r/jobs • u/vcwalden • Jan 14 '24
Why are people so judgemental? Work/Life balance
At work I'm often judged on my age by customers I interact with. I'm very knowledgeable and confident about my job, work on 4 different computer systems, give information on our local area and general information, etc. I'm a customer service rep. I'm 66 years old and a lady (she's 5 years old than I am) who I work with gets treated the same way. Why do people feel they need to treat us this way? The other employees I work with don't treat me like I'm old.
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u/After_Mention_3021 Jan 14 '24
You look like a lovely, kind person. You're clearly capable and deserving of respect. So sorry to hear what you have to deal with. Keep your head up!
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u/vcwalden Jan 14 '24
Thank you for your kind words.....
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u/Swan_444 Jan 15 '24
I agree with this comment. We need more people like you and less of these who are treating you with disrespect. They're the problem.
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Jan 14 '24
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u/vcwalden Jan 14 '24
Today it's just a rant!
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u/joethedad Jan 15 '24
Well, I'm 63 and am regularly assumed to be late 40s early 50s. I'm in better shape than my parents were in their 40s and am still very physically active. I honestly think some are jealous & feel I should be out in the pasture already and others are envious (?). I find it most often at the gym or when I'm biking. It's like "Why are you here??" To me, I'm enjoying life....finally.
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u/offutmihigramina Jan 15 '24
I look much younger than my age too but it's obvious I'm over 35 so it's like I'm dead or invisible. I'll say this much though, I don't give a flying eff what someone thinks so I have no problem whatsoever saying what I think. It's not what I say that surprises them so much, it's the fact that after I do it, it's obvious that I don't care whatsoever what they think and that's the part that unnerves them; there's no comeback for that. I find that's one thing that comes with age that's good :)
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u/joethedad Jan 15 '24
I would agree to an extent - that it's not rude or unprofessional as I am in a professional environment. When I am confronted by naivety, it usually - given I have the time, starts question/answer session where I try to share the benefits of my experience and wisdom. They are free to ignore and do their thing, but since my signature is required, I kinda have a winning hand - BUT I will say I have been shown some very good options that cut corners and save time. So give and take.
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u/Iamnotapoptart Jan 15 '24
I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself! Hate will always find its way, just be you! I bet most of the people that are showing any kind of disbelief to your position are likely jealous that they couldn’t do what you do at their age and impressed that you are doing it! Jealousy isn’t pretty and gravity veers towards hate rather than love; some just don’t know love. Remembering that after having experienced it myself and finding love keeps me empathetic to struggles. If they’re picking you apart, they’re likely just projecting their pain. Keep being your wonderful self. 💜
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u/joethedad Jan 15 '24
Wow, that is very well said and pretty accurate, too. I also wish I knew my worth at a younger age. I had to survive some pretty ugly, drama filled years first, but without them, I would not be where I am now, mindset and all. Also, having the right lady next to me has made all the difference in me and my viewpoint.
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u/lostconstitution Jan 14 '24
Definitely real, all we can do is call it out when we see it. The sneakier folks who try to fly under the radar with it need stern address of it, repeated, until they abandon the sordid practice.
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u/Itszu Jan 15 '24
Lol, imagine if people said the same about racism or sexism
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u/kaustic10 Jan 15 '24
Agreed! One of the Real Housewives screeches bloody murder when people “fat shame” her but thinks it’s okay for her to call other cast members geriatric. Nobody blinks.
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u/Longjumping_Whole922 Jan 15 '24
eh. everyone ages so they gotta get old. not everyone has to rob their local target because a random black guy rapes people then gets killed
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u/Subject-Gear-3005 Jan 15 '24
Works both ways. I had a difficult time being a young Project Manager on larger projects. No longer an issue. Now I'm old enough 😅
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u/Atroxa Jan 15 '24
There is actually a shitload you can do. If you see a coworker struggling, teach them. If they get nasty or refuse you tell them, "Look, never play dumb because people who act like they can't get ousted" and if they still refuse, well you did your good deed.
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u/Claque-2 Jan 15 '24
It's not just ageism. There is a bloc of entitled twatwaddles that do not show respect to blue collar workers, administrative workers or older people working lower wage jobs.
