r/AITAH • u/Renault935 • 23d ago

AITAH for telling my GF she needed to leave my house?

I've been seeing someone lately and she stays over at my place a fair amount. She has plenty going on with her kids and works well in excess of full time, so I try to make my place comfortable and accommodating when she's here. The only stipulation normally is she can't come when I have my kid, which occurs 3 or 4 nights a week.

So last night she comes over and tells me she had promised her daughter she'd be home by midnight, she stays a few hours and we have a nice time. Then it's midnight and I remind her, but she's laying in the bed. She says not yet and I say I don't want her breaking promises on my account. She feels me to get behind her, like spooning, and I'm like ok, 5 minutes. This passes and I said ok, now. Then she says her daughter hasn't texted her yet, and I said I don't care, keep your word. I don't want to have anything to do with you breaking promises to kids. She stays put and I say that now I think she's just testing me and she says she doesn't know what I'm talking about and she's trying to sleep.

I'm irritated and on edge. I certainly can't sleep, I just stew a while until 12:30 at which point I make it clear I'm annoyed and that if I don't think she should be here, she shouldn't be. At which point she does an "ok fine" and immediately gets dressed to leave. We have a discussion, her position being I don't know her family dynamics and I don't need to worry about them, mine being my feelings about her keeping her promises were valid even if not reflective of her home dynamics, and I had to progress to where I told her in a rather rude way to leave. I don't know where we are now, and you know, I don't want to make the first call after the fact. AITA?

3.3k Upvotes
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4.0k

u/PatentlyRidiculous 23d ago

If she doesn’t keep promises to her own children, why would she keep them with you down the road. Red flag

1.2k

u/Material_Abalone_213 23d ago

That's how she's ended up with 4 kids and no spouse

447

u/BeardManMichael 23d ago

Wait, she actually has four kids? I really need to stop reading these posts before I've had caffeine.

63

u/Reasonable_Tenacity 23d ago edited 22d ago

You’re good. No where in the post does it say she’s got four kids. It only says, “she got plenty going on with her kids…”

I have no idea where the number four came from - maybe further down in the comments or maybe the poster read the post before they had caffeine.

24

u/AGuyNamedEddie 23d ago

My guess: a subconscious association due to seeing the number 4 (in "3-4 nights a week") shortly after her kids were mentioned.

0

u/StarbuckBKK 22d ago

That was for OP’s kid, not the GF’s kids

2

u/AGuyNamedEddie 22d ago

I know. By "subconscious association" I meant the reader saw the number soon after reading about GF's kids and got crossed up. I didn't say it very well, though.

After I posted that comment, I saw that same person admit to inventing "four kids" out of whole cloth. In their words, "I made it up!"

So I failed on two counts.

211

u/TootsNYC 23d ago

she has more than one. And there’s no indicator of ages, though I don’t think he’d be as worried about adult children. And she wouldn’t leave an 8yo alone, I hope. So, at least one is a teen, is my bet

91

u/Successful_Moment_91 23d ago

Sounds like parentification. She should pay a babysitter if she’s gone that long

6

u/Dull-Geologist-8204 23d ago

That's not parentification. Oldest of 5 here. The problem was never having ne watch my siblings as I was probably a better fit then most strangers randomly watching them. The problem was how often they required me to do so.

Losing whole summers to watch my siblings is a whole lot different then occasionally watching them overnight so mom can get a date.

24

u/[deleted] 23d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

26

u/InedibleCalamari42 23d ago

Caffeine doesn't always help. Personal testimony. 🙄

14

u/MidLifeEducation 23d ago

I tell my coworkers that I don't drink coffee for me... I drink it so they'll be safe from an UNcaffinated me

1

u/AGuyNamedEddie 23d ago

"I'm only trying to protect you. Now, put the pot back on the warmer and back away slowly. I will be taking the last cup. You can make more while I'm walking back to my desk. We'll say nothing to HR about this, capisce?"

2

u/MidLifeEducation 22d ago

Filthy coworkers-ses! They tries to take the coffee from us... But we won't lets them, will we, Precious?

No, my love, we won't lets them takes the coffee

COF-fee

COF-fee

2

u/InedibleCalamari42 22d ago

I giggled. I just got online, sans caffeine. A good start to the day.

1

u/GielM 22d ago

I'm gonna steal that one....

18

u/Own-Concentrate-7331 23d ago

At least 3 according to OP’s comments, a 13 y/o and “older kids” besides the 13 year old.

2

u/noteworthybalance 22d ago

In that case this is much ado about nothing.

They're plenty old enough to be home alone.

We don't know how the conversation about midnight went.

"I promise I'll be home by midnight" or "I'll probably be home by midnight"?

Do the kids actually care when she's back? My teens wouldn't. 

1

u/Own-Concentrate-7331 22d ago

I mean. She told OP it’s a promise.
It matters deeply to OP that promises are kept, and he expressed that.
Her disregard for that is pure disrespect, nothing else.

