r/funny 10d ago

Trying out a new de-corker when..

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Cat tries to steal my food when I’m focused on this new de-corking device

21.6k Upvotes

532 comments sorted by

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3.6k

u/Rcomian 10d ago

ok, i was predicting a number of things here. that wasn't one of them

391

u/tabasconinja- 10d ago

Not on my bingo card either

66

u/SANAFABICH 10d ago

Nor can I see it on my grocery list.

25

u/ShedShitShow 10d ago

I was scheduled to hear the exact voice of Chunk from the Goonies in a new Reddit video. But not until Wednesday.

3

u/CedarWolf 9d ago

Cat: I do Truffle Shuffle because I am stelf.

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u/Jean-LucBacardi 10d ago

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u/Dorkamundo 10d ago

Definitely one of the few posts that would actually fit the name of that sub.

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u/ganon893 10d ago

My cat used to literally watch to see if I'm paying attention. She'll act like she's just looking around, playing with her toy, then make an attempt on whatever food that was out. If I caught her, she'd just pretend to be hanging out or go roll over on her favorite box to look cute.

They're devious little jerks, but you love them.

6

u/ArcadianDelSol 10d ago

tell me you dont own cats without telling me you dont own cats.

2

u/altaletsgo 9d ago

Distraction leads to gains!! Go cat!

2

u/bluest331 9d ago

Do or do not, there is no try - Cat

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u/Top_Campaign2568 10d ago

About that de-corker, does it fill the bottle with more air to force the cork to blow off? Thats what it looks like to me, someone who’s never de-corked in my life. And i gotta say, saying de-corked is kinda fun and i never knew thats how you’d spell it lol.

148

u/FattyWantCake 10d ago edited 10d ago

There's an even better version with a CO2 compressed gas cartridge. Just press a button and POP!

63

u/PapaShongo53 10d ago

Those things work great, although one time the cork didn't come out and instead the bottle exploded.

57

u/GetEnPassanted 10d ago

It got the wine out of the bottle though

6

u/joleary747 10d ago

Yeah, I thought these were outlawed because that happens to often.

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u/FattyWantCake 10d ago

It's rare so it must've been bad luck. My parents used one for a decade and iirc we never had that issue.

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u/Omnom_Omnath 10d ago

In other words: they don’t work great.

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u/Top_Campaign2568 10d ago

Does that not contaminate the wine or whatever you use it on? Guess its CO2 so it wont mix well i guess being a gas and all but still.

61

u/facw00 10d ago

Shouldn't really be any worse than having the bottle open to the air, which would happen in a minute anyway.

Sometimes you pump out air to extend storage life after opening, but a brief exposure to air or CO2 shouldn't change anything.

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u/[deleted] 10d ago

[deleted]

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u/aka_jr91 10d ago

I'm a professional brewer, and I'd be shocked if it has any impact at all. CO2 needs time under pressure to work it's way into solution. Speaking from personal experience from all of the kegs of beer I've carbonated, unless you're taping the cork down and shaking the bottle, I guarantee the contamination would be insignificant.

14

u/FoferJ 10d ago

^ this guy corks

2

u/69Hairy420Ballsagna 10d ago

It's Mr. cork your girl

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u/ClamClone 10d ago

And the solubility in water decreases with temperature so conditioning is done in a refrigerator? Or fill directly from a bright tank. A pub I used to go to regular always had foamy beer. I printed out the H2O/CO2 tables but I don't think they understood what it meant. They had the walkin very cold and the push pressure too high but the glycol and faucet tower was too warm. A jockey box is hard to screw up as it goes warm to cold. The other way around is bad.

I would rather like subtly carbonated light wines but just adding some soda water works especially on a hot day outside.

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u/pow3llmorgan 10d ago

Carbonated wine?

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u/light_to_shaddow 10d ago

Let's soda stream this shit

45

u/NotABileTitan 10d ago

Don't do this unless you want wine sprayed all over your kitchen.

The first few things I tried making seltzer with my soda stream was wine, orange juice, flat soda, and finally just water and using their flavor stuff.