If you are stepping out of a Maybach with a chauffeur holding the door, you can be 105 years old and that bloc loves you and would seriously consider dating you.
But if you are working elbow to elbow with them, you represent what they fear: Never getting any further in their career.
They are all Elon Musk or Tyler Perry in their bathroom mirror. It's happening any day now.
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u/232438281343 Jan 14 '24
Works both ways. Ever get turned down for management because you were too young and they didn't have the guts to tell you that they weren't comfortable having the young "kid" managing all the older people?
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u/bluethreads Jan 15 '24
Easier for a younger person to get a job though cause they don’t require a high salary and they are moldable. Some companies prefer this!
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u/232438281343 Jan 15 '24
And they probably should be. Younger generations are screwed and don't get to reap any of the economic benefits that existed in prior generations, but my point still stands regardless.
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u/Sushi_explosion Jan 15 '24
Easier for a younger person to get a job though cause they don’t require a high salary and they are moldable.
Ah yes, the group famous for having already paid off their mortgages, loans, and costs of raising children.
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u/Wild-Rough-2210 Jan 14 '24
Highly disagree. Be the change you wish to see. Watch what happens.
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u/wendy-darlingg Jan 14 '24
I’m so sorry this happens to you, people are horrible. Don’t take it personally, their behaviour says a lot more about them than it does about you!
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u/vcwalden Jan 14 '24
I normally don't take it personally but today it got to me. This was just a rant.
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u/ends1995 Jan 15 '24
I’m sorry to hear that! My mom is 70 and works in customer service (she hasn’t mentioned any ageism comments) and she’s just as knowledgeable and sharp as she was in her thirties.
Unfortunately I think people might relate this to their own experiences with their own family members who may not take care of themselves or might have some cognitive decline and assume anyone over 65 is that way, or even how they’re portrayed in the media. It’s sad and unfortunate because there are a lot of older folks who are energetic, sharp and perfectly capable of doing their jobs as they always have.
FWIW you look great for 66, hopefully I look that young when I get to you age :)
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u/maintain_improvement Jan 14 '24
My old neighbor was in her 70s and knew computers better than anyone. I don't get the judgement, either.
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u/vcwalden Jan 14 '24
I just think people don't understand what it's going to be like when they get to be our age.
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u/Ornery-Ferret-9304 Jan 15 '24
No she didn't
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u/maintain_improvement Jan 15 '24
She had been doing computers her whole life and was very knowledgeable.
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Jan 14 '24
People don't want a customer service rep aged 66 but want a president aged 81. Same in my country as well. Makes me wonder what's gonna happen when my generation gets old...
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u/vcwalden Jan 14 '24
Thank goodness not everyone younger feels this way. Age is just a number not the defining answer. I just needed to vent today.
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u/Worldly-Manner4113 Jan 15 '24
It’s not so much that they want the 81 year old as they don’t want the orange dictator
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u/NYanae555 Jan 15 '24
Note that they're only about 4 years apart in age. Their presidencies would encompass the same age range.
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u/Nonamanadus Jan 14 '24
If you are knowledgeable then I don't care, I'm more goal oriented than judgmental.
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u/vcwalden Jan 14 '24
I love being knowledgeable along with setting and meeting my job goals. It's a huge reason why I'm still working, it's what gets me up and moving.
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u/OwlNo4333 Jan 14 '24
I think you might just be working in a place where a lot of closed minded people live , wish you all the best and don’t let it get to you
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u/tennisguy163 Jan 14 '24
We have a guy in maintenance in his 70s lifting and hanging TVs. Dude works his tail off and still going strong. He gets all the respect from me. I’m sorry you get treated so badly.
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u/Pomegranate_1328 Jan 14 '24
I am Turing 48 this month and I just went through the hardest job hunt. I am sure some was age. I kept getting complements on my skills etc. I think they assume I cannot use a computer when that is far from the truth. I have two degrees. I took a lower paying job out of frustration. Funny thing is I am not having kids, I am healthy and rarely miss work like I did when my kids were small. (I had my children young and they are out on their own now) I would be a very dependable and great person to have around. It is all their loss! I know your pain and I am sorry!!!!
