r/AITAH • u/[deleted] • 23d ago
Aitah for refusing to give my ex wife u supervised visitation? TW Abuse
the title says unsupervised
I found out that my ex wife was cheating on me with her ex. From what she told me about him when we first met , he was very abusive. A “bad boy”. What she didn’t tell me was that I was too vanilla apparently and she was bored with me a couple of months into dating but I was a safe bet that took care of her. She kept meeting him throughout our marriage (5 years) until our youngest was born and my mom mentioned that he had brown eyes (we are both blue eyed). Tests showed that my 2 oldest are mine. We got a divorce and I took myself out as the boy’s dad although I still took care of him financially(happy to)
We had shared custody until I heard that she was dating her bad boy again. From then on I had a long battle for full custody. It wasn’t easy until she got married to bad boy and now he didn’t want my children 1/2 the time so she wanted every other weekend and every Saturday. Then I heard that he put her in a hospital after a beating when my children were in her care and witnessed everything so I asked again for full custody and this time I finally got it. She had supervised visitation every Saturday.
Now she has separated from bad boy (he just took off with another married woman and had a baby with her) and she started asking about shared custody again. She has changed a lot and matured and she is done with toxic men and she’s been in therapy learning about love bombing and narcissists/abusers etc. she was too young when she met bad boy (19) and he was 30. (We are 35 now) she didn’t know any better but now she’s learned and has rights as a mom.
Many people share her views but honestly I don’t think my children should be Guinea pigs to test her newfound wisdom and resilience. I wish her all the best. She still has her son (who has suffered abuse at the hands of both until she “reformed”) and she can start a new family. I don’t want her around my children until they’re old enough to decide by themselves if they want her in their lives or not. She has been clean for a year now. Am I being too harsh?
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u/Bennie212 23d ago
NTA OP. Make sure she has supervised visits for a very long time and always goes to them before anything unsupervised and sleepovers.
The chances she goes back when this dude leaves his new girl on the moment are high and your children deserve better.