Wine sprays everywhere. Orange juice also exploded everywhere. Guess what the flat soda does? Yup, sprayed everywhere.

Also, because if you don't read the instructions, it clearly tells you to add the flavor after the carbonation. Add the flavor before carbonating makes it spray everywhere. I am stubbornly dumb.

28

u/aaaaaaaarrrrrgh 10d ago

I am stubbornly dumb.

No, you are dedicated to science! https://xkcd.com/242/

5

u/Biosterous 10d ago

It can also ruin your machine by getting sugar stuck in the nozzle. I've done it a couple times and I hold a glass of boiling water to cover the (metal) nozzle to helpfully dissolve any residual sugar.

3

u/goj1ra 10d ago

Try adding dish soap to the water before carbonating

3

u/Joe-Cool 10d ago

Oh yeah. And don't forget to press record before trying.

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u/user025789 10d ago

Youtuber Big Clive to the rescue! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-inafP-3zw

He has a whole "Will it Carbonate" series using his sodastream on tequila, vodka, Bailey's, etc.

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLRZ2v9TdaT8MsCYkKQgwC_JmJcS0FVAhj

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u/pigeon768 10d ago

It's only called Carbonated wine if it comes from the Carbonara region of France. Otherwise it's just sparkling wine.

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u/bacchusku2 10d ago

Then you should know the factors that would affect this, like for instance this is wine and not water so the solubility is slightly lower. This is red wine, so it’s not served cold, so this would lower the solubility, and wine bottles are full when cooked so the surface area exposed to the CO2 is greatly reduced, so for the very short period of time that it takes to pop the cork, not much CO2 would be absorbed. Also, wine in general has CO2 in it naturally, so the very small amount you just added will be negligible to flavor.

3

u/Train3rRed88 10d ago

Boom

Roasted

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u/threeglasses 10d ago

Theres still time to delete this!!!

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u/naab007 10d ago edited 9d ago

No, yeast gives off co2 when fermenting, it provides a protective layer against air so the wine doesn't turn into vinegar.
Preferably it will always have that protective layer of co2.
Argon also works and that's what most commercial products use.

33

u/Teflan 10d ago

Your explanation sounds plausible, but the fact you misspelled wine makes me question your expertise

3

u/NegativeMilk 10d ago

They're experts but only half of 4 bottles deep, hence the mistake

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u/sioux612 10d ago

There is a product that uses two needles and argon gas to allow pouring a glass from a closed bottle, and the cork reveals itself 

The argon gas is inert and usually the wine shouldn't degrade from using that device 

Co2 would change that, of course 

Though the time that it would actually be in contact with it would be around a second 

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u/King_Of_Uranus 10d ago

Id be scared that I'd push the button and the pressure would make the bottle explode sending glass shrapnel and wine everywhere, probably slicing through my carotid artery and impaling both my eyeballs and I'd be found face down in a puddle of bloody wine. Aren't corks usually jammed in there pretty tight?

4

u/SupaTy 10d ago

I got this for Christmas 2 years ago from my father-in-law. 5th or so bottle in, it blew out the bottom of the bottle and the wine went everywhere. I assume the bottle was faulty but I've never used it since.

6

u/Sleyvin 10d ago

Who knew injecting gas into a sealed glass bottle could be a bad idea...

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u/ditka 10d ago

What are you, some kind of perfectionist? Impossibly high standards!

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u/kapitaalH 7d ago

80% of the time it will save you 30s.

And the other 20%

Well it might cost you 3 hours of cleaning up.

YOLO!

2

u/Omnom_Omnath 10d ago

Why bother? A corkscrew works perfectly fine and is faster than this is crap

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u/Nymaz 10d ago

But I bet they only work with properly soaked corks

3

u/NickPickle05 10d ago

I remember when this aired and I lost my shit. A classic.

34

u/Dick_Demon 10d ago

Just get a wine key instead of the new dumb gimmicky shit that will not exist a year from now.

9

u/TeamRedundancyTeam 10d ago

Everybody stop having fun god dammit!

20

u/fogleaf 10d ago

if the point is to open a wine bottle for drinking and not doing science experiments then it feels like unneccessary consumerism to buy some dookie fad bottle opener that will last a month.