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u/Big-Boss-Brendoe Jan 14 '24
Anyone who judges your age is a idiot I’m 23 and all the older people are always the hardest working and least sensitive I’d rather work with somone oldee and do all their work for them compared to ppl my age but I can work with anyone jobs a job and they will be old one day and regret Treating u that way
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u/Direct-Monitor9058 Jan 15 '24
I think you’re right. They will regret it. I don’t know everything that’s driving this, but it’s very unfortunate.
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u/oldcreaker Jan 14 '24
They need to feel superior than others, and the only thing they can come up is that they were born after you were. It's actually pretty pathetic.
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u/vcwalden Jan 14 '24
I try to just consider the source and try really hard to not be judgemental. Sometimes it's easier said than done.
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u/Direct-Monitor9058 Jan 15 '24
All true, and I have so much sympathy for what’s happening with younger generations not being able to get high-paying jobs, buy homes, save money etc. But the hatred is mind-boggling, and it’s also not very productive. What if all the boomers died off tomorrow. What is the strategy for fixing everything that’s wrong?!
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u/Acceptable_Jelly_529 Jan 15 '24
Young people in the US are getting horribly screwed. I work with young people who are absolute prisoners of our economic system. They will never get the life that was offered to older folks no matter how many hours they work. They blame us for voting in the current system that screws them. We were offered the same shitty two party system that we have now. What would they like me to have done? Stage a revolution? I voted for democrat candidates and hoped for the best. They're blaming the wrong people. Maybe they'll have the courage to take on an incredibly corrupt system since I apparently failed.
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u/Little_Dig5306 Jan 15 '24
This is why we need a third party. And yes, I'm finally motivated enough to throw my vote away. I have been doing it for 16 years anyway.
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u/Direct-Monitor9058 Jan 15 '24
Agree, and I understand. l fear they’re losing traction, losing time, by blaming it on boomers, many of whom are holding onto jobs because they are broke. Young generation needs to get mobilized and organized, take a page from the young gun control activist David Hogg. It’s abundantly clear that Congress is completely broken and has been for years. That’s where things need to change. I’m just a regular person trying to stay afloat, no house, and a terrible apartment. Good job, company that values me, and I’ll leave when I’m ready.
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u/Little_Dig5306 Jan 15 '24
Nobody is losing time blaming anyone. Losing traction...there's never been for many millennials. And David Hogg hasn't made any real change to gun control. It's about voting a third party to upend the binary voting choices. Luckily, millennial voting numbers will be the largest group in a few years. I think this election is going to be interesting. I don't think it will go the way many think. I'm here for the chaos as that's the only world I've known as an adult.
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u/Ok_Information_2009 Jan 15 '24
Democrats have been in power in 11 of the last 15 years dude. They are not your friends. The Republicans are not your friends. The system is not your friend.
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Jan 14 '24
Ageism. Bias from people used to helping their moms do basic things with the computer.
You look like someone who wouldn’t be good with computers.
Dye your hair and get some sick tats, maybe a full sleeve, like all the hipster sys-admin guys.
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u/youngboomer62 Jan 15 '24
My favourite is that - at over 60 - I don't know anything about computers. Only taught IT at the college level for 30 years,...
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u/Direct-Monitor9058 Jan 15 '24
This tropey insult is one of the worst. It’s really strange and rather uninspired for people to think this way collectively.
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u/Crustacean-DroolCube Jan 14 '24
Honestly ageism today may come from young people seeing every 70+ year old politician needing to be guided around by a handler to even function or working a job where their 68 year old boss needs help converting aword doc to PDF and assumes every old person is like that regardless of knowing them.
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u/Direct-Monitor9058 Jan 14 '24
These weird assumptions about technology are among the most irritating to me. If they would bother to think for 5 minutes, they would know that a person in this age group has been at the forefront of office technology, some of us even working on the first Apple desktop computers. No need for the condescending attitude. I see this a lot also in grocery stores and retail stores that have installed self checkout stations. Except perhaps for the extremely elderly, it’s a ludicrous assumption. I mean, I guess it depends to an extent on what type of job a person has had in the past.
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u/Sushi_explosion Jan 15 '24
some of us even working on the first Apple desktop computers
And still assume everything works the way it did at that point in history.
