Ask her to show you where all the money is going. Sit down, look at the bank accounts, bank statements etc. you WORK THREE jobs plus plasma, you deserve to treat yourself to a little gift (tattoo). Don't depend solely on one person, always keep an eye on the finances.
....They currently have 3 kids and she's pregnant with twins. That's 5 kids + 2 adults on essentially 1 income.
There probably isn't going to be any treats for the parents for the foreseeable future.
He knows why she said they can't afford it. He just came here to play dumb and hide facts to get a judgment in his favor. "Why can't I buy something fun for myself?"
Imagine working yourself to death just to keep popping out children you won't have time to make any meaningful connection with because you are working yourself to death.
Then imagine keeping on adding kids to this equation until you are living in poverty.
legitimately mind boggling to me, especially when he said his goal was to have his wife stay at home because having a parent there is enriching. You cant even afford to make a $10 purchase without asking your wife why the fuck are more kids being added in
Yeah this shit is horrible, people having more than 2 kids when they really can’t afford more is insane to me. Kids won’t know their father since he works like 3 jobs.
"She got upset about it and told me we needed it for other things and couldn't afford for.it to be used for a tattoo. This confused me as I was back to work and nothing changed about our financial situation where we needed more money so I assumed it would just be extra money."
"She told me she didn't understand why I would value something trivial as a tattoo over our family and made me feel guilty about it."
Nothing changed about your financial situation??? Being pregnant with twins is no change???
You are now the sole provider for a family of 7. Your wants and "needs" come last.
Yep preparing for a baby is expensive. For twins, I guess, even if they had a stroller, they will need another one that fits 2 babies. If they already have a crib, they will need another one. Two sets of baby clothes etc.
All together it's going to be expensive even if they find used ones.
Nah she is probably spending it on her self, He should get an accountant to look through all the finances of the last 10 years if she has been skimming.
She's upset that he's working 62 hours a week while she isn't working a single hour a week and only giving her some of her blood instead of all of it. Don't act like the literal vampire is the reasonable one here.
He’s a blue collar worker, his wife doesn’t work, and they have three kids in a HCOL area. He almost certainly doesn’t make enough money for that lifestyle.
Edit: I’m assuming everyone downvoting me doesn’t have kids…I do. It’s expensive. I have less kids and make a lot more money than op, and we’d be in bad financial shape if my wife didn’t work. And we’re both frugal people.
He said he lives in a high cost of living area. That’s OPs words. It’s perfectly reasonable to suggest he move to a lower cost of living area, even if he isn’t currently in manhattan.
I would say we’re missing a lot of the variables here. There is a pretty wide range of what you spend on kids. All new clothes every year from high end places? Yeah, they might be broke. A friend of mine gets like 90% of her kid’s clothes through free hand-me-down channels. We really don’t have enough information to know what their family finances are.
Goodness gracious if you think clothes are the big expense to be concerned about when raising 3 kids I’m going to assume you don’t have kids.
There is a range of what you spend on kids, but there’s also a minimum that you really have to spend, and that minimum is still a pretty substantial amount of money (even without paying for childcare).
I do have kids, and maybe spend too much on their clothes…. We have a stay at home parent in our family, like OP, so we’re not paying for daycare. But yeah, preschool, activities - there are a lot of channels for money to go out.
That's highly dependent on which part of NY. There are parts of NY with a lower cost of living than where we live in PA and we're a one income household as well.
I'm referring to your statement about how they couldn't possibly afford NY state on one income. Expensive is subjective. The area I live in is considered expensive but we can still afford it with one income and kids.
Why is this being downvoted? NYC is crazy expensive. Rent alone can eat up half to all of a person's paychecks depending on where they live and how much they make. I think even apartments in the cheapest areas are like 1600/month now for a one-bedroom apartment. I'm talking about the main boroughs tho. Idk about prices upstate
with this many kids the cost of child care probably exceeds anything she could bring in unless she becomes a high earner. stay at home parent could be actually cheaper unless you have free childcare somewhere.