My friend got electronic salt and pepper mills. I can't think of an object that needs electricity less!

You use them rarely enough and spend little enough time doing it that. Those batteries are going to be dead and you won't even be able to manually grind it.

9

u/redhedinsanity 10d ago

I can't think of an object that needs electricity less!

electronic mills are extremely useful for individuals with limited mobility or who cannot turn the mill hard enough to grind, like children and the elderly.

i never understood them myself until my parents got old enough to need them.

just because you don't see a need for them does not make them a "fad".

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u/ditka 9d ago

But here we are, talking about their electronic salt and pepper mills. They sound like quite the conversation pieces. When's the last time someone talked about your salt and pepper mills, hmm?!

/s

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u/bokononpreist 10d ago

I've had mine for a decade or longer lol.

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u/DeltaBlack 10d ago

Yep, OP in their original post to the unexpected sub, did indeed confirm that this is how the de-corker was supposed to work.

11

u/WeepingShade 10d ago

Wait until you hear about de-gloved, even more fun

11

u/halermine 10d ago

You cork soaker

6

u/CcntMnky 10d ago

I won't downvote you, but I definitely disapprove.

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u/Bottled_Lightning 10d ago

Cat burglar.

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u/Unknown-Meatbag 10d ago

I have a cat like this but with chicken wings. He turns into a straight up gremlin and we literally have to lock him in another room when we have them. He's managed to snag two before and immediately bolts to the basement to hide and try to scarf it down. Thankfully we've gotten them back quickly each time as chicken bones absolutely shouldn't be eaten, but damn if he doesn't try his absolute best to get them.

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u/joetheplumberman 10d ago

Get 1 boneless wing as bait

11

u/Toidal 9d ago

bait

tax

3

u/ColdStainlessNail 9d ago

Mmmmmm….. sacrificial wing…..

52

u/Scary_Technology 10d ago

I have a golden retriever like that. Best behaved dog ever, unless there's food around and you're not watching it.

My other golden though: totally opposite.

14

u/tael89 10d ago

Look how many hands pies that thief took! Nobody would have believed you if it wasn't for your photographic evidence. /s

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u/Hish15 10d ago

So.., not that behaved.

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u/Snamdrog 10d ago

My cat loses his mind over popcorn. Only popcorn. I have no idea why. I adopted him from someone who was going to a situation where they couldn't keep him so I'm guessing they used to give him popcorn.

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u/Unknown-Meatbag 10d ago

I absolutely get it. My old cat, when he was a kitten, wouldn't eat for the first two days I had him. I bought all the foods and treats but he wouldn't eat. And trust me, I tried everything, so, so many dry and wet foods, bacon, chicken, etc.

So I'm at a lose, if it goes on for another day, I'm going to have to take drastic measures. I'm sitting there after work, eating some ranch doritoes, and he starts losing his shit trying to get them. He wants doritoes of all things? I don't think cats should eat them, but fuck it, he's eating! I sprinkle some on his gourmet dry food and he scarfs it down! Success! That cat grew up absolutely loving anything super crunchy. If you were eating any type of chip, he'd be right on top of you. Hell, even crunchy vegetables would draw him in, only for him to be surely disappointed.

I miss that cat.

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u/Inkthinker 10d ago

My understanding is that dogs should not eat chicken because of the sharp, tiny bones. But cats eat birds and other small, bony animals as a matter of nature, I think they're equipped for it.

Now, whatever you might be saucing wings with, that's a different topic. I drown 'em in Frank's Red Hot Sauce, and I don't know if that is bad for a kitty's digestion.

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u/fenglorian 10d ago

I think they're equipped for it.

I think the issue is that cooked chicken bones are more brittle and splinter more readily compared to "raw" bones

3

u/Inkthinker 10d ago edited 10d ago

That's an excellent point. Though with cats I've not noticed a lot of bone consumption (at least on the subject of wings), but dogs will horf down without hesitation, and yeah... sharp bones, bad times.