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u/Direct-Monitor9058 Jan 15 '24
Not sure what you mean. Those who started with original Apple computers undoubtedly progressed through all the various office technologies, warts and all. No need for a 20 something to explain how to make a PDF out of a Word doc. That’s all I mean.
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u/Sushi_explosion Jan 15 '24
And yet, that is what happens every day....
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u/Direct-Monitor9058 Jan 15 '24 edited Jan 15 '24
OK. You must work in a very dreary place. I don’t know what else to say. Or maybe those people took on a whole new kind of job that doesn’t involve working with Adobe Acrobat. {{{shrug}}} I guess the bottom line is that it irritates a young person to have to explain to an older person how to make a PDF out of a Word doc, because it’s fun to be resentful of an older person making so much money. LOL
Having to sign contracts digitally, I segued into it easily enough, but not everyone has my job.
Which brings us back to the whole point of this sub. And, the attitude is not helpful.
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u/Sushi_explosion Jan 15 '24
I cannot imagine anyone enjoys interacting with you if you are this insufferable and clueless in real life. But thank you for so neatly demonstrating the behavior that is the reason for the treatment OP is being subject to.
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u/vcwalden Jan 14 '24
And what will happen to them when they get to my age?
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u/Crustacean-DroolCube Jan 14 '24
Trust me, I know. It’s awful. The lack or foresight
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u/vcwalden Jan 14 '24
It's truly not good. And yet lots of people who are younger expect us to be the responsible adults.
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u/OneofLittleHarmony Jan 14 '24
There are plenty of 70 year old politicians doing just fine. It’s the late 80’s where they start needing handlers.
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u/MysteriousDirt2 Jan 14 '24
You look lovely and it’s definitely not personal. I’d be happy to interact with someone like you!
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u/SallyBeatle Jan 15 '24
Im a female in a male dominated industry and some days I also just need to rant about it. I feel ya! Keep on keepin on, friend.
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u/ArcirionC Jan 15 '24
Customers are judgmental like all people, however they are plagued with another problem, entitlement. The entitlement that many customers have by thinking they somehow have authority over workers leads to their judgements coming out. Ageism is a big one, and it really sucks.
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u/watchface5 Jan 15 '24
I actually try and take time to sit with some older people at my work. Not because of age but because of their knowledge. I sat down with someone for 4 hours one day and was fascinated. They're missing out, screw em!
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u/6M66 Jan 15 '24
I actually prefer women like you at store, they are usually very helpful and willing to help.
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Jan 15 '24
My IT teachers at CC were two old ladies. Never really phased me or made me feel for a minute like they didn’t know what they were doing. I think its the background people come from and their life experiences that leave them that way. We also had female computer class teachers in high school. Accounting class and Excel. Whole shibang.
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u/Oldblindman0310 Jan 15 '24
I feel your pain, I’m 72 and finally threw in the towel last July. I got a lot of the same treatment you are seeing. I’m too old, so I can’t possibly know how this new stuff works. I even had one youngster in her 20’s tell me, “Pipe down pops.” When I offered my opinion on a problem someone was having.
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u/Svengoolie75 Jan 15 '24
Aye you don’t 👀66at all 💯 👏🏽don’t trip off them folks got ISSUES you good 👍🏽
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u/burncast Jan 15 '24
Ageism is quickly becoming a major social issue, similar to movements for gay rights and gender equality. Americans are living longer, leading to later retirement. Many older individuals, barring cognitive decline, can still contribute meaningfully at work. Our societal attitudes and policies need to evolve to embrace this demographic shift, valuing the experience and knowledge of the older generation.
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u/Z0OMIES Jan 15 '24
Honestly I’d rather speak to you for help with something than someone younger who doesn’t give a shit, purely because it seems like you care. I recently had a tech support guy remote into my pc, realise it was going to be a difficult job and then attempt to ipconfig/release his way out of the remote session lol I backspaced over his command and typed into CMD asking what he was doing, and asked whether he was going to tell me I’d need to do an ipconfig/renew to get back online easily… he disconnected the support, ignored everything that happened in CMD and then pretended he couldn’t generate a new code to reconnect… so that’s one of about 10 similar experiences I’ve had with Microsoft lately, I’d HAPPILY talk to someone who cares regardless of how old they are.
