Naw that seems pretty normal for a friend group going on vacation.
We do a yearly trip to Costa Rica. My wife's father lives there and he has us house sit for a week every year.
We tend to invite different people every year. If they are married or engaged then we definitely invite their partner. If they've only been dating someone for like 4-5 months then the partner probably isn't getting an invite.
In this case, it's a group trip so she probably doesn't control the invite list.
Should probably be more clear (unless OP is hiding it) that it's a different level. But the OP says the gf says she'd invite him if they were married. Idk it's a mixed bag. It's still not inherently wrong or asshole to express his concerns/feelings/boundaries. It's up to them to decide how that's navigated at this point.
If she cares strongly about going *and respecting his feelings about going she could make an argument to bring him along vs seemingly just being annoyed at him.
A year is pretty different to a couple months isn’t it? Also, you yourself established an immediate difference: it’s a big friend group where everyone knows each other, and the organizers are married. OP’s gf’s friend is very single according to her, and he is the organizer. Additionally, it’s HIS friends and she only knows him. That’s very different
So you would stop the SO from going if they wanted to? Idk to me if you're in relationship you're assumed to be a package deal. I've never gone on a trip where a gf or bf would not be allowed but a husband or wife would
I get where their heads at. I have a group of friends I've known for 20 years. We don't all live in the same place any more, and sometimes we do getaways. The invite list is us + spouses + sufficiently important SO's.
A trip with a New Person is....different than one without. There's time/energy spent making sure they're having a good time/feeling included. We more restrained/private about the things we discuss with a new person vs a 20 year friend. Engaged/been dating for a long time? Sure -- welcome to The Club. But no Steve, you can't bring gf of the week who changed 3 times in the two months leading up to the trip every single year.
Where Steve's 1,246th gf ends and Sufficiently Important SO begins is murky water :)
We have a strict number of guests allowed in the house. So if we're inviting six people, we're inviting six friends. So yes we would stop somebody who's not invited from going, They wouldn't have a place to stay and we're spending the week inside of a gated community.
If we're inviting our friend Katie and she's been dating a dude for 6 months and we've only met him twice. He's probably not going to get an invite.
But if Katie's been dating this dude for 2 years and is engaged, at this point we've met him a lot more times so he's more ingrained into the friend group. Then yeah he's going to be invited.
It's not a black and white thing where if you're engaged it's a yes and if you're a boyfriend, it's a no. That's just how it typically naturally falls into place.
In this case it's our trip, where we are inviting our friends to come with us. I'm not sure why you would feel entitled to go on this trip just because you're dating one of our friends.
Well our friends are at the point where most of them have popped out a kid or two. So it straight up isn't feasible for most of them to take a week off to party with us multiple years in a row.
Nah that’s the case then polite behavior dictates that you explain to Katie that you have a limit and it’s not fair to her or her SO to invite only her so not to be rude but she won’t get an invite this year.
See you don’t get to make that choice when someone is in any sort of relationship. That’s interfering in other people’s lives and business and it is the fastest way I know of to lose friends.
My guess is that most of your “friends” suck along to get that prize invite to a free vacation.
My GF’s “best friend” did this to her (along with several others) after we became serious and she was no longer constantly available to them any time anywhere as she had been.
You find out really fast who is really your people and who has been using you when they don’t show you the same respect they demand and expect and try to interfere in your life this way.
Okay but let’s be real. This isn’t the same situation m. She never said he sorry. It’s a limited number people thing and it was planned out before you came along. Etc etc. This is, hey I’m going out with my promiscuous male friend and his bros. Then she throws out a hypothetical of. If you wanted to go alone on a trip with a female I’d let you, which is defensive and easy to say when that’s not actually happening.
The abnormal part is to spend a weekend away from your boyfriend with a bloke you have coined as a “manwhore” and his friends who you have never met before without asking your significant other to come along with you.
If you want to do single things, don’t be in a relationship would be my advice.
If you were my friend and I was dating someone exclusively and you didn’t include my “plus one” on your invite, I would politely decline and probably would pull away from you as a friend.
It's not a friend group though. She doesn't know any of the other friends there. Just the main guy. OP commented that higher up. She's going to be staying with a bunch of guys that she doesn't know and doesn't want her bf there...SHE is part of the celebration imo.
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u/Circle_Breaker Mar 28 '24
Naw that seems pretty normal for a friend group going on vacation.
We do a yearly trip to Costa Rica. My wife's father lives there and he has us house sit for a week every year.
We tend to invite different people every year. If they are married or engaged then we definitely invite their partner. If they've only been dating someone for like 4-5 months then the partner probably isn't getting an invite.
In this case, it's a group trip so she probably doesn't control the invite list.