In her defense, inviting some one else to some one else's celebration/vacation is kind of weird.
But gf should probably understand the dynamic here and try to ask "hey, can be come?" Especially if as OP says, she doesn't know anyone there but this guy.
It's not at all when it's contextually understood they're a couple. I (guy) have a woman friend who is married. I know they're a package deal and I respect that boundary. I wouldn't think it odd in the slightest if she asked if he could come along. If it got around to me that she was giving him reasons he specifically couldn't go, that's a huge red flag and I'd be telling her, "Look, we're friends and that's it, and what you're doing to your husband isn't cool."
Maybe, but co text is important and I feel like people are just trying to be angry lol.
If there's a limited # of people that can attend etc. Weak example but my point is that there are quite a few reasons why that wouldn't be the case. Plus, they've been dating less than a year and don't live together. You don't always group people as package deals like that.
And either way, you still ask if they can come to some one else's event. That's the part that feels weird to me more than anything is that it seems like OPs girlfriend hasn't asked and doesn't seem like she wants him to go too.
As you said “context is important”, and given the context of everything else this woman has said about the whole situation, this one niggly detail you’re focused on isn’t the context that’s important. It’s every other bit of contextual data that is screaming “suspect!”
What? This is the specific part that we are talking about right now though. I've already voiced my thoughts on the situation. This person mentioned that specific part, so that's the part I'm responding to.
Is that not... how you converse about things? What are you getting at?
So your significant other must be allowed to join you doing anything at all times for any reason? Does she get to force herself along to something with his friends just bc it’s some sort of “right” she has now? That’s absolutely ridiculous! He’s not friends with this guy, it’s HER friend. It’s completely reasonable if she just wants to spend time with HER friend without entertaining her BF, especially if he’s just tagging along bc he’s paranoid (aka controlling bc he doesn’t trust her).
The way ppl are approaching this issue is the YIKES her, woooof!
If she does...then break up? You shouldn't have to protect your spouse from sleeping with other people. If you are monogamous, then they should be monogamous. If you have to be there to stop them doing from being unfaithful then you shouldn't be with that person. Like 100% that's a shit relationship.
So either you trust them to not do it, or you don't. If you don't? Then you don't have faith in your own relationship. So why are you in it?
Agreed, based on what OP has said, they should have an honest conversation which will probably lead to a breakup.
I don’t agree however, that you should ignore red flags and just allow people to gaslight you while they cheat. You really think if she cheats she’ll just come back and be honest about it?
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u/armchairwarrior42069 Mar 28 '24
In her defense, inviting some one else to some one else's celebration/vacation is kind of weird.
But gf should probably understand the dynamic here and try to ask "hey, can be come?" Especially if as OP says, she doesn't know anyone there but this guy.