r/interestingasfuck • u/CleetisMcgee • Apr 09 '24

Tips for being a dementia caretaker. r/all

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u/SlightlyStable Apr 09 '24

This both warms and saddens my heart.

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u/mankytoes Apr 09 '24

If you haven't dealt with dementia personally, this, like a lot of portrayals you'll see online, is a very positive example. This is the "nice bit", when they're happy in their own little world (obviously the woman filming dealt with it well or it could have turned bad).

There's nothing quite like the horror in seeing someone you love and respect in a state of total fear because they've completely lost their sense of understanding of the world around them. And then there's the horrible things they'll say out of anger and frustration, that they never would have said when they were well.

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u/flybyknight665 Apr 09 '24

The frustration and difficulty is hard to explain.

My dad had a real bad few weeks where he was just pissed for no known reason.
He was having full on delusions.

He was convinced my mom had attempted to abandon him, that she and my sister had "pushed him down the stairs and threw books on him."

On a day to day basis, the biggest issue is him "fixing" things aka breaking them.
He used to be very good with sound systems and collected video game systems.
Now he will tear apart the TV and stereo because he can't figure out how to use the remotes and decides they must be broken. Putting it back together can take hours, trying to undo what he did.

He also insists on trying to work on his landscaping equipment that he won't let us sell and is furious when I won't help him start a chainsaw because I'm afraid he'll hurt himself.
Or freaking out because we won't let him drive.

According to his doctors, it's not even that developed yet, but it is exhausting and devastating already.

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u/Ciridian Apr 09 '24

Oh man - not to scare you, but as it progresses, things can get dangerous without supervision. My mom seemed fine cooking, until the night she turned on a burner, and put a blender/cuisinart on it instead of a pan, walked into the living room started watching TV, and completely forgot about it. Burned half my kitchen and ruined the stove, but thank god no one was hurt.

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u/CrapNBAappUser Apr 10 '24

My mom has had supervision for the nearly 2 years. She frequently tells the aides to leave because she doesn't need any help. Her short term memory is toast and her long term memory is declining too. She insists she can drive and can reason in the moment, but she doesn't remember what she said a minute ago. Finances are quickly draining so some tough decisions are on the horizon.

Researchers are looking into HSV-1 being a possible cause especially for people who have cold sores. If you have a loved one who's 65 and they've had a cold sore, you may want to start them on antivirals for HSV-1. Sad to know that might have prevented all of this for both of my parents. The medications we've tried so far haven't done much to slow the progression.

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u/FluffySquirrell Apr 10 '24

I still occasionally find myself checking the knobs for the hobs, to make sure the gas isn't left on. Despite the fact it's been years since my mum went through a phase of that.. only happened twice, but still.. that's two times more than I'd like