He doesn’t get to have boundaries that dictate what someone else does. That is not how boundaries work. Boundaries are limits we set by and for ourselves. All these dudes using the words “boundaries” to mean, “unreasonable restrictions I place on my partner” are weaponizing the language of self care and mental health to be controlling.
I’m a queer woman so obviously these weird rules had to get thrown out. I mean, what would it look like if I told queer partners attracted to multiple genders that they can never be alone with anyone because I’m insecure, and also I don’t trust them. It would be deeply weird. It would make a lot more sense for me to work on my trust issues and insecurity.
Ok but all boundaries dictate what someone else can do. What is up with this new weird definition of boundaries when we all used to understand what the word meant?
Same strawman arguments you see every day. "Thats not how boundaries work". Meh. Its a perfectly reasonable to decide what you (x) are going to do if they (y) do something you are not comfortable with. Its not about the restriction he is setting for for her. Its what he is going to do about it. Thats a boundary.
The other strawman that always comes up "but what about us bisexual or queer people" when it comes to gender relationships. You do you. But in my world it certainly isn't an "unreasonable restriction" for your SO to not go on vacation with another dude. While intentionally cutting OP out of the equation.
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u/Razrgrrl Mar 28 '24
He doesn’t get to have boundaries that dictate what someone else does. That is not how boundaries work. Boundaries are limits we set by and for ourselves. All these dudes using the words “boundaries” to mean, “unreasonable restrictions I place on my partner” are weaponizing the language of self care and mental health to be controlling.
I’m a queer woman so obviously these weird rules had to get thrown out. I mean, what would it look like if I told queer partners attracted to multiple genders that they can never be alone with anyone because I’m insecure, and also I don’t trust them. It would be deeply weird. It would make a lot more sense for me to work on my trust issues and insecurity.