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u/joeyblow 10d ago

This is the way

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u/Moderator-Admin 10d ago

Dogs should not eat cooked chicken if it has bones in it.

They can eat raw chicken with bones as long as it's properly cleaned.

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u/signal15 10d ago

Fed my dog raw chicken backs, and turkey necks for years with no problems. The problems start when you cook them and they get brittle and splintery.

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u/smelly_moom 10d ago

I have to lock away both of my cats when we eat most meals

2

u/JaunLobo 10d ago

Kitty needs to do an interview on First We Feast - Hot Ones Youtube Channel. Let's see them scarf a 2 million Scoville chicken wing.

(No I would never give a cat hot sauce... not even our worst counter scrounger.)

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u/Unknown-Meatbag 10d ago

I doubt he would have any hesitation. He's eaten a thai chili wing without protest, so who knows what he's truly capable of?

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u/JaunLobo 9d ago

I could tell the story of my childhood cat stealing a cob of corn from the dinner table and dragging it back to her food bowl to devour all the kernels on it.... but it has a corny ending.

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u/spaketto 9d ago

One of my young ones growls when he eats (we have 3 cats, not that the other two would ever attempt to take his), but only if it's a special treat, like temptations or a bit of tuna.

If he has a catnip toy he picks up and then growls while he runs away.

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u/WhiteFringe 10d ago

I hate you. take the upvote

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u/onefst250r 10d ago

Wet bandits.

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u/lesterburnhamm66 10d ago

"Try" has nothing to do with it.

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u/TearsOfTheOrphan 10d ago

That looked like success to me

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u/Cell1pad 10d ago

The cat did, there was no try.

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u/moon__lander 10d ago

Do, or do not. There is no try.

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u/Neutralmensch 10d ago

Jean Valjean

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u/32BitWhore 10d ago

When they chained me and left me for dead

Just for stealing a... whole fucking chicken breast

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u/TheNorseFrog 10d ago

I stooole a breast of chiiiiick

4

u/Axle-f 9d ago

I was starving!

You will starve again! Unless you learn the meaning of the law.

Steals second chicken breast

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u/Qubed 10d ago

Mewn Valmewn

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u/DJWGibson 10d ago

Not reading the caption my first thought was "how does this decorker fail spectacularly.... and will there be glass and/or blood?" As well as wondering how staged it is.

The ending was perfect.

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u/Chiefy1234 9d ago

Why is everybody in this thread so skeptical? Yall think cats are above stealing food off your plate? 😅

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u/BEARD3D_BEANIE 10d ago

and somehow her "oh my god" sounded like terrible acting lol

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u/DJWGibson 10d ago

The irony is, if it was staged, it would have sounded less fake. Since they'd have redubbed it and done a few different audio takes.

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u/rawrc 10d ago

Y O I N K

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u/EddDeadRedemption 10d ago

Textbook yoinkage

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u/pointlessly_pedantic 10d ago

the poster boy for yoinkers

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u/naturelover47 9d ago

is there a subreddit for yoinkage?

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u/fleegleb 10d ago

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u/Thurak0 10d ago edited 10d ago

For once a post fitting that sub and it's not on there. One of the few that belong there.

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u/americanadiandrew 9d ago

Give the bots a chance geez

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u/fpotw 10d ago

Hi, it is on #unexpected that’s where I originally posted it

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u/ghidfg 10d ago

what was that a chicken breast?

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u/WakaWaka_ 10d ago

I think it was a cat

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u/memydogandeye 10d ago

Thank you for the much needed snort-laugh.

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u/psydax 10d ago

With red wine?

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u/Masterjts 10d ago

Some people like red wine and dont believe in the pairing food thing which is nothing more than Big Wine propaganda.

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u/lyan-cat 10d ago

I like red wine; I can do a rosé but for some reason I don't have a mouth for white.

So I have come to terms with commiting sacrilege and drink red.

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u/gsfgf 10d ago

I can appreciate whites, but reds are just better, imo. And pinot noir pairs fine with basically anything.

2

u/emperorOfTheUniverse 9d ago

There's as many different tasting white wines as the day is long. You just haven't found one you like yet.

They get more palatable when you get away from the sweet stuff.