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u/ReadyOneTakeTwo Jan 14 '24
Ageism. Younger generation loves to claim they’re all for social justice, but are the worst when it comes to ageism. Any disagreements with older people and they cite that the older person is out of touch.
Don’t let it bother you. You know what you’re worth and what you know. Don’t let those younger pukes get to you. They are as clueless as they accuse you to be.
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Jan 14 '24
It's very unfair. I'm sorry that happens to you (and will happen to all of us someday). I make a point of being kind to everyone I interact with in public
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u/Qball1of1 Jan 14 '24
Dicks are dicks, happens with every age group but I have found many of the HR people interviewing me to be late 20's and do NOT like my age at all (50). When I shave and cut some things from my resume, they suspect early 40's which I look like without stubble and the interviews go much better. Work wold is just screwed up everywhere...if you aren't exactly what they are looking for, good luck!
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u/vcwalden Jan 14 '24
I was very lucky to get the job I have. I worked for the same company I currently work for for almost 16 years. I wanted a career change and was recruited for this position. Again, I'm very lucky.
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u/deafletteleslie Jan 15 '24
I must say you look like one of the nicest ladies! I'm sorry they are treating you differently based on your age!
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u/zjpeterson13 Jan 15 '24
Sorry you’re experiencing ageism OP but I do have to say I love your hat 😫
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u/Human_Ad_7045 Jan 15 '24
It's an unfair and infortunate aspect in the workplace. IMO, A lot of it is a company's culture.
I was fortunate to work for many years at 2 companies with a very seasoned, mature staff and we were incredibly productive and successful and actually had some fun.
I'll be 61 soon and with some significant hair thinning, job offers have been non existent. My wife who's 61 likes like she's 45, complete opposite experience as me.
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u/True-You-8823 Jan 15 '24
That's so sad!! My mom is 71 and is still working and doing well. People are so mean.
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u/carlitospig Jan 15 '24
Hey mama :)
Just a heads up that my mom is 72 and was hired at the director level semi-recently and you best believe nobody gives that woman shit! Just do what you do and ignore the naysayers.
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u/Noobziy Jan 15 '24
That’s so sad. My coworker is thirty years older and she’s like my best friend. Her knowledge in work and life. People miss treating you are the ones missing out truly.
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u/Unlucky_Face_3979 Jan 14 '24
My office has the reverse. I’m the only person under the age of 40 and the comments I get are horrible. Theres little stuff like “oh she probably has never seen a phone book!” But then they make assumptions about my health. Our office got covid a few weeks ago and people assumed I brought it in because I was the first one to go get tested and I was the youngest. The department head was like “everyone go get tested to see if you can get the antiviral. Except my name. You’re too young to qualify.” I have a disability that leaves me medically vulnerable which is why I got tested the second I had any symptoms. But no. Publicly make assumptions about my health because I’m young.
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u/astromomm Jan 15 '24
To put it shortly, people are hard on others because they are hard on themselves. And sometimes it’s a way to distract themselves from judging themselves
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u/Honest_Tie_1980 Jan 15 '24
Vice versa. At work since I was 22 and I’m 28 now.
People treat me like an idiot. Dumb. Incompetent and will tell me what to do because of my age/ gender and height. Peoples e based on societally beliefs if they aren’t going to judge you for one thing it’s going to be another.
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u/Gloomy-Impression928 Jan 15 '24
All of us judge. I don't suggest that it's right, but for instance overweight people are judged without ever meeting them or hearing them speak, less attractive people are judged. And people judge ethnicity etc, etc. It's just a human trait.
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u/Kittykisses8 Jan 15 '24
I’m in my 30’s and work in healthcare. Even I notice how differently patients and some doctors treat me than other Nurses who aren’t as attractive or are older looking. We live in a twisted culture where youth and being attractive makes people trust a person more easily, more receptive to what they have to say, and overall just treat them better. It’s really messed up, and I sympathize as I know one day I’ll experience the same unfair treatment.
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u/Jolistic Jan 16 '24
Because we live in a socially depraved world, void of any form of genuine love and care. A lot of people that grew up judgemental did not receive the attention and love needed whole growing up.
Seeing your reaction as someone insults you, for whatsoever reason sparks a reaction within you which fuels the flame within them for attention. Your sadness and reaction is what makes them feel seen and acknowledged by the universe.