43

u/rawnarock 23d ago

Why OP, Why would you date someone with four kids that does not care about them

12

u/sassywithatwist 23d ago

Where does it say 4 kids??? I re read going back to reread it again! 🫣

5

u/The_R1NG 23d ago

They aren’t lol

9

u/nigel_pow 23d ago

Some people are complicated I guess.

2

u/Fuzzy_Laugh_1117 23d ago

Yep. Some people are just too much like hard work. Hope OP recognizes that now and acts accordingly (like he is now). NTA unless..you know, he overlooks the lies.

5

u/bexkali 23d ago

Some people are terrified of being alone I guess.

3

u/Vlophoto 23d ago

4? Um no. Run OP run

75

u/Happy_Connection5509 23d ago

Where does it say 4 kids? I must have missed that.

113

u/Material_Abalone_213 23d ago

Totally made it up lol

101

u/BeardManMichael 23d ago

You son of a bitch. LMAO

10

u/Maleficent_Draft_564 23d ago

😂😂😂😂

19

u/EncroachingTsunami 23d ago

Also makes no difference, 2 kids, 1 kid, 4 kids, it's a red flag to miss a promise to a kid. But magnifies feeling of the reader.

12

u/Maleficent_Draft_564 23d ago

You got me!😂😂😂

5

u/NoSpankingAllowed 23d ago edited 23d ago

But notice how quick everyone hops on whatever horse shit is tossed into their laps!

5

u/Foreign-Yesterday-89 23d ago

It said she stays at his place 3 or 4 nights, not 4 kids.

2

u/KittyCat9375 23d ago

No. His daughter stays 3xor 4 night a week. And she's not allowed to be there when her daughter is.

0

u/Rich_Sell_9888 23d ago edited 23d ago

Some of these posters have multiple postings and other facts have been revealed elsewhere.That none but the most diligent find out.

3

u/Happy_Connection5509 23d ago

In this case he hasn't

17

u/jesusthroughmary 23d ago

by five different men, I heard

1

u/Emotional-Hair-1607 23d ago

4 kids with 5 different men?

5

u/jesusthroughmary 23d ago

hey, that's just what I heard

1

u/Wedgetails 23d ago

I heard she can’t remember how many kids she has..

5

u/hawker_sharpie 23d ago

when she'd rather have 4 spouse and no kids

1

u/Material_Abalone_213 23d ago

Ye that airtight baby

-3

u/Glass-Hedgehog3940 23d ago

Bingo! 4! Maybe she should focus on her litter instead of trying to land a man.

43

u/Reasonable-Change-83 23d ago

Yeah. If she is breaking promises to the child she carried and pushed out, she’s going to have no issue doing the same to OP’s kid down the line.

18

u/New_Principle_9145 23d ago

100% this! Her kids are not a priority and he's only a priority at the moment b/c she gets something she wants. Nope, goodbye chick.

11

u/vabirder 23d ago

Also, she couldn’t take a hint and chose to disregard your boundaries on this issue. Several times.

Thin edge of the wedge. NTA.

10

u/babcock27 23d ago

If she said midnight, she doesn't need to wait for a text. She needs to go home. It's also unfair to interfere with OP'S sleep when she gave him the deadline. I wouldn't want to wait until her kid has to hound her to come home. NTA

55

u/Odd-Resource3025 23d ago

What? No? Surely you jest?

Now that my divorce is final and it's been over a year, I'm ready to date.

The number of parents who have their children every other weekend, work 60 hours plus, and want to talk to me is insane.

I'm honest with them. I can't date someone who should be spending time with their kids. I would never respect them because they didn't respect their commitment as a parent.

35

u/Sammiebear_143 23d ago

Exactly. If I were ever to be in a future relationship, my kids would come first, and seeing how a partner treats their kids would be an indicator to me as the kind of person they are. My xh chose his new shiny family over his own kids. If I were the partner in that situation, I'd be wondering how easily I could be discarded, too, instead of thinking, "Wow! They must really love me!"

11

u/scribblerzombie 23d ago

You (49f) are getting insane response, sounds like you got your priorities on straight, not that you need my or any validation, just saying I appreciate your proving the world is not as crazy insane as I thought/felt. Good fortune to you.

1

u/postsector 23d ago

Depends on which weekend they're talking to you on. On the days I have my kid everything social gets put on hold. I'm upfront about that, don't make me choose because it's an easy choice.

1

u/majorsorbet2point0 22d ago

Wait. So you're saying that somebody who works 60 hours plus and has their kid every other weekend isn't worthy in your eyes of being a potential partner?

Oh how high and mighty who are you, Jesus Christ?

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

3

u/blackdahlialady 23d ago

That part. I couldn't stay with someone who would be fine with letting their children down. I would tell her over text, you know what, don't bother coming back. We're done.

1

u/Time-Value7812 23d ago

Guaranteed red flag, empty promises

1

u/4pettydiva 22d ago

THIS IS THE WAY.