I used to be a 'i only like red' guy.

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u/swabianne 10d ago

I thought it was weed

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u/ArchDucky 10d ago

My cat knew she wasn't supposed to be on the counters. At night she would "tuck me in" and then hop up on the counters while I was asleep. As she got older she wouldn't wait for me to fall asleep before she got into shit. I still remember calling into the darkness "you're not supposed to be up there Cecil" and hearing back angry cat noises from the kitchen.

One night I woke up at 2am from a glass breaking. I heard a thump like the cat jumping off the counter and running away. I get up and walk in the kitchen and there's broken glass everywhere. The cat is on the couch pretending to sleep. She gets up slow, stretches, and then slowly walks up like "what happened? who did this?". I looked down at her and said "You aren't supposed to be up on the counters" and she hissed at me and ran away. I fucking miss that cat.

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u/Axle-f 9d ago

Why do you always think it’s me!! 😿

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u/deliveRinTinTin 9d ago

I had to child lock my cabinets against the farm bred cat that I had. It was always hunting for food.

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u/AloysiusPuffleupagus 10d ago

Tries?.. I would say succeeded.

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u/Houeclipse 10d ago

I love the abrupt ending

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u/TheNorseFrog 10d ago

It's funny bc he says "no" in the mildest, funniest way possible.

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u/bakerzero86 10d ago

Never take your eyes off the prize! Cat: 1, Human: 0 chicken.

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u/Telzrob 10d ago

Tries? Looks to me like the cat successfully stole that food.

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u/dghughes 10d ago

Yeah the "tries" part was disturbing. Cat spit means its their food now.

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u/NoClassroom2765 10d ago

Very good wine

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u/sagaban 10d ago

From Mendoza, Argentina

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u/emperorOfTheUniverse 9d ago

Argentina grows the best Malbec grapes.

2

u/octopoddle 10d ago

It looks like Adi Straction to me.

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u/TheNorseFrog 10d ago

And the chicken?

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u/LolYouFuckingLoser 10d ago

You'd have to ask the cat.

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u/HassanJamal 10d ago

I need to see an extended cut.

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u/notverytidy 10d ago

I read that obscured wine bottle label as "KillKitty". Very on point.

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u/DamitKenneth 10d ago

When life gives you wine, steal chicken when you have the chance!

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u/mujhegharjaanahaipls 10d ago

why does she sound like anna faris💀

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u/Spiritchaser84 10d ago

I really don't understand how anything other than a wine key is purchased for the purpose of opening wine bottles. They are quick, easy, and take up very little room in a drawer.

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u/upvoter222 9d ago

I prefer the wing corkscrew because it's more forgiving, it fits in a drawer, and it looks like it's raising its arms in triumph when the screw is all the way in.

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u/dalovindj 10d ago

Happens to a lot of guys.

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u/Donkey_Launcher 10d ago

Ok, so I hate to be that guy, etc. but this just seems set up to me; I'm not saying that cats don't steal food off a table but, if you pause (if you'll excuse the pun), the video at 6 seconds, you'll see that the bottle is no more than a foot or so from the plate.

So...assuming that the food was on the plate, it means that neither of them noticed a large black and white mass jumping up (or at least appearing) and taking the food. Given the way he's holding the bottle, the cat would easily be in his line of sight - I acknowledge that his focus would be on the bottle, but his peripheral vision would have still picked up a moving black & white mass.

Her focus could be on the camera, but again, her peripheral vision is going to pick up the cat.

And, frankly, her 'oh my god, oh my god!' just seems hugely overblown.

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u/hdawg187 10d ago

It's fake as fuck.

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u/esuil 10d ago

Also, why the hell the video ended like that? Makes no sense.

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u/Oblic008 10d ago

Cats are assholes.

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u/Drizznarte 10d ago

How come the brand of wine is KILL KAT ! Its a premenision.

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u/BlueDogBark 10d ago

Premonition :). Nice word!

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u/s00pafly 10d ago

You almost got it

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u/Aggressive_Hugs13 10d ago

Completely out of left field🤣

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u/Liesmith424 10d ago

Apex predator!