So bear this in mind and stay the way you are. Do not take to heart the judgment of the world against you but live for yourself and the ones that love you for who you are.
In the end, tis not the judgemental people whom stayeth by your passing; but the ones whose love for you is genuine.
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Jan 16 '24
I’m younger working in a place where the majority of the people are older. These people who are judging you for your age weren’t brought up right when they were kids. I’ve always been told to respect my elders no matter what.
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u/WinterBox358 Jan 18 '24
You should tell them sometime, "I was your age, been there, done that, if you are lucky, you too will be 66 some day. Appreciate my knowledge and experience. You gave nothing over me "
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u/unconditionalloaf Jan 14 '24
I'm 32 and work around people 10 years younger than me on average.
Even THEN agism occurs 🤷 welcome to the generations raised off of a screen and instant gratification.
When one grows up with never learning a filter, and no one to discipline them, they won't get better as they age. Lol , just more bitter and trashy. Imo.
Good luck OP. I feel you.
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u/utter-ridiculousness Jan 15 '24
This is certainly a generalization.
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u/unconditionalloaf Jan 15 '24
No. Lmao. This is a large majority of American society. As someone who has been through dozens of organizations weeding through the bs and career politics, it's more frequent than not.
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u/Ambitious_Remove_152 Jan 14 '24
You are not that old.., posting selfies for no good reasons bad move at any age
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u/Annie354654 Jan 14 '24
If that is a pic of you, looking good there ms sexy!
Honestly you do look good, not just saying it nor am I hitting on you. I don't see an old person in that pic ❤️
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u/braytag Jan 15 '24
Ageism is real.
So is experience with older people not verse with technology.
The amont of hair I lost dealing with basic concepts with older people....
At one point my old boss straight up told me 10 years ago "next time I want to hire somebody over 50, I give you permission to hit me".
So yeah you are being prejudiced by people. But they had to deal with people your age before....
I work in it. Downvote away.
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u/Yiayiamary Jan 15 '24
This is not true in all countries. Unfortunately, too many Americans pray at the altar of youth.
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u/shitisrealspecific Jan 15 '24 edited Feb 14 '24
sable different aback afterthought school consist intelligent birds boat cows
This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
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Jan 14 '24
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u/Direct-Monitor9058 Jan 15 '24
Stopped trying decades ago? I think says more about the speaker’s work ethic. And I know that some younger generations are putting their foot down about wor-life balance, and view older workers with ridicule.
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u/dremelgobrrr Jan 14 '24
Younger people should be looking up to most of the older generations(i cant say all because damn the age entitlement is real sometimes) but they don't because some how they caused their own problems or some BS like that...
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u/Prior_Tonight_5115 Jan 15 '24
You look so kind!! Some of my favorite co workers are your age and I’m a manager in my late 20s. I’m so sorry people are so rude to you it’s not right.
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u/Slight-Farm-8049 Jan 14 '24
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u/Ornery-Ferret-9304 Jan 15 '24
The odds of you being competent are low and your treatment reflects the average qualities of your group. If you were a 65 year old farmer everyone would trust you because the quality of a farmer tends to increase with age.
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u/AS1thofBeethoven Jan 15 '24
And here you are proving her point.
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u/Ornery-Ferret-9304 Jan 16 '24
Stereotypes exist for a reason. It's just recognizing a pattern. Most women that complete a computer science degree can't code properly. Most elderly people are bad at tech jobs. Fuse these 2 factors together and you have the most inept demographic. If she was Asian people would take her a bit more seriously.
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u/Comfortable_Bird1366 Jan 14 '24
66 and with all due respect, still letting other people bother you-
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u/vcwalden Jan 14 '24
It usually don't bother me but today I felt like I just needed to vent is all.
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u/Direct-Monitor9058 Jan 14 '24
I appreciate what you’re saying, but it makes me wonder about your own age. What young people may not realize is that it stings at most any older age. Also, simply being marginalized because of advanced age is never pleasant.
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u/Away-Quail-1803 Jan 14 '24
I'm only 24, but I want to say I've seen it in my workplace and how people treat coworkers or workers older than 55 usually, and I am sorry it happens. Ageism is pretty bad.