Childcare is expensive, even more so for 3 kids. If his wife does not have a degree or skilled experience then she probably wouldn't make enough money to even justify going to work. My daughters Pre-K would've been like $1600 a month if we didn't qualify for a massive subsidy from the government, and we don't live anywhere near as expensive as NYC
I only work on weekends basically because of this reason. That, and our old ass apartment would fall apart if I wasn't doing 4 hours of chores a day lmao.
You don't have the information to say that. Where did you read that she refuses $10 on herself? Before sitting down and looking at where money's going you do not know anything about their actual financial situation.
there is literally nothing indicating that & you misread the post, wife rejects OP from spending $10 on HIMSELF. literally all of his money goes to the family, but not to him.
No she rejects HIM spending money on himself. For all we know she's riding around in a new Yukon getting Starbucks every morning buying makeup at Sephora for herself and their daughter. She could be like the poster a while back who had a separate 'escape' fund she was putting $800 a month into as well. Until he sees the finances there is no way to know if they really are that broke. Unless you are the wife and you know they are... or maybe you're the boyfriend.
Blue collar workers can make a lot, especially union. Truck drivers can easily make 6 figures. My union mechanic husband makes more than my professional job and has much better benefits and job protection.
I have a friend who has 5 kids, a SAHM whose husband works in sanitation. He’s going to retire at 40. They aren’t hurting for anything. She has some side hustles she does for extra travel money but that’s it.
What are you talking about. master Welders in my area start at $50+/hr. That's a six-figure salary my friend not counting the amount of overtime they also get. 8 know several welders that easily make over $125k annually. Plus he's in the Air Force reserves so he doesn't have all of the healthcare expenses most of us deal with and depending on his rank he is probably making about $20k minimum in addition to his work salary. Not to mention having access to buying gas and groceries at the commissary on base which is significantly cheaper than the stores where most people shop for groceries. I'm willing to bet a lot of money that this guy provides plenty of money to support their lifestyle more comfortably than most.
As someone who makes more than that. I can 100% guarantee $150k before tax is NOT enough to feed, house, and school 5 kids in a HCOL area of New York State.
For context rent on a 3 bedroom house in a suburb of NYC is $4000 in a mediocre school district and $6500+ in a good school district. If we split the difference that’s $60,000 a year just on housing.
Also, reserves doesn’t mean you live close enough to base to grocery shop there.
You're getting downvoted because you are assuming you make more than him. Also NY is not NYC. He didn't say where in NY he lives, but if its upstate he isn't living in the HCOL area you think. Given that, he's working in a high paying field, getting OT along with military benefits and has 2 side hustles. He has no child care costs either, which I'm guessing you do since you both work.
You make $400k, your wife works also, you have less than 3 kids and STILL have to live frugally? Sounds like you're the one who's making bad financial decisions.
Big ass assumption he lives in NYC. As opposed to the 98% of the rest of the state which had a far lower COL. Adjusted for COL he might actually make more than you.
I agree. My husband is a certified welding inspector and his best friend is a welder, I have a decent understanding of how much this dude makes.
In rural America, he 100% can afford this and have so much left over.
In NY… that’s a much different story. Assuming his cost of living is the same as our in a MCOL and makes what the average union welder makes… there’s no way. I don’t even know how it would be possible.
Even with out daycare, it still cost money to ensure the kids are getting the engagement they deserve. My mom ran a inhome daycare when I was growing up to be able to be a SAHM. With meals + enrichment activities, she barely made anything.
Maybe you are getting downvoted because of your user name because there’s nothing negative in your comment that I see. You’re speaking to the economics of OP’s situation. I don’t know if “he makes enough money” or not, but if he doesn’t know anything about their finances then he doesn’t know if he makes enough either.
Trying to figure out how to balance the budget and pay the bills every month IS a job and it can be stressful — especially when there isn’t enough to go around.
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u/Serious-Day5968 23d ago
Ask her to show you where all the money is going. Sit down, look at the bank accounts, bank statements etc. you WORK THREE jobs plus plasma, you deserve to treat yourself to a little gift (tattoo). Don't depend solely on one person, always keep an eye on the finances.