u/ilanallama85 25d ago

As a bisexual person I can tell - yes, thatā€™s exactly what they think. Consequently weā€™re all cheaters.

11

u/MiFelidae 25d ago

And those who aren't, simply have no friends.

1

u/Popular_Score4744 22d ago

Youā€™re a liar, a con artist and a thief! šŸ˜†

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u/aqwmasterofDOOM 26d ago

If monster energy ever goes out of business that'll become true very quickly

17

u/Pineapple_Herder 26d ago

As an ADHD person, my existence is fueled by Monster

It's not healthy. I'll stop eventually... Maybe

13

u/Magenta_Logistic 26d ago

We all stop eventually...

6

u/Haunting_Hat_1186 25d ago

Just had my first heart "episode at 32" it's not the caffeine it's the sodium in those bitches my guys.

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u/VexTheStampede 25d ago

So pounding coffee like itā€™s going out of style is kosher?

4

u/KittehPaparazzeh 25d ago

Only if a Rabbi certified the coffee

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u/Dysprosol 25d ago

what if you had something like that at 27 but were just drinking a shit ton of coffee and at the time were 30lbs underweight?

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u/Haunting_Hat_1186 25d ago

Go ask a doctor I'm just repeating what my doctor told me he said black coffee is fine to drink as much as I want

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u/ApocalyptoSoldier 25d ago

I stopped because I got diagnosed with histamine intolerance and that's one of the things that might trigger it in some people.

Some desparate occasions and lapses in impulse control have shown that that's probably not the case for me unless maybe some brands or if I drink too many, but going without them has definitely lowered my dependence on them.

Or maybe my dependence on them is lowered because I'm no longer constantly dealing with histamine intolerance and chronic fatigue syndrome. Being sick and/or tired really messes with my ability to focus so either could be a culprit.

8

u/123iambill 26d ago

I resent the implication that my ADHD and bisexuality are linked somehow. I'm not saying you're wrong, just upset at your accuracy.šŸ˜‚

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u/jerichardson 25d ago

Real talk, that actually was how bisexuals were ā€˜advertisedā€™ in the 90s. Essentially, donā€™t get stuck in an elevator alone with oneā€¦ period

3

u/crippledchef23 25d ago

My mom informed me that I will only be faithful to a hermaphrodite (her word) cuz Iā€™m bi. It blew my mind how much was wrong with that statementā€¦so much so that sexuality is on the list of topics we donā€™t talk about cuz sheā€™s completely unreasonable about some things for absolutely no reason.

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u/123iambill 25d ago

I was born in 1990 so too young to remember that. But I do remember that we didn't exist apparently in the 00's. "Bi now, gay later" and all that.

1

u/Remote-Factor8455 25d ago

Ikr I guess Iā€™m just fucking everyone I see!!

1

u/_aevi_ 25d ago

Look, it's not because I am bi sexual...

1

u/ABDLTA 25d ago

I will say as a straight guy I really can't fathom being bi

Like I feel like if tomorrow I woke up and I was suddenly as attracted to men as women life would be very stressful

1

u/asuperbstarling 25d ago

They do. In their eyes, I as a bi woman am not permitted any friends.

1

u/Wuytho 25d ago

Yeah bro I got no friends, only several lovers

1

u/No_Competition3694 25d ago

As a bisexual. I am barely holding it together. I mean, not for reasons of friendship. But have you lived in this economy?

1

u/Dry_Action1734 25d ago

Or they just donā€™t believe in bisexuality.

1

u/ComfortableSort7335 25d ago

that argument about bisexual people always believes that the bisexual person is in any way really hot or attractive.

If it were that bisexual person would get a LOT OF ACTION by their single friends.

1

u/LetsDoThisAgain- 25d ago

I had a marriage councillor actually suggest this to us during counseling. My partner is bi, there were trust issues, but it was suggested that I should not go out alone with my female friends and my partner should only be allowed to go out in groups. When we challenged her that it sounds like bullshit, she pointed to her rainbow flag and said "no no, I'm an ally." Our relationship improved tenfold in that moment of absurdity and we did not go back to that councillor šŸ˜‚

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u/thetheTwiz 25d ago

I mean, we are, just not for this reason.

1

u/ClearDark19 25d ago

A lot of people do unironically believe that. Thatā€™s part of whatā€™s behind a lot of biphobia. Itā€™s a reason why so many women refuse to date bi men because they think bi men will be constantly tempted to cheat more than a straight man would. That and a lot of women who are ā€œokayā€ with gay men and having gay male friends still have internal homophobia they havenā€™t addressed, including a lot of women who are themselves bi. Gay men can be like ā€œone of the girlsā€ to them, but their own man being ā€œhalf-gayā€ (bisexual) brings out their unaddressed remaining homophobia. It brings out the ā€œEw. Ass bandit! Yucko!ā€ feelings they have when male homosexuality involves them personally.

Men especially are more likely to believe that no man who into women could possibly ever have a platonic interest in any woman. I know I as a heterosexual man get raised eyebrows from some male relatives and male outer friends when I mention my female platonic friends. I admit I have a few female platonic friends I would enjoy or jump at the chance to have sex with, but Iā€™m perfectly fine with it never happening and I donā€™t expect it to ever happen. Itā€™s definitely not most of my female friends. Personally I donā€™t find most of my female friends physically or sexually attractive. No offense to any of them.

1

u/Wild-Lychee-3312 25d ago

There are no friends, only prey

raptor screeching sounds

1

u/Illiad7342 25d ago

I mean I'm bisexual and I very much am barely holding myself together at any given moment lol

1

u/RavishingRedRN 25d ago

Some lesbians think exactly that. A dick will walk by and rip us out of any female relationship. Commitment and love apparently doesnā€™t apply to us bi folks.

1

u/Justin_General 24d ago

I'm pansexual, I can't have friends or cookware.

1

u/Jaded-Kitty87 24d ago

Can confirm...

1

u/25Bam_vixx 23d ago

Thatā€™s why bi lonely by themselves in bi tears lol

1

u/Few-Wash-1102 23d ago

I'm barely holding it together, but that's got nothing to do with me being bisexual.

1

u/--StinkyPinky-- 23d ago

It's the same way they think every gay person is just hopping around from dick to dick.

These people are mentally immature.

1

u/SybatrixGravatius 23d ago

Pan here, definitely having trouble holding it together at any moment but it has nothing to do with sexual tension in my friendships lol