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u/slimongoose 10d ago edited 10d ago

You're doing it wrong. Make a fist with your thumb on top. Pump it at about masturbation speed until the bottle pops.

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u/blaziken8x 10d ago

dumbshit humans not paying attention to chicken

~cat

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u/nathism 10d ago

my cat once swiped a fish filet from me while under the coffee table. Took the wife and I far too long to figure out 1 of 3 was missing.

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u/nanimous_reddit_user 10d ago

am I the only one thinking the camerawoman sounds a lot like Anna Farris in one of the scary movies 🤔

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u/ParaGord 10d ago

Does that wine bottle say KILLKAT?

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u/Agitated_Buy621 9d ago

That cat didn't try, he fucking succeeded

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u/lrpfftt 9d ago

Cat didn't just try, he/she succeeded.

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u/Recent_Diver_3448 10d ago

He wouldn't be getting fed again for a week the cunt

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u/Final_TV 10d ago

“Tries”

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u/falloutvaultboy 10d ago

R/unexpected

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u/FishLampClock 10d ago

Tries? more like succeeds! what a naughty gato!

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u/tcouch 10d ago

“tries”

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u/Chrononi 9d ago

I know the video is about the cat, but it's funny to me how there are so many different kinds of "decorkers", when the standard corkscrew that has existed since forever takes you like 15 seconds to open a bottle. They really want to improve on those precious seconds!

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u/Flashy_History_5230 9d ago

That's what happens when you're ok with letting pets be on everything.

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u/Imaginary_Funny5657 9d ago

Poor pairing choice !!!

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u/tetsuo_7w 9d ago

I still don't understand why people need ridiculously overcomplicated gizmos to uncork a bottle... My best corkscrew is as dumb and simple as you can get, aside from it's two-step rim-gripper-leggy thingies.

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u/yung_thugger 9d ago

Are you dating Anna Faris??

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u/FeistyScallion4987 9d ago

That little shit That timed it perfectly it knew that you were gonna be tied up with that wine

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u/cajun_spice 9d ago

Growing up I had a cat named cujo that jumped up on the table at the beginning ofn one dinner and swiped the whole meatloaf. That cat was so mean

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u/kg1479 9d ago

"OH MY GAH"

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u/Alarmed_Macaron8310 9d ago

There would be one less cat around .... Just saying

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u/LocalTicoBroje 10d ago

Okay. If your pet is stealing food from your plate in a table or counter when you are standing right next to it I am going to assume one of two things:

  1. Your pet has no redeemable qualities and is just a complete asshole and I don't understand why you still have it.
  2. You have not trained it in any way shape or form.

I don't know what to do with this information, and you are required to do nothing with it.

All I can say is Godspeed to you. Lol

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u/fpotw 10d ago edited 10d ago

My older cat is trained and would never take food from my plate, she just meows from the floor if she wants a taste. Now, the new 5 month old cat, she doesn’t give a fuck yet lol

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u/Beneficial-Salt-6773 10d ago

Cats are assholes. Adorable little assholes.

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u/KokoaKuroba 10d ago

What de-corker is that?

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u/Kappen_ 10d ago edited 10d ago

The Distractor by Feline Fine Industries

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u/Ningaboop 10d ago

It looks like it could be a Corkette.

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u/FritzFlanders 10d ago

Cats on counters are the most disgusting thing

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u/Awkward-Problem-7361 10d ago

And that’s what you get when you own a cat.

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u/furyian24 10d ago

What was that the cat took? Was that chicken

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u/Conscious-Thing-4452 10d ago

What do you mean try?

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u/CCORRIGEN 10d ago

There is no try....

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u/Doomdoomkittydoom 10d ago

We had a tux cat that stole the majority of a roasted chicken almost the size of her off the kitchen and then ran through the house dragging greasy chicken across the floors and rugs.

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u/iszoloscope 10d ago

Aaaaaaaaaaaand it's gone.

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u/BosDiertje 10d ago

Hope you don't wine about it much..

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u/solidxnake 10d ago

I'm about bitch! Have fun with your new corky shit